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Boy. Kid. Trapt
I been dating my boyfriend for sometime now. I am only 15 and he is 16. we made a mistake and have a son together now who is 3 months old. my boyfriend has lied so much to me. he disappeared for weeks at a time with out telling me where he was going or when he be back or with out even calling. he told he was going to sleep before but left his house and stayed at this girls house who liked him and his ex girlfriend lived there to. i try over and over again to forgive him but we keep fighting i forgave him all those times and never broke up with him. because i love him and i want him to around for his kid. he dropped out of school he gets fired from every job because he doesnt go to work because he is to tired his son is scared of him because he is never around i dont know what to do anymore please help
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Your son is scared of him because he is basically never around. He is a 3 month old- he doesn't remember people who aren't around him all of the time. Of course he gets scared. He's thinking "Who is this guy and why is he holding me?" He will get better about remembering his father as he gets older and his brain develops enough to retain more memory.
What I advise is this:
Drop your relationship with him. He is not a boyfriend, or he would act like one. Just because you have a child together doesn't mean you two have to have a relationship.
You don't have to keep forgiving him because it is getting you no where. So you love him. You should, to a degree. He is the father of your child. But you should try to focus most of that love for him on your son, who needs and deserves you and your love more.
So you have never broke up with him. I think you should. Then there is no reason you need to fight with him or feel you have to forgive him for running with other girls. Breaking up with him doesn't mean you can't get along civilly in order for him to spend time with his son.
Encourage him to have a relationship with his son. You are right in wanting him to be around for your son- he is his father. Your son deserves to have a relationship with his father, and his father deserves to have a relationship with him. Don't take that away from either of them. If the father chooses not to have a relationship with his son, then that is his choice, but don't make that choice for him. (Unless he is abusive, or anything like it. You have to make choices on what is in your son's best interests.)
You have to keep in mind that you guys are still just kids yourselves. He is a 16 year old boy. 16 year old boys don't often tend to be the most responsible people about raising children. Not all are that way, but this one seems to be.
I think he needs to go back to school and get his education. Obviously he isn't out of school to work to support his child or he would have a job, so he should try to get a college degree so that he can better provide for him a few years from now.
Try not to focus so much on what he is doing in his personal life. Focus on encouraging him to get to know his son and spending time with him. Focus on being a mom, because I know that is a hard job in it's own.
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Wow that is one terrible situation. Do you have your parents support? If not, I suggest you get they can really help out with taking care of you son when you're at school and you will always have them there if you need to find the father.
You both are really younge it's not like those girls live by themselves. Try to talk to him, reasonably. But I think before you make any plans you should ask him if he even wants to be a part of your life and your childs life. If he says yes and honestly means it I suggest you lay down how you want to be with him and how going to school togehter can stregnthen your relationship and you can come home together to see the baby and will make taking care of him smoother. If he says no, which hopefully he won't then I suggest getting your parents into the situation if they're not.
I really hope everything works out some way or another.
oh and by the way: you're 15, the first girl is full of it when she says get a job because there is none a 15 year old can get. i think both of the other people who have responded to understand reality. he hasn't been able to keep a job and is out of school so he really is just a ball and chain on your childs life as of now, especially if your childs doesn't want him near. if there is a way to get your child to want him and him to want you and the child that would be great but if he keeps this up maybe breaking up will be best for the child.
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Alright listen.... first of all the person above me dont listen to them. A restraining order? come on now has he hit you? has he abused you or your child? then that is a little harsh. But yes you should break it off with him and get him for child support. Never deprived the father of his rights to see the child because when he grows up hes going to wonder and my friends and stuff without a father alot of my family members grew up without a father and it tares them apart. my friend he isnt allowed to see his son and it hurts him. Dont ever deprive the father or the child the right unless he hurt the child or you and your scared for the well fare of the life. If you do deprive them of the right to know each other your just as bad as him. I know its a hard truth but it is the truth break it off with him and get him in court to settle it legally. Your better off without. Hope iv helped a little write back.
Always
Short N Punky
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Two words: Restraining. Order. It seems unethical to get one because that's the father of your kid, blah blah blah. But you need one. Your own kid is scared of him. He gets fired from his jobs, [only causing him to not get any in the future because the references], and he's basically not any good. When you guys had this kid together, you should've known from the start he wouldn't have stuck around, and he's not going to.
You need to break up with this kid & keep him away from your son. In the mean time, stay single, and find yourself a job so you can support your kid. Good luck.
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