ask FernGully
the angry canadian



Ferns General Advice Do or do not, there is no try. If you have to try, then it just isn't you.
If you aren't sure if you should have sex with him, then you are not ready to have sex with him.
"But I still love him!" Well he does not love you. If he loved you, he would not hurt you.
Let's get one thing straight. STUPIDITY IS NOT COOL. So hey, why not aim for more?

There's your answer fishbulb.



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Down, please.

Ahoyhoy. If you see abuse of users or of the site, report it using an Abuse Report.

I'm a 21 year old useful person. I am generally not in the advice game except for some rare occasions. I am mostly here to help keep advicenators running smoothly (though they don't really need me).

As a side note, everybody sucks but me.
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I've been tring to use a Neutrogena deep pore cleanser when I take a shower to keep my skin looking good. When I put it on my face, it feels normal. After maybe 20-30 seconds it begins to burn to the point where I have to wash it off. I don't know if it's because I'm doing something wrong, or if that is supposed to happen because it's cleaning out my pores. Does anyone know why this is happening? Thanks alot! (Indeed)

It depends - try washing your face with it out of the shower, in front of a mirror (you dont need to do the whole face, just a little discrete section). When it starts to burn wash it off but don't rub the area, just rinse it with water.

Check if your face is blotchy and/or red where the face wash was used. If it is, then you most likely are having a reaction to it, which is fairly common. I myself can't use those cloth things that Biore makes because they burn my face and turn me into a little red faced lobster kid.

Even if you decide you don't have an allergy, I'd consider switching to a less harsh face wash, for your own sake, and the sake of how uncomfortable it is to wash with something that burns.

I use Neutrogena Extra Gentle Cleanser because my face is as wussy as the rest of me. It works well but doesn't dry out your face or feel like you are chemically peeling off 6 layers of skin either.




what the hell does it keep seying Chatspeak dected! white in english please

why does it keep seying that when i do wrtie in englIsH! lol (Indeed)

There is now a program in place on the site which deletes your question if you use anything such as:

lol or u or whatever.

If you take the time to read over and spell check your question - it won't be deleted.

This question however, will be deleted.




I know I've already talked to you about the first problem I'm having, but I can't remember exactly where you stood on the issue. I'll tell you my problem again, as well as another one.

I've had this crush on this girl for quite some time. It's gotten to the point where I'll buy stuff I don't really need, nor do I really want, just to talk to her. She always seems happy to see me and always gives me a big hug before I leave. The problem is I have no idea how old she is. I'm not the type of guy who judges people who date younger or older people, but it seems to worry my when I'm involved. I'm 20, what if she's only 15 or 16. She looks and kind of acts young, so I'm worried. What do you think the dating age limit should be for someone like myself?

The other problem. Earlier today, I saw scars and cuts on her rist. It doesn't look like something an accident would have caused. I know she can't really die from cuts on arm, but the scars aren't exactly good for her either. How should I go about asking her where they're from? Is it even my business to ask such a question? What if she obviously lies to me about the scars origins? Should I just drop it then or what? (Indeed)

Don't ask about the scars. If you see new cuts, then you need to cautiously ask her if she is ok and if she needs someone to talk to. Just, leave the scars alone. Scars mean that time has passed, and maybe she has already dealt with her problem.


As for the age thing - just ask her. When you find out how old she is - then you can come back for advice.

I act and look young, but I'm not very young. There are people who act and look old, but are young. So just ask her and then let me know. Ok?




You are so Jewish.

I'm going to remind you of that pizza joke I told you in law class in 12th grade right now. In reference to you being so Jewish.

that being said.....................................

do you have anything against jews? against customs, looks, history, what ever? (Indeed)

No Matt. I don't. Its just a running joke I have with a friend of mine.

I'm not an anti-semetic or anything. I just have a good sense of humour.




heyy im 14 n never had a boyfriend till now.. i have never kissed ney 1 b4 n boyfriend has we havent kissed yett but i want to so bad n i no he will the next time we hang... ney tips !! help!!

love
never bin kissed* (Indeed)

Your typing hurt my eyes, but I was able to decipher this.

Kissing should be natural, so try not to think of strategic moves in order to kiss. Just put your lips on his. And don't bite him or anything, or press too hard or whatnot. Just, be natural and be gentle.




Mazel tof on your new position! Enjoy and break many glasses! Also if you find time with all your many duties, get your behind on msn. OR DIE. (Indeed)

You are so Jewish.

I'm going to remind you of that pizza joke I told you in law class in 12th grade right now. In reference to you being so Jewish.

I am hiding from stupid people on MSN. Because they are stupid and have programs that tell them when I have blocked them. Eeeek.

I shall come online at some point though. I schwear.

Come to the chatroom. OR DIE.




hey im amanda and i was wondering if you had any advice on loosing weight before the summer .. i lost 7lbs in 7 weeks and i wanna loose more in a week you know ? but anyways got any tips ?

ps .. i like your advice so im gunna add you as a favorite ;) .. «3 Amanda (Indeed)

The best way to lose weight is healthy, balanced eating and exercise.

Go for a jog with a friend after school, and combine your exercise with eatings a healthy amount of fruits, vegetables and the rest of the food groups. Please remember that junk food is not a food group. Cutting down on chips, french fries, chocolates etc, can really improve your health. There is nothing wrong with eating those things in moderation. Have some every once and a while with friends/party etc. Don't feel like you 'can't' eat those unhealthy foods, but don't go crazy and eat them every day like me. It is very unhealthy.

Drink plenty of water, always. Cut back on caffeine intake (pops, coffee etc).

Combine your healthy diet with regular exercise such as walking or jogging and you'll find you not only will lose the weight you find to be in excess - but you'll also feel better.




hey do u know any of the people on degrassi?
(Indeed)

My cousin worked with Wheels from the original Degrassi for a long time. Personally, no I do not.




I was making an igloo the other day, and I couldn't get the structure to stand. It would always cave in when I got towards the center of to dome. Could you tell me the steps of building an igloo? I noticed that you build igloos for a living, so I knew you were the one to turn to. Please hurry, I must have my igloo up and sturdy before the cold winter hits in a couple of weeks. (Indeed)

Making an igloo is far from vastly complicated. Simplicity is the key. What you need to always remember is that - the donkey doesn't walk unless you run with it.

Think about it. It should all make sense.

If you want a step by step process, I'll let you in on it. Not my special secrets, since that's why I make the big bucks. Here goes:
- Go somewhere with a large amount of snow (please, for the love of god, don't use fake snow)
- Create or buy your snow stone block casings.
(don't cheap out and buy dollar store casings, you will regret it later. Making your own is the best idea because you can customize the size, depth and overall volume of your ice block.)
- Now that you have your casings, begin filling and packing the snow into it or them (depending on whether you have mutliple casings.)
- Snow quality is crucial ~ PLEASE do not use light dustings of snow or "flurried" snowfall. Semi-wet, heavy, packing snow is your best friend. Don't want that as your best friend? Too bad. Love it or put the snow blocks down and walk away. Just walk away.
- As you pack a casing full, allow it to sit for a short period of time in order to solidify in its new surrounding.
- Place snow block in its planned place (hopefully you have engineered a plotted drawing already, though this is clearly a given)
- As you continue to place, notice the circle forming. Please remember the door.
- As you begin a new row, always place a 2nd level of block on the crease of the two lower blocks. Example:
____|____
|____|
Its very important for the stability and structure of your igloo.
- after about 5 solid and straight rows, begin to add a slight shift inward as you place the blocks.
- as the igloo begins to take a half-spherical shape, grab some bendable metal rodding (check your local super friendly-to-people-buying-stuff hardware store.)
- Force the rodding into the ground on one side and continue it over the future top of your igloo into the ground on the opposing side.
- For best measure, use rodding in the same manner but at a slightly different angle, but not covering the door.
- Build overtop of rodding.
- Make sure you have every part of your igloo covered and accounted for with snow.
- Begin building your door, which is best to make according to the dweller's body size. A smaller door if possible the better.
- Buy a witty welcome mat and let your igloo sit undisturbed for a 24-hour period.

And look at that you have an igloo.
(real experts don't use metal rodding but for beginners who SUCK we always recommend it.)

Good luck.




is there any think i can use to get the squars off my teeth wen i get my braces off (Indeed)

When I got my braces off, I thought for sure I would have little squares because I drink so much coke and coke is supposedly a tooth stainer. However, I had absolutely none. What they do when they take off your braces is they polish your teeth and do you know what? They do do a really decent job. I actually don't know a single person who has squares on their teeth from braces. If you get your braces off and find you have squares, the best person to ask would be your orthodontist or your dentist. They will recommend the safest and most effective method. Since I don't know anyone that this has happened to and I doubt you will need to worry about it also, I can't offer you any surefire methods for getting rid of braces squares.

Most likely you will find you haven't got a single square.




how do i get rid of weeds in the patch on front of my house and stop them from growing back through decorative stones? (Indeed)

Well, you can go out and pull them out by hand OR you can buy some chemicals to kill them (here, this is now illegal.)

If you are going to pull them out by hand, please remember to pull slowly but firmly and get as much of the roots out as possible. Don't just yank out the green part on the surface because it will grow back in no time at all. If you get a fair chunk of the roots there won't be a weed there for a much longer time. It is secretly something I kind of enjoy doing, because it makes such a drastic change in the appearance of the stones or garden you are ridding of weeds.




This past August, my sister and I got two parakeets. My dad decided to add a third one just for kicks. Now, a few months later, I realize what a mistake it was to bring more pets into the house. I wanted to take them back before the 15 day warranty expired, but my parents said to give them a chance. I did, and I wish I hadn't. Half of me would be sad if we gave them away, but the larger half would throw a party. The third parakeet is a trouble maker, and the little feathered horrors live in MY room day in and day out. Yes, they are our pets and our responsibility, and unfortunately we got what we wanted. The last thing I wanted this badly turned out even better than expected in the end, but this is just a mess. It's a funny time for me to want to have a clean room, now that I can't because of them. It's my own fault, but that doesn't do me any good. What should I do? (Indeed)

Is there any chance you could have the stinky beasts moved into another room? That might at least allow you to keep a clean room.

If you really hate the parakeet monsters that much, I suggest you try to sell them. Or, you may even want to give them to a friend or someone else who is interested in them. Hell you could even sell them on ebay if your heart desired.

First however, I think you should have them moved into another room. This might alleviate your hatred for them invading your space day in and day out. If after you have moved them out of your room you find you still want to wring their tiny little bird necks, then consider selling them or giving them away.

P.S - I have to thank you for writing such a coherent and well thought out question. Each instance in which someone takes the time to actually type their question out using proper english and grammar, the site gets a little better. So, for that you rule forever.




my boy friend has been ubducted by the new game halo 2...he is obsessed! how can i get him back??? (Indeed)

You steal it. Periodically. As in, steal and hide it every so often so he doesn't get entirely addicted because he can't play it constantly.

Or guilt him into spending more time with you with crying. Go ahead, put those tear ducts to work.




I made some muffins the other day, and sprayed some Pam on the muffin trays before putting the batter in. Whatever butter was not covered by muffin batter burned onto the pan. I've scrubbed it three times in a row, but it will not come off, yet it still feels slightly sticky. Does anyone have a trick to cleaning burned butter off of a pan? (Indeed)

Steel wool scrubber pads. Or... SOS I guess. But you definitely need to let it soak beforehand. Usually at work when we have some random food baked (like gravy, such a pain in the ass) right onto the pan or dish, I let them soak for a good long time in very hot soapy water. After they have been soaking for a bit (at least like, 15 minutes I'd say) I grab an SOS pad and scrap what I can off of it. Sometimes I need to take a butter knife (funny since its burnt butter) and loosen whatever is stuck on. I am usually able to pry the larger stuck food off with a butter knife and then use the steel wool (SOS) to get rid of the rest. Then of course I use a cloth to actually do the cleaning part of washing the dish because few people like to eat pieces of steel wool.




u sukkkkk!

I have no one fun and exciting to converse with on msn anymore. Do u hat3 m3? or do u lyk3 m3? ch3ck 1 pl3z!!!111 (Indeed)

I check - Undecided.

MSN FUCKING HATES ME JEN. Arrrrg.

If you find another person who is fun and exciting to converse with - I will KILL THEM AND RECLAIM MY RIGHTFUL PLACE AS MOST ASSKICKINEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE MOTHER FUCKING WORLD!!!!!!!!


Profanitiesssssssssssssssss




im doing a project on volcanoes. i know all the websites to go to, its just that i cant find specific answers!...i need to know:

1. Is Lake Shasta right next to Mt. Shasta?
2. When was the 1st and last time Mt.Shasta erupted?
3. Is Mt. Shasta still active? (Indeed)

Dude, google is a goldmine for everything.

1. http://www.reddinganesthesia.com/redding/rdd1.htm
According to that map, it doesn't look like it is right next to the lake.

2. The only known eruption of this volcano was in 1786. (Meaning, it could have erupted before and they believe it erupted every 600 years in the last 4,500 years.)

3. It is considered dormant.




i LOVE this song, but i don't know what the name or who sings it is named, the part i know goes...

springstien, madonna, way before ervana, there wasa you two and blondie, music still on MTV, her two kids in highschool, they tell her that she's uncool, cause she's still preocupied, in 19, 19, 1985

i rate (Indeed)

It is called 1985, by Bowling for Soup.




I was wandering if you still get your period if you are on the pill and get pregnant (Indeed)

There are two different kinds of 'pills' I'm going to tell you about, which have very different effects.
First - THE COMMON BIRTH CONTROL PILL (containing progesterone and estrogen)

Ok, so, do you still have your period? It depends on the pill you are taking. Normally, you have 'the pill' in 28-day packs, where 21 consecutive pills you take contain Progesterone and Estrogen that do not allow ovulation (meaning, the woman taking the pill would not produce an egg, and with no egg, there is no conception or baby). Notice I only said 21 days, this leaves out 7 days of a 28-day pack of birth control pills. These 7 days of pills left are 'reminder pills'. They do not contain hormones and are called reminder pills in order to keep a woman in the habit of taking the pills every day. During these 7 days, a woman would have her period because she is not taking the pills containing hormones, only the 'reminder' pills.

Can you get pregnant? It is possible. The pill is MOST effective when it is taken at the same time of the day EVERY day. Fluctuating when you take the pill can make it less effective.

THIS DOES NOT PROTECT YOU AGAINST SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES. (Just in case you didnt already know that - it is incredibly important to be aware of.)

If you are worried about the effectiveness of birth control - use a condom with birth control. Even this, however, does not make 100% certain that you will not get pregnant, which is why you need to be extremely careful or not having sex at all.

As for the second type of pill! A more uncommon one which contains only progesterone. (Sometimes called 'the mini pill')

I don't know very much about this pill so, I am going to copy and paste from a website. (I suggest you visit a site such as www.scarletteen.com)
One type of birth control pill, known as the Minipill, contains only the hormone progesterone. Although progesterone alone may prevent ovulation, this may not occur reliably every month. The Minipill also works by thickening the mucous around the cervix, which prevents the sperm from entering the uterus. It also affects the lining of the uterus so if the egg is fertilized it cannot attach to the wall of the uterus. The Minipill is taken every day - there are no reminder pills. On the Minipill you may have no period or you may go several months without a period, which means you are not ovulating. If you are having regular periods, you are probably still ovulating and are at greater risk of getting pregnant.

and in conclusion from this website:
The Pill works best when it is taken every single day at the same time of day, regardless of whether you are going to have sex. This is especially important with progesterone-only pills. You should not take a friend's or sister's pills. If pills are skipped or forgotten, you are not protected against pregnancy and backup birth control, such as condoms, must be used.
In general, how well each type of birth control method works depends on a lot of things. These include whether a person has any health conditions or is taking any medications that might interfere with its use. It also depends on whether the method chosen is convenient - and whether the person remembers to use it correctly all the time.

Protection Against STDs?
The birth control pill does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). For those having sex, condoms must always be used along with birth control pills to protect against STDs.

The end!




I'm going to get a piercing this up coming weekend, but I've never been to a "real" tattoo and piercing parlor. My piercing should be about $90 Canadian at most, so I'm wondering how much is it customary to tip? Does it vary with service, or is their a flat percentage of cost that most people tip? (Indeed)

Give them 5 cents on the dollar if you dont die immediately of gangrene.




Hi
I am a 19 yar old female and
I was wondering if you had any idea how to stop stressing about small things such as washing up, money etc. because I feel my enjoyment of my relationship is being ruined by me worrying about small stuff.
Thank you (Indeed)

Well, if the stressing the small stuff bothers you, then (yes this is so much easier for me to say than for you to do but) don't sweat the small stuff.

Simple huh? Not really. As I see it, you have two options, stop or keep annoying yourself. In order to stop, you are going to need to recognize what the 'small stuff' really is. Once that is done, you need to recognize when this worry happens. Once you've identified what worries you and when, you can stop yourself later when this worry comes up. Slow down, think about it, and remind yourself that it just isn't important enough to freak out about.

Everytime you realize that one of your "small worries" has cropped up - take a look at your life, take a look at your relationship and decide what is the most important, sanity and happiness, or crazy-cat-throwing-ladyness and unhappiness.




Holy Matrimony Batman - I need to go back up!
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