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Grandson's emotional well-being
I am concerned for my Grandson's emotional well-being. He is a step-child at both his parents homes - they share him on a weekly - weekend basis, and have good communication- and good relationship with one another. The boy is 8. He is getting into trouble at school: being sassy and not following instructions. At his mom's he is very sassy to her, and gets in trouble with his step-dad for this behavior. Lots of time-outs and missed activities. He has a 2yr. old half brother and an infant half-sister at his mom's house. At his father's he is the only child, although his step-mom is pregnant (he doesn't know yet).
This school year he began a "new" habit of not putting on underware when he gets himself dressed for school. On Friday's I picked him up after school, and asked him to change before his dad came to pick him up from my home, after getting off work. He made an excuse about playing in the school yard and falling, which got his underware wet from the grass. I collected his school clothes to wash them and asked for his soiled underware. He said he left them in his desk. I do not think this is so. I believe he did not wear any to school, again.
He spends a lot of time with me and his grandad and he weas all his clothing items here - also at his dad's house. Could his not wearing his underware signal han attempt to get help for whatever is frustrating him at his mom's and at school?
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As a seperated father with a teenage son, and having talked to others about this kind of thing myself, I would say that one thing that seems to happen a lot is that the child starts to view whichever parent they spend the week days with as being almost a 'bad guy' because they are the one's constantly telling them to clean their room, or get stuff done for school, and things like that, whereas the other parent doesn't seem so bad because they only have the child for a short period of time and often tend to spend that time doing more fun things with them. They need to work together to have a united approach, maybe both couples should meet up to discuss the problem and try to work out a solution between them. I think you also have to remember that kids start growing up a lot earlier these days and they start going through the usual growing pains and angst before their parents did. Try not to be too hard on the kid, remember this isn't easy for him.
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First of all I don't think you need to worry so much about his not wearing underware. I know a lot of adults (mostly men, some women) who do not like the feel of it. This could simply be he doesn't like it. One guy I know who is now 50 quit at about the same age as your grandson. Drove his mother crazy. If this isn't the reason and it is a retalitory behavior tactic, then mentioning it will only exacerbate the situation. Act like it's no big deal. If effect is what he's looking for and no one reacts to it then it will loose momentum.
What worries me most is his behavior. He is feeling neglected and possibly wronged. He is not feeling understood so he's acting out. He needs some tender loving attention. I know this will sound weird, but I think that they need to spend more time with him than giving him time out. Time out in my opinion is more for the parents than for the children. This child is stubborn and willful. Harsh punishment will only make him more determined to do whatever he wants to do. He's not feeling respected so why should he respect others. If this is not addressed while he is young you are going to have some major problems with him when he gets older. I would suggest that professional help be considered at this point. Your family aren't going to buy these suggestions because I'm not a professional. And it's a lot more complicated than I can go into here. He's eight years old so he's in school. I'd go to the school and find out if there is a councelor there. If there is ask them where you can go to get cost effective counciling for your grandson. If you can't afford it call local free clinics. There are a lot of them that you can pay on ability to pay basis. Your grandson is a very sensitive person. His feelings are hurt very easily. He's showing it with his anger. He's acting out. It's too complicated for someone who is not trained in child behavior to handle. Also, outside help will help the whole family understand their part in this situation. Everyone needs to pitch in and contribute to his therapy. Don't act like his going to therapy means there is something wrong with him. Act like it will be a fun thing and he's getting to do something that the other kids don't get to do. Good luck!
Namaste,
LULABELLE
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I think he is trying to get someones attention. Most likely moms. The siblings may be the main reason.
I think he should be taken to his doctor to rule out any medical reason for his behavior. His doctor can then recommend further help for him if they think it is necessary.
I am sure bouncing from one household to the other is hard on kids. 2 different sets of rules and all that.
I do think he needs to see a doctor though. His behavior is definitely not as it should be. The little guy is unhappy about something. :)
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