Brandi_S's advice column | Page 128

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Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

Visitors:

129139

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hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

My dad is gay and married another man!! AHHHH!! I hate being around because he used to be straight!! AHHHHHHHHH!

So... You are a homophobe or what? I don't understand the point of your statements, here. You didn't even ask a question.

So your dad is gay. Big deal. Is he not entitled to his happiness in this life? If you hate being around him because he is gay, you are hating him for all of the WRONG reasons. His sexual orientation is his life and his business. That has nothing to do with how good of a father he is to you.

If you have a problem with him, you need to talk to him about your feelings. But you need to give him the same respect when he talks to you about his feelings.

I really like this guy and he knows but he said I'm not ugly he just dont want a gf right now, and hes not really aloud, but he does anyway! but i dont know what do do I'm not sure if i know what love is but i think I'm in it...
What do i do?♥

Honestly? There is nothing you CAN do. He says he doesn't want a girlfriend. Weather he is being honest or making up an excuse, you can't change his feelings.

Maybe you are in love, I don't know, but I would guess what you are feeling is infatuation.

Have patience. You'll find the right guy for you in time.

I eat way too much sugar in my diet, and I want to start cutting back. I do pretty well, but then I get the worst cravings and I eat a bunch of sugary food. What is the best way to make these cravings back down, and how can I lower my sugar intake more easily?

Try to start replacing sugary sweets with a sweet fruit, such as a peach. You will feed that sweet tooth and be eating something good for you.

Well i have this best fired and i used to like him a year ago and now i find out that he thinks that i like him again how do i get him to know that i dont like him?

Be honest and straight forward about it. Say "Sorry, dude, I just don't feel for you in that way."

Ok there is a dance at my school, and im going to ask my ex to dance, we broke up cause she wasnt felling it :( . Anywho I was wondering if it is ok to whisper in her ear somthing like I still love or I miss you. Is it ok? She wants to be just friends and her step sister said " dont she will be a dink " but I dont want her to go out with me again out of guilt. But I would also like to no some other things I could say, something affective! But this is a Junior high dance im in grade 8 and she is in grade 7 but were both 13. I need help real bad!

Honestly? If she says she just wants to be friends, you need to respect that. Especially if she is confused about her feelings. (That may be true, but it could be an excuse she used in order to not hurt your feelings. It can go either way.)

Don't go whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Dance with her, yes, but this "I still love you" business, no. If you start pushing her like that, you will only end up pushing her away.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by she wasn't "felling" it (feeling, maybe?) Either way, she obviously wasn't into the relationship, and if she says she only wants to be friends, I doubt she will be willing to get back into a relationship with you.

Your best bet would be to move on with your life. You will find some one else if you give it time and patience.

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=4433229

what do you use the top part for? and how long is it until the baby is 15 pounds. (it says they cant be in that part anymore after that) and if you took that part out could a baby sleep in there like everynight?

Ah... Just went through buying all of this for my own new arrival.

Well, generally bassinets are designed to hold babies until they reach 4-6 months, or start to roll over. 15 pounds will probably come before that.

Since it is portable, like a Pack 'n Play, I would strongly advise against using it for a baby's crib. I wouldn't trust the bassinet overnight, either (on a daily basis, I mean). See, portable cribs tend to break down easily. I know you don't want it to get weak or unstable with your baby in it.

However, this is a good product for traveling, or going to visit grandma, fishing/camping, or where ever you may need to go and have a place for baby to sleep. It's just not built for constant daily use.

I know this costs a little more than the one on the link you sent, but it is more what you would want to look for to use nightly.

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=4940112

Bassinets are pretty costly, even at Walmart. (Believe me, I have done some serious checking around.) Especially considering no longer than baby sleeps there. What I did, was went to a flea market. I actually found an old wooden cradle for around $30. It stays stable, or can be set to rock.

I found this a better deal for me, considering when this baby is out of it, I have to have something that will keep in storage until we decide to have our next baby.

You may find a used bassinet that is newer if that is what you want. Get what will best suit your own needs. Not only can you check at a flea market, but a second hand store as well.

Like I said, I have just gone through buying all of this sort of stuff, and much more. If you need anymore help or advice about it, feel free to drop a message in my inbox. You can reach my column, or just my inbox, by clicking my name under this answer.

Do people define others upon their social status more so in middle school or high school? I know that there are so many more kids where i am going to go to high school next year, so wouldn't it be difficult to get to know everyone? thanks =]

It may matter more in middle school, but the sad fact is, you have to deal with it for the rest of your life.

Sadly, there are a lot of mindless robots out there that think your social status is what makes you who you are. No matter what your age or your walk of life. It's just not as bad.

dont all of you columnists HATE when you give a great answer to a question and they dont rate you? i do. or if they rate you a 3 because you tell them something they dont want to hear, but it's still good info!!!! ya that bothers me.

Nah. Doesn't bother me if they rate me a 3 for telling them something they don't want to hear. A 3 is a good rating. Not something to get your feathers ruffled about.

It bothers me when they give 1's for that reason. Or when 5's are handed out so freely when the answer only consists of a sentence or two.

If they don't rate me at all, I don't know if they thought my advice was good or not. It would be nice to know, but other than that, I don't really care. Ratings aren't what I'm here for.

Also, just because you think the answer you gave was great, doesn't mean they thought it was. Just like I think this is a great answer, but you may not.

hmm okay so.
14/f

i really like my boyfriend and all we have been dating for about 1 month or whatever but recently at church he brought his friend who is like his neighbor.my boyfriend and his friend go to a diffrent school then me.
but yeah when i met hid friend he was really hot and funny and nice to me.he was kinda flirting with me and i liked it but i still really like my boyfriend.

when we dont see each other for a while sometimes i start to crush on toher guy but all the while i still really like my boyfriend.

uhg so what do i do?

Just because his friend is really hot and funny the time you met him, doesn't mean that is how he is all the time. He may not even be the right guy for you. He may be a nice guy, but he could also be a real jerk.

I wouldn't risk your relationship for this other guy. If you really like your boyfriend, he is who you should stick with.

I have mass friends at school, but recently I come to find out, several of them are getting pregnant, and having kids. It's not like they are twenty or something. Otherwise, I wouldn't care because they're old enough (I think). They are ranging from 14 to 17 years old.

I find it seriously ridiculous that my friends are just having sex like it's nothing, and end up getting pregnant. In fact, a few of those people are Christians, and told me so many times they would never do that and it's pathetic. Months later, they find a guy, have sex with them, and they leave my friends. Later on coming to find out they are pregnant and have the kid.

If it was like 1 or 2 people, I would understand. But it's becoming an epidemic almost at my school. Approximately 10 girls are pregnant (whom are my friends), and another 5 had their kid within the last year.

Don't criticize me of my opinion though because I really can't help it. I am a Christian, I love my friends, I still pray for them, and support them. But I just get so mad thinking about it, like they basically ruined what was going for them. A friend of mine wanted to leave her house (family problems) and become a Vet. Now she got pregnant, and she is stuck there in poverty. Can't even afford a decent meal for her and her child, since her family is stuck on welfare and social security for paying for other things. Her boyfriend like left her, so there is very little for her and her son. She is battling for the father to pay for child support.

Please don't get me wrong to whoever has been in that situation of getting pregnant at an early age. I can see the struggle in it, and the effects, but seeing my friends make bad choices just angers me because I want them to have self-respect, and do something successful. I am quite prude, so don't judge me on that, and you can't blame me at some extent. I feel guilty for basically not trying to understand the reasons why it happened, and the circumstances. It's hard to understand.

So, my question is, how can I get over this?? I've been trying for a long time to get over it, but more people getting pregnant, so my anger comes back.

Please remember I am not here to judge, criticize, or offend anyone here, so don't take it personally. I just need advice, please. Thanks!

Your friends have made these mistakes on their own accord. I'm sure they know the consequences of their actions before they do anything, but they choose to ignore the possibilities in the heat of the moment.

I agree, it is upsetting, but there isn't anything that you can do about it.

How can you get over this? Pat yourself on the back for being smarter than them.

Here is a link some one showed me. Maybe you have some friends who are sexually active but not pregnant you can show this to? Because this is reality when you have a child:

http://www.jibjab.com/JokeBox/JokeBox.aspx?Id=79332&JokeId=17095

So I've always been really mature for my age, and sometimes I feel like I'm one of the only people in my school who actually is mature. But now it's really starting to get to me. I mean, I'm sitting there in English class trying to get work done while all of the obnoxious people in my class are yelling and talking about how drunk or high they were last weekend and I just get so angry! I want to turn around and scream "shut the hell up" to them but I know this will just make matters worse and I'd probably just get picked on or something.
Also, when i was in middle school, I was really excited to go to high school to get a nice, unannoying boyfriend, but in fact, all of the guys seem to go after all of the ditzy, slutty, obnoxious girls that crave attention in high school. Well, I always used to think that in high school, people would be more mature, but in reality, they are just as obnoxious. I sometimes think that things are going to be so much better when I'm in college, but I really dont know, college could actually turn out with even more immature people who are even more obssesed with getting drunk.
So, my question is, will I, a person whose felt like she was too old for her age, fit in more in college? Or am I just too mature and serious, and I'll have to be less responsible and less mature to ever really fit in? I know this is really long and I appreciate anyone who took the time to read it.

I have nothing brilliant to add. Everyone else has said it all.

I just want to say good for you for being mature and responsible enough to actually care about your future. Those others in class? They are out for a fun time right now, and not so much out for succeeding in life later. Don't change- you are on the right track.

Don't worry about that boyfriend. Have patience. The guy for you doesn't lie in the group of obnoxious guys you speak of. The guy for you will enter your life at the right moment, if you are willing to be patient.

If your college ends up being chalk full of immature people, then keep in mind why you are there, unlike them.

I want to become an advice columist where should I go to college to become one?

Well, I didn't go to college to be one on here. If you are thinking of being one like Dear Abby or Ann Landers, I don't know that you would need a college education to get a job like that, either.

If you have an advice column on this site, you could print the questions and answers you have given and submit them to a newspaper or magazine and let them see how you work.

I would say that a job giving advice in a newspaper, etc., wouldn't be necessarily based on your education, but how you advise others about their problems.

how come when people do keg stands they get held upside down?

"A variation of the keg stand, is the inverted keg stand, which is the same thing but the participant's head and body faces up towards the ceiling, instead of down.[citation needed] This tends to result in more of a blood rush to the head, and can increase the sensation of dizziness, yielding to a lower drinking time."

-wikipedia

Maybe that answers your question? Here is the link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keg_stand

Sorry if this is long.
Some of you might remember the question that someone asked about getting their tonsils out on Thursday. Well, I got them out to day. =]
My throat hurts so bad. It feels like there's a golf ball in my throat and it's really hard to swallow.
They gave me three different medicines and I took them all about an hour ago, but nothing has happened. If anything, I'm worse. They also told me to put a cold ice pack on my throat, but that's not helping so far.
Does anyone who's had their tonsils out know of anything that works to help stop the pain?
And what would be better to eat on the first day -- warm or cold foods...or does it matter?

I don't know what will help the pain other than the medicines you are taking. Some medications take 30 minutes + to kick in and really start to have an effect.

As for my suggestion as to what you should eat on your first day? Of course, you know soft foods, but I would eat cold foods. Since your doctor told you to use a cold pack, then cold food going directly into your throat may help ease the pain some. (Even though the ice pack outside isn't helping) Warm food on the first day may aggravate it and make it worse.

I have to do a written assignment. thing that I can make up. I can do it on whatever i want. It's for a scrapbook that were doing and theres other writing assignments that we have to do, such as "A list of questions you may think to yourself at time. These questions may be general or relate to you and/our your family" Also, there's "A list of predictions you can make about your future" For this one that i make up, there is no limit on how long it can be or what it can be about. But I have no idea what to do. Does anyone have any ideas ?

Honestly? Even though this is something you can make up, it still is something you make up about yourself. Really, the only place you can get an answer to your question is within you own mind.

For the first one- surely you think questions to yourself. Everyone does. Even if it is something to the effect of "I wonder if I would look good in pink?" Or, "If I got a dog, would I have time to house train it?"

For the second one- "I will go to college." Or "I will get a dog when I have time to house train it."

That's the best I can do to help you. I know nothing about you to give you any straight information. Like I said, your best answer to this question lies in your own head.

okay this may seem like a dumb question but to have vaginal sex what does that mean.. like does the penis have to go completely inside the vagina for it to be sex? or if the penis is like an inch inside is that sex? or is that just considered like foolin around or what not.. i'm confused and my friend just told me a story about this so i need to know! thanks

If the penis enters the vagina AT ALL, it is considered vaginal sex. Doesn't matter if it went in all the way or only an inch; it is still vaginal sex.

Okay, so i've been friends with "steve" for about a year now, were really good friends and hang out a lot. He's liked me for quite a while and i never liked him, but we were still friends. and yesterday (valentines day) he came to my house and gave me flowers, then said he had to go because he has a date. I feel like..seriously, crap..and i start to think maybe i like him, is that just jealousy kicking in?

Yah, may be a spark of jealousy, since he has liked you for so long, and now had a date.

My advice? Let it go. You are better off keeping him as a good friend. As I always say, the quickest way to lose a friend is to date them.

What a nice friend to think of you with flowers on Valentine's Day, by the way.

how do i get a guy to like me when they already think im annoying?
what flirting should i do?

Honestly? If the guy already finds you annoying, I doubt flirting will change that. In fact, it may make him find you even more annoying.

Oh, I suppose he might not find it so bad if you changed your personality, but it would be a sad thing if you chose that path. You shouldn't feel you have to change who you are for ANYBODY, especially some guy. Nobody is worth that.

You can't just get a guy to like you. I'm sorry, but that is just the truth of the matter.

Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl in Junior High. Today, I was called down to the office and accused of doing drugs. (Which I DON'T.) The guidance counselor and vice principal then practically strip searched me, made me empty my bag, take off my shoes, and then they called down a nurse to give me an eye test, take my blood pressure and listen to my heart to determine if I was high. Their reason behind all of this? Apparently earlier, a girl whos name they "could not tell me" told the office that "I was seen in the bathroom with a tube of white powder." I had been in the bathroom, but I had absolutely NO tube shaped items or any item, not even any makeup with me, that looked like powder.

My mom and I are thinking of suing the school district. Do you think that this is a violation of my rights? I do not think they should of searched me just because some random girl TOLD them that. Obviously she was lying. Do you think this is enough to bring forth a lawsuit against the school?

I'm not positive, but I would venture to say that since you are, by law, a 14 year old CHILD that they have to have parental consent before they can search you like that. Was there even a police officer present to ensure that your rights were protected? Did they even call your mother in so she could be present during all of this?

Did you know, that the POLICE don't even have the authority to interrogate or search a child without the parents consenting and being present if they choose? And if such things are illegal for the police to do, I would highly doubt it is legal for your school to do.

I don't know if you could make it a lawsuit, because, like I said, I'm not positive on this. HOWEVER, I would be contacting an attorney about this immediately.

In my opinion, your rights were violated BIG TIME. I can see them asking to search your bag and your locker, but your physical body? No. I don't think so. Not without Mom's say so.

Well they say two wrongs don't make a right. I was told that you cannot prove a person guilty of something with evidence you were not given permission to collect. Does the same go for relationships? I found out by logging onto my girl-friend's email that she asked her friend for advice about a guy she said she liked. She denied she did this to me. The law says to let it be since I had no rights to find out on my own about it but will the same apply here in this situation? If I did not sign into her account, I would not have found out about this guy in the first place.

The evidence you are talking about has to be eligible to be used in a court of law. Also, to collect such evidence without permission by the person, or a judge is a violation of rights.

As for your situation, what you did was a violation of her personal rights.

Honestly? I wouldn't use it against her. You were wrong for going into her email account- you had no business doing so. Realistically, you should be ashamed of yourself for doing this. It was an immoral act for you to invade her privacy like that.

My advice? Like the law says: let it be. Either drop it and get over it, or move on with your life. I STRONGLY advise against ever doing this again. You had no right to do it in the first place.

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