Brandi_S's advice column | Page 124

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Gender:

Female

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Kansas

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House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

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hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

What's prohibition? And I also need some facts on it and websites would be good. No google please, I already tried. I would really like your twist on it people.

Prohibition means something is prohibited; not allowed. For example: the Alcohol Prohibition was when alcohol was an illegal substance.

http://nostalgia.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prohibition

I'm about 5'3" and i weigh 86 pounds. I am not anorexic or bullemic, I eat a lot and eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday (unless i wake up late and miss breakfast) but I have a fast metabolism so it doesn't really do anything. I really want to be on the school gymnastics team but you have to be atleast 90-100 pounds. Does anybody have any helpful hints or advice that i could use to gain weight? Thanks so much!!

Drinking protein shakes is a way to help you gain weight. The link below has some recipes you may be interested in trying:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/proteinshakes.htm

Hey.

My fiance and I are having "living issues".

When we get married he wants to live in the upstairs of his house. Which his dad turned into an apartment with a kitchen, bathroom, living room, ect. Its just like a real house.

I see nothing wronge with this other than the fact that his parents treat him like a dog, take all his money, prevent him from doing half the stuff he wants to, and force him to wait on them hand and foot. Yes, he stands up for himself but it still doesn't make it right.

I've tryed talking to him about getting a modular. I think they are very nice.

He kinda agrees.

Well, with his job, he makes $10 an hour, and makes around 700 every 2 weeks. He got the job in October. Thats the problem.

Since he isn't istablished well in his job, I'm worried that he will lose it and we wpn't be able to pay the bills.

So, I want your opinion.

Even though I don't like his parents and neither does he.
Do you think that it would be best to just stay at his house until we have money saved up to get a home, or just jump into it right to start with?

Thanks.

Honestly? I wouldn't move in with his parents- no way. Home is the place where you hang your hat and put up your feet. Not a place full of stress, unhappiness, tension, and poor treatment.

Realistically, you don't need his parents' behavior adding stress to a new marriage. I for-see that it will only cause you and your groom to have fights and petty arguments. Any financial struggle is better than that, by a far stretch.

My husband and I are newlyweds, and we would live in a run down shack, if to live in a nice house would only darken our marital happiness. We are a happy with each other, and arguments are very few and far between.

Also, if his parents hit him up for money all of the time, how would you ever save any for another home?

I advise that you get your own place. I firmly hold my ground on the fact that moving under the same roof as his parents is about the worst step you could take. No nice, quaint, little apartment or house is worth the potential sacrifice of your marriage.

i think something is wrong with my parakeet!
hes been acting weird lately
hes about 5 years old
i let him out and he tries to fly but he falls to the ground hes never done that before
hes always been a good flyer
his feathers have been all fluffy for a day now without going normal.
i came home from school and he was at the bottom of his cage sitting there. and he never does that
he hates it down there. my previous parakeet died before i got this one and the symptoms are sort of the same, the whole flying thing and the sitting at the bottom of the cage thing. i really dont want him to die. does anyone know what could be wrong or what i could do to help him???

Yah, it is a sign that something is wrong when they sit on the bottom of their cage rather than on their perch. And the trouble flying is another sign.

Best bet? Call a vet that cares for small animals ASAP. It may be something that can be helped, and honestly, only an examination done by a vet is the way to get the diagnosis of the problem.

One of my friends steals. Not from stores, but from us! (her friends) she wont admit it. She just recently stole my mac shadestick, and those arent that cheap. She will not confess to it and i KNOW she has it. She stole my friends iPod, and steals my other friends clothes a lot. I really want my shadestick back because its my fav one and i had it the morning before she came over then after she left it was gone. I dont know what to do to get her to confess? She also makes up a lot of lies and stuff .. what should i do?

Have you considered calling her parents about it? Yah, I know that is a sucky thing to do to a friend, but then again, stealing anything, ESPECIALLY expensive items from you is a sucky thing for her to do to you. Maybe they can get the truth out of her and get your property returned.

If worse comes to worse, you can always file a report with the police. Theft is a crime, and I think your friend needs to learn that, right now.

I think I would reevaluate how important it is for me to have a friendship with this girl. Sounds to me like a friendship not worth having if she is going to lie and steal from you.

okay so i just got my belly button pierced and i was wondering if when i went swimming like in a lake would it get infected like by the water or would it be fine and all I'd have to do is clean it after or can i not go swimming until it heals compleetly???

I would strongly advise against swimming in lake water until you ask the professional who did your piercing if it is a safe thing to do.

Make sure that when you get piercings you ask for a paper stating how to care for it and what kind of contact to avoid during the healing process. I know that where I go, I don't have to ask for said paper- they make sure I have it in hand and stress the importance of reading and following it before I walk out the door.

Well I have this really good friend of mine that i love so much. We have been good friends for a year now She goes to my church and i love her to death but there are times where we will go days even weeks without talking or seeing eachother... she says she is busy with her kids and stuff but sometimes i wonder. I mean i know she is busy but i still cant help but fill like im the reason she is never around.. i know its not true but thats just how i feel.. So i was hoping someone can help by telling me what i should do...

As time has rolled on, I have realized what it is like to be busy with kids and caught up in life. Time starts to fly by, even faster when you lead a busy life.

I would say that in those times that you don't see her for extended periods, it is very highly likely that she has gotten caught up in her busy life, as she has said.

Don't take offence or take it to heart. If you are a good person, I highly doubt that you are the reason she isn't around.

I think that, since you are good friends and want to stay that way, you should be up front and honest with her about your feelings. Tell her how you feel you are the reason that you don't see each other as often as you would like. I'm sure if she has children, she is a mature adult, and she will listen to you and give you honest answers to your questions.

Well my bestfriend Hannah and I have been friends for a while and i tell her everything even about how i am like in love with one of my other bestfriends. Everyone says he likes me to and that i should ask him out so i was planning to ask him to prom but when our church went to mexico and hannah and the boy went.. it was like she was flirting with him. She was always around him stealing his sunglasses laughing playing games with him and when i asked her about she was like i would never do that because you like him.. I never got a chance to ask him to prom becuase she was always with him.. what should i do

Well, now that you are home, she surely can't be with him all of the time, right?
Catch him and ask him before someone else does.

if i bleed ALOT when i urinate do i probably have UTI?

If it burns a lot when you urinate you may have a UTI. Bleeding, however, I think is a question you need to ask your doctor about. Even if it is a UTI, you will still have to see your doctor to get antibiotics to clear the infection.

ok well obvisouly when i straighten my hair it kills my hair really really bad. I've tried getting my hair relaxed (like a perm to get my hair straight. if that makes any sense) but that didn't work at all. So does anyone know a good kinda of shampoo that can actually repair hair i've tried pantene but that dosn't really work at all.
Thanks

You need to do some deep conditioning treatments on your hair. The best stuff I ever found was St. Ives Hair Repair. It came in a small pump bottle. However, I have been unable to find it lately, so I don't know if they even make it anymore. If you see it, though, try it- it's good stuff.

I also tried John Frieda deep conditioning treatment. The link below shows you what it is and what it looks like. I found it to be the next best thing to the St. Ives.

By the way- my hair has been seriously damaged from years of chemical treatments. It has been dry, brittle, and dull. The products I recommend did well for my hair, and I'm sure they may help you as well.

http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=150114&catid=10325&brand=13105&trx=PLST-0-BRAND&trxp1=10325&trxp2=150114&trxp3=1&trxp4=0&btrx=BUY-PLST-0-BRAND&cmbProdBrandFilter=13105

So I am mentally ill, battling with depression. I have looked everywhere for a Psychiatric clinic or facility that covers my insurance but there are none around (within 50 miles). And my parents refuse to get me somewhere where it does not support our insurance.

Are there any clinics around the Cincinnati, OH area I can go to for free or maybe to a price affordable?

Please try to help me find some clinics because I can't find any and I am desperate.

Thanks

Try contacting your county health department. They may be able to help you find a clinic that would be of help to you. If they don't know, they should be able to refer you to someplace that does know.

From my research I believe the number to the health department of Hamilton County is (513)946-7800.

I think I'm a lesbian. I've read in the Bible that homosexuality is wrong and that if you commit the sin of homosexuality, the you will be sent to hell. But then in other Bible's, they say it is natural and that God will love you no matter what.What should I belive, that homosexuality is wrong, or that it is natural?

Yah, so it may say in the Bible that it is a sin, but does it not also say that Jesus died for all of our sins to be forgiven?

Honestly? I come from the land of Fred Phelps. (I'm sure you know who that wack-job is) See, it's people like him that are so full of hate and misery that leads a lot of people like yourself to question weather or not God will accept you or forgive you for feeling the way you naturally feel. Don't listen to that kind of crap, because crap is exactly what it is.

Be who you are. Don't question weather that is right or wrong. If you feel that being a lesbian is your path in this life, then take that path. Don't let other people's opinions dictate your life.

As for being sent to Hell, that is not for man to judge, it is up to God to decide in the end. (Judging is a sin, too.)

I believe that God loves all of mankind, and I believe that He is very forgiving. Why else would He create his very own son just to die for our sins if He didn't love us so?

So, if God truly sees homosexuality as a sin, then I believe it is a forgivable sin. Why else would he make people homosexual? I think that, though He can seem to be a cruel God, He is a loving God. I just don't see God creating homosexuals just to have someone to cast into the fires of Hell. Do you?

It seems to me that there are far worse sins out there than homosexuality, such as murderers, rapists, and pedophiles. I think it is folks like them that have a lot more answering to do to God than a lesbian. Wouldn't you agree?

i'm having a hard time finiding colleges and universities in dallas texas to study early childhood education. Does anyone know of any colleges for that in or around the dallas area??

If you ask your school guidance councilor they should be able to help you find the college you seek. They know how to research colleges. It is a part of their job to help you get a higher education in the field you are interested in.

my grandma is getting on my last nerve.
she can remember how my mom dated john stamos, & other stuff like that, like ill be watching full house & my grandma will be like.. oh your mom dated him. but then yet, she acts like she can't remember my name sometimes?!

how do i put up with this?
& do you think she just does it for attention?

No. I very highly doubt she does it for attention. It sounds like she is likely suffering from some sort of problem that causes memory loss. Alzheimer's Disease? I don't know, because I'm not a doctor. I just know it sounds kind of like what my own grandma is going through.

It's like this: elderly people who suffer from memory loss can remember some things as if it happened yesterday, and other things slip their mind- they just forget. Often times this memory loss can get progressively worse. It is a very sad thing for them and for those who witness their decline.

Try not to let it get on your nerves, because she can't help it; it isn't her fault. She doesn't intend to forget your name, I promise.

Let me tell you a story about my own grandma and my experiences with her and her memory loss. I don't know how effected your grandma is at this time, but mine is not in very good shape at all. Her memory is bad and getting worse.

Sorry that this may be long, but it is the only way I know how to give you an idea of what may be going on with your grandma, how to cope with it, and what you may be able to do to make your time spent with her special and memorable. :)

Before I got married in October, I was my grandma's caretaker for a while. She recalls the past so easily, but usually not what happened yesterday.

She loves to talk about her past, and all of the good times she had growing up, raising her family, going on vacations, and fond memories of times spent with her grandchildren.

Talking about her memories of happy times is her way of taking her mind off of the fact that she is unwell in the present, and unhappy about her state of health. I encourage her to tell me about her experiences in her past, because she really enjoys telling those stories.

I love listening to her step back into her past; into a better time for her. It makes her laugh and feel good, and that in turn makes me feel good. I miss seeing her feel happy, and I take in every happy moment I witness her having now.

A lot of times, she can't remember my name, either. Just like your grandma. This is always hard for me and makes me very sad. I happened to be her only granddaughter out of her many grandchildren until I neared the end of highschool. I was always very close with her, but her memory loss causes her to forget who I am a lot of times. She calls me by a different name a lot.

It hurts that after all of these years of being her special girl, she can no longer call me by the right name. But I lay no blame on her or take no offence by it. She isn't at fault and she honestly can't help it. She doesn't mean to.

It breaks my heart that she is going through this. I want to help her. I want to fix her brain so she can remember like she used to. I would cut off both of my arms and legs if it could possibly make it so she can live her life like she used to; that is what she wants most of all- to be her old self again.

She suffers from Parkinson's Disease, and she is going down hill. I don't know if the disease is what is effecting her memory, or if it is something else. I just know she is in a bad state, and if I could, I would pay any cost to make her well again.

But the fact is that I can't fix it. There is nothing I can do but be supportive and understanding. All I can do when she forgets my name and calls me by some other name is answer her and speak to her as if that is my name. I could never correct her and tell her that isn't my name. For her to actually realize that she forgot my name would only make her feel worse than she already feels on a daily basis.

I think she is depressed because of the state of her health, and I would never think to add to that depression. I just accept the new name she has given me and forget it. I know she doesn't intend to call me by a different name. It was never her intention to forget my name like that.

It's hard to cope with at times, but I always keep in mind that she is still my beloved grandma and she always will be. I know that she knows who I am deep down inside, but she just doesn't remember very often. She can't help it, just as your grandma can't. It isn't her fault, just as it isn't your grandma's fault. Our grandma's would never forget us intentionally.

I know that my grandma's situation may differ greatly from your grandma's situation, but I know they have that one thing in common- memory loss. Such a devastating thing to happen to a person.

My grandma may be in a worse state than yours, or maybe vise versa, but the simple fact remains that their memories are slipping away from them.

I'm sure that your grandma is equally as sad about it as mine is, weather she says it out loud or not. Nobody wants to forget their loved ones, and when that happens it is depressing for that person.

My advice to you is to try to make your time spent with your grandma as happy as possible for both of you. Remember that her time on this earth is running short. I know that may not be what you want to hear, but it is a fact we all have to face in our own time. I'm facing that fact right now, hard as it may be to do.

Spend quality time with her whenever you can and talk to her about whatever makes you both feel good. You don't want to feel regrets of lost time- it hurts your heart too much.

I hope that I didn't bore the soup out of you, and again, I apologize for how incredibly long this is.

I hope that what I said makes sense to you, and I truly hope that my shared experience helps you in some way.

15/f

Okay so there's a guy at school. And we flirt all the time, and I realized that I just don't want to be in a relationship these days. I like being single. And the guy is probably going to ask me out again like last time, and I'll feel so bad just completley rejecting him. And he probably won't want to be my friend at all anymore!
What should I do?

You don't have to completely reject the guy like you are thinking.
If he asks you out, just explain to him that at this point in time you are not looking for a relationship. That's not complete rejection. It's simply turning him down for now.
Just be honest with the guy. That's always the best way to go about it.

Usually, I'm the girl who talks to the girls noone wants to talk to, I make sure no one is ever left out. And even though my friends dislike someone I'll hang out with them, cause I know I'd want someone to do the same for me, if I was the one being left out.

I just don't care if my friends like them or not, because I do.

HOWEVER, in this case, I don't like the person.

I'm in an all girls class, and everyone really dislikes this girl because.. well, we don't know. Everyone says the same thing "She's a really nice girl, and I don't wanna dislike her.. it's just that I JUST DON'T LIKE HER" There's just something about this girl that is soo annoying.

So since I usually take on the responsibility of making sure no one's left out, I did this time too. When I first got to the class, I was the one who hung out with her. But it resulted in noone hanging out with me either, even though they liked me, since they didnt like her. Which didn't bother me at all, cause I don't seek popularity. '

Except, now I really can't stand her. She talks too much, about uninteresting things, and I find myself just nodding and saying "mhhm" to everything she says. And lately EVERYTHYING she does annoys me and I find myself constantly thinking "AHH!why wont she just leave? when will i get rid of her?" and so on,..

So I've been cutting loose, walking faster when she follows me, hanging out with others, leaving her to hang out with others in other classes - and i know she senses I don't like her anymore. And I know she senses that the whole class kinda dislikes her.

So last night, was supposed to be a wonderful day with my boyfriend (2 years anniversary) but I just couldnt enjoy it! I felt soo guilty!

So what do I do? I don't enjoy this girls company at all! But people kinda expect me to "Take care of her" and would probably think of me a sa mean person if I suddenly left her all alone. Not to mention, I would constantly feel guilty! But is she really my responsibility just cause we've kinda been "best friends" for the last 2 years?

Thank you!

I don't know how any fool could say or think that you are a mean person if you chose not to hang out with this girl anymore. If you hang out with those who are left out in order to make them feel a part of something, then that makes you a pretty outstanding girl. It takes a special person to be so kind and considerate of other's feelings. Never think you are mean because you don't like some one. You can't like everyone in the world.

Honestly? You aren't her keeper. You have done right by her to the best of your abilities. If it isn't a friendship that's working out, then you are wasting her time and yours. It's ok to let her go and not feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong. In fact, you gave her a good run at a 2 year friendship; that's a good thing. She will remember you fondly always for that.

I don't know that I would go so far as to say you were best friends, however. Though I don't know you and your full friendship with her, I can tell you this much: she is not your best friend, nor are you hers if you are unhappy hanging out with her. Don't feel bad about that because it's not a bad thing. Sometimes people just don't click.

If I were in your shoes, I would just be honest with her. It's for the best. Tell her that you feel your friendship has grown apart and you feel it is time to move on. Let her know that you don't have a problem with her, but you just don't feel that it is right for you to continue to hang out like you do.

Of course, from how you sound, I don't feature you would totally shut her out or be rude to her. You sound to considerate for that foolishness. (Good for you!)

Yah, it'll hurt her feelings. I'm not going to lie to you. However, how much worse would it hurt her if she were to realize that she makes you unhappy when you hang out? Trust me, she will feel much worse knowing that you are merely pretending to have a friendship with her. Honesty is always the best policy. Don't feel bad, guilty, or be ashamed of how you honestly feel.

Most definitely of all, don't feel guilty. There is no need for that at all. You have been good to her, and you should be proud of yourself for that. There needs to be more people like you in this cruel world, so don't feel one bit guilty.

okay i have one question. How can pornstars have so much sex and not seem to get diseases or pregnant?

Honestly? How would we really know if they have diseases or get pregnant? We don't.

You say they seem to not get diseases. Key word here: SEEM.

Ok so me and my boyfriend have known eachother for a year now and weve liked eachother a whole year and so now weve been dating bout 8 months now and we kissed after 8 months of our relationship because im prety respectable and he understood and never tried to go over any line and waited..so afetr 8 months weve kissed and i feel so SLUTY and i feel so bad i think im such a whore and i dont know why..i just never liked being touched and now weve made out and i feel so bad..can i know why ..am i slut? hhes the only guy i ever kised and the last one..i wana be with him forever

A slut is a woman/girl who has sex with a lot of guys and doesn't care.

Nope. Don't sound like you, now does it?

Listen, you've been together for 8 months. Kissing each other is a perfectly natural thing- it's not a bad or dirty thing. Obviously you care a lot for this guy if you want to be with him forever. So why should you feel bad about kissing him? You shouldn't.

A little less than a year ago I was diagnosed with having anxiety and depression. The thing that bugs me, though, is that every single time you hear about this sort of thing, the only advice you are ever given is "get help, and that will make you better." But it only has to a certain extent. I mean, I guess this year I'm getting out of bed in the morning; I'm going to school when I used to stay in bed all day without being able to get up. But I still feel like such a failure. I worked so hard before I got depression. I was part of a really challenging private school (I left this year) and put every effort I had into doing well so I could get into a good university or whatever for five straight years, never had any friends over, even because we were all working so hard (and maybe that's why I became depressed :/). Lately I can't even bring myself to do any of my homework, and I space out a lot in class. It's like I just don't care. I'll stay up at night without caring about school the next day and then skip first period. Today I just stayed home the entire day. I hate myself for it and really just want to be functioning and normal and not so lost and worried and depressed. At the same time I've given up, like the whole depression thing is this black mark on me and I'm not good enough to be functional, if that even makes any sense (or if any of this makes sense)
Does anyone have any advice on how I can get through this(ei, what can I do besides "get help")? AM I even going to get "better" in the end, or is this something that's going to haunt me forever?

**EDIT** You are very welcome! I'm glad I could be of help! :)

_____________________________________________

I don't know that I can help you much more than saying "get help" isn't always the answer. I will try my best, however.

The best way to get through this is to help yourself out of it, not just seek therapy. Getting out of a depression has to start from within; not with a pill, or with a person showing you inkblots. You have to want to get out of it for YOU before any of that can really help, in my own opinion.

Giving up is not the answer; that is giving in to your depression. If you give up on trying to fight it, you can't work to change your feelings to the positive. Why let depression win? Why let it control your life?

Something to reflect the positive? Look at how hard you worked at your studies in order to better your future. Yah, you made a lot of sacrifices, but you are a far stretch from a failure, so don't try to convince yourself that you are.

You need to try to get yourself back into the frame of mind when you cared about that bright future you have been working so hard for. Otherwise, what was all the work and sacrifice for? When you find that way of thinking again, you will be motivated to improve your studies that you have been falling back in, and you will find yourself caring about school once more.

However, you have other things you need to heal before this. Your studies are very, very important, but YOU are more important. Fix you first, then fix studies.

Don't hate yourself for your slump you are in with your studies. Don't hate yourself for feeling depressed. Don't hate yourself for anything. You are a better person than that, and you don't deserve to feel self hatred for any reason.

I imagine we all have had our moments in life where we found ourselves in a dark corner as you find yourself now. I know I have. I was put on medication and the whole "getting help" bit, but I'm telling you what- none of that worked for me. In the end, I pulled myself out of it. No therapy. No pills. Just me and my will.

Try not to think of it as a black mark on you. Try to think of it as another one of life's learning experiences. Believe me, you will learn from this. You will learn important things about yourself. That is a good thing, really. I can't tell you what things you will learn about yourself, because that is for only you to know.

Yes, you will get better- but you have to want it bad enough. (I'm sure you do.) You have to find the will inside yourself to get out of your depression. That is something I really can't explain how to do. Yah, I did it, but I did it for me; you have to do it for you.

Absolutely you are good enough to be functional and normal, but you have to realize that for yourself before you can get anywhere. You can't feel hate for yourself and expect to get anywhere. You can't give up and expect to get anywhere. You can't see your depression as a black mark. Again, that won't get you anywhere.

It is going to take a little time. You will have to have patience with yourself and your feelings in order to get better. It doesn't just happen overnight; I wish I could say that it did, but that would be a blatant lie.

Most of all, you need to realize and remember that you are worth the time and patience it takes. You are by far better than your depression. Your will is strong enough to work through it and get your life back on track. You deserve to lead a happy existence, and you are worth doing what it takes to get what you deserve for yourself.

It won't haunt you forever unless you let it. Sure, you will remember it, but like I said, you will learn from it.

I hope you beat this. Best of luck to you.

ok so is it possible for a mom's egg and a dad's sperm in a test tube (or wherever) to be put into another woman. or anything similar to this? thanks

Yes. When they fertilize a woman's egg with a man's sperm and put it into another woman, the woman carrying and giving birth to the child is called a surrogate mother.

For some reason or another, the biological mother can't carry the child or give birth to the child, so the surrogate mother volunteers to carry the baby for the parents so they can have a child of their own.

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