my friend is depressed. she always tells me her problems and itold her to get therapy bcuz it helps and ive been through it. but after i tell her this she always says "see thats why i cant count on you. you never help me with my problems" she always makes me feel so guilty. How can i help her?
karenR answered Saturday March 26 2005, 3:03 pm: go to my column and read the symptoms of depression.If she has a lot of them then go tell an adult to get her help.:} [ karenR's advice column | Ask karenR A Question ]
AdviceAskMe answered Saturday March 26 2005, 2:07 pm: OK, first of all, dont feel guilty. You are trying to do whats best. I say that you try talking to her about whats wrong. Send some more time with her and try to make her feel special and important. That is a main reason as to why pl get depressed. Try it!! [ AdviceAskMe's advice column | Ask AdviceAskMe A Question ]
RoadkillSalad answered Friday March 25 2005, 8:18 pm: You are helping her with her problems. If she'd listen and understand, she would see that looking at the bright side of things actually does help. But it's probably just a stage of depression that she's in where she's somewhat narrow-minded, only thinking of things that are bad, and she just wants someone to feel pain too just so someone "understands" her. Don't feel guilty - You're only trying to help, and she should soon see. If she doesn't, well then that's the best you can do. If she dwells on her problems and you go along with it and talk all about her problems, she'll soon find herself even more sub-conciously depressed. Next time you have a chance, just take her out somewhere, do something fun, just to get it out of her mind. And if she brings it up, just tell her that you don't want her to be thinkin' about all her problems and that you want her to just go through the day and have a good time. Try that and see what happens, maybe soon she'll come to realize that she's not the only one with problems and that someone else has much worse problems than she does. [ RoadkillSalad's advice column | Ask RoadkillSalad A Question ]
goMango answered Friday March 25 2005, 7:59 pm: i have a friend like that, i got fed up with it and i told her that if im not helping, to shut up and fix her own self.. tough love [ goMango's advice column | Ask goMango A Question ]
punkrockprincess answered Friday March 25 2005, 7:23 pm: Don't tell her that she needs to get professional help. It'll just make her feel like she's crazy. Really be there for her and talk to her. Have deep conversations with her. Be a friend to her and not a parent!
LoveNJstyle answered Friday March 25 2005, 7:11 pm: well sometimes people just want sympathy and understanding, not so much real help. when someone has a problem they turn to friends because a consuler isnt always the most appealing option and they dont offer sympathy.. so if its something u cant help her with, tell her its ok and just let her vent or talk about it if it helps. <3 [ LoveNJstyle's advice column | Ask LoveNJstyle A Question ]
LlamaGal answered Friday March 25 2005, 7:00 pm: It depends on what kind of problems she's going through. If it's problems at home, i dont know if there's really anything you can do for her. If it's problems with like a bf or just friends, you can talk to them for her or something like that. But you can't solve everything for her, and she's not being a good friend if she's depending on you to solve all her problems for her (i don't know if that is what she's doing or not though). She probably just needs somebody to talk to. [ LlamaGal's advice column | Ask LlamaGal A Question ]
charmed-cherry21 answered Friday March 25 2005, 7:00 pm: You just need to be really sweet and I understand that you say the therapy and if she would yes it would help her but you need to just talk to her and help her understand that things aren't her fault and stuff like that.
SexyChic answered Friday March 25 2005, 6:57 pm: Just be her therapist. Since you've already gone through it, you can just tell her what your therapist said to you. I'm like a therapist to my friends, and it might get annoying after awhile, but if you don't want to do that, you just have to tell them you're not a professional, and explain how they helped you, if you haven't done that yet. There probably isn't a good way to get her off your back, if that's what you are terying to do, at least, not a nice way, but you could say I'm sick of your complaining, you need to see a professional, but that sounds mean. If you just really want to help, the thing she probably needs most is just a friend to listen. You can't solve all her problems for her, because you probably wont be able to do that her whole life for her. Just listen, and do the things to her your therapist did for you. Hope i could help! [ SexyChic's advice column | Ask SexyChic A Question ]
xox_cutebrunette answered Friday March 25 2005, 6:52 pm: hey well i think you did a good job of trying to help her i mean thats jsut her problem if she's going to be like that if she's always depressed than she should maybe get therapy because people who are always depressed can end up killing theirselves soo u should try your best to help her out and maybe you should sit her down and tell her that your just tryin to help! well i hope it works out! [ xox_cutebrunette's advice column | Ask xox_cutebrunette A Question ]
bAhAmAmA0250 answered Friday March 25 2005, 6:46 pm: Well if she has any problems that relate to yours or close to it anyways just say what your therapist said to you and help her. Dont just tell her always to get a therapist sometimes just take the time to tell her what you think. Im sure she wants to be able to know what you have to say and what your wise words are!!-trix
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