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Bullying (cont), exclusion, long - sorry
15/f (16 this year)
As you may have seen, just today I asked a question on being bullied by older girls. I was punched in the back of the head today but didn't fight back. I don't want to fight, I knew I would lose or get ganged up on.
Before this, I had a perfect life, but I wanted to be a good person. Just a little fear of bad karma from the "usual" backstabbing, etc. Today, everything went wrong.
My "best friends" excluded me from everything. The last time they did this is lasted for months, they are not good friends and I want to get away from them.
There was this guy who I hadn't seen for months but we always talked on the phone. We hung out over the weekend and that went badly and I don't like him anymore.
I also used to like a couple of guys. It turned out they just wanted sex and I deserve better than that. But I thought they were still okay friends, but they started saying really mean stuff over the computer to me. They said I have a hot body but ugly face, etc. They are jerks and I have no reason to waste my time on them.
Today, I've been called every bad name in the book. I think this has all happened for the better. I want to end these bad relationships. I don't want to get physically hurt (which I'm worried about right now) but I know a little emotional pain will make me stronger.
In the past, my "best friends" of ten years all of a sudden went against me and tried to "make my life a living hell." I left them all.
The thing is, I don't know how to end these situations. I want to just be a good person, not fight back and re-establish myself without having a completely ruined reputation.
I don't know how to avoid being beaten up by the grade eleven girls. My school isn't that big, and I know everyone in my grade. I don't have any options for new friends.
I have three best friends (from different groups, they hardly know eachother) and I know they could help me emotionally.
Just.. what do I do? I'm an optimist and I am confident that if I make it through this without being beaten up or raped I will be a better person.
Thanks, help is greatly appreciated! =)
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Dear Miss Optomist,
I think that its great you dont try to solve your problems with physical violence. :) To solve that retarded boy thing, ignore it. If you have IM when you were talking to them over the computer, then block them. If you have a MySpace and they talk to you, delete them from your friend list. As for the back stabbing friends, then i would say if they were really your friends, then they would help you in your time of need, so if they wanna be stuck up snobs then they can but it looks to me that they are missing out on being great friends with a good person. Now to what seems to be the biggest problem, the bullying. Try talking to your parents or a trusted teacher. School guidence coulnslers work as well. Or, you could always try theropy. Those 3 friends that you know will be there for you, you should try and hang out with as much as possible. If that is not an option, try making new friends by joining clubs in your school or in your town.
Hope I could help! Good Luck!:)
-YOLIV:)
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It's good that you don't want to fight back, but you do need to defend yourself. You shouldn't put up with people punching you, especially somewhere as vulnerable as your head. Maybe take some sort of self defence class? I'm not promoting violence, believe me, it solves nothing, but you shouldn't just stand down when someone is beating on you.
Also, when they hit you in the back of the head today, that is considered assault. Assault is a crime. Did you tell your parents about what happened? You should if you haven't. They should be able to help you out, there.
Having a perfect life has a nice ring to it, but nobody's life is perfect.
Friends don't exclude each other, especially for months at a time. These people aren't your friends. Just stop hanging around them- they aren't worth your time. You need to find new friends. They don't have to be in your grade. They can be older than you or younger than you. You still share the same school.
I know you say you go to a small school- I did too. My graduating class was only 34 students. Just because you can't find "new" friends, doesn't mean you can't start to hang out in a different group of people.
Hey, try the "loser's" group. Every school has that. I was a part of that group, even when I managed to achieve popularity. I started high school as a loser, but ended as a popular person. (FYI: Popularity ends when you enter the real world. Nobody cares what your high school social status was once you leave that place for good.)
Coming from someone who walked both sides of that line- I preferred all of the losers and chose to continue being one even though everyone suddenly wanted to be my friend. I would rather be a loser- there is less back stabbing, and less cruelty all together. Those kids know what it's like to be treated like crap, and choose not to treat their friends like that.
As for the guys, poop on them. And the same goes for anyone else who had something rude to say to you. They may have called you names and said things to hurt you, but they are only words. You are only fragile enough to be hurt by words if you allow yourself to be.
Me? I could care less what someone thinks of me. I have been called lots of names and I don't get hurt by it. Why give them the satisfaction, for starters? Why let them know it bothers you when that only fuels them to say more rude things to you? Why allow what someone else thinks of you dictate your level of happiness in your life?
So what if those guys said you have a nice body and an ugly face? What the hell do they know anyhow? They know how to be idiots, is what they know. And you mean to tell me you are going to allow yourself to be effected by a bunch of idiots? Oh, no, no, no. Please, no.
How do you end these situations? Well, how did you end it with the girls who wanted to make your life hell? You said you left them. Same principle applies for most situations where you are wanting to cut ties with other people.
You are right that you will be the better person out of it all. You have a great outlook on life from how you present yourself. And you are very right that you should rid yourself of harmful relationships in your life.
You say you have three best friends who you can lean on for emotional support- do it.
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Dear Optimist,
I'm really glad that you're not resulting to physical violence and I'm glad your optimistic, same here, which is why I think it would be better if you told your parents about it if you havent already. If you've been punched in the head already, I think you need to tell a teacher or a councler. Dont think of it as ratting someone out, think of it as saving yourself unessicary drama. From your outlook on the situation already, it seems that you'll make it through okay, just remember to not let anyone get you down. And as for the boys, unless your known as a whore around school, which I really doubt, and I'm not calling you a whore either, but unless you're a whore, they're just messing with you, and they're jerks and youknowwhat-holes and boys will be boys. Dont let them bother you because in the end they'll get bad karma.
Remember, everything happens for a reason, so you'll have to stick it out and stay strong.
I hope this helped and good luck with everything, let me know how things turned out.
Sincerly,
Lisa
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