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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

So is it true what they say, that once you are friends with a girl you are trapped in the friend zone forever, and it will never grow into something more? or is it just a myth?

Well, like all relationships it can either work or it can't. I am in a relationship with a best friend and it's wonderful. For me it was difficult to accept more than friendship, but it wasn't impossible and I ended up doing it to the disbelief of everyone. I believe though, that it depends on the people involved more than on how close they are to begin with. There's a good chance though, because you know that she already at least likes you. Good luck!

alrite 1year ago doctor said i had carpal tunnel he gave me a brace to wear it didnt work so he then gave me a splint(like a half cast goes on the bottom half of your arm) i wore that for about 4 months. he said it would last about 6months but it is still hurting a yr later.. i put the brace on it like 4 days ago and only take it off to take a shower. but i is hurting really bad and mom says i just aggraveted the nerves i want to go to the doctor again.. to see if anything else is wrong.. should i or do u thing it is still the carpal tunnel??

answers a.s.a.p would be really nice thx
ill rate 5 unless u give me crappy answer..
kim 16/f

No matter what is actually wrong, the best idea if you're worried, is to ask a doctor. Even if nothing's wrong, it's better to be safe than sorry. I think what you should do is call your doctor, describe what you feel and let your doctor make the decision on whether you should go in to see him/her. I hope you feel better and good luck!

where can i find colorful clothes (or japanese street fashion sort of style) at without the stores name written all over it? :\ i live in CA,USA.

You can probably find something in the junior's section at JCPenny's or a similar store. If you can't find anything in the store they may have stuff in the catalog or online. Good luck!

18f I recently met a guy online. We have been talking through friendster. He makes me laguh and I amke him laugh. He has mentioned in passing that if he had known me im person he would ask me out. What does that mean? He says that I am funny and intersting and I think he is too. I have not mentioned it b3ecuase i am shy. However does anyone think he is interested? I would like to know becasue I have become interested in him. I dont know if he is just being nice becaue we are online or if he really thinks Im cool. We have also started talking on aim.

He's definitely interested...it sounds like you two have a really good thing going. I think by his comment, he meant that he really wants to meet you. I think that you should go ahead and arrange a meeting, but make sure that it's in a public place and that you don't go alone juuuuust in case. It's really easy to pretend to be someone you're not online. Anyways, he sounds like a great guy so good luck and I hope that everything works out for you!

k, well i have red hair. & im thinking about getting streaks in my hair. or something like that. what would you recommend? i rate high!

Having red hair myself, I would say that if you have dark red hair, (more auburn in color) that blonde streaks definitely look the best. Any kind of brown tones the red out too much and makes your hair look really bland and plain. Blonde makes it look really bright and happy. Black might look good too, but it would depend on your taste whether you wanted to do that or not. If you have light red hair (more of an orange color) I would suggest not getting streaks at all, most colors would probably look pretty funny. Maybe a light brown would look good with this kind of hair, but before doing anything to lighter red hair I would say to talk to a hair stylist about it. Good luck!

right i think i like two guys and i can't pick between them they both told me they have feelings for me and they have both asked me out and because i could not pick i said no to them both. So heres the thing Jacks a muslim it will never be allowed by my mum if she found out she would go mad. James would be allowed its just i don't spend much time with james everyone says how cute me and james would be... but james just seems like he never wants to be with me in college. i am not sure what to do.someone help please. thank you.

You don't really sound all that enthusiastic about dating James. I would say to do what you want, not what you mother wants. It's your life, not hers and the decisions you make should be based on your happiness. I've been put into a kind of similar situtation, and even though my mother absolutely hates the guy I'm dating now, for no reason I can think of, I'm really happy with my life and wouldn't have it any other way. However, if you are really afraid that your mother will go ballistic and make your life more miserable than Jack can make it happy, maybe you could talk to Jack and make a sort of promise or pact to each other to date, but not start dating seriously until you aren't living with your mother anymore. You can always spend time with Jack as friends and just wait a little while before starting a relationship. Once you're out of your mother's clutches you'll have a lot more freedom to do what you want to do! Good luck!

Ok well I am grounded and I am not even supposed to be on the computer, but I need some help on what to do because I am BORED TO DEATH. I am supposed t obe using this time to catch up on homework, which I have done. And I have studied too. I am grounded from the radio, phone, friends, and internet. Please help!

I know this may sound really dull, but I don't know what kind of person you are or what resources are available to you so this may help you and it may not. Whenever anything like this happens to me I read. Not boring stuff for school, or anything like that, I'm talking a really good book. Sometimes it's hard to find something good to read, but magazines are always a great option, or you could probably always find a good mystery. If you're not grounded from TV that's a great option too. You may be able to get away with watching movies if your parents just said TV....haha. Another thing to do is cook. Just make a whole bunch of cookies or something and not let your parents have any, or actually suck up to them by giving them some. Well good luck and I hope that I was able to help :)

How would you describe love in your own words? I just want to know ho other people think about love and how they feel towards it.

Love isn't just between two people in a relationship. There's love that you have for material things, for other feelings, such as competition, hapiness, for playing soccer, or the way something smells, then there's love for family and friends as well as the love that you can feel for someone in a relationship with you. I define love as a deep connection that takes awhile to develop. Other than that, it's a feeling and feelings really can't be defined, especially since they're perceived differently by everyone and because there are so many different kinds of love. Two big components of love always seems to be caring and attachment though. Hope I helped!

Okay I really don't appreciate being called a "dumbass" for doing exactly what you said...describing love in my own words, which was your exact question. I was going for a more "how I think about love" than a "how love makes me feel" response to be different from the other people that answered and give you a broader idea about love as a whole. Obvioulsy my opinion and my ideas weren't appreciated by you, but hopefully other people that read this will get something out of it and realize that the only dumbass around here is YOU. I did not give you any bad advice and I did not answer your question inaccurately. Don't ask questions and then look for a certain answer. If you are so certain that you know the answer than there is no reason to ask at all. You need to be open to how other people think and how other people may interpret what you actually say ESPECIALLY if it is a question based on opinion.

hey. i'm a sophmore and i really wanna do something for community service so i decided to try asking different places if theyd let me work there for community service hours. but i have some questions...:
1. how do i go about doing this?
2. do you think i will be able to get the same discounts as the employees?
3. how does community service work?

thanks =)

Community service is an unpaid service done for the benefit of the public. You should not expect to get anything out of it, but a warm happy feeling inside haha. But seriously, I love doing community service and I hope you end up feeling the same way. Probably instead of going around and working an actual job for free, it would be better to get involved in an organization specializing in community service. Your school probably has a community service based club and programs such as girl scouts or boy scouts, 4-H, or even the Legion have great opportunities for community service. You could even go out on your own and help out at a nursing home or something. Talk to your guidence counselor and I'm sure that they will have tons of options in community service that you can choose from. Even though you probably could get community service hours from a store, that kind of job is something that you should get paid for and it'll probably make you mad that you don't. Good luck!

i like bands such as: the spill canvas, fall out boy, underoath, hellgoodbye, hawthorne heights, mae and stuff like that

what r some more bands i could try or some songs to listen to that fall basiclly into the same genre

and where can i dowload music, my comp is pretty old so are there some sites that will def work?

thanks

Something Corporate is great. The site I was using to dl music from got shut down so I can't really help you there, but I hope that you like Something Corporate!

I am extremely lonely. I feel as though there is no one left for me. I recently stoped talking to my "crush" because everything changed romanticly between us. I feel as though in my town, there is no one new, everyone has someone, and all the good ones are taken. I hate this feeling. I hate being lonely, I hate `seeing all these couples in school and having no one.

I felt the same way in high school. High school just wasn't my thing. Never being in a relationship with anyone made me feel bad about myself, which was totally wrong. Once I got to college I met lots of people from all over the place and it was a much better environment for a relationship anyways. I'm glad that I didn't go crazy in high school and end up in a relationship that I would be regretting now. Just hang in there and your time will come, maybe even before college. Don't worry, but always be on the lookout for opportunities. Good luck!

Ok. 13/m. I don't know if this question goes under Families or Work/School Relationships. Sorry it's so long. I'm really worried for my sister (14/f). She just found her first date at school this year. They went to the movies and all. My sister was just sitting there waiting for him to do something. She had her arm on the armrest the whole time waiting for him to hold it or something. She bought Junior Mints "just in case"---didn't use a single one. She could've talked to me. I've been asking and answering Advicenator questions for months now. I pretty much know what's going to happen and the pains she's going to feel. But no. She doesn't like to tell me stuff. Instead, she tells our cousin, who has serious boy problems. Boys rule her life. Her Bat Mitzvah was ruined because her newest ex was there. She couldn't enjoy Avenue Q because one of her exes liked it. She has serious issues. I know that. My parents know that. My sister just doesn't seem to get it, so she talks to her for advice.

My cousin is saying things like "Well, if he doesn't want to hold your hand, he must not be right. Dump him." or "Try rushing him, that usually works for me." I eavesdrop on their conversations because I'm concerned. I want her to listen to me. I've gotten chances to talk to her which I of course took advantage of, but she refuses to understand. She doesn't believe that she'll face hate, jealousy, rejection, etc. I felt most of it first-hand, but as for the parts actually IN the dating, I couldn't get that far. She doesn't think I know enough. Just because I'm younger and haven't actually dated doesn't mean that I haven't felt jealousy and rejection, I haven't been extremely depressed, etc.
How can I get her to listen to me? Thanks.

By the way, don't say to write in a diary. I'm already doing that, but my parents confiscated it last night for writing after dark.

Your sister probably feels that she needs to talk to a female about this because she believes it to be a female issue. She could get a lot more and better advice from a guy, but she's either embarassed, uncomfortable with the topic, or thinks that she can gain some kind of knowledge from your cousin's very vast experience. She likely knows just as well as you about your cousin's dating problems, but feels that your cousin can help her nonetheless. Having a younger sister myself I can tell you that the best way to get her to listen to you is to write your feelings, suggestions, and whatever else you want to say to her in a letter and leave it on her pillow. She will read it and take it seriously even if she picks on you about it or pretends that she never got it or something. She may not follow your advice, but that is her decision, which you can do nothing about. Sometimes getting hurt by a relationship is the best or sometimes the only way to gain experience and knowledge in the whole dating scene. If she doesn't follow your advice, keep an eye on her and be ready to catch her when and if she falls. Good luck to both of you!

My friend is weird.. But

Can anyone think of some suggestions for a screenname with Mest in it? ..The band, yeah.

imamest is "clever" lol

i cut....
it's so addicting and i can't stop. i love everything about cutting but i know i have to stop this...
please help

One of my best friends was just like this. We didn't know about it for a long time, but when we found out we tried to help her. She refused to talk to anyone about it but us and before we pretty much forced her to get help we came up with an idea to help her temporarily. We had her wear a rubber band around her wrist and whenever she felt bad about herself or felt like she wanted to cut herself she would snap the rubber band. We also took away all the sharp objects in her room and everything. It didn't work for long, because it's obviously not the same, being that there's no blood involved. She kept cutting anyways because she "needed to see the blood" and she could always find sharp objects when she was desperate for them. The point of this whole story is that even though we helped our friend come up with things that helped her, that may be used by professionals, they only last temporarily and pretty much the only way to stop cutting especially when it is a serious addiction is to get professional help. Professionals can help you psycologically (not just physically) which is where the heart of the problem is. I know it's going to be REALLY hard for you, but probably the best thing that you can do is tell your parents about it. If you try and try and try and just can't do it, or they are unwilling to believe or help you, then what you need to do is tell a counselor or nurse at school or even call a hotline. There are lists of different hotlines and their numbers on the internet. I hope that you get help very soon. Good luck!

im 13, 5'2"ish and like 150lbs. is that over weight? cuz i think im really fat and everyone says im not and i know theyre all trying to e nice. i cant stand life anymore. my being so fat makes me wanna die. ive been called fat like 47 times in my life and countless people have told me im not so i dont know who to believe. am i fat or not? i really hate myslef andi cant stand life anymore. its like i just dont care about anything anymore. please help.

Just because you're not skinny, doesn't mean that you are fat. People say mean things all the time, but the reasons that they say these things are not because they are true. If a lot of people tell you that you aren't fat, you probably aren't. You are your worst critic. There are a lot of people that care about you and who think jerks ruin your life. They are insecure in their own lives and believe that making other people feel like they do is the only way to make themselves feel better. I hope that you feel better soon. Good luck!

okay well i have this problem that when im going out with someone and they compliment me..but i dont know what to say back like one time this guy i was going out with goes your so beautiful and i go thank you..like wtf was i thinking? i dont really wanna say thank you..so what are some ideas of what i could say to something like that instead of thank you? oh im a 15/f

Whenever someone compliments me I blush. I absolutely hate it. I used to not know what to say on top of that, so it made it a lot worse. Compliments are (obviously) meant to make someone feel good about themselves. So really, blushing, smiling, or being embarassed aren't bad ways to react especially if the compliment comes unexpectedly. Saying thank you is actually a pretty good way to respond. The best way to respond is to either compliment back or add something after your "thank you" or whatever happens to blurt out of your mouth right away. Something like "you too", "thanks, you're so sweet", "not as...fill in the blank...as you", or even a simple "wow, that was really nice, I don't know what to say" will work just fine. Try to think of it from the other end. What would you want someone to say if you said the same thing to them? Sometimes it doesn't matter what you say at all. This sounds like a really great guy too ;-) Good luck!

Sorry if it's long I'll rate 5's to serious answers.

My dad has been going over his brothers. Lately and he has been taking pills and stuff while he is their. I didn't find out this out until today. My other uncle says they really messed him up when he was younger and doesn't want to see it happen again. Well today he told me he was leaving because my mom and him were arguing he said he'd be back in a few days but I don't want him to leave at all. This really upsets me because I love my dad with all my heart. And my mom says their taking a break which usually means divorce and I don't want them to separate because I love them equally. My dad says this is because my mom drinks (not heavily) and stuff. I think I am a cause for this to because last week my mom and I were arguing and the cops came (for disorderly conduct or something) and as soon as my dad came home she told him. I'm really confused because I love both of my parents. Last night when they were arguing I cried myself to sleep and thought of suicide. This is the first time I thought of this in a few years. I don't think I would really do it thought. What should I do for my family and myself?

Okay, this is something that is pretty much completely between your parents. It's not your fault in any way. There isn't anything that you can really do for your parents. Your parents can probably work this out. If not though and they end up getting a divorce, it may not be as bad as you think. One of my friends went through a divorce and she is much happier than she was. Her parents aren't fighting all the time, are much happier, and she gets to spend time with both of them. They both got remarried too, so she has a huge family now, which she likes a lot. I know that this is a really hard time for you. The best thing that you can do is find someone that you can talk about this with. Someone that has been through a divorce, or has a lot of problems at home, a sibling if you have one, a school nurse, counselor, or even a hotline might be able to help you. It's also a good idea to let your parents know exactly how you feel. Another one of my friends' parents ended up staying together just because they didn't want to hurt their children. There's always a chance that your parents will work everything out. Try not to worry so much. I want you to remember that suicide is never the answer to anything. I'm sure that you will get through this. Good luck!

there's these two guys that I like lets say ones name is Bob and the other 1's name is Jeff well me and bob have been dating on and off for about 2 years i like him so much...id do anything to make him happy and i mean anything but since my grades were going down because i was paying more attention to him then my homework. Well me and bob decided to break up for a while until my grades pull up... Bob lives in texas down in corpus chrisi and there was a huricane down there his friends talked to me and told me that he said he hated me and i havent hear from him since. That is until today. Well since his friends told me that he said he hated me this other kid asked me out and i said yes. Well this other kid's name is jeff and i kinda like jeff...he comes to my house and we hang out alot. He likes me too. I don't know what to do i really love Bob and well i know im too young to say that (im 14) but i really do love him and id do anything for him well i dont want to hurt jeffs feelings and i want to make bob happy i have no idea what to do! SOME1 PLZ HELP ME ILL RATE HIGH FOR GOOD ADVICE!

Okay, first of all you should not have believed what Bob's friends said without confirming it in some way with him. You need to find out what Bob feels for you before you do anything else. If Bob doesn't like you then there's no sense in hurting Jeff over it unless you are unhappy in that relationship. If Bob does like you, you need to talk to both Jeff and Bob about it. They need to know about each other. Explain the entire situation to both of them. Healthy relationships involve honesty. Talking to them will help you decide what to do. If you can't decide after you've done this I would say to try to rekindle relations with Bob. Start talking to him again. It seems from what you've told me that you like Bob better than Jeff. If you think that you will be happier in a long distance relationship with Bob, than a closer relationship with Jeff, don't give up your happiness. Don't worry about Jeff. He will get over you. I hope that I was able to help and good luck!

heyy im 13 and im 5'4 5'3 and i weigh 87 pounds i eat all the time and i play basketball and cross country and also tennis im relly concerened im underweight...could someone plz tell me
C H A S I T Y ♥

I don't think this is something that you really need to worry about. You are very active and you are probably very healthy. You will fill out soon enough. If you are really concerned, however, this is something that you should ask your doctor about. Your doctor has your entire health history and will be able to tell you if this is a problem and exactly what to do about it if it is. Good luck!

right now i have my first real boyfriend, we've been going out for about 2 weeks. he's great. but he's all i can think about. we hung out fri night and now its monday and i'm sick and i cant think about anything but him. its driving me crazy. my throat is sore but i called him anyway and we talked 4 a little while but it didn't work out too well cuz my voice is almost gone. whevenver i'm not with him i'm thinking about him. i need a way to stop thinking about him before i go insane.

This is really normal. It happened to me and I think it happens to most everyone with their first relationship. There really isn't anything that you can do about it sorry :( Pretty much the only thing that will help this situation is time. I thought I was going to go completely insane for awhile, but now I'm fine. Being in a relationship just takes time to get used to. You'll be okay, don't worry so much. Sounds like you're very happy...just enjoy being happy!

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