Question Posted Saturday December 10 2005, 4:53 pm
My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and a month, on Decemeber 15. We are always together, and I think that I love him. I know it's like, oh your a child you don't know what love is, but I really do believe that I am in love. We were laying on my bed on each other and I was thinking about how I love him, and I was about to tell him.. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he said, "I love you." It was like so strange though because I was just about to say the exact same thing, but anyways.. Wow, totally off topic. I'm 13, and whenever we are making out.. We get a little too into it, I suppose. Where it gets to the point when it's "dry sex", or having sex with your clothes on.. Yes, I know it's weird.. But, I feel the erge to want to have sex with him, and go farther, sexually. I am only in 7th grade, so of course I don't want to go that far.. All I have done with any guy is "feel up", because I refuse to go farther.. He was trying to finger me and I wouldn't let him. Basically, I am trying to ask..
Would it be wrong if I had sex with him?
I don't think I am ready, at all.
I could be wrong? Maybe, I am.
But - I am scared that next time we hook up that it will go a little too far.
And it's not like a 10 second hook up, it's more like 10 minutes.
Really, how far is "too far"?
I believe feel up is far enough for 7th grade.
But I'd love your views.
sweeTie3 answered Tuesday December 20 2005, 7:07 pm: okay well see i would say stick to your feelings but when you think about it its only 7th grade. you only say you love him because your always with him and you just want someone to hold you..im not trying to sound like rude or nething im just sayin that you should really think about it. i agree with the too far part stopping at feeling up. i think you should wait and tell him you wanna wait if things get carried away because if he accepts the wait..then youll kno hes really liking you..which would help a lot in the future. [ sweeTie3's advice column | Ask sweeTie3 A Question ]
LiLReBeL6907 answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 12:23 pm: Alright, you NEED to stick to your feelings. You are only 13 and you have plenty of time to explore this subject. you may be in love with him right now, but feelings change drastically with time. If you don't feel ready, and you are questioning it, then you ARE NOT ready. You push him away when he tries fingering you or pursuing a more sexual display of affection. You are having that instict to push him off for a reason. You are not ready. He said he loves you and you feel you love him, but you DO NOT need to show eachother your love by something this personal. Sex is a special thing and your first time should be too. Give yourself time. In the meantime, talk to him about it. Let him know that you are not ready to pursue this kind of sexual exploration just yet. If you need any more advice feel free to note my inbox. Much luck.
~Sherah [ LiLReBeL6907's advice column | Ask LiLReBeL6907 A Question ]
Devoidxandroid answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 3:32 am: I think your in the right place hun, and I agree with every one.... You should stick with what you feel ok with and wait on sex.
If you want to talk to me about the subject some more IM me at Devoidxandroid
kevin1986 answered Monday December 12 2005, 1:56 pm: I can tell you're not ready just by looking at your question. Essentially you're asking "How can I tell him no?" And that's what you should do. I know this is gunna sound repititive, but you're only 13. Sex is pretty serious and you really are too young for that. You shouldn't be having sex, unless you're ready to deal with the small possibility that you could become a parent. You ready for that? Just enjoy being a kid. You'll get older soon enough, trust me. You tell this guy no by simply saying "I don't mean to hurt your feelings or anything, but I'm just not ready to do this with you or anybody else yet." [ kevin1986's advice column | Ask kevin1986 A Question ]
MELiixMARiiE answered Sunday December 11 2005, 8:45 pm: "Would it be wrong if I had sex with him"?
-Well, we really can't tell you if it's wrong, we can only give OUR opinion.. and that's just our opinion which might be different from yours.
"I don't think I am ready, at all. I could be wrong? Maybe, I am."
-Obviously from that sentence alone you sound like you don't want to have sex with him. Because if you're even doubting it the slightest bit, then you shouldn't do it because you're not 100% ready.
"Really, how far is 'too far'?"
Well, I think for a girl your age... feeling up is far enough, but like I said that is just my opinion. If you two feel you are in love with eachother enough and have fully discussed everything like two repsonsible adults and you're aware of the consequences and everything, then it's your choice. But please, wear protection of course. But like I said.. think of all the consequences.
Also, you say that you feel the urge to have sex with him, which is normal for girls. Because you're going through all the hormones and everything and teh age where people want to experience things such as sex and such. But it might be just a phase, that might not mean you REALLY want to have sex with him. Like I said, just think everything through, talk about it, be aware of everything, and both feel that you're fully ready to make a big decision like that.
I hope I helped.
goodxnight answered Sunday December 11 2005, 7:00 pm: okay, so i`m fifteen and my boyfriend wanted to have sex with me. and i said no. i don`t feel that i`m ready. sex will change everything in a relationship. for 7th graders, i think you are safe with what you are at now. you don`t have to go any farther. like dude, you`re in 7th gradee. and if your boyfriend presses for sex and you say no and he gets mad, he`s nott the one for you. turst me. [ goodxnight's advice column | Ask goodxnight A Question ]
jessica0WNSyou answered Sunday December 11 2005, 6:02 am: ... wow, 7th grade --
but i won't look at that and i'll just answer your questions.
#1. "would it be wrong if i had sex with him ?"
-- you can't really ask us if it would be wrong. we are not you. only you can decide if it would be wrong or right. you say that you love him. and it's better to have sex when you love that person. having sex is not wrong, it's normal. but at your age make sure you use protection.
#2. "i could be wrong ? maybe, i am. "
-- if you seriously don't think you are ready. then don't do it. don't do something you don't want to do. you're in 7th grade, you have your whole life ahead of you to experience this kind of stuff.
#3. "how far is too far ?"
-- again, only you decide that. you think it's being "felt up" but another person might think it's having sex ? so it's up to you, you choose your morals.
-- and the whole, "too young to know" thing is a bunch of crap. when you Love someone, you Love someone. it's just a little weird that you fell in Love in 6th grade, because when i was in 6th grade i didn't even really pay attention to boys.
luckybutt32 answered Sunday December 11 2005, 2:15 am: ok hun heres the truth i think its to far to have sex with him. i know you feel the urge because physical when you have "dry humping" sessions like that he is getting you aroused by putting pressure on your clit. so thats why you feel that way and im sure you like him alot but hun if you get pregnant would you want to go through that with him i mean you have your whole life ahead i say try to stay in public places with him if you dont trust the situation. i know im 32 and probaly an old fart to you but honestly i have felt those feelings and looking back im glad i waited. just be safe in whatever you do. just realize whatever you do has a consequence ok? fill me in on things later and if you need more advice drop me a line.good luck
here for you,
luckybutt32 [ luckybutt32's advice column | Ask luckybutt32 A Question ]
CameronASTB answered Sunday December 11 2005, 1:16 am: well, everyone is diffrent, I mean, you could be ready now, it does not matter what age you are, just as long as you are ready, now if you where under 10 (like my cosin) & where wanting to do all of this, it would be totally diffrent, but you are 13, you can decide on that yourself, no one here can tell you when you are ready or if you are ready, you have to know yourself, & at anytime it is ok, it doesn't matter that your in 7th grade, as long as you & him both are ready & willing to do it
EvilCheshire answered Sunday December 11 2005, 12:37 am: I don't think age has much to do with love. It's what your heart feels, and your heart has no comprehension of love. Though, sometimes when you're younger it does cause more problems and you can't really take your love to the next step.
If you really don't feel ready DONT. Just wait until you feel entirely okay with your choice. Giving yourself to someone can be viewed as a big deal, sometimes not. Honestly when I lost my virginity I didn't care, but then again I was 16. But there are some times that I really regretted having sex with a few people. Once you do it you can't go back and change it and you can't forget about it.
Not only that but kids are really cruel in school. Are you sure this guy won't go around gloating about how he had sex with you? And if you guys broke up would he say horrible things about you and talk bad about your 'sex life?' those are the kinds of things you have to watch out for. It can really damage your reputation.
Just do what you think is right. When he's with you next time you need to flat out tell him what you don't want him to do.. and what you don't mind him doing. If he's a genuine guy he WILL respect your descision. [ EvilCheshire's advice column | Ask EvilCheshire A Question ]
Thickbabyie4u answered Saturday December 10 2005, 10:04 pm: Okay but if you don't think your ready, then why do it? That right there proves your not ready. but like I was saying be aware of what your doing cause if you do go and have sex, there is always the possibility of getting pregnant, and getting preganant before high school isn't cute. And do you really think that he'd be with you taking care of a child.... umm no hun. And if he's your boyfriend and he "loves" you. Then he'd respect your decision whatever it may be, sex or no sex. [ Thickbabyie4u's advice column | Ask Thickbabyie4u A Question ]
cailoisa answered Saturday December 10 2005, 8:49 pm: In answer to your first question, I think whether it's right or wrong is so incredibly personal that it would be wrong for me to try to answer it. However, when I consider the next line ("...don't think I'm ready..."), I think that it would be wrong. If you think that you are not ready, then you are not. Think about it when he is not around and when you are feeling calm and level headed. If, at that time, you still feel that you are not ready, then you should really wait. Don't force yourself into it, or don't let yourself go father than you are ready to go.
When it comes to your body and choosing not to have sex, you can't be wrong. Your boyfriend is very important, but your choice and your feelings are just as important, if not more so. If you feel that now is not the time to have sex, than you cannot be wrong.
Since you are worried that it might go too far, then you should talk to your boyfriend. It sounds like you care deeply for each other, and you need to be able to talk about things like this. Tell him how you feel, ask him how he feels, and set limits together. It will make your intimate times together so much more special if you don't have to worry about going too far, and you know that he is ok with the limits you have both set.
I agree with you, feeling up is plenty for someone in 7th grade. You are smart to try to keep it slow. The way you asked your question, and the mere fact that you _are_ asking this question, show that you are very intelligent and responsible. Just stay the way you are, and you will make the right decision all on your own (some people can't!). Good luck! [ cailoisa's advice column | Ask cailoisa A Question ]
xomegaroni answered Saturday December 10 2005, 8:34 pm: i think that this is totally up to you. i don't think you should actually have sex, but that's juss my opinion. yes, people have sex at age 13, but there's a lot of things that go with it. stds, pregnancy, you guys breaking up, rumors, people seeing you differently, getting caught, etc. if you guys love each other you should be satisfied until you get older er get married. it also depends on your beliefs, values, religion, etc.
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