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Im just really confused... :( :( idk..

Question Posted Sunday November 13 2005, 12:29 pm

(15/f)Well my life is really hectic right now. Some things have happened recently that are really stressful for me...well i just havent been myself lately && my boyfriend has noticed it. Things arent the same like they used to be. Dont get me wrong i love him a lot but idk if i can handle a relationship anymore. All we do is fight now, and im just always moody now and he deserves way better than me. With everything going i just cant handle the whole bg/gf stress. Yes ive tried talking about it to him but he doesnt get it... I told him we were over last night (that was deff. the hardest thing ive ever done)...its just horrible that i had to do that because its like now all i feel is like sh**.. First i was just like "I have to do this" and now i feel like I need him more than anything. Weve been dating for 7 months, and its like i just blew it. He told me that if i did this that he was never gonna take me back && i did it, so i lost him :(. Idk what to do im so confused. And i cant take a break because those things never work out and besides he said he wont take me back anyway. Hes online right now and he nor I have imed each other. he was really hurt when i told him and he was seriously about to cry :(. Now all i can do it cry because i feel like such a low-life loser. I do love him but its just difficult, really really difficult...If anyone can help me out with this i would really appreciate it..xox

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MELiixMARiiE answered Monday November 14 2005, 6:42 pm:
I would just IM him and explain to him everything you just said to me. About how everything's just really stressful for you at the moment and you guys are always fighting, and you don't want to do that to him anymore and tell him that you love him so much, but just don't want to make him go through that and you'd though it'd be best to end it, as much as it hurt you. Just let all your feelings out and try and possibly be friends with him. Cause he'll always be there whenever you need him then, but he won't be there in the boyfriend sense. You need to IM him and try talking to him. I hope I helped.


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lulabelle answered Sunday November 13 2005, 3:02 pm:
The things that are going on in your life right know that is causing this stressful behavior is what you need to address right now. Your right, you need to talk to someone about this and your boyfriend just isn't equipt to be able to handle this. That is why he was unable to understand. He is just not in that place in life yet to understand more complex issues. That doesn't mean he can't be helpful to you (but I'll come back to this). If you can't go to a parent right now, you must at least seek someone who is trained in complex issues in life. You can go to your school councelor. If they can't help you directly they know the kinds of organizations out there that can address these complex life issues with you for free. These organizations are usually confidential. Seek some kind of assistance.

As for the reason you broke up with your boyfriend. Could it be that you felt like you had to break up with him before he broke up with you? That you felt you weren't being the "perfict" girlfriend and he would eventually brake up with you anyway? Just a thought. I did that when I was your age. Regardless of your reason I have an idea for you. Contact your boyfriend. Tell him how much you care about him. Explain that you are not trying to get back with him as a boyfriend/girfriend situation. You know that you have ruined that. But, you really need his friendship right now. You are confused and are not making the best decisions. You don't want to hurt him anymore than you already have and you can't stand how badly you made him feel. Tell him that because of the stress you are undergoing right now you thought that this was the best for him. You were thinking of him. You hated what you were doing to him with all of the arguing and felt he didn't deserve that. Tell him that his friendship means a lot to you. Explain you need someone in your life that you can trust to talk to and he's one of the only people you feel you can express yourself with. Explain that you understand if he can't talk to you right now but, you want him to know that he never did anything wrong. It was never about what he did. You just didn't like what you were doing and you hope he will understand this. Try this approach or something similar. I don't think you have perminately lost him if you contact him from this approach. He's hurt, but I think if you are sincere with him and share with him to the best of your ability what is going on, he will stand by you as a friend or boyfriend. You will simply need to be patient with him on this. You have hurt him very deeply. People sometimes do things they regret later when they react from hurt and anger. If he's angry with you let him vent. Listen and don't interrupt no matter what he says. Agree with whatever hurtful thing he may say about you. Remember, you hurt him and he is coming from this place of hurt. You show him that you can understand the hurt he is experiancing and he has a right to these feelings. If you are there for him and let him vent it's a good chance that he will calm down and want to be friends. Don't push, let him make the suggestions as to what kind a friendship it is to be. You just want your foot in the door. Once it's in it probably won't be long before you are completely through the door. Good Luck and let me know how things work out for you. I do feel for your plite and hope it turns out in your favor.



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happy-helper answered Sunday November 13 2005, 1:31 pm:
Why not talk to him that you made a big mistake when letting him go? That you were having problems and it was the wrong decision, tell him that everyone makes mistakes and you only can wish he can forgive you. If not, then I suppose you can just make conversation with him, if he ignores you then it's his loss, you're the mature one trying to piece it back together.
Good luck!
x Steph x

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caden answered Sunday November 13 2005, 1:23 pm:
You dont need to feel guilty. It was your decision that he wasnt perfect for you. I can tell you still care for him, because you feel guilty and you dont want to see him stressed out like this, and thats a good thing, even though you broke up, it does'nt mean you have to stop loving eachother {as long as nothing gets romantic}. If you two remain friends, there will be a lesser chance for his word to stick. I hope I helped♥

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Pathetic_Californian answered Sunday November 13 2005, 1:06 pm:
I would say, if this guy doesn't understand what your going through and says up front that he won't take you back, you would be wasting your time and energy trying to get him back. I would say that you should'nt waste your time with him now and that all you can do is move on. To be honest, he sounds like a jerk anyways. I know it's VERY hard, but you just need to move on. Honestly, there isn't hope. You would just be torturing yourself if you wasted anymore energy with him.

Okay, so now to the point. You are going through a time, yes? Maybe what you need to do is just go on a walk a try to figgure things out. Walks are nice-- especially during the sun rise or sun set. I'm not saying that will fix everything, but you may get more insight to the situation.

Of course there is always a possibilty that you have chronic depression. If this is the case, I would highly recomend that you talk to your parents or guardians about seeing a phsychiatrist. They will be able to diagnose the depression and give you proper treatment. Treatment will include Therapy if you choose, and Medication if your willing to take it. (I have depression and have been through that process so I know.)

You may not have depression, though. I am not saying that you defenitely do. It could be Anxiety disorder, which your constantly worrying. In that case, you would go through the same process mentioned above.

There is a high probobility that you have neither of those. You could just be going through the same teenage hormone shifts that we all are going through. It's extremely hard, though, I know. Trust me, I know.

The best thing you can do right now about your stressful situation(s) is just be strong. Don't let him make you cry so much and feel so bad. Relationships come and go, sister. He is obviously not the "one" for you. It was meant to be-- just remember that.

One thing i've learned recently is that friends are great. When i'm at home, i'm stressed. But when i'm with friends and just having a good time, I forget everything. Friends are wonderful for talking to about things, as well. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have are amazing. Feel free to lean on your friends after something like this-- if they don't let you, they're not a good friend. What are friends for, after all?

You say you haven't been yourself and life has been hard recently... that happens to everyone occasionaly. It honestly does. Take a long bubble bath and just relax. Watch a silly movie, or heck call a grandparent up and just chat. I love talking with my grandma, but that's just me.

If you're still not feeling better in 2 weeks or so, I would say that it's time to look in to weather or not you have a chemical imbalance.

p.s. no problem, babes. =) glad I helped. send me something in my inbox and tell me how it works out!!

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