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June 15, 2019

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about

I'm an 29 year old guy.
I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.

o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!

advice

hi my name is justin and im 16. i live in the bronx, ny. and im into the oreintal stuff, so recently i bought a katana. (its a sword) its not sharp or anything, but my father hetes it. he said he thinks one day i might get angry at him and chop him to piecies. which makes sense, but my father owns a desert eagle( a gun) thet he brought back from the war( its either the vietnam of persien, im not sure..) so should he complain even though he owns a gun?

signed..
Konfused

I'm not sure how much you know about wars, and psychology. Sometimes when people come back from wars, they have trouble with memories of killing people, or watching their friends die. It sounds to me like your father could sometimes have difficulty with certain things because they remind him of the time at which he was fighting. Neither do I know how your relations with your dad are. Maybe you should talk to him about it, because he might surprise you.
But if he's serious, you really should do everything you can to convince him that you would never hurt him, at every opportunity.
His gun is probably for the memories - it might not even fire anymore (he could have decommissioned it). Then again, if he's the jumpy kind, maybe he feels like he needs it for defense, like incase you attack him with your katana ^.-
So basically, your father probably has a reason for hating your sword, but maybe you can help him to feel safe enough to know you would never chop him up if you got angry. If he really has a lot of trouble with things like that then maybe you shouldn't go in for oriental weapons, and accept that he can't deal with them.

-K

what are some good sad songs and artists to listen. kinds that you want to listen to when your really down and just need a good cry.

When you know that it's about his young son who fell out of a tall buiding, Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" is pretty sad.

Very sad =1 Sort of sad =5 Not so sad =10

Sarah McLachlan - Adia (5)
Gentle Waves - Falling From Grace (9)
The Superjesus - So Lonely (4)
Mandy Moore - Only Hope (10)
Jewel - Hands (8)
Jon English - Six Ribbons (6)
Gary Jules - Mad World (2)
Vanessa Carlton - (7)
Emiliana Torrini - If You Go Away (1)
Vanessa Carlton - Twilight (4)
Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah (2)
Faith Hill - Cry (3)
Jars Of Clay - Something Beautiful (6)
Coldplay - Yellow (8)
The Beatles - The Long And Winding Road (2)
Travis - Sing (7)
Kasey Chambers (If you like her style of singing) - A Million Tears (3) A lot of her songs seem sad.
Eagles - Tequila Sunrise (4)
The Seekers - The Bush Girl (4)
Sarah Mclachlan - Angel (3)
The Beatles - Yesterday (4)
Jewel - Standing Still (6)
The Kinks - Shangri-la (5)
Michelle Branch - Sweet Misery (8)
Guns 'n' Roses - Don't Cry (5)
Michelle Branch - All You Wanted (5)
10cc - I'm Not In Love (2)
David Franj - God Only Knows (4) Sad, but risks trying to make you happy ^.-
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Under The Bridge (9)
Savage Garden - I Dont Know You Anymore (4)
(You probably won't find this one) Cusa - You Need To Know (1)
Elton John - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word (2)
Phil Collins - Another Day In Paradise (4)

So that would make the top 7 :
Cusa - You Need To Know
Emiliana Torrini - If You Go Away
Gary Jules - Mad World
The Beatles - The Long And Winding Road
10cc - I'm Not In Love
Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah
Elton John - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Hope it wasn't too extensive :)
-K

ok... so how can I listen to specific artist on the web without downloading anything. LIke a music library where i can listen to any song I want.. mainly praise and worship.

To be technical, anything you can hear, you've downloaded. There aren't many sites that will let you listen to music by only downloading it temporarily, and these sites are liable to being shut down without notice, because they're breaking the law. If you really want to listen to music, get a filesharing program like limewire, a decent virus scanner, and just download Mp3 music, then scan it with the virus scanner. Sorry to tell you to download the music, but it's the only way you're going to get to listening.

-K

Hey Everyone..k i have a really weird problem..i can not do a push up. any tips? maybe im not doing it correctly or something? ive tried but like just one pushup takes so much effort, and i can barely do one! please help! thanks!

There are even guys who can't do a single pushup! (sorry if you're a guy, but I get the feeling you're not)
It's no big problem;
Do them from your knees.

If you don't know if you're doing them propperly -
Lie face down on something like carpet (tiles aren't nice to do pushups on, icky and cold.)
Place your hands palm down on the floor, the left hand just under your left shoulder, the right hand just under your right shoulder.
Allowing your knees to bend (because it's easier than a full pushup), but keeping your back straight, push against the ground with your arms. This should lift your upper body off the ground. Congratulations on a half pushup.

Once you've gotten alright at those pushups, add the whole length of your legs.

Who would subject themselves to so much torture voluntarliy? ;)
-K

I'm a singer, and how can I make a bigger sound/be heard without yelling or hurting my voice or singing "too loud"?

Difficult to explain, but try breathing more from your "stomach" region than where you think the air should go. When you breath in your stomach should expand, when you breath out it should get thinner (It sounds stupid, but it's a common thing that people do because they go "breathing in, hmm my stomach should be going in",etc- that's un-natural, and bad) As someone said, your shoulders don't need to rise.
Opening your mouth very wide often makes sound you produce clearer, meaning people further away will be able to hear better.
Projecting more air while singing adds volume to the sound, without being damaging. Sing normally, but don't be 'stingy' with the air, also don't overdo it, because that will affect the sound.
The best exercise in projecting your voice over distance is to visualise a point in the distance that you want the sound to reach, and do your best to sing Towards, through that point. The extra concentration often improves your volume.

-K

what kind of programs are out there to record streaming music onto my harddrive?

-Montrealfan

It depends on your OS, you should be a little more specific in your questions.

For Mac OS X, Audio Hijack is good. I don't know if it exists for other platforms.

Hope you've got a mac ^.-
-K

Im not going to say my age because then you will prejudge me, so im a teenager female and im not new to the dating sence.

I have one good friend,just one-no others.Lets call him Jason. Jason can be overdramatic sometimes,emo if you will though he would never admit it to you.
I have a problem trusting people,because whenever i do they always betray me.I found Jason and i trusted him,we where best friends. He told me he liked me and then everything kinda fell we started fighting and then he said he didnt want to be friends.To make a long story short,i was upset because we pretty much decided it was over. I said "it was hard to sit there and just let you go" in one of my away messages.
He said " I'll never let you go,no matter how much i annoy you,i'll keep trying" and then signed off.
That made me smile.
I've always been crushing on him and that made me really know that he cares. But he betrayed me and i should be mad at him, but at the same time i want to just come back and be with him again.
Another problem. His exgf lets call her Ellie.
She still loves him,but he dumped her and Ellie and i have become friends. Like best friends.
I like Jason a lot. And if we do become friends again i would want to go out with him. So how can i tell Ellie,because im sure that he would choose her over me.

This many be confusing...its confusing me.
I hope you can help me. I thank you a million if you come up with an answer.

names have been changed*

Does Ellie know that you know Jason?
So to try and put your question simply, you have a problem in that you have become friends with the ex girlfriend of a guy, who you also broke up with. You want to get him back, but you think that he would probably rather take up with Ellie than with you. I hope that's right.

I think the biggest factor in this is your friendships, and the way you act about it. Whatever happens, you should still be able to be friends with both Jason, and Ellie no matter what happens.
You should avoid trying to break Ellie and Jason up if they do get back together. It might be hard for you, but getting 'catty' about it won't do any good, and it would probably damage your image in both of their eyes.
Before anything happens, I think that you Should tell Ellie; "how can i tell Ellie,because im sure that he would choose her over me" The best thing for it is to tell Ellie everything. It shouldn't be too hard if you're really close, but you could always write it down if you have to. Just be careful not to write anything down that might give her ammunition in a cat-fight, incase she decides to start one off. Otherwise, just have a long talk about it. Maybe she knows stuff about him that you don't.
It's possible she had a good reason for breaking up with him that you don't know, it's also possible that she wouldn't want him back, and if that were the case, then you could try and get her to fix him up with you :P

It's a difficult situation for sure, but the best way to get around it is to tell the people involved what's on your mind, and let things happen, because even if you don't want them to, changing things isn't always an option- and will only make you look bad.

Hope things work out one of the better ways
-K

Sometime this year i am planning to buy either an mp3 player or an ipod. I was wondering what people thought was better, an mp3 player or an ipod.

You can get players that are like Mp3 players that don't use Mp3 format. They're generally the better ones I think.
Ipods are cool and everything, and if you wanted it to double as storage (be able to plug it into a USB port and have like a portable HD) then they're pretty good. I think maybe 1 or 2 other players have that functionality, anyway;
Ipods don't have the best sound. They have pretty good sound, and compared so a lot of Mp3 players, they are comparable. If you really want something that is going to sound great, try a different kind of player. What someone said about the HD size being big is wrong, because you can get just as much music storage on other kinds of players.
If you do decide to get a different kind of player for the sound quality, it won't make much difference if you're just going to listen to it on ordinary headphones - you need good quality headphones, or the desire to listen to songs in your car via a radio adaptor, or through a sound system somewhere that has good speakers to hear the difference.
I think that's everything, sorry if it jumps a little from place to place :)

-K

At restaurants - what is the accepted etiquette/percentage for tipping someone who you have an outside friendship with?

Accepted etiquette is 10-15% of what the meal cost, but that would be on a restaurant. It depends on where you're eating, what you can afford, and how often you eat there. If your meal cost under $50, then I'd recommend leaving a $5 tip, because seriously -$2 looks a little pathetic lying there in the middle of the table, doesn't it?
I don't see any reason that you would want to tip your friend above average rate, unless you don't think they get enough pocket money, and you feel a bit sorry for them. Some people would take offense to being over-tipped actually, it could make them feel inadequate, or like you thought they were having money trouble.

-K

I am 17 and my breasts have been about a 36A since they first started growing when I was 13. I couldn't stand the look of them. I was totally flat and my body was uneven since I have a "ghetto-like booty". I was about a 34A when I decided to try and do something about it. I ordered these expensive creams and they only tightened the look of my breasts and there was no real growth visible. After that I grew to a 36A by using these breast growth pills I ordered online. I spent about 100 bucks for a two month supply of it and it only increased my breats from a 34A to a 36A. I have been wearing silicone inverts for about 2 years now to make my body look even. It is frusterating because I know that my real breasts don't look that big. The inverts I use increase my chest a full cup size. So I go from a 36A to a 36B. I want to be able to grow to that size soon without drastic sugery or anything too expensive. My past bfs have all wondered why I would never show them my chest and I don't want it getting around that I use inverts because that is completely embarassing and degrading. I can't even get too physical with my bf because then he will want to see my chest and it is too embarassing for me to talk about or for him to know about. So is there anyone that can please help me! Does anyone know of any type of thing sold online or in stores that effectively increases your bust and does it fast?

Pills claiming to make your breasts bigger are probably going to be a scam. You might think they helped, but I'd say you were going to grow that much anyway, believe me or don't.
Personally, I'd say don't worry about it. There are a lot of guys who don't care much about breast size, and some (not to be rude) that like them small.
If a guy is going to get cut about it, then in your place I'd be thinking that maybe his interest in me lay in the wrong area.
If you're going to consider silicon some time in your life, when you're older (you don't seem to want surgery right now) then do some careful research about it. Silicon goes in in bags, and they're not meant to burst, but sometimes they do, and silicon in the blood does some really weird stuff to you.
So basically, I'd say don't worry.

17/m,
-K

Hey guys..
I have this homework assignment for social studies where I have to makeup a tribe name & tell like a story about it. Its stuupid. But i cant think of a tribe name!! It can be funny or serious. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks! xoxox

You could look up some Aboriginal words, and name the tribe after one, or a combination of them or, you could name them something that sounds funny :)

You might find it easier to name the tribe once you write about it really...
Some of my ideas; (spot the origins ;)

The Babaquerians
The Taraihaads
The Stepelgan Tribe (they worship paper)
The Tribe of Mooooo
Tribe of the Sacred Batarii
Tribe of the Jumping Bananabird (ok, they're getting silly now)
Pick an object, slur the pronunciation, make it sound good...

-K

... how do you KNOW when you really and truly 'love' someone?

When you don't have to ask anybody about it.

-K

Hey im trying to find site where i can share my poems. I found this place:http://poetry.tetto.org/
but i cant really figure out how to use it, i dont want help using it i want to find a different site that offers the same things..
I'll rate high for good answers...
thanks.

- The Dark poet

Not entirely an answer to your question, but I hope good advice on the subject...
Keep right away from poetry.com
They use your poetry for profit, and also do a hoax whereby if you enter a poem, they offer to publish it and only publish it if you order a copy. It doesn't say so, but people have found out that when they ordered a copy, their poem was on the first page, and their friend, whose poem was also on their front page had a different copy, without their poem in it at all.
Poetry.com also has a whole bunch of offshoots, so be wary or anything that looks flash-bang, or says anything about "ownings mill" or "poetry plaza" as a postal address.
I'd agree with your first answerer, get a livejournal account. Another good avenue is to enter any free competitions you can find, or even some with payed entry if you think it's good enough to win or get published. Getting published in a book is very good for your resume.

Hope you find somewhere good
-K

EDIT:
just to back up my answer in the face of an avid poetry.com mer,
http://www.poetryin-e-motion.com/arno/journal/stupid35.shtml
http://www.eliteskills.com/writing_scams/poetry.com.scam.php
http://www.author-me.com/poetryscams.htm
That's a good one... lots of people there.
http://poetrynotcom.tripod.com/
Noble House is another name they use.

Type "poetry" and "scam" in to a good search engine, and find them for yourself.

how does weed affect your health? I mean, can you get lung cancer from it? What illnesses can you get if you're a pothead?

There's some answer to a question about drug testing in my collumn if you want something long about it, but the worst health affect is probably on your brain. Brain development is completely screwed up by THC, and the weed around today is like hundreds of times stronger than what was around when your parents might have smoked it, which means that it's WAY too strong... Anyway, unless you're like 30 years old, smoking weed will screw up your brain development, and it won't work propperly for the rest of your life. Apart from that, wel actually part of that, includes bad psychological health. My father works as a Psych nurse, and probably over 90% of the people he gets on the ward with shizophrenia are dopeheads. It's a big cause of psychosis, so I'd steer clear. Get your kicks from something that doesn't involve drugs, and if you're COMPLETELY determined to do a drug, choose something remotely, ever so slightly safer, like extasy or something. Don't take extasy either. If you aren't addicted to anything already, keep it that way, if your friends are druggies and they try to pull you in to it, I hope you're smart enough to call them stoners and tell them to piss off. Anyway;

-K

ok not too long ago i put a question up about my b/f but after breakin up with him i took him back and everything is goin fine except...my dad dont like him cuz hes blak and he wants me to dump him..but i dont know what to do?

Ask your father why he doesn't like your b/f. Maybe he's got more than a racist reason. The point is to make him justify trying to make you two break up. If he says that it's because your b/f is black, ask him if he's racist. That's a pretty nasty question to answer even if he says yes. He'll probably say no, which will give you a bit of leverage to make him feel bad about it. If he says yes, then tell him that you aren't, and he's your b/f. He has to learn to cope with people who aren't racist, and perhaps being around your guy might help him to see that there's nothing bad about someone being black, apart from having to put up with the everyday BULLSHIT of being stereotyped, and descriminated against.
If your father throws up something else, then you'll have to react to it however you think. Maybe it's because you've broken up with the guy before, and he doesn't think that you should've given him another chance. Anyway, I don't know your father so you'll have to work it out yourself.
So in the end, never dump a guy because of what someone else says about them, unless you know it's true, and you agree that it's bad news. You obviously don't, so keep with him.

-K

hey.. its me again.. with the kid i broke up with for talking to "emily" and "brittany". well anyways.. i need help. his profile now says CARLY = :D :D :D :D. and im incredibly jealous :( what should i do? should i talk to him? or just i dunno.. help please!

NO NO NO NO NO! OMG NO! :( Alright, so I sound mean starting off with that, but DON'T talk to him. You're feeling exactly what he wants you to. He's trying to make your jealous, and it's working, but you shouldn't let him manipulate you. Sooner or later, he'll realise it's "not working" (As long as you don't give up the game) You've gotta be careful though, because once he's given up he needs to know you still like him - otherwise there's a danger he'll move on.
Once again, he either likes you, or he's a big player. Please don't discard the possibility, because if he is a jerk, then I don't want him to break your heart :(

If you'd like to talk about things without them appearing in my column, email me@sadloser.com
(that IS the email address, just to avoid confusion)

Hope you can hold out
-K

Tonight we made spaghetti and we went outside in our garden to pick rosemary. However, after we put it in, we discovered that it wasn't rosemary at all! It was a different plant. At first, we were worried it was mezereon. But it wasn't because we checked the plant book and mezereon has big red berries. But we're worried that it might be another poisonous plant. Do any advice columnists know what it might be or whether it's poisonous? It looks a little like rosemary, only the spiky leaves are more spaced out and it has white flowers in the summer that are really small (they look like honeysuckle buds but the plant is not honeysuckle). It is a small bush and doesn't have berries.

Someone PLEASE HELP!!! We are worried we are gonna die

It's probably a few days after, so I'd guess you're alive. As people said, poisonous plants don't normally kill you. If it happens again; often, the poisonouns wones will be bitter - they aren't all like that though so be careful. Ground up charcoal helps absorb poisons. Get some charcoal capsules from the chemist if you want, or just grind some up from the fireplace, and make it into a drink. It doesn't takes good, it's a pretty bad drink really, but it's better than the poison.

-K

So we just started school back up this Tuesday and I like it just fine. But the only problem is that I don't have any friends. And I sit alone at lunch, and all the kids look at me like "OMG what a loser.." I actually heard some kid behind me say to one of his friends about "oh look at the girl sitting by herself" and he laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.

I am a very shy person, and I have actually tried to go up to a few people and ask if I can sit with them. They say yes but don't talk to me and make me feel really uncomfortable around them so it's pointless to sit with them. I have contemplated just going to sit in the bathroom or library at lunch.

But the only problem with that is I have to eat during lunch, because if I don't, when I come home I'll eat alot. My mom and I get food stamps and every month they lower the price so I can't eat all the food. What do I do? Do I just suck it up and sit by myself everyday? Or do I just not eat so much? Please help! I will rate!

Starting at a new school can be difficult, but it's one of the things that happens to everybody. I'm presuming you're in America, or somewhere, because I don't know of anywhere else that has food stamps. American schools sound like they're a lot more hostile than Australian ones, and so you might not want to listen to some of the things I suggest if you think they're a little off the wall.
Sitting by yourself doesn't make you a loser, and I think you know that, otherwise you probably would've thrown yourself desperately at the neediest clique or clan in the school just for company.
I'm also a very shy person, and so I hope that it makes it less patronising if I say that I understand how you feel about sitting alone. I do it sometimes, but I find it sort of nice not to have constant noise around me - use the time to think about stuff.
"I actually heard some kid behind me say to one of his friends about "oh look at the girl sitting by herself" and he laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world"
Kids like that are just jerks, it's that simple. They may be popular, but underneath everything they have the biggest inferiority complex in the world. That's why they have to make fun of other people at every opportunity they get, because it makes them feel better. There are two ways you can get around this. Understand that they are morons, and don't let them get to you, or show them what a nice person you are, and make them guilty about being nasty to you. If the same guy says it again (And it's going to take a little bit of worked up guts, that I hope you have); invite him to join you. Odds are he could even have a crush on you.
Don't sit in the bathroom to eat your lunch, please, I just don't like to think of you feeling that degraded. There are always other kids who feel the same way that you do. You should take a walk around the place, and try to find somebody else sitting on their own, or pacing around the corridors like you. When you find them, ask if they would mind you sitting with them, it's a whole lot easier when there's only one person around. If it's quiet, it's their fault too ^.- , and maybe it will be easier to talk with them.
Food stamps sound like such a drag. I'm not absolutely sure what you're saying about them, because in your question it sounds like your parents are feeding you less and less every month (or maybe the value of the stamps is going down). Whatever happens, you shouldn't sacrifice your health, and that means eating enough (At least, enough of the right food). Don't let it get you down, because once you start to go down, it's a HELL of a lot harder to pick yourself up - and that's what you'd have to do, because it doesn't sound like there are too many good samaritans around.
If you find a group of people who you really want to know, but they don't talk to you, just sit there. It's a lot better to be sitting there like a brick, listening to them talk than sitting by yourself. Nobody will make smart-ass comments about you sitting by yourself (and if the group starts talking about you, either stick up for yourself, or never go back) If the group is generally receptive to you, and keeps on talking as if you're not there, but aren't rude to you, try to include yourself in their conversation every once in a while. If they're talking about something you know, add your bit, maybe they'll start to ask you stuff or at least acknowledge you're there.
From your question, you sound like the kind of girl that people should be dying to talk to at lunch, and if they aren't then you should show them what they're missing out on. If you want to bounce ideas off me any time, email me@sadloser.com .

Best wishes
-K

to get my acne scars to clear up.. is neutrogena acne fading peel better to use or neutrogena visbly even daily spf 15 moisterizer? whats the difference and witch ones betta

If you want to clear up acne scars, try getting something that's specific to it. There are some really good natural products out with Calendula and Golden Seal extracts that work much better than some of the more chemical products. Look for things like "Scarless Wound Healer".
With regard to the "daily spf 15 moisturizer", I wouldn't use that. My reason is that sunscreen [no matter how much I might sound like an all natural tree-hugging hippy :) ] has some nasty chemicals in it. It's been clinically shown that regularly wearing sunscreen increases your risk of developing skin cancer; the reason they still sell it? Because sunburn is worse. So if you're going out in the sun a WHOOOLE lot, wear the sunscreen, but I'd steer clear of moisturising products with unnecessary sunscreen added to them.

May your skin be clear ^_^
-K

when you first start wearing glasses do they look kind of weird in side of them because I just now got new glasses and then i kind of cant see out of them that good do I just have to get used to them or what??? p.s I mean I can see some things buit like not all

It sounds like maybe your glasses are the wrong strength. I don't know if you've had glasses before, but if you haven't then it sometimes seems a bit weird having rims around your field of vision, that might be making your eyes bug out for a while.
If you've had glasses before, then the new ones shouldn't be that drastically different, and I'd talk to your optometrist about them, maybe ask them to test you again.
There may be another problem with your glasses. If they're a very strong prescription one way or the other, then you should probably take them off when you're doing something that you could see without them. For example, I see things far off in the distance as blurry without glasses, but I can see up close very easily. If I wear my glasses when I'm doing work up close, it really screws around with my eyes, and I find taking my glasses off strains them a lot less. If you're having that problem, figure out when you should probably take your glasses off (Are they reading glasses or vision glasses? Reading glasses don't need to be worn when you're just walking around, and I think they can deteriorate your eyesight if you do wear them too much for things other than close up stuff).

Hope I helped
-K

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