about

I'm a raw and living foodest. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is I only eat foods that have not been cooked. I do this because it maintains all of the nutrients and enzymes intact and is much healthier. I'm not here to try to convert anyone. I think you can reach maximum health by eating all kinds of foods fixed all kinds of ways. This is simply my life choice. What I'm here to do is help educate people as to what is happening to thier food. Did you know that the pharmaceutical companies have lobbied to have a law voted on called "Codex Aimentarius" that will take away our freedom to take suppliments? It has already been implemented in Europe. Of course it is still ok for them to put steroids, antiboitics and harmones in our foods. Have you wondered why there is a great influx of people acting aggressively and out of character? I'm here to help guide you through this mess. If you want to eat meat...eat meat...just get chemically free meat. I'm here to help you understand what is happening to you.

advice

I have a problem and I don't know how to go and fix it. My brother had a motorcycle accident in june 2005 and he lost his apartment because he couldn't work. He has healed and now he's working and he's been here for almost six months now. I have given him until then end of December to be out but he's not putting in any effert to look for a place. I some advice to get him out with out making him hate me. I am married and have three children to take care of. Plus since he's working he's not giving anything toward the rent and stuff like that. Hope someone can help.

This is a tough one. I'm afraid your brother is going to be mad no matter what. He's enjoying the free ride and doesn't want to have to get out there to pay for is own way. Or, it could be that he is afraid to get back out there. Whatever the reason what I'd do is get some apartment listings together from the paper and elsewhere. I'd sit down with him and show him the apartments I'd come up with. If he gets angry with you or avoids the issue I'd remind him how much you cared about him. You wouldn't have let him move in with you in during his time of crisis if you didn't. If he still refuses to act I'd contact your parents or maybe some close friends and see if I couldn't elicit their help in this matter. Sometimes family members don't listen to us, yet they will listen to others. It doesn't sound like it is going to go smoothly. Don't let that deter you. He may be mad at first, but he will get over it in the long run. You have to take care of you and your family first and foremost. Good luck!


Namaste,


LULABELLE

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Recently I've been caring ALOT about what I eat, and after I eat I feel guilty. Could I be anarexic? I still eat good, and dont thik i could ever stop eating, but I just... feel fat. I weigh at the moment 85 lbs, and everyone tells me Im really skinny (which makes it hard to talk to anyone), but for some reason when I look in a mirror I feel like my gut is huge. whats going on?!?
Thanks for the help =)

It sounds to me like your perception is off. People with this disorder do experience problems with perception. I know about anorexia because I've had it. 85 lbs. is nothing to weigh. Most anorexic people see themselves as being fat or having fatty areas when in fact this is not true. I know I've been there. Have you ever seen pictures of starving children from other countries? Have you ever noticed that these children's stomach are hanging out and yet they are suppose to be starving? They have these skinny little arms and legs yet their stomachs are hanging out. This is the physiological response of your body when it is in starvation mode. You need to get some help as soon as possible. This can kill you. I have included some websites for you to look at. There is are two that will give you free counseling. There are free support groups you can join. One is called Al-anon. I've included their website. Don't let the site fool you. They were started for families who have someone that has a drinking problem. Contact them. They also have other groups that deal with eating disorders and they will guide you to the right group. This is nothing that you can wait around about. It sounds like you are in crisis right now. You have to go to someone right away. If you have further questions you are welcome to ask me. I've personally dealt with this problem. Good luck!


Namaste,


LULABELLE



http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/


http://www.anred.com/


http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=104&STORY=/www/story/11-27-2005/0004222964&EDATE=


http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-et01.html


http://www.anad.org/site/anadweb/


http://familydoctor.org/063.xml


http://www.dietitian.com/anorexia.html

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how do i go about getting my decree absolute certificate now that i am divorced, and want to re-marry

You go or call the county courthouse where your divorce happened. For a fee they will give you an original copy of your divorce. You need an original copy and not a copy. No governmental agency will recognize a copy of the original. Congradulations on your perspective marrage! Good Luck to the both of you.

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I'm a senior in highschool. I take a lot of courses which require writing. It may not be apparent here butI am unable to write down my thoughts coherently. Writing scares me now. I freak out when there's a writing section on tests, when I have to write in-class essays, and so forth. My marks suffer because of this. It's so frustrating!! Someone suggested that it may a a learning disability...but I'm not sure. This just started this year. What does everyone else think?

This sounds like fear based anxiety. It is possible that you have a learning disability, but I couldn't tell you based on the information you have given. To get an acurate assesment of your situation you need to have some testing done. What I suggest you do is go to your councilor and explan what your difficulties are. He/she will know what your next move should be. But there are people who overcome their disabilities all the time. They have to overcompensate for their weaknesses. I have included some websites that have more information about testing anxiety. Some of them explan the problem and some of them give you ways to overcome the problem. What you do is you figure out which methods would work best for you and your schedule then do them religiously. what you have to do is over-learn your material. This will give you the confidence and ability to write well on your tests.



http://homeworktips.about.com/library/blanxiety.htm

http://www.schoolcounselor.org/content.asp?contentid=283

http://www.schoolcounselor.org/content.asp?contentid=416

http://kidshealth.org/teen/school_jobs/school/test_anxiety.html


http://www.ericdigests.org/2005-2/anxiety.html


http://www.petersons.com/testprepchannel/dealing_with_test_anxiety.asp


http://www.med.nyu.edu/psych/screens/anxiety.html


Namaste,

LULABELLE


[view]



OK, this is going to sound rather strange, but please bear with me. I ,a woman in her early twenties have been in an on/off relationship with a man in his late forties for a few months now. I sometimes love him to bits, and sometimes am rather wary of him. The relationship is in any case going nowhere because he is still in love with his ex girlfriend, who lives back in the US(I am British, he is American but we both live in Britain).

Anyway, I had given us up as a bad job, and wrote as such to my journal on Thursday evening. The next morning, i switched my phone on only to find he had left me a message, and must have called at THE EXACT TIME that I was writing my journal.(my phone was off on Thurs evening). My question-does anyone believe that , just possibly there is an explanation beyond sheer coincidence?(ie some kind of spiritual link?) sounds nuts I know, but still.....?lol


I believe that there are signs from the universe all of the time, we just fail to observe them. If you feel that this is a sign than it may be. I suggest, though, that it is your inner wisdom speaking to you. This appears to be the most important sign that you are ignoring. You have stated that you love him to bits but there are times when you are wary of him. This wariness is your inner wisdom warning you of what is to come if you continue down the path you are going. This man is still in love with someone. It is my experience that when they are like this there is nothing you can do to penetrate that block. He is keeping you at bay for whatever reason. You see he is in love with an illusion. He has glorified this person and isn't going to see what a wonderful opportunity he has with you. It's the pedistal syndrome. I'm sure he cares about you too, but he's stuck. If it were me I'd put him on the backburner. I'm not saying you should cut off all ties. I'm just saying I'd keep open to other opportunities that came your way. He's already told you he's in love with someone else. He certainly can't get angry with you if you were to become involved with other people. It wouldn't be fair of him to think you should be monogamous with him while he is in love with someone else. There are some questions that come to my mind like, what is he doing in Britain? Is he living there permanently or is this a temporary situation? If his living arrangement is a permanent one and he is so in love with this woman, then why is it that he hasn't married her? If this is the case it could be that he has commitment issues. He's using his geographical location to keep him from committing to her and he is using her to keep from committing to you. If it is a temporary situation then this could all be a sweet little distraction for him while he is waiting to go home to be with his true love. If this is the case I would not waste my time on someone who had so little respect for me and my feelings. Think about it, he is so in love with this person yet he thinks it's ok to string you along? This sounds like a man that will rationalize having affairs with people during a permanent arrangement like marriage. Just a thought. I brought these ideas up as food for thought. None of them could apply. There could be all kinds of reasons he is involved with you while being in love with someone else that are totally different from my scenarios. I'm just saying that you should be cautious. Listen to your inner voice. You know in your heart what is best for you. You don't need any signs just listen to yourself.


Namaste,


LULABELLE

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My gramma just died a week ago, and my parents just told me yesterday that they are getting a divorce. All of this just seems like too much for me to handle. I have incredible faith in God .. so I pray to him ... but sometimes that doesnt seem like enough? How can I deal with this? I dont really wanna talk to my friends about it ... cus all their parents are still 2gether, what should i do?

I do feel so badly for you. My parents never divorced, but my father died when I was 14. This was a really difficult time in my life and I can understand what you are going through. I'm going to do for you what people didn't do for me when I was going through this traumatic experience. I'm going to hook you up to some websites that are information sites as well as support groups. There is also a group called Alateen. This is a support group that is located in every state. They can help you with a myriad of problems including coping with the divorce of your parents. This is a free group. They usually have meetings all over a city every night of the week. You can find one that is located near you and start going once a week. I'm sure if you go to your parents and ask them if you can go to these meetings they will let you do it. They will understand you need to work some things out for yourself. If at first you don't feel comfortable going to these meetings there are these websites I've included. As I mentioned some of them are on line support groups. Get involved with these until you feel comfortable going and talking to people face to face. It's real important for you right now to get together with other people who are experiencing or have experienced what you are going through. Only they can help you to understand what is going to happen and what to expect. They can answer your questions. Good Luck to you.


http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/divorce.html


http://www.kidsturn.org/parents/links.htm


http://results.about.com/divorce/





Namaste,



LULABELLE

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I am concerned for my Grandson's emotional well-being. He is a step-child at both his parents homes - they share him on a weekly - weekend basis, and have good communication- and good relationship with one another. The boy is 8. He is getting into trouble at school: being sassy and not following instructions. At his mom's he is very sassy to her, and gets in trouble with his step-dad for this behavior. Lots of time-outs and missed activities. He has a 2yr. old half brother and an infant half-sister at his mom's house. At his father's he is the only child, although his step-mom is pregnant (he doesn't know yet).

This school year he began a "new" habit of not putting on underware when he gets himself dressed for school. On Friday's I picked him up after school, and asked him to change before his dad came to pick him up from my home, after getting off work. He made an excuse about playing in the school yard and falling, which got his underware wet from the grass. I collected his school clothes to wash them and asked for his soiled underware. He said he left them in his desk. I do not think this is so. I believe he did not wear any to school, again.

He spends a lot of time with me and his grandad and he weas all his clothing items here - also at his dad's house. Could his not wearing his underware signal han attempt to get help for whatever is frustrating him at his mom's and at school?

First of all I don't think you need to worry so much about his not wearing underware. I know a lot of adults (mostly men, some women) who do not like the feel of it. This could simply be he doesn't like it. One guy I know who is now 50 quit at about the same age as your grandson. Drove his mother crazy. If this isn't the reason and it is a retalitory behavior tactic, then mentioning it will only exacerbate the situation. Act like it's no big deal. If effect is what he's looking for and no one reacts to it then it will loose momentum.

What worries me most is his behavior. He is feeling neglected and possibly wronged. He is not feeling understood so he's acting out. He needs some tender loving attention. I know this will sound weird, but I think that they need to spend more time with him than giving him time out. Time out in my opinion is more for the parents than for the children. This child is stubborn and willful. Harsh punishment will only make him more determined to do whatever he wants to do. He's not feeling respected so why should he respect others. If this is not addressed while he is young you are going to have some major problems with him when he gets older. I would suggest that professional help be considered at this point. Your family aren't going to buy these suggestions because I'm not a professional. And it's a lot more complicated than I can go into here. He's eight years old so he's in school. I'd go to the school and find out if there is a councelor there. If there is ask them where you can go to get cost effective counciling for your grandson. If you can't afford it call local free clinics. There are a lot of them that you can pay on ability to pay basis. Your grandson is a very sensitive person. His feelings are hurt very easily. He's showing it with his anger. He's acting out. It's too complicated for someone who is not trained in child behavior to handle. Also, outside help will help the whole family understand their part in this situation. Everyone needs to pitch in and contribute to his therapy. Don't act like his going to therapy means there is something wrong with him. Act like it will be a fun thing and he's getting to do something that the other kids don't get to do. Good luck!



Namaste,


LULABELLE

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13/f
i used to cut but i stopped. i hardly ever did it, like, maby once a month, i dont know. but whenever im really upset, i feel like doing it, but ive tought my self to not cut and read the bible instead. but i feel like i should still talk about it. noone ever found out and i dont want annyone to ever know, but im wondering if theres some type of email or something where it can stay a secret. thanx i rate high

You should be proud of yourself. It takes a strong person to be able to accomplish what you have. The only concern I have for you is how have you addressed the issue that stressed you to the point of your doing this to yourself, or have you simply suppressed this and maybe it could come again under another stressful situation. You are definately welcome to email me. Anything you email me will be confidential. My email address is lulabellesvoice@yahoo.com. Or, I have included some websites below. Each have dealt with your issue. Some are articles that you may find interesting and helpful and others are sites where you can aske questions, etc. I hope this has been of help.


http://www.coolnurse.com/self-injury.htm

http://www.geocities.com/cice_girl_89/techie.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3930935.stm

http://www.teenhealthfx.com/answers/Emotions-47.htm

http://www.wellness.gatech.edu/ask/3_dr_buzzy_answers/stress__mental_health/cutting.php
http://www.facetheissue.com/community/archive/index.php?t-635.html

http://www.teenwire.com/ask/2005/as-20050609p1046-cutting.php



Good Luck!

Namaste,

LULABELLE

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There is this guy that I am IN LOVE with. The problem is, is that he is my Ex. He looks 'SORTA' like Billie Joe Armstrong and this guy that I used to like. Me and him last night were talking at one his ballgames and I said "Kody, Fuck You" But I was just joking though and he knew it. Then he said "Yeah I know you do. But 'we' can't here" And I was about to die. And I said "hahahaha Very Funny Kody." Cause I knew he was joking. There is times were he will walk me to the bus and be as happy as anything. But then theirs times when he never talks to me. Like tonight at another ballgame. He saw me sitting with another guy, Jay and I think he 'sorta' got mamd and left after his game. He always stares at me and also tonight. I was cryin cause my cat died and he was like "Whats wrong?" and I said "My cat died" andn he said "Well uh.. How did it die?" and I told him and he said "well its better off now". I don't know whats up with him. When my friend the other day said "she likes KODY!" he turned around and smiled and never said anything.... Please HELP!!!

It sounds like he likes you too, but doesn't know what to do about it. You are sending him mixed signals if you are going to a game with another guy. He's being cautious. I don't know what the reason for your brake up was, but this seems like he wants to be certain before he makes the plunge again. You've got to show him that he is the only one you want to be with. Go to the games with a few of your girlfriends. Cheer him on. Show him he is the only guy you want to be with. When you are hanging with another guy that is leading him to believe you like someone else...why else would you be going out with him at his game? Look at what is going on with him. Is he dating anyone else? If not, why? If so, where is she? Just start showing up for him some. Don't over do it though. That could turn him off. Guys don't like to be chased unless it is for one thing only. And then it is for one thing only, not a relationship. If you want to be back with him just start giving him some smiles when he is staring at you. Have some eye contact. When he walks you to the bus be real appreciative. Don't talk about other guys. Talk about what you and your girlfriends are doing. Give him sweet little I like you very much smiles. If he talks about something that he and other people are doing that sounds fun to you it wouldn't hurt to ask if you can come along. It's not exactly asking him out on a date, it's a friend asking another friend if you can do something with him and other people. If he says yes, it is downhill from there. Don't play games to make him jealous. This will work against you. Just relax and be yourself. Don't be afraid to say, "hi", whenever you see him. Be cheerful and joyful when you are around him. You can even stop and chat for a while if it appears that he's open to this possibility. If not, simply smile look him in the eye and walk on. Things will start to heat up when he sees you are available.
I hope this helps.


Namaste!


LULABELLE

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how do i kno when i'm over someone or not. i'm going out with a cool boy (going on 2 months) but idk if i like him still or not or if i should break up with him. How do you know these things?

p.s. I also think this other guy that doesnt know me is hott and awesome. but i dont kno how I know if i like my bf or not or want to break up....any help is appreciated

If you have to ask the question you aren't into him as much as you were in the beginning of your relationship. What you might consider doing is asking him if y'all can take a break from each other for a while. This way you both can explore your feelings for each other. You can also see other people for a while. One thing I do want to mention though. At some point in your life you will settle on someone who will be your choice as your life partner. You will love this person above all others. You will still see some guy who you will think is hot. There will still be people who you will have a strong chemical reaction to. This is called lust not love. You won't act upon these feelings because of your love for your partner. No one ever stops looking or flirting. These are fun things. That doesn't mean we have to act upon these feelings. Your young and have a lot of exploring to do before you reach this stage. That's why I suggest you brake up for a little while so you can check it out. It could be that you do truly love him. You see love is about comfort, trust, reliability, and friendship. The lust goes away after a while, but love continues on. That's what becomes confusing for most people. They think love is about the lust, but that is farthest from the truth. Your exploration may help you see this. Your a smart person. Go with your instincts. I bet there is a little voice inside you telling you what would be best for you, but you are ignoring it. Listen to your heart. Ultimately you know what will be your best move. Don't worry about hurting someone else. This is an unfortunate fact of life. I hate hurting people too, but who you should be about is what is best for you. I'm not telling you to go out there and string people along only to drop them and hurt them. I'm saying that when it comes down to this type of decision you must go with your needs first. It will be better for your boyfriend as well no matter how hard it may seem at first.


Namaste,


LULABELLE

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ok, so the the 5th day of sckool my friend said that on friday eric (the kid i like) said he liked me a little, and was going to ask me out! & then my other friend said eric said he wanted to meet me after sckool where no one was because he had to ask me something, but then he said never mind, & then he told me he liked my friend britt, but wed. he told me he doesnt like her anymore and likes someone new.. then also wed. in music, my friend derick goes if eric asked you would you say yes, and i said no because eric was right behind him && he doesnt know i like him, and then derick goes eric she said no, but i dont know if he was just jokin or not.. then today and yesturday eric kept tryin to start a convo with me but randomely they were all either about sckool or sayin how desperate britt was..then today my friend alexis said eric wants to ask shayna out.. but then at lunch i was sitten across from him and alexis goes do you still want to go out with shayna, and i was listening and he acted confused like what are you talking about? im so confused..advice needed urgently.. thank you 13/f

Sounds to me like Eric likes to have his cake and eat it too. He sounds like a player. He's hitting on all of the girls he can and he's trying to do it behind your's and everyone else's back. You could see it if you wanted to. I know how you feel though. You really like him and you are hoping that what you are truly seeing is not true. Well, it is true. What do your instincts tell you? I believe you really know what's going on, but you are ignoring your wisdom. You see, I believe we all have a wisdom inside of us that tells us what is best for us. We have the great gift of choice. We can choose to do things that are very good for us or we can choose things that are very bad. Sometimes the things that are bad for us appear like something that we want more than anything in the world. Then, when we get it we find out that it wasn't what we let ourselves believe. We delude ourselves with conversations in our heads and rationalize decisions that aren't in our best interest. We override our wisdom. Everyone does it so, you are not alone in this. What I suggest you do is move on. Listen to your wisdom. Don't get involved with Eric right now while he is in the minipulative state of being. He may grow out of it or tire of it at some point, he may not. If you give into his tactics you are only encouraging him to continue this behavior because you are rewarding him. Enjoy your life. Move onto someone else who is not playing this type of game. If you get into a relationship with him this is the type of relationship you will have with him. You won't know where he is at times. He will have stories that you won't believe but can't call him on because you can't prove anything. He will have other girls he will be seeing. This will be no fun for you no matter how cute he is. Find someone else that you can have fun with and that will be your friend. Eric can't be a friend. He doesn't know how to at this point. There are plenty of cute guys out there who will treat you the way you deserve. I wish I could tell you go for it, but that wouldn't be "being good to you". Take care and ask me questions anytime you want.


Namaste!


LULABELLE

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ok maybe you will help better then everyone elas. i really like this guy umm... (NICK) and he is omg everytime i see him ergg i swear i feel all weird down there what is happening to my body? and i really wanna talk to him but we haven't tlaked ever. and he always talks to my best friend about me. what should i do please help.

I do know what is going on for you. What you are experiencing is a chemical reaction called "pheromones". You and Nick are growing up and you have these new chemicals surging through your system call hormones. This is perfectly normal. The problem comes in when people don't understand what is happening and react on this chemical urge. A lot of people take this intense feeling and mistake it for "True Love". This is not what is going on for the most part. You are experiencing an attraction but you must not let this overwhelm you and cloud your reason. Unfortunately people (including adults big time) get caught up in what they perceive as true love when it is really lust. They act upon these chemical urges and then aren't happy with the end result. Have you ever heard people say when he or she breaks up with someone that the person they broke up with just wasn't who they thought they were? This is because the chemical reaction that is taking place clouded perceptions. People see what isn't there and don't see what is there no matter what anyone else tells them while they are under the pheromone influence. When all parties have gotten what they want in the physical sense the pheromones wear off and the clouded perception dissipates. They are then left with reality. They stay together because they remember what they had experienced in the pheromone stage. They hope it can be recaptured somehow. Then all of a sudden they start to hate each other? How can that be if they were really in love? Love is something that takes time to develop between two individuals. You can't simply accomplish it on a first encounter. You can initiate it on the first encounter though. And of course you can meet your true love through this chemical reaction. I'm just saying you need to take the time to truly know someone. And when I tell you this clear mindedness is hard, I MEAN IT IS HARD. You are going to meet all kinds of people on your search for your perfect life partner who will incite this chemical reaction. It is how you handle these encounters that will develop part of who you will become. There has been research done on this phenomenon of pheromones and what researchers have so far focused their attention on is so-called sex attractants like androstenone, a substance found in boar saliva, and "copulins," primate vaginal secretions that supposedly triggered male mating behavior. There also have been studies done on how this same principle is the cause for synchronicity among girlfriends and their menstrual cycles. My whole point to you is that there is a biological cause for what is happening. You have just entered the game and starting to learn about the equipment (your body)you have been given. You aren't even sure how everything works yet. This can be a really fun phenomenon those pheromones. The best part is the flirting, holding hands, talking for long hours on the phone etc. But, during all of this be sure that you keep your head. This is not a sign that you two are meant to be, it is simply a sign that you two are growing up.


I apologize, I didn't finish your question. As far as what you should do...Start Saying Hi to him. Make eye contact with him and smile at him. If it looks as though he is open to a conversation with you..talk to him. But mostly, until you feel comfortable with it, just smile and make eye contact. This lets a guy know that you are interested in him without seeming to come on too strongly. He will get the message. If he's talkig to your best friend, find out from her what they are talking about. What does he spend his time doing? What exactly is he saying about you? Have her call you over sometime when he is with her. I don't understand why she hasn't done that already. She can introduce the two of you and then act like she has something else to do and leave the two of you. Or when you see him sometime simply go up and start a conversation about something that you know he's interested in. But your best bet is to get your girlfriend involved since she is already talking to him. Good Luck!


Namaste


LULABELLE

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this might be long but i realy have a problem

me and my friend had been best friends since 4th grade and have been there for each other through thick and thin. last year around febuary she moved to a different state.. but we still talked every day. everything was going good up until the middle of october... when i would call her but she wouldnt call back, and shed say she was watching a tv show or was too tired.. well that got old pretty fast, so i sent her something that was like you act like you dont care about me anymore and i get a 'you know i care' we got into a big discussion because whenever we'd talk for a little bit it would be about her... so for a couple weeks we hadnt talked, and then we finally did when i called her and it turned into a hour of crying and saying she still cared. we got off the phone and she said shed call me tomorrow, suprise suprise i didnt get a call. ive tried making casual conversation with her but she is always busy and has to go. then a week later i get a text asking why i havent called her and 'you say im not being a good friend' then it just got into a war and how im making a huge deal out of this... and she turned all of this around to be my fault when i dont think it is.. finally i just told her id have my cell whenever she wanted to talk.

i havent talked to her since and whenever i try to say something shes always like sorry im doing something brb its just stupid and im not sure what to do its like she doesnt want to even be friends with me anymore randomly. she doesnt even im me when were both on... i just dont know what i should do so if anyone has any suggestions let me know... thank you

14/f

There could be all kinds of reasons why she is being aloof. It could be her parents think it would be a good idea if the two of you cooled down on the telephone calls.They may think she should start making fiends where she is. It could be that they think the phone bills are getting to high and they want her to limit her time on the phone. It could be that she is feeling guilty about all of this and doesn't know how to tell you because she thinks it will hurt your feelings. It could be that she is meeting other people and doing things with them which takes up her time, therefore she is out of time and unable to email you as much. There can be all kinds of reason why she is doing what she is doing. One thing I'm sure of and that is she still cares about you. She just doesn't know how to handle whatever it is that is causing the interference. Now as to fault...I think it is the fault of both of you. Neither of you are willing to communicate with the other. An argument can't happen without two people. You both are having expectations of the other and neither of you are fulfilling each other's expectations. Based on the information you've given me, neither of you are talking to each other and explaining what is going on with either of you. You should take the initiative and call her. In your conversation never use the word fault. This word should be banned from the human language. When this word is used everyone looses sight of the true goal of the conversation and simply starts pointing fingers. No one wins when this word is used. If your friend uses it ignore it. No one has told her it should be taboo. Anyway, let her know as you have let us know what is going on from your viewpoint. Ask her point blank if there is anything wrong? Had you done anything to offend her before the big standoff. Tell her how much she means to you and that you are hoping that her new life is filled with new friends and fun. Ask her straight up why she hasn't called you. Don't be accusatory when you do this. Ask her in a sweet little I miss you voice. I guess it boils down to you should be as sweet as possible. Even when she is accusatory. If she becomes accusatory simply reply she has a right to her opinion, but you don't see it that way. Don't disagree with her, but don't agree with her if you don't agree. Now, how can you do this? IT is simple. Use the term "I understand" a lot. Say it anytime she is explaining her feelings (good/bad). Put yourself in her shoes when she is telling her side of things. This is called empathy. You don't have to agree with her conclusions, but you can understand what brought her to them. Then I would slow the phone conversations down to about once or twice a week (unless something special happens). Start making some new friends while you maintain your friendship with your out of state friend. Enjoy life and most of all take care of yourself. Do what is best for you at all times. Good luck.


Namaste,


LULABELLE

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uh, i live a far ways away from my boy freind (juss temp.) and he does not like me drinking. he said that if i want to i can he wont control me, but he doesnt like it. well, about 2 weeks ago i was drinking with my room mate. She and i only had 2 drinks each and no one else was home. so i dont see it as a problem. but the next weekend her boyfreind and 2 of his freinds came over. Now, they are in their late 20's early 30's, and we are 18 and 19. We all got drunk that night...and i know i didn't do anyhting cuz i kept saying i was not gonna betray my boyfreinds trust. my freind even told me i did nothing...she was the least drunk of all of us. she said i kept yeling at them everytime they asked me to dance for them. my question is...did i betray his trust? I haven't told him yet but i feel bad...should i tell him?

What I'm about to say is not for the purpose of hurting your feelings at all. I also am not about placating people and telling them what they want to hear. That really wouldn't be helpful to you. Sometimes that which will help us most is that which we don't want to hear or deal with. There are two things that are bothersome concerning your drinking experience with those 2 guys that came over. The first one is if you drank to the extent that you can't really remember what you did then this is a bad sign. This could mean that if you continue down the drinking road that you are on you are headed for alcoholism. It would be best for your health and well being if you quit now before it gets to the point that you can't quit. If you didn't drink that much and still don't remember what you did? Then I'd seriously question what those guys may have put into your drink. There are all kinds of drugs out there that people are slipping into drinks to get what they want(sex)without the other person remembering. Has this type of blackout ever happened to you before? Be careful about the people you drink with. Really know them first. Now why is it that these guys wanted you to dance in front of them? This just doesn't sound innocent and just friendly. About your boyfriend...I think you feel bad because you aren't happy with yourself. You don't like what may or may not have happened or what you may or may not have said. You don't feel that you have been true to yourself. You don't feel comfortable about what happened that night with these guys. If you don't feel comfortable with yourself about it than you have betrayed yourself. If you have betrayed yourself than you've betrayed all those who love you because you are not being your true self. You see, whenever we do something and a negative or bad feeling comes up for us and we ignore it we are ignoring our wisdom (inner true selves). We are going against what our true selves are trying to tell us. This is your knowing self. Don't ignore this part of you. This is your wisdom. If you start to go with what your wisdom tells you no matter what you may think you are giving up, then in the long run you will have a much happier life. You will see that your wisdom was correct. As for telling your boyfriend...you can do that. Be ready for his being really upset. Understand where it is coming from. Be patient and let him vent. Then apologize to him and asure him that you will not do anything like this again. It's not that I think you did anything wrong, it is just his perception will different than mine. He will probably want to know what the second guy was doing there. And if it was so inocent why did thay want you to dance for them. Oh, and I can't see why you would want to have anything to do with those guys anyway. It doesn't sound to me like they are up to any good. Good luck.


Namaste


LULABELLE

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(15/f)Well my life is really hectic right now. Some things have happened recently that are really stressful for me...well i just havent been myself lately && my boyfriend has noticed it. Things arent the same like they used to be. Dont get me wrong i love him a lot but idk if i can handle a relationship anymore. All we do is fight now, and im just always moody now and he deserves way better than me. With everything going i just cant handle the whole bg/gf stress. Yes ive tried talking about it to him but he doesnt get it... I told him we were over last night (that was deff. the hardest thing ive ever done)...its just horrible that i had to do that because its like now all i feel is like sh**.. First i was just like "I have to do this" and now i feel like I need him more than anything. Weve been dating for 7 months, and its like i just blew it. He told me that if i did this that he was never gonna take me back && i did it, so i lost him :(. Idk what to do im so confused. And i cant take a break because those things never work out and besides he said he wont take me back anyway. Hes online right now and he nor I have imed each other. he was really hurt when i told him and he was seriously about to cry :(. Now all i can do it cry because i feel like such a low-life loser. I do love him but its just difficult, really really difficult...If anyone can help me out with this i would really appreciate it..xox

The things that are going on in your life right know that is causing this stressful behavior is what you need to address right now. Your right, you need to talk to someone about this and your boyfriend just isn't equipt to be able to handle this. That is why he was unable to understand. He is just not in that place in life yet to understand more complex issues. That doesn't mean he can't be helpful to you (but I'll come back to this). If you can't go to a parent right now, you must at least seek someone who is trained in complex issues in life. You can go to your school councelor. If they can't help you directly they know the kinds of organizations out there that can address these complex life issues with you for free. These organizations are usually confidential. Seek some kind of assistance.


As for the reason you broke up with your boyfriend. Could it be that you felt like you had to break up with him before he broke up with you? That you felt you weren't being the "perfict" girlfriend and he would eventually brake up with you anyway? Just a thought. I did that when I was your age. Regardless of your reason I have an idea for you. Contact your boyfriend. Tell him how much you care about him. Explain that you are not trying to get back with him as a boyfriend/girfriend situation. You know that you have ruined that. But, you really need his friendship right now. You are confused and are not making the best decisions. You don't want to hurt him anymore than you already have and you can't stand how badly you made him feel. Tell him that because of the stress you are undergoing right now you thought that this was the best for him. You were thinking of him. You hated what you were doing to him with all of the arguing and felt he didn't deserve that. Tell him that his friendship means a lot to you. Explain you need someone in your life that you can trust to talk to and he's one of the only people you feel you can express yourself with. Explain that you understand if he can't talk to you right now but, you want him to know that he never did anything wrong. It was never about what he did. You just didn't like what you were doing and you hope he will understand this. Try this approach or something similar. I don't think you have perminately lost him if you contact him from this approach. He's hurt, but I think if you are sincere with him and share with him to the best of your ability what is going on, he will stand by you as a friend or boyfriend. You will simply need to be patient with him on this. You have hurt him very deeply. People sometimes do things they regret later when they react from hurt and anger. If he's angry with you let him vent. Listen and don't interrupt no matter what he says. Agree with whatever hurtful thing he may say about you. Remember, you hurt him and he is coming from this place of hurt. You show him that you can understand the hurt he is experiancing and he has a right to these feelings. If you are there for him and let him vent it's a good chance that he will calm down and want to be friends. Don't push, let him make the suggestions as to what kind a friendship it is to be. You just want your foot in the door. Once it's in it probably won't be long before you are completely through the door. Good Luck and let me know how things work out for you. I do feel for your plite and hope it turns out in your favor.


Namaste,

LULABELL

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Sorry if it`s long I`ll rate 5`s!
I love my mom and all but she really bothers me. I am 13 and I`m kind of mature for my age. My mom said I could get my belly button peirced a yeah ago and she said yeah after I turned 13 and now shes saying no. I turned 13 April 25th and its so unfair I`m getting to really hate her so now she asked " What do you want for Christmas?" and I said. " A new cell phone and a my belly button peirced" and she goes "Your not getting neither your phone is fine."
My phone is a peice of sh1t and falls apart like 5 times a day. And I really want my belly button peirced and she said yeah last year so it`s completely unfair. My little brother gets everything he wants its unfair to me.
How can I convince her to let me get my belly button peirced? And how can I explain that she is unfair to me?
Thanks in advance. I`ll rate 5`s!!

Well, this is all a part of growing up. Your mother may have said yes a year ago thinking that you would probably change your mind and want something else by the time your 13th birthday came along. This time it backfired on her. Most parents use this technique to keep peace. Why argue about it now when in a year you will move on to wanting something else. Your mother may think that you are too young to have your belly button pierced. It is a very sexy thing to do. She may not think you are ready to fend off the kind of advances that will ensue if you were to adorne this sexy statement. Your mother is probably not worried about young men your age. She is worried about older men. Their perception of you will be that you are much older than you are if they were to see this. She's probably worried that you will find yourself in the kind of trouble that you can't emagine and to be honest I don't think she wants you to ever have to. She probably wants you to enjoy your youth for as long as you can because once it is gone, that's it. You may want to rush things (I know I did), but once you are out of your youth you will miss the simplicity of it. When you become older you will wish that your biggest problem be convincing your mother to let you have your belly button pierced. Be patient with your mother. She's doing the best she can and she is trying to take the best care of you as possible. When I was your age my mother did some things very similar to what your's is doing. I felt just like you. It is very confusing. Here's this person who you have looked up to and learned lessons of proper behavior from and she is doing something that you are told you are not suppose to do. You feel betrayed, lied to and mislead. Also, about your brother. He's probably not asking for things outside his age level. That's why it appears he gets anything he wants. I had a younger brother too. How aggravating they can be. I have a suggestion for you. What I think you should do is ask your mother if you could have a talk with her. Don't be confrontational. Be nice in your tone of voice. Let her know that you've discovered that it is possible that she may have used the technique of saying yes to something thinking that in a year it would go away. Ask her if this is what she was doing. Ask her when she truly does think it will be ok for you to do this. Explain to her this is not going to go away, but you realize what her fears may be with this. Ask her to help you to understand why she doesn't want you to do this now. Politely listen to her without interruption. Then renegotiate with her. Ask her what timeline she think is appropriate. If you don't like what you hear, don't get mad. Try for something in the middle of what you want and she wants. If she's adamant, don't argue. You have plenty of time to work on her. At least you will then know exactly where things stand. You can't overcome objections if you don't know what those objections are. If your real sweet and understanding about it and you show your mother that you are open to her viewpoint. Then, you will be coming across mature to her. You will be on your way to convincing her that you are mature enough to have your belly button pierced. It could be that she will at least give you the phone you want for this christmas. As aggravated as you are with her, she is also with you. This may be a reason she is not giving in to anything you want for christmans. There was a saying that my parents use to say all the time to me when I was trying to get things my way. It goes like this, "It is easier to attract flys to honey." I hope I have helped.

Namaste,

LULABELLE

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I am a 25 and i would really like some advice i am at the end of my teather and would really like some reasurance i have suffered anxiety problems most of my life more and got much worse at the age of 17 i stupidly tried a drug called speed and it caused me to take panic attaks,i have been left battling with them for 8 years now i have thought i have been insane,thought i would stop breathing ,thought i was taking a stroke etc but i always looked forward to going out with my friends and haveing a drink although in my younger years i think i over done it a bit untill one day i was sitting with my gran and mum and they were talking about young ones and alcohol abuse and that how we would all be addicted and suddenly out of the blue i started to panic the panic was so stronge i thought i was turning into an alcoholic i thought oh my got my fear has just came true i have turned into an alcoholic like my dad (my dad passed away through alchol he wnet missing when i was 7 and that was always with me)what do i do i thought i like a drink cause it makes me confident confidet eventually the fear subsided but the thought was always with me and when ifell pregnant i thought oh no what if i cant stop drinking i will be a boring person,i did stop though i did have some. After my little girl was born it was always on the back of my mind the worry what other people would think of me if i was drinking or smoking do they think im a good mum i just felt terrible as erin goe older i experienced more stress sensations to my body i thought i was craking up, before a night out i would feel riddled with guilt and anxiety feelings but once iwas out and had a few they subsided and i felt great.I began to become very aware of the fact that alchol was making me feel better and that itself was scaring me again i would begin to feel really really anxious and the thought swould be am i an alcohlic why does other people not bother about alcohol and i do.When the night would come that we would be having a little drink i would become anxious even scared that every drink i was taking would make me an alcoholic but once i had a couple the worry would go away.i came through quiet a stressful time and moved back in with my mum i begun to feel really depressed and my anxiety was terrible.one day i went out with a friend for lunch erin had been playing up so i was experiencing these really terrible stress feelings on our way down to the restaurant i was think i would really like a wine with my lunch but i had erin with me and if i did what would people think of me as a mother any way i had a couple of wines it was a gorgeous day it was really warm and i thought oh no im really enjoying these couple of glasses of wine i wish i could sit and have more i started to feel panicky i thought oh got nichola are you an alcoholic i camed myself down and thought ill buy some wine for when i come home and we can sit out the back but i felt really guilty an was arguing with my self, i had a couple then felt really dissopointed with my self after them.
the next day i felt quite deppressed ithought why do i keep doing this t myself then all of a sudden fear gillted through my body i thought all this stress ive been feeling all these years what if ists because im an alcholic in that moment i thought oh no i feel like i could have i another drinkthe fear that pulped through my body was so intense i was burning up going cold the next i couldnt think straight i rushed to my mum and told her i thought i was an alcoholic she laughed at me an told me not to be silly but i couldnt make the fear and the thoughts go away. I went to my doctors and he told me i was suffering from anxiety and panic attaks and depression. I still cant gat this panicking thoght out of my head though could it really be possibe that i could be making myself feel like an alcoholisc that i am craving alcohol because of not wanting to be one,i also feel the fear starts if im drinking or before i am what if i cant stop drinking it is very scary when i calm down i feel differet but its when the panic is happening i cant function and get so scared it my worsed night mare come true to be addicted to something pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase help and give me some reasuring so i can put my minfd at ease. xxxxx

All is not lost. There is really a simple explanation for what is going on with you. You are among those (Myself included) who are chemically sensitive. Believe it or not, the alcohol is one of the contributing factors to your anxiety. I haven't had a drink in about 20 years. I quit drinking before I became addicted to it and so there were no problems when I quit. My mother (when I first quit) would tell me I was boring. She's a functioning alcoholic. No one else thinks this of me. I'm a lot of fun and I tell people that it takes 7 drinks for them understand me! I can go in any bar without wanting to have a drink. I'll order grapefruit juice or soda water with lime. The fun thing about this is that the bar tenders usually don't charge you for this or when they do it's only $1.50 and then the rest of the night is free refills. I usually tip them $5 and anytime I go back I am treated like royalty at no charge (but I still tip). The problem you may run into is when you go to a party. People are so entrenched in alcohol that they want everyone to drink. They are pushers so to speak. They will say something like, oh just one drink won't hurt. Simply stick to your guns and don't drink. Eventually you will feel so much better. Alcohol also contributes to depression. Now the chemical sensitivity that you are experiencing is due to all the chemicals that have been put into your processed foods. MacDonald's and other fast foods should be kept to a minimum if at all (I recommend not at all). But start out with slowing down with it. There is no way I can go into the integrate details of they types of foods you should eat here, but I have included some websites that will go in more detail for you. An alternative is you could go to a doctor and get medicated. I am opposed to this method frankly. The medications have all kinds of side effects, it will cost you tons of money and your body builds up a resistance then you eventually have to go to another kind of medication. This becomes a vicious circle. In the long run, you don't really feel much better. I've gone both routes. This is why I highly recommend the nutritional route. If you choose the nutritional route it will be about a month or so before you start feeling better. You may even feel worse for a few days. This is your body detoxing and getting rid of those harmful chemicals. Just bare through it and you will be so much happier. Good Luck to you!

Namaste,

LULABELLE

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Anxiety/treatment/nutrition_therapy.asp

http://www.holistic-online.com/Remedies/Anxiety/anx_nutrition.htm


http://www.healthandage.com/html/res/com/ConsConditions/Anxietycc.html#Alternative

http://www.womentowomen.com/depressionanxietyandmood/anxiety.asp

http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/usingalternativemedicine/a/russell.htm

http://www.yinyanghouse.com/chinesetheory/theory/theory-nutrition.html

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My dog is a mixed breed. He's rather tiny.. I'm just wondering how long do those kind of dogs last? He's healthy but I'm kind of worried that I'll lose him. He's 7 years old and apparently is having some hearing problems?

Small dogs have the life expectancy of somewhere between 11-14 years. They generally live longer than larger dogs. But, I've seen a big dog live up to 21 years before. You just never know. What I would suggest doing to help your dog live longer is to start paying attention to your dog's diet. Give your dogs supplements, especially vitamin C. I have purchased powdered sulfur and mixed a little in with their food. This is good for their skin. Now take a look at what kind of dog food you are feeding your dog. If it has cornmeal in it, it really isn't good for your dog. Think about it. If your dog were in the wild, would he be hunting down corn? This is not part of their natural diet. Don't give him those buckskin chews anymore. They aren't good for them. You can actually go to the butcher in your local grocery story and ask for dog bones. They will cut them down for your dog. Publix actually has them in the meat section of the store. This has nutritious marrow in the center and is much healthier for their teeth than dog biscuits. Dogs also like vegetables. If it is ok with your mother and father after you have eaten and if you have vegetables left over, instead of throwing them down the garbage disposal, just put them in your dogs bowl. The vegetables will disappear. Another way to help in the health of your dog is to exercise him more often. This means play with him a lot. Make sure he runs and runs and runs. Dogs are like people. If they are sitting around the house all day and arenâ??t too active this is unhealthy for them. I have included some websites below to help you in your quest to help your dog live longer. I donâ??t have dogs or cats anymore because of the fact that they die. I just love them soooo much that I fall apart when they leave me. I can understand your feelings. Good luck!

Namaste

LULABELLE

http://www.cvm.tamu.edu/cgr/canine_aging.htm

http://www.wolfhouse.dk/articles/healthlongevity.html

http://ezinearticles.com/?Lower-Your-Veterinarian-Costs-And-Increase-the-Longevity-of-Your-Pets-Lives&id=38528

http://www.paw-rescue.org/PAW/PETTIPS/DogTip_vitamins.php


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Last year I got in a lot of fights.(not fist fights but like curse fights online) So I kinda had a bad reputation. Well now this year I'm more girly and its my last year in my school then i go to high school so I'm trying not to have any fights this year. Well this girl in my grade who is mean to me but I'm not mean to her (i just get mad when she gives away my sn to strangers)she found out some how that I'm on advicenators. Well today she asked me a question a private one to me and she said my full name (first and last) and said that I pick on her and bully everyone. She also said that i take everything from her even the boy she liked that liked her. Now I have no clue what boy liked her that I liked/like. I just feel like I'm hated by everyone and no one likes me. And I don't know what to do to make myself cheer up. Wouldn't she be the bully now? What should I do? I feel so hated and unwanted.

First of all, you don't have to answer her question. You can simply delete it. Now as for her bullying you. She's picking on you because you were the bully last year. She senses that you are not the same person you were last year and is taking advantage of the situation. She may even think that you are deserving. She's getting back at you for what she perceives as the atrocities you inflicted on others. This is one of those situations where you kind of made your bed, so to speak. You can make it through unscathed though. One of the things I suggest you do is walk through the halls as if there is nothing bothering you at all. Have a big smile on your face and say hi to everyone. If there is something you can do to help someone, do it. Be so sweet sugar would melt in your mouth. After a while people will be talking about her. She will look pretty silly saying bad things about someone that is nice to everyone and always has a smile on their face. She is just venting. Words canâ??t hurt you unless you let them. So, you did some things last year that you regret. Move on. Be cheerful, delightful, pleasant and happy. You say you canâ??t because of the mean things people are saying? Yes you can. Your state of mind is totally up to you. You can choose to let these things bother you or you can choose not to. Now, I know you think that this will be difficult. At first it may be difficult. The thing is the more you practice being happy the closer to being happy you will become. Then all of a sudden you will find that people will be attracted to you and will want to be with you. You will have lots of friends and what a few people say about you will mean nothing. As a matter of fact at that point people will think badly of the people who are saying bad things about you. You will have to learn to roll with the punchs though. The reason is no matter what there will always be someone who will say something that is untrue about you. These people are usually unhappy themselves and they can't stand to see someone else having happiness in their lives. They will do whatever they can do to bring you down to their level. Don't let them do it. Don't even let their unhappy thoughts enter your mind. Just move on to your next project and don't give their mean accusations a moments thoughts. Good luck!

Namaste,

LULABELLE

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16/m. I find that I have much dificulty in telling stories to my friends, like to a group. Even with jokes sometimes. I have no trouble whatsoever with talking and joking around, but when it comes to tell a story, I just can't do it, not even about me. It sounds terrible, I lose their interest too quickly, and they completely miss what I was trying to say. I feel confident about it, but whenever I try nothing comes to mind on what I can do to improve myself. I listen to other people tell stories and jokes all the time, and try to learn from them, but when I apply it to myself, it just doesn't turn out right. I think its leanining more toward a lack of practice. What do you think? Any suggestions on what to do or how to approach this problem? Thanks in advance.

I think you are worrying too much about it and you are not relaxing. Don't think about how you look or sound when you are telling a story. Be yourself. Don't worry about what others may think. Don't copy other people's style. This is why it may not be going over so well. Just keep on telling your stories and at some point your style will kick in. Everything takes practice. You are going to do just fine.

Namaste,

LULABELLE

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