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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months. We're both 22 and have a lot in common, and the beginning looks promissing for a successful long term relationship. The compatibility, his behavior, his mix of almost everything I want from a man, him finding what a lot of what he looks for in a woman with me... Though early, it seems like this could potentially blossom with time into something beautiful. So far, we bring out the best in each other, we push each other to do better, and we function like a team in many aspects. I honestly think this relationship makes both of us happier and better persons.
We haven't had sex yet, though we got to the stage of doing everything else, including sleeping together in the same bed without clohes on. I am not a virgin, but sex is a serious topic for me. I don't take it lightly, and I only want to think of having it in the context of a long term, loving relationship possibly heading towards marriage. I have had two serios relationships previously, which both ended at their own times due to compatibility reasons. After my second relationship I had told myself that I will only have sex again with a man that I am compatible enough to head into marriage. That doesn't mean waiting until marriage itself, but having a relationship with a good enough shape for that, if it makes sense. I don't want to get married now, but I see myself there in 2-3 years.
There is a strong attraction between me and my bf, which is why we got as far as we did. Despite the physical connection so far, I deffinetely don't feel ready to take it to the final end and have the sexusal intercourse, with all the risks and vulnerability it implies. I need more time for the relationship to develop and ...well to see how much of a long term it can get.
Last night he told me, while we were on his bed,that "That's it. This has to happen soon", because he "can't wait much longer". That "It's been already more than 3 months", and that "he's already showed me" he loves me and he's interested in more than just a sex fling with me.
I felt hurt by his words, and taken aback, because up to this point he acted very patient and encouraging, telling me things like "I can take as much time I need". I am curious ,was this something said in the sexual tension of the moment, or if it goes deeper and should worry me as to his feelings and intentions. I also don't want him to suspect any other reasons why I don't want to have sex with him, and on the other hand I don't know how to tell him everything on my mind without scarring him off.
I am sorry about the long post, but I am a bit confused about what I should do in my interaction with him. What I am not confused about is that I don't want to go all the way yet... So I guess I am asking for some feedback and for views of how people would handle this situation. Thank you
The Answer
Part of it might be the sexual tension.
Part of it might be cultural; men are taught that they can expect to 'earn' sex from a woman.
Part of it might be that he has been on his best behaviour for the last three months and you are beginning to see the ass underneath.
You don't know yet, and that's okay.
You need to let him know how you interpreted those comments. Don't insist on "But you said!" instead, focus on how you heard a very different message in that moment than you thought you had heard before, and let him know that worried you.
If that scares him off, unfortunately, that is probably for the best. If you are in a relationship where you can't ask someone to clarify their position and share thoughts rather freely, you aren't in a relationship that is going to work.
Pick a neutral time and place - where it is completely non-sexual and apart from your normal romantic/sexual experiences together - and tell him you were upset by what you heard.
You might also want to look at how you are talking about sex with him.
In your question here you are framing it as something he can earn from you, as something he'll earn when he's proven your compatibility as a couple and that he's in it long-term. That's a mistake. If sex is something he earns, then you two are going to disagree about what is 'good enough' to deserve it. Stay away from discussions that turn into “Criteria that must be met before we have sex.” It’s tempting to talk about it that way, because it makes people feel like there is progress and a working plan, but the truth is you don’t have a concrete clear set of criteria. (A concrete clear criteria would be something like: You must have condoms. You must pass an STI test. We must be dating for 4 months and 10 days. You must celebrate my birthday with me.)
You do have criteria of course, but they are more personal and subjective and that is okay.
You are entitled to choose or not choose to have sex with him for any reason you wish. It could be his brand of bubble gum that makes up your mind. That would be perfectly okay.
So don’t fall into the trap of talking about how you two can meet those criteria. They aren’t a goal to be worked towards and that will give him the wrong idea. Instead, talk about your own choice. Talk about your feelings and remind him that your choice to have sex isn’t all about what he does; it’s about who you are together. Who you are together doesn’t come with a set date or terms, and sex isn’t going to happen on a set date or when he meets the terms either. It’s going to happen when it feels right to you. The best thing he can do is be himself and let you be yourself. If it is going to feel right, it will.
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The Question
I've been trying to look it up but I can't seem to find an exact answer. I. Am a femaile and live in north carolina and I want to get married but I don't want to change my last name. Is there a way I can LEGALLY keep my last name and still get married? Not just socially.
The Answer
You actually do keep your last name by default - you have to apply to have it changed - even when you get married. It doesn't automatically change. Your social insurance and license and everything else that is in your name, is still valid and will work perfectly.
If you don't apply to change your name, then your name doesn't change. You just get married.
Of course, you'll get some mail and things that like from people who will assume you have taken your husband's name, but that's nothing legal or binding.
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The Question
Basically, I want to read a book i came across on the internet (www.scribd.com). It's an interesting book about Occult sciences and spirituality. I found that the author of the book died 23 years ago and the publisher has stopped printing new copies of the book and the publisher lives in a city far-off from my home. But i also found that some old copies are available in my city too. But the problem is that i do not want to read a hard copy as i will feel extremely awkward and embarassed if people around me found out that i read such books (occult sciences) as it is considered to be superstition, taboo or a scary science. The ebook can be downloaded for free from the internet but i don't know if it will be ethical to download it as i do not know whether the book is in public domain or not. I don't mind paying for the ebook but a paid downloadable copy is not available. So my dilemma is whether i should download the book and read it without checking its copyright status ?
The Answer
You are going to get two different answers here, the strict law-based one, and the slightly more liberal common practice of fair use when it comes to out of print books.
The book is almost definitely not public domain if it was published in the recent past and discontinued. In this situation, ethically you must assume that it is covered by copyright - ignorance isn’t an excuse when it’s so obviously much more likely to be copyrighted than not.
The strict answer is that as far as the United States copyright laws are concerned, downloading the digital version from scribed would be illegal.
The more flexible answer is that in some cases, making a copy of an entire book can fall under ‘Fair Use.’ Making a copy of an out-of-print book could be considered fair use if it is for non-commercial, personal use that does not harm market for the book because the book is no longer available from any other source.
In the states if you own a physical copy of the book, you are entitled to making a scanned copy for your own use - that falls under ‘Fair Use’.
HOWEVER, the law is very clear that you aren’t allowed to use a scanned copy that was made by SOMEBODY ELSe. (ie, the download you found on scribd). Making a ‘fair use’ copy is a personal thing. That copy cannot be given away to someone else, even if they own a copy of the book themselves.
Other countries have different laws and a lot of Americans will argue that it is just fine if you own a copy of the book - even a second hand copy - for you to download the digital version from someone else.
I’m not going to say if that is ethically right or wrong, but it is against US copyright law.
It’s against the sites rules here for us to advise someone to something illegal, but in your situation, I would choose to buy a physical copy of the book, tuck it away someplace in my room, and than read downloaded copy to my heart’s content. I'd feel that was perfectly fair and respectful of the author's copyright - although yes - it would technically not be a copy that I had made myself.
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The Question
whats consider cheeting? i just wanna know thanks.. im a 15 year old girl!!
The Answer
I can't give you a definite definition for that.
'Cheating' is the breaking of an agreement or a violation of rules.
Every relationship has slightly different 'rules' and different agreements.
Some couples would see going out for dinner with a member of the opposite sex as 'cheating'. Some wouldn't even define sleeping with another person as cheating because their agreement allows for sexual experiences with others!
So, with every relationship you enter into, you need to ask yourself these questions:
What are the 'rules' I choose to follow and which of them do I expect my partner to follow?
What is the agreement we have established?
(This is an IMPORTANT ONE! If someone ‘cheats' on you and you forgive him or her again and again, that is an agreement! You have AGREED to forgive them regardless of their cheating ways. Be very wary of what sort of agreements you come to with your partner.)
Have my partner and I talked about our respective rules and what we believe the agreement to be? Do we agree, or at least respect one another’s 'rules' and can live with the disagreements?
What 'cheating' is will vary different in every relationship you have. It will depend on your maturity, your level of trust and on your partner. When I was thirteen, holding another’s hand seemed like a serious offense, now pecks, lingering hugs, and even crushes and harmless flirting don’t faze me in the least. My definition of cheating has evolved and I less arbitrary rules, and a better understanding of what true betrayal looks like.
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The Question
My husbband passed away two years ago and a long time friend of ours/ electrician we used on jobs contacted me and my children acting so concerned. After awhile i was taken by him emotionally not exactly love cause no one could take the place of my husband. A different comforting feeling. Anyway he always text me daily asking what im doing and wanted me coming over there anytime I had free time. Most of the time tho i was helping care for my mom and my mother in law cause she had lost her husband too my husbands dad eleven months after mine passed. Anyway this man would say things like your husband knew his mother did not care for you like that and wanted yall to move far away from his family. Also when that didnt work he tried to say my husband cheated on me at his house on several occassions and they all knew how could I have not. that is what he would tell me.. I still saw him for some odd reason but did not accept what he said about my husband because i asked all his friends and found out the lady he was claiming to be my husbands mistress was actually this mans girlfriend before him and i started talking to each other. Most of the time was texting alot and he knew what to say mean very nasty mean things to me and i would try to block him or tell him something was not right with him.. So alot of confrontations with texting even telling me he could careless how I felt didnt care about my family, no wonder my husband cheated on me, said i was a crazy gypsy and to go to you know where. But all of this was foul and mostly nasty words like whore and stuff. After trying to avoid his texts waiting on an appology for everything not once did he feel like appologizing he would just say miss you dont you miss me, come on ride over, one extreme to the next but i thought well maybe he will change but it gets worse each time and I found an article about sociopaths and I wonder if thats what he is he has all of the characteristics but im just not positive yet. Im 38 yrs old please help
The Answer
It doesn't matter if he is a sociopath. He might simply be a nasty, no good person.
Obviously, you don't want him in your life anymore. And you shouldn't let him be in your life anymore.
His mental health issues are not your problem - your problems end when you remove this hateful, lying man from your life completely.
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The Question
I am fifteen. Last summer, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I had sex with an ex. It completely erased my mind, really, until in January. My parents found out. They were absolutely ashamed. I could understand why, because I have always been a good child. But then they started treating me like I was a slut. My mom bought me all these old tight shirts that didn't show my body or cleavage, and I went to counseling and the doctor. I was punished, confined in my house with no communication to the outside world.
Two months later. I have my phone back but I am not allowed back on Facebook yet. My parents and I are good, and I am repaired. The most hurt of all this is my stepdad. He didn't talk to me up until March. We have been friendly and like nothing ever happened, laughing and having fun, staying up late together and just spending so much time together. A week ago my mom said he was still upset over me having sex. He said I should apologize. Sure, it was a mistake but I don't think I should apologize...do you?
I want to have his forgiveness. I know there's a pang of hurt when we lock eyes. I don't regret anything, I just wish the situation turned out better. I feel so bad for not being what my parents wanted, but I know they weren't perfect, either, as teens. Should I apologize? And if so, how? I choke every time I want to speak and it can't seem to come out without any tears.
The Answer
You will certainly get different opinions on this one. My opinion is that you don't really owe your parents an apology.
However, you certainly owe them a big thank you.
Just because you don't need to apologize or grovel or beg forgiveness, doesn't mean you can't take a minute to acknowledge how painful it has been for your parents and tell them you appreciate them and their support and want to really heal your relationship with them.
It's a fine line to walk - because if you honestly don't believe you wronged them, then an apology isn't an honest thing to do - but you can still acknowledge their pain and the difficulties they have gone through.
Write a letter - if that makes it easier - expressing your thanks and desire to have a good relationship with them. Thank them for their love and support.
It’s very difficult as a young teen, to both respect and acknowledge your parents hard work and deep love, at the same time as standing up for what you believe. That is what you’ll need to try to achieve in this situation.
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The Question
Okay so last night me and my boyfriend were talking. I asked him what he first fell in love with, and he said it was my personality. He said I'm not cute, but I'm pretty, and later said if he was in this relationship for looks, he wouldn't have said yes.
I am an over examiner. I think too much over tiny things. But what he said really hurt. It makes me feel like I am ugly. I am so self-conscious now. I don't want to feel that way. He's my boyfriend! I should feel my prettiest around him! I told him I was confused and he said, you're not ugly, just not the prettiest girl I have ever seen.
Which confuses me because he calls me beautiful and sexy and fine and I'm like ?
He's really got me stumped. Is he saying I am ugly or am I over examining?!
The Answer
You are over examining.
And obsessing.
And defeating yourself.
And sabotaging a relationship.
Stop it.
Sure, what your boyfriend said was stupid. He's young. He'll learn not to share those thoughts in this way. It's understandable that it hurts a bit, and he should probably apologize.
However, you also need to take a deep breath and accept that you can be beautiful, fine and sexy in his eyes as his marvellous girlfriend - but if he were to pick you out of a line-up without knowing who you are at all you would not be the most beautiful girl he's ever seen.
Just deal with it.
Truth is, you probably don't want to be the prettiest girl in that line-up. Most people don't create lasting partnerships with the prettiest people they know! And no one should be with a guy who lies to himself and pretends he only has eyes for his girlfriend - that can lead to stupid and surprising actions when reality intrudes and he discovers that there will always be other girls out there he is going to think are very, very pretty.
I bet my boyfriend like's thinner girls than I am. I know he'd like it if I went and got my hair cut and tidied up - it's getting kinda straggly.
You are making this into a huge problem when it isn't a problem at all. Don't bully your boyfriend into lying to you just to keep you happy. Accept that you can be his beautiful girlfriend who he knows and adores, without being the most beautiful creature on the planet. Love isn't about lying to your partner. It's about loving them.
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The Question
I work in a department where most employee have been there 10 years of more, an new employee started and seems to have problems understanding that we have developed friendship and have private conversation that we do not feel we need to include them in. I do not feel that they have a understanding as to the difference of gossip and private conversation. Many times they have accuse us of gossiping; large egos!! How do we explain this clearly? It is getting old fast!
The Answer
You are at work. Some workplaces are not conducive or welcoming to 'private conversations'. Most places I have ever worked would not be.
Perhaps in the past this behavoir wasn't a problem, but just because has never been a problem before, doesn't mean it's completely okay.
You should take your private conversations someplace else. Have a girl's night out. Take lunch together off site. When I have something private to speak of to a co-worker who is also a friend, we take a walk to the coffee shop.
She's new and your 'private conversations' might not be gossiping - but they are still rude and unwelcoming towards a new individual - not the kind of workplace anyone wants to be in. Perhaps she is also an annoying busybody who you don't want to include, but no matter what her temperament is or faults are, she would probably be happier to respect your conversations, if you started by being a bit more inclusive and respectful of the shared workspace.
I very honestly don't think she is the only one who is being rude or large ego'd here. Your workplace isn't your social club - private socializing it not a realistic expectation while you're on the clock unless security and privacy are things you require in order to do your job properly. To create a healthy work environment you need to be able to respect and allow for others to be included and exist as equals, regardless of friendships that might exist.
Take the parts of your friendship which must be kept private, out of the work environment, where they belong.
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The Question
Well I resently found out a lot of things about my boyfriend. He doesn't speak to his uncle and his uncle wants to help him get a job. My boyfriend hasn't talked to his uncle in years and I want them to start talking to each other because his uncle wants to help him out. My boyfriend is very prideful and I fear that that pride will push him futher away from his uncle. He told me that if his uncle really wants to talk to him his aunt has his number so she could give it to him. The thing about this is that his uncle tries to get to him through his cuzins. I tell to call his uncle to let go of his pride for one moment and just talk to his uncle. His uncle can open a lot of doors for him but he doesn;t let go of that pride. So how do I get him to let go of his pride and have him let his uncle help him?
The Answer
Butt out.
There is clearly more going on here then is involved in your question.
You've done the right thing: You've told your boyfriend your opinion and what you believe the right thing to do is. You sound like you have now crossed the line from sharing your opinion, to nagging him.
It's up to him how he manages his relationships with family members. It's good to have your own opinion, and to tell him what you think and believe, but you also have to let him make his own choices. Now it's time for you to back down off this topic, and let your boyfriend make his own choices.
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The Question
is it cheating when your husband fills out a profile on personals? and is it cheating when he coresponds to personals on craiglist?
The Answer
It's betrayal. It's lying. It's wrong.
Don't get stuck on defining 'cheating'. It doesn't matter what the word means. You both know what happened: He betrayed you. Misled you. He broke your trust. That is as bad as anything called 'cheating'.
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The Question
My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost a year. We met online and he came he recently came here for a month and we had a few issues but we sorted them out and he assured me everything between us is fine...He's gone back now and he's staying at his guy mate's place until he gets back on the road to his home and one of his friends wants him to go see her when he gets back. I know nothing is going on between them, since he said he's nowhere near attracted to her whatsoever but I'm getting upset just thinking about when he does go see her, they'll hug and i don't know if she likes him or not. They don't talk often but he's been away from home for a very long time and it's understandable he wants to catch up with his friends but i get so jealous so easily and insecure when he hugs his chick friends, even when he says he's committed to me completely.
when he was here and we were watching a movie, he saw some 'hot' chicks in bikini in the movie and he made a sound making it obvious he likes what he sees. We later on talked about it and he told me that he's a guy and yeah he'll acknowledge a girl's attractiveness but it doesn't mean he wants to 'screw' them, and i said fine whatever but do it in his head and not let me aware of it because it hurts.
He has a history of being a flirt and i know what he and i have is something he hasn't had in a long time and he said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I can't handle that he finds other girls hot. i get that i'm not the only 'hot' girl he sees but i can't get over it. it's driving me crazy. I'm going to go see him in a month or two when he gets settled back home with his own place and a job but when its long distance, again, my insecurities come back. I know it sounds bad that i want to keep an eye on him. I do trust him, but not completely. i guess it's more lack of trust for the girls there than for him. I need to learn how to trust him 100% but i don't know how.
The thing is, he's his own person. Like seriously one of those "don't put rules on me" type of guy and i like that he's strong willed but he gets angry when i get upset or angry that he has a hot looking chick on his facebook so i don't know how to talk to him about it..since he has that flirtatious history, i get paranoid. and I don't know what he's gonna do over there when i'm asleep and its daytime or early evening there with the time differance and all. he said he'll be busy getting things sorted for me to go there but i told him i didn't want him to go clubbing or to parties, and he said he won't since he'll be busy trying to find a job and whatnot...I just can't help but think he will go to parties with his friends, who love to drink and get stoned and they'll talk him into going and urgh i don't know what to do!! :(
The Answer
HHonestly hun, it sounds like you two aren't a great match and that long distance isn’t working for you. You aren’t both getting what you need from this.
'Cause you are right. You don't know that he won’t flirt and carry on. You have no way of knowing. Your distance and lack of contact makes your concerns rather legitimate. You don't have enough experience and evidence of him as a partner to deal with that paranoia - that experience and evidence and trust comes from being close, physically as well as emotionally. Distance is going to harm it. Especially when you are young and apart for long stretches of time.
You can tell yourself all you want that you don't trust the girls he is around - but that's bullshit. It's him you don't trust. If you knew he would choose to behave himself it wouldn't matter if a beautiful naked girl threw herself at him.
It doesn’t make either of you bad people, but it sounds like you’ve tried to establish trust in this long distance arrangement and it’s not working. Which means this relationship isn’t really working.
What you do next depends on what you want to do. If there is a light at the end of this tunnel - a time coming soon when you won’t be apart - maybe you can push yourself through this. If not. If long distance is just the way this has to be, then honestly this probably isn’t the relationship for you. You have legitimate concerns and feelings that cannot be addressed in a long-distance, mostly-online relationship. You've reached the limits of what you can handle with an online relationship. He might have legitimate reasons to be annoyed with that - but just because he might be perfectly behaved and annoyed with your insecurities isn’t going to make your insecurities go away. There isn't enough support and closeness to cure your worries and put your mind at ease. This situation is one you aren’t cool with.
This is why online relationships don’t work very well. There is a limit to how well you can know a person without physical closeness, body language and being in the same damn room together. Without that, your concerns are unlikely to be defeated. It’s perfectly rational to be concerned about this person who you really can’t know as well as you’d want to know someone you’d been with for a year.
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The Question
what advices can be given to people before they get married?
The Answer
Get pre-marital counselling.
There is tons of one-size-fits-all advice. Don't go to bed angry. Don't belittle. Be supportive. Blah. Blah. Blah.
It's all true, but if you want to deal with the people you are and the specific partnership you are in. Hire a professional to sit down with you ask your tough questions. Go to pre-marital counselling.
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The Question
I am fifteen, a sophomore in high school. So I have been dating a guy for about two months now. We are perfect for each other: amazing chemistry, a lot in common, etc. I really feel like I love him. I have known him for a long time, since August.
We have kissed several times and he loves to cuddle and hold me. He wants to go to second base but I say no when he asks, only because I am not ready. I mean, I want to, but I am still shy and a little battered from my past relationship because it was constant physical love that pushed me to the edge. He is helping me get through my insecurites. I want to make him happy and pleasure him by letting him feel me up. But he understands if I am not ready.
Truthfully I have mixed feelings. I feel like if I do, all the romance and love will fade away. But then I feel like if I don't, he'll get bored with me in time. What do I do?
The Answer
Your relationship is going to change no matter what you do.
The first large shift often happens around three months in where things begin to normalize - and yes, some of the romance does fade. The newness wears off. Some of the excitement is gone.
That will be true of every relationship you are ever going to be in. Part of being in a relationship is dealing with these natural shifts and normalizations.
Don't have sex with him. You aren't ready. There is a dead giveaway that you aren't ready in your question: You still think sex and sexual activity is something you 'give' your boyfriend. It's not. It's not a gift, or a trade, or something to gifted to another person. If you think about it that way, you are going to get hurt, because when you give something away, it’s gone.
The truth is that nothing you are is ever 'gone'. You change and grow and make choices. Unless sex is something you freely choose for yourself, you are going to end up dealing with feelings of loss when the relationship doesn’t meet your ideals, or ends (as most teenage relationships will do).
Your relationship is going to change and grow whether you have sex or not. If you grow apart and he gets ‘bored’ - that will also happen whether you have sex or not. It will happen in a different way, but it will probably still happen. If you don’t have sex, he might get angry and unhappy and the relationship and feel he is being denied something that he has ‘earned’. If he does, then he is making the mistake of thinking sex is something you ‘give’ to him, something he gets to have. If he thinks that way, he’ll think that way whether you have sex or not, and it will cause problems and pain for you both, whether you have sex or not.
Talk to him about your feelings and worries, but also tell him the truth: You aren't ready by a long shot. (At least, that is what I strongly suspect).
Remember things are going to change. It's how you deal with those changes that will make or break your relationship. There is no avoiding the changes.
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The Question
Hi,
This is my story. I met this hot Italian guy, who had been my next door neighbor for a whole year and I didn't know this. One day, my flat mate invited him over for dinner and since that day, things were on a roll. We hooked up the very first night we met, spend hours talking, watching movies, making out, going out for dinners.
He even met some of my friends and I met his. he had to move to another place because of landlord issues, but is still only about 10 mins away from where I live.
A couple of weeks ago, he mentioned that he's been having a really stressful and rather traumatic time at work. Then two days later, I called him to ask if he'd like to get out for a change...to feel fresh, but he said he was tired. Its been more than two weeks since then and we've only exchanged a couple of text messages and he hasn't been taking my calls or calling me back although he said he'll call me this week - the week has passed. I just tried calling him but he still didn't answer or text. I am worried because I don't know what's going on. Being in the dark is driving me nuts!
I will respect his decision, whatever it is. Or give him space if he needs it. Or help him if he's in some trouble. But how do I know what to do if he won't communicate? Is he trying to dump me? What do I do???
The Answer
He is probably trying to dump you.
I've often heard this called "Pulling a Houdini"... I had a guy do it to me once after about a month of regular dating and hooking up. After about two weeks I sent him a message telling him that I wish he had chosen a more respectful way to tell me he wasn't interested, but that I was going to assume that whatever was happening between us was over and wished him well.
About 5 months later I got an apology e-mail from him, and he made several attempts after that to be 'friends'. I don't really like to invest much time into friendships where there is large chance of being treated like dirt, so after a few gentle "No, I don't want to hang out with you." and finally a clear "No. Seriously dude. I'm not interested in your friendship." he got the message and went away for good.
Frankly hun there is really no acceptable excuse for his behavoir. It's natural for you to be looking for a good excuse - if you like this guy and think he's a good person then of course you want to be believe that he is 'going through something' or 'maybe someone is dying' and so on. But the truth is that if he really liked you and wanted to be with you in any serious way, he would have told you what was up or made some effort to contact you.
He is behaving like an ass and child. It's not cool.
He doesn't care that much about you. He doesn't even care enough to make an excuse or tell you a lie in order to save you from stressing and worrying about him.
I know it's tough to just turn your emotions off, but that is the appropriate response to being treated with so little respect and dignity. Give up. Move on. And he ever comes crawling back (even if his excuse was that someone was dying!) do not even think about taking him back until you've made it abundantly clear that this sort of disrespect and silence is not an acceptable way to treat another person.
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The Question
what is the best way for size. I been looking in to products they sale, they dont seem to work for penis enlargement like they say. If you can answer this question or give me a good product name or some result info. Im looking for a BIGGER and THICKER PENIS. THX.
The Answer
There is absolutely no way to increase the width or length of penis without surgery. And the surgeries are expensive, painful, and sometimes seriously damage the penis’ ability to function. Anyone who goes for the surgery is a dumbass.
No other way. At all. Ever. No pills. No pumps. No creams. No vitamins. No herbal remedies.
Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you.
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The Question
Well, i've been datting this chick for over 2 years. The first month we went out, she kissed some other dude, flirted around campus, flirted with my own brother, and was flirting with some other guys on myspace. At first, I was never a jealous person, i was cool, i let her hang out with her guy friends at the mall. etc. First date i've ever taken her out, she held hands wit the guy best friend, kissed his chick, stuck with him making me feel like i was the friend. And i got pissed. Downhill from their. 2 months ago she had told me that she cheated on me 5 times (making out, supposedly)And I always was the one to hold that grudge. I made her cry that day cuz for some reason she hides stuff on her phone, so i said i was goin to stab the guy and whatever, so i got sent to a mental hospitol. Anyways, recently we broke up, she was saying how her feeling changed and she wants to be friends.But it hurts so much to hear that. what shall I do ? :(
The Answer
Stay away from her. Completely.
You will not get over her if you try and be friends.
She's a nutbar, and you are heading down an equally fighting and unhidged road. Don't talk to her anymore, and stay away from her.
Getting over someone takes time. It takes much less time if you stay away from them.
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The Question
background information: i am 17 i have a job and a busy life. I love animals. I am a slob. I spend one third of my life grounded for dumb stuff such as a messy room, eating the last bit of cereal, leaving my shoes out, or taking my stepmothers shampoo.( mind you i am 17 years old )
today my stepmother decided to go in my room and take my charger. When she did my room was messy. Now the first friday ive had off in months im grounded. Also the sick cat that ive been taking care of and have paid 400 dollars in vet bills i have to give away. Last one more screw up and im grounded for the whole summer and not allowed to go on my mission trip or trip to chicago that ive paid for and i have to quit my job.
The Answer
There isn't quite enough information here to go on, but I'd say sure, you can be ticked off, but that is about as much as you've got. You admit you are a slob, and that isn't nice to live with.
You are a minor living in your parents house. I don't think they'd be wise to ground you from a paid trip or force you to quit your job - I think those would be counter-productive parenting tactics, but it is also within thier powers to make those sorts of rules. (I'm tempted to bet your parents threats are hollow, which is an even worse partenting tactic then if they really meant to do it!)
Although you made a large investment into your pet cat, it is thier home, and they were well within thier rights to refuse to have the cat.
I know it sucks, and to a degree, it's supposed to suck. You are supposed to want out. By 17 you should be at the age where you are getting fed up with being a kid at home. It's part of what will motivate you to take the leap out into the world by yourself in the next few years.
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The Question
Hi.....so I was wondering what is an easy way to find out if your house is in foreclosure?? Or if it has already been sold or something. By the way i live in Georgia if that helps.Thanks in advance:)
The Answer
Do you own the house and the mortgage? If so, the bank will tell you they are going to foreclose. They are required to. They are also required to send you a letter 30 days before house goes up for auction.
They generally give you two written warnings after you begin to miss mortgage payments, and they certainly phone you as well - a lot.
The banks don't want to foreclose peoples homes, generally speaking. They want their money, not the house. The money is worth far, far more to them then the house. Speaking to the bank calmly and respectfully at this point, after you've missed a payment or two, might help you avoid foreclosure.
If you can't reach an agreement with the bank, eventually the bank sends a particularly stern letter demanding payment for the entire value of your mortgage.
After that, if you still can't come to an agreement with the bank, they generally has to file a notice of foreclosure with the Sherriff. So if you don't know if the bank is attempting to foreclose or not, you could call your local sheriff's office. In the states banks are also required to post legal notices, often in local papers, so you can look there too.
If your home is ALREADY foreclosed (and it's unlikely that could happen without you hearing about it!) and someone else has bought it at auction, then the home's new owners have the power to evict you.
If you own your house, and have not made your mortgage payments, the best thing you can do right now is call your bank, and be willing to talk to them. The earlier you start to be proactive, rather than ignore or avoid them, the easier it could be. The bank would rather have your money than your house.
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The Question
Im 19 female, my boyfriend is 20.. we've dated a year. past week we've been broken up, but last night he called to tell me why. basically he cried (which never ever happens) cried really hard and explained to me how id be an amazing wife and that i was the most perfect girlfriedn and perfect relationship ever and im an amazing person. He said since he's only been with 2 people in a relationship his whole life, and slept with, that he feels he can't say im the one until he experiences other things. The same time though he kept saying how much he hates himself but he doesn't wanna lie to me and start pushing me away later because of this feeling. He kept going back to how he's torn because he does not wanna let me go at all but he doesn't wanna feel this way being with me, but he still has his options open for me he just needs to get rid of that other feeling.
Obviously, this other feeling means experiencing other girls. I somewhat understand i suppose, because how can you say you know someone is the one when you've only been with one or two people, but how can you expect to move on if someone means that much to you? Once he get's with other girls way down the road, I dont know if ill be able to take him back in the future, so is there anyway now for him to know im the one without being with other people?
I need a males feeeeedback on this one please!
The Answer
He's being a bit of jerk. He is probably being honest with you, but it’s still jerky, and you probably won’t be able to take him back in the distant future when he decides to stop being a jerk.
Is there a way for him to know you are the one without fucking other people? Yes. It's called deciding you are the one. It's called choosing you. Its called saying “I’m making a commitment to you – knowing there are other possible sexual partners out there in the world for me – but choosing you.”
There are lots of possible 'The One's out there. Many people we could be compatible with, or happy with, or attracted too. The soul mate idea is sweet, but it’s an illusion. There are many possible paths for a life to take. It’s all about which one he chooses.
He is choosing to be with other people right now. He still honestly feels what he feels for you, but his choice is not respectful of the kind of relationship you want to have with someone. His choice is not you. He feels compelled to choose a different path, one you can’t follow him down, and one you shouldn’t fairly be expected to wait for him to just finish up and come back to you in the end.
Let him go. Completely. He might come back at some point, but if he doesn’t, that is his choice, and you don’t want to be with someone who has told you up front he isn’t going to choose you.
He's already decided to let you go. He's just being a jerk who doesn't have the balls to stand by that choice and deal with the consequences of nto having you. Don't let him dodge the truth - be truly broken up and stay away from him.
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The Question
Iam going to my boyfriends sister's wedding on may 14th and Iam not really big on dresses do I have to get dressed up and if I do do I have to wear a dress can I wear jeans?
The Answer
Don't wear jeans. That would be rude.
Wear dress slacks and a nice blouse if you don't want to wear a dress, but don't wear jeans.
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