Brandi_S's advice column | Page 121

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Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

Visitors:

124919

Favorite Columnists

hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

whats so great about being able to fit a whole fist in your mouth

Nothing great about it, really. Especially considering how dirty our hands are.

Think about it- we use our hands for everything. Even if you are a compulsive hand washer (like me), you still touch things with your hands that aren't clean. Typing on a keyboard for example...

Im 14 years old and turning 15 soon. I'm going to high school next year.
I'm fully grown with big boobs and I got my period in 5th grade which made me want to question whether or not I was growing anymore because I heard that if you have had your period for more than 2 yrs, you basically stopped growing.
I went to the doctor and I found out that I'm not growing anymore. I'm not even 5 feet! I'm 4'11. "I was one inch away from being a legal midget? My "friends" make fun of me saying that.
There isnt a day that goes by that I dont hear that I'm short. I know it shouldnt bother and it doesnt all the time, but hearing it all the time can make me feel bad, you know? I tell them all the time to stop and that you know it hurts but maybe that wasnt a good idea since now they know that makes me feel bad?
I should start wearing heels right? One problem! No shoe store has my size because the regular size is 6 and that's too big for me :( So.. I dont know what to do. Isnt getting customized shoes is expensive? Do any places have size 5 for women?
What should I do? It's probably not that big of a deal but I just found out so I'm still sensitive about the subject and I already tried letting my friends and family know that it bothers me but nothing has changed! Please help! =)
P.s. I'm sorry for it being long but i would really appreciate anyone's help!

When I was 14, I was 5'2" but through highschool, I grew to 5'7".

Even though you started to develop early, doesn't mean you have stopped growing at 14 years of age.

As for your shoe size, check out the children's sizes. I know it sounds silly, but I know a woman who wears a size 1 in children's shoes. She is 4'6". Yah, they have those silly "kiddie" shoes, but they also have shoes that aren't. High heels, however may be hard to find in the children's section...

I know you can have custom shoes made, but I'm not sure how you go about it.

Here is a link to a site that links you to places that sell shoes in a size as small as you are needing. I hope you find it useful.

http://www.small-size-shoes-for-women.com/?gclid=CJPbvdy2rIsCFQh7IgodYg7DNA

As for people teasing you about it, there isn't much you can do. Your height is something you can't change, but something you have to accept and learn to live with.

If it were me in your position, I would make jokes right along with your friends. Honestly. That is just the kind of person I am- it helps make it so it doesn't bother you so much.

Why let it bother you anyhow? Being short is a part of who you are- it makes you a unique individual.

As for the jerks out there who just make fun of you to be rude, they only do it because the KNOW it bothers you. If they didn't think it bothered you anymore, they would find no pleasure in teasing you.

what is the chance of getting pregnant with condomz?

Ah. What is the chance of catching an STD without one?

Slim chances of getting pregnant using them, but don't just use them to protect yourself against pregnancy, use them to protect yourself against AIDS and other STDs even if you take birth control.

Ok so I'm usually a fairly polite kid to adults (exceopt my parents but w/e) Ne way, my b/f and I have been together for about a year but his mom hates me. She often says harsh things hidden under sweet comments and I know my b/f hears her but never stands up for me. I always want to rebel and say something back but I'm not sure. Is it better to take it and show her I'm a good person? Or talk back and show her I can defend myself? Please help.

Um... Nice, polite person or not, you shouldn't take crap off of anyone.
The woman is cutting you down every chance she gets, and she will continue to do so if you don't put your foot down.
I mean, really. You say that she already doesn't like you, so I highly doubt you are going to change her opinion of you by taking it. So why take it?
If your boyfriend gets upset with you for standing up for yourself, remind him how wonderful of a job he is doing about it...

I want to raise money by sending the message to my school about an event. For instance someone at my school had bands come in for free and the public had to pay a certain amount of money and that money went to support breast canccer. I want to do that but I don't want to have bands come in and I've tried googling in event fundraising but I couldn't really find any ideas. Theres carwash and stuff but I want something so the public would be entertained and interested to come. I was thinking maybe a dance and the crowd would pay 10 dollars and that money would go towards preventing HIV/AIDS. But I don't think a dance would be that great and I wouldn't know where to hold it because I can't at my house and I think it would turn out to be a disaster. What are some ideas.

I agree with Tina that a dance is a good idea. Have no place to put it on? How about a street dance? Contact your City Hall to see about how to do that. You can ask them for security measures if you think it may get out of hand. I'm sure they will be willing to help you out since it is in support of an excellent cause.

hey.

i get really pissed off when i get a 4 or lower.
i get mad because i spend SO much time on each
question & try to answer it the best i can, but
some people are just mean! i dont feel as bad
when that person gave EVERYONE a 4 or 3,
but when other people got 5s with answers that
i think are worse than mine, i get really upset.

like, i know it's "just a website" but i really would
love to have a really high rating, like 4.95 or higher.
but i went through a chain of 5s & got up to 4.9 &
now i got ONE four & i went back down to 4.89!

do i have like, OCD or something? why am i
so obsessed with getting a 5? can someone
try to make me feel better? & i know i can get
into trouble for this - but i always give people a
5 even if their answer was TOTALLY not relevant
to my question! i just think, "omg but if I got a 4,
i would be soooo upset!" i know it's not fair or
anything but i just can't help it.

thanks in advv. :]

*ANSWER EDIT- Um, No. Sorry. If someone has answered over 200 questions and maintains a 5 rating, then they are who I am talking about.*

I complain if I get a 1, or if they gave me a 2 because I didn't kiss their butt and tell them what they wanted to hear.

Other than that, I could care less what they rate me, considering I'm here to give advice, not score points. My average rating is 4.78- it has been higher and it has been lower.

If you give all of the answers to your questions a 5, then technically, that is ratings abuse which is against the rules. You need to give people the rating their answer deserves. Who cares if they will be upset- if they gave a 3 rating answer, then that is what they deserve to be rated.

Maybe you always want to be rated a 5 because you seek perfection? Hey, nobody's perfect.

Besides, I wouldn't ask advice from someone who carried an average rating of 5. No offence to anyone, but I assume if 5 is their average, they won't answer me honestly, but only tell me what they think I want to hear in order to maintain that rating. So, being very certain that I'm not the only person on this site who thinks like that, you don't want to score a 5 rating all of the time.

i can't do this anymore.

living and all the crap that goes along with it.

I don't want to live, but I can't bring myself to commit suicide. So i'm stuck in-between life and death. and i hate it. i hate having to be alive. i bet things are so much better when you're dead.

don't ask me what my reasons are, and don't say anything like "oh things will get better" or "don't kill yourself" or anything liek that.

I can't do anything at all.

I can't even get a boyfriend- which is my main reason for wanting to commit suicide. everyone is automatically unattracted to me. I'm not even kidding.

I'm "obese" and i hate it. I can't even help it because I work out every day and I eat the right amount of calories. But i'm still fat and that won't change. it never can. I have a problem.

I'm not a christian- I don't believe in any god and i never will again. i'm not a satanist either. i'm an atheist.

Ok, so I was in your shoes once. I didn't have much in the way of boyfriends. Never have. I was, and still am, overweight. My picture is on my column. See for yourself.

I never thought to commit suicide though.

There is no good reason to commit suicide.

Let me tell you something: I am 29 years old. I found a wonderful man, who I am now happily married to. I have a beautiful baby boy who I cherish.

Since I was in your shoes, if I would have felt as badly as you do and committed suicide, I wouldn't have ever got married or had a child. I would have completely screwed myself out of the happy life I lead.

You don't know what your future holds. But if you end your life, you will never know. Do you really want to risk all of the life your future holds for you?

Listen. I am a person that could care less what others think or say about me. I'm not superficial- I don't believe it is mentally healthy to be superficial. I know I'm good people. That is all that is important. I'm happy with who I am. I may not be happy with what I look like, but being happy with myself on the inside is way more important. Because of this, I am a happy person.

There is nothing wrong with being fat and happy.

I could care less if a bunch of guys aren't attracted to me. I'm not concerned about that because there is a guy here with me right now who IS.

I know you are young. You haven't even given yourself a chance to live life yet. Do you live life? You have to allow yourself to BE alive before you can judge as to weather or not you hate it.

You say you bet things are so much better when you are dead. You are taking a stab in the dark out of HOPE that it will be better. It could be a better place, but then again, you could just end up being worm food. Pretty risky bet to gamble lock, stock, and barrel on a wing and a prayer, if I do say so myself.

Maybe you should consider hoping for a better life rather than hoping for a better death.

How do I add people as my favorite columnist?
When I click the link "Favorite Columnists", it gives me a list of columnists and I just dont know how to add them. Or, do i go on there page and there's a link somewhere? Please let me know.
Thanks:)

You go to the column of the columnist you wish to add as a favorite.
Click on either "Add as friend" or "Make favorite columnist." Some are at the top of the page, some you have to scroll down below all of their info.

Then they will be added to your list.

at lunch yesterday my hards were dirty so i went to the bathroom for like a minute without permission. then this lunch lady (who everyone hates) came into the bathroom and was like "you didnt take a pass come here" blah blah i dont know whatelse said. so i was walking back to the lunchroom with her, and she gave me this blue slip (whoaa big deal lol) and she was like write your name down on this paper so i purpously wrote my name down sloppy so she can get pissed off, and she was like umm i cant read that erase it and write it better and i was like uh no thats how i write if you have a problem with it then too bad, and i kept talking back to her and she did the same to me so she forced me to write my name down better so i did, but i still made it sloppy and she told me to sit down. so today, she gave me the slip back for my parents to sign, my parents seriously won't give a crap about it, but should i have my mom write a note or something to her? or what should i do? LOL sorry this was confusing! thanks if you can helpp.

Why on earth would you want to have your mom write a note?

Let's get real here.

First, you were the one to break the rules.
Second, you were the one who intentionally wrote your name sloppy in order to piss her off. (You said so yourself...)
Third, you admit you kept talking back to her.

Exactly how does this make her the one in the wrong?

No offence, but grow the hell up and learn to respect your elders- you are going one someday, too...

Maybe you should own up to your bad choice of actions and apologize to the poor lady who has to put up with crap out of kids for a lousy wage.
She feeds you, for crying out loud.

15/f. I have shoulder length, naturally wavy blonde hair. I usually take a shower at night, let dry overnight, and straighten completely on medium power in the morning. Occasionally, I take a shower in the morning, blow-dry on medium power, and straighten just a few pieces on low power. I always use leave-in conditioner after getting out of the shower. I was wondering, which combination of straightening/blow drying is healthier for my hair? Letting it dry overnight is easier, but I'm concerned about frying my hair the next morning.

Heat damages hair, even if it is low or medium heat. It just isn't as noticeable using lower power.

But no, you aren't frying your hair. You are doing minimal heat damage that is easily repaired.

Leave in conditioning is good- continue that, but I suggest that you use a deep conditioning treatment once a week in your hair to prevent your hair from becoming dry or brittle.

one of my friends ( a girl ) cheated on her boyfriend who is also my friend. she told me not to tell him but i feel like he needs to know. but i dont want her getting mad at me. what should i do? answer tonight would be great

Since they are both your friends and you would like to keep it that way, stay out of it.

Yes, he does need to know, but it isn't your place to tell him.

Encourage her to tell him before he hears it from somebody else.

Other than that, don't get in the middle of it. You don't agree with what she did, which is good, but it isn't your problem. It is something that is personal between them.

me and my boyfriend got in a HUGE FIGHT bascically he cheated on me but wont admit it. So to make along story short im planning on fighting the girl this friday . Anyway i never got in a fight before and i wanted some advice like lol what to do should i hit her in the eye like what lol i feel stupid but im not really a fighter.. haha advicee would be nice

Gee. You are going to hit some girl, basically punishing her for something your boyfriend did. Hmmm... Nope. No matter how hard I try to see your point, I don't.

Sounds like you need to just ditch the jerk you are going out with and move on with your life like a normal person would. Yah, I would be upset with the girl, too, but HE is the one who screwed up, not her. So why are you wanting to resort to taking it out on the one who didn't screw up?

Besides, if you don't know how to fight, don't do it. You will most likely end up having to pick yourself up off the floor.

Ever heard that violence doesn't solve anything? The only thing it will get you is your ass kicked and you looking like a fool.

I been dating my boyfriend for sometime now. I am only 15 and he is 16. we made a mistake and have a son together now who is 3 months old. my boyfriend has lied so much to me. he disappeared for weeks at a time with out telling me where he was going or when he be back or with out even calling. he told he was going to sleep before but left his house and stayed at this girls house who liked him and his ex girlfriend lived there to. i try over and over again to forgive him but we keep fighting i forgave him all those times and never broke up with him. because i love him and i want him to around for his kid. he dropped out of school he gets fired from every job because he doesnt go to work because he is to tired his son is scared of him because he is never around i dont know what to do anymore please help

Your son is scared of him because he is basically never around. He is a 3 month old- he doesn't remember people who aren't around him all of the time. Of course he gets scared. He's thinking "Who is this guy and why is he holding me?" He will get better about remembering his father as he gets older and his brain develops enough to retain more memory.

What I advise is this:

Drop your relationship with him. He is not a boyfriend, or he would act like one. Just because you have a child together doesn't mean you two have to have a relationship.

You don't have to keep forgiving him because it is getting you no where. So you love him. You should, to a degree. He is the father of your child. But you should try to focus most of that love for him on your son, who needs and deserves you and your love more.

So you have never broke up with him. I think you should. Then there is no reason you need to fight with him or feel you have to forgive him for running with other girls. Breaking up with him doesn't mean you can't get along civilly in order for him to spend time with his son.

Encourage him to have a relationship with his son. You are right in wanting him to be around for your son- he is his father. Your son deserves to have a relationship with his father, and his father deserves to have a relationship with him. Don't take that away from either of them. If the father chooses not to have a relationship with his son, then that is his choice, but don't make that choice for him. (Unless he is abusive, or anything like it. You have to make choices on what is in your son's best interests.)

You have to keep in mind that you guys are still just kids yourselves. He is a 16 year old boy. 16 year old boys don't often tend to be the most responsible people about raising children. Not all are that way, but this one seems to be.

I think he needs to go back to school and get his education. Obviously he isn't out of school to work to support his child or he would have a job, so he should try to get a college degree so that he can better provide for him a few years from now.

Try not to focus so much on what he is doing in his personal life. Focus on encouraging him to get to know his son and spending time with him. Focus on being a mom, because I know that is a hard job in it's own.

Does anyone know any quick constipation remedies?

thanks

Drink lots of water, for starters.

Eating cabbage works well, along with any other high fiber food.

Try a fiber medicine like Metamucil. I advise against resorting to things such as strong laxatives, such as Ex-Lax. They are hard on your body and cause painful stomach cramps.

If you have to resort to that, I suggest stool softeners like Colace, and if it is really bad, Milk of Magnesia. That is what my doctor said was safe for me to take during my pregnancy, because first off, they aren't hard on your body and don't cause stomach cramping, and second, your body won't come to rely on them.

But try the most natural remedies first- water and high fiber foods. Then try fiber medicine. If all else fails, try the stool softeners (avoid laxatives) I suggested.

so my delema is that whenever i really fall hard for a guy he's a total jerk (like my current crush who cheated on his ex who he said he was in love with, is constantly ignoring me, then showering me with attention, and treats girls like they're nothing and can get away with it) and when i'm going out with a really nice guy... or just a guy that doesn't treat me like a total piece of shit i loose intrest and want to break up with them... and do. i already have a couple ideas to why i do this... but i'm not sure... and i just want to know so i can get over this fasination with really really shitty guys... anywho i think that i either
1.) still blame myself for alot of the really fucked up things that happend in my childhood and am subconcesly punishing myself
2.)have always had to look after imature guys that don't really respect women and now that's what i go for
3.)like a guy that will push me around cuz it reminds me of when i was little
4.)i'm just stupid...

please tell me what you think so i can try to get over this facination with horrible guys soon thank you...

You need to get over your past before you continue going out with boys. Period. Otherwise, you may get yourself into a situation where you have some jerk punching your face in daily. You should NEVER put up with abuse of ANY kind out of ANYONE.

Seek help.

one of my best friends, who also happens to be the guy i like is going out with another . Me and his friend don't really get along, and we don't really like each other. He decided to stay with her and he just stopped talking to me. we used to talk everyday, but now we don't talk at all. is he right to chose her over me?

Umm.. It's not right that you didn't get along with his girlfriend out of respect for him. Just because you don't like her, doesn't mean you can't at least get along for his sake. If she doesn't want to get along with you, then that is her bad, but you should have gotten along with her, never the less, and that is your bad.

No, it's not right to choose a sweetheart over your best friend, but this situation is different than that.

Yah, you were there for him when they fought, but if you don't get along with his girl, then you aren't being there for him when they are happy with each other.

I know this isn't likely what you wanted to hear, but it is the truth and it is life.

my dad says im going thro a growth spurt because im sleeping so much. do you think that might be it?
i mean like im already really tall and have long legs but peopl are sayign that im taller and stuff so yeah. and umm.. =] yeah. i havent been eating all that much tho. so idk. =[
could someone tell me like.. what are some signs of growth spurts... thanksss.

I grew 5" in high school. I remember having times where my legs hurt, it kind of felt like how over-taxed muscles feel, even though I know I didn't over work them. It's called growing pains, but I can't honestly say that everyone experiences them.

beauty tips porfavor =]
on anything.

Do a deep conditioning treatment on your hair once a week. Chemical and heat treatment are terrible for your hair, making it dry and brittle.
Only wash it every other day. Washing too much is bad for your hair as well- it strips your hair of it's natural oils, which also makes it dry.

I live in las vegas and my boyfriend lives in henderson which is about 30 minutes away without traffic.
i'm only 14 so i can't get a license or even a permit yet to drive.
my boyfriend is 16 but he doesn't drive or didn't get his license yet either
I'm not really busy or anything so I can see him everyday if I could.
since its 25 miles away I don't want to take the bus or walk down there.
I can't really find a ride and we always want to see eachother
to be honest I don't really know what question I'm asking i just need advice on anyway to see him but i pretty much already told you i can't find a ride but if you have anything to say even though this might be pointless then say it please
haha thanks :]

You are right on not wanting to walk. There are too many strangers in and out of Vegas- who knows if a weirdo won't try to pick you up on the road side.

Why not the bus? It will get you there, and far, far safer than walking or trying to hitch a ride. At least it will be a for sure ride there and back, and you can depend on it to give you a ride whenever you so choose.

15/f (16 this year)

As you may have seen, just today I asked a question on being bullied by older girls. I was punched in the back of the head today but didn't fight back. I don't want to fight, I knew I would lose or get ganged up on.

Before this, I had a perfect life, but I wanted to be a good person. Just a little fear of bad karma from the "usual" backstabbing, etc. Today, everything went wrong.

My "best friends" excluded me from everything. The last time they did this is lasted for months, they are not good friends and I want to get away from them.

There was this guy who I hadn't seen for months but we always talked on the phone. We hung out over the weekend and that went badly and I don't like him anymore.

I also used to like a couple of guys. It turned out they just wanted sex and I deserve better than that. But I thought they were still okay friends, but they started saying really mean stuff over the computer to me. They said I have a hot body but ugly face, etc. They are jerks and I have no reason to waste my time on them.

Today, I've been called every bad name in the book. I think this has all happened for the better. I want to end these bad relationships. I don't want to get physically hurt (which I'm worried about right now) but I know a little emotional pain will make me stronger.

In the past, my "best friends" of ten years all of a sudden went against me and tried to "make my life a living hell." I left them all.

The thing is, I don't know how to end these situations. I want to just be a good person, not fight back and re-establish myself without having a completely ruined reputation.

I don't know how to avoid being beaten up by the grade eleven girls. My school isn't that big, and I know everyone in my grade. I don't have any options for new friends.

I have three best friends (from different groups, they hardly know eachother) and I know they could help me emotionally.

Just.. what do I do? I'm an optimist and I am confident that if I make it through this without being beaten up or raped I will be a better person.

Thanks, help is greatly appreciated! =)

It's good that you don't want to fight back, but you do need to defend yourself. You shouldn't put up with people punching you, especially somewhere as vulnerable as your head. Maybe take some sort of self defence class? I'm not promoting violence, believe me, it solves nothing, but you shouldn't just stand down when someone is beating on you.
Also, when they hit you in the back of the head today, that is considered assault. Assault is a crime. Did you tell your parents about what happened? You should if you haven't. They should be able to help you out, there.

Having a perfect life has a nice ring to it, but nobody's life is perfect.

Friends don't exclude each other, especially for months at a time. These people aren't your friends. Just stop hanging around them- they aren't worth your time. You need to find new friends. They don't have to be in your grade. They can be older than you or younger than you. You still share the same school.

I know you say you go to a small school- I did too. My graduating class was only 34 students. Just because you can't find "new" friends, doesn't mean you can't start to hang out in a different group of people.
Hey, try the "loser's" group. Every school has that. I was a part of that group, even when I managed to achieve popularity. I started high school as a loser, but ended as a popular person. (FYI: Popularity ends when you enter the real world. Nobody cares what your high school social status was once you leave that place for good.)
Coming from someone who walked both sides of that line- I preferred all of the losers and chose to continue being one even though everyone suddenly wanted to be my friend. I would rather be a loser- there is less back stabbing, and less cruelty all together. Those kids know what it's like to be treated like crap, and choose not to treat their friends like that.

As for the guys, poop on them. And the same goes for anyone else who had something rude to say to you. They may have called you names and said things to hurt you, but they are only words. You are only fragile enough to be hurt by words if you allow yourself to be.

Me? I could care less what someone thinks of me. I have been called lots of names and I don't get hurt by it. Why give them the satisfaction, for starters? Why let them know it bothers you when that only fuels them to say more rude things to you? Why allow what someone else thinks of you dictate your level of happiness in your life?

So what if those guys said you have a nice body and an ugly face? What the hell do they know anyhow? They know how to be idiots, is what they know. And you mean to tell me you are going to allow yourself to be effected by a bunch of idiots? Oh, no, no, no. Please, no.

How do you end these situations? Well, how did you end it with the girls who wanted to make your life hell? You said you left them. Same principle applies for most situations where you are wanting to cut ties with other people.

You are right that you will be the better person out of it all. You have a great outlook on life from how you present yourself. And you are very right that you should rid yourself of harmful relationships in your life.

You say you have three best friends who you can lean on for emotional support- do it.

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