Question Posted Saturday November 27 2004, 9:17 pm
My boyfriend and I have been seeing eachother for a little over 2 years. I know he really loves me, and I really love him too. The thing is, is that he has always had a fantasy of having a 3-some with me and another girl. He said it's only going to be a one time thing, and that the other girl isn't going to mean anything to him- it's just his fantasy. I understand what he is saying and I want to do this for him, but I know I would feel REALLY uncomfortable doing it and I'm not quite sure I could go through with it. I keep telling him I don't really know if I want to- but he keeps bringing it up every now and then. It makes me feel bad when I tell him no. What am I supposed to do, or what should I say to him?
chubb_chubb answered Wednesday December 8 2004, 1:51 am: yupp, ive been there.
its really tricky, have you told him it makes you uncomfortable because if he still brings it up after you explain it makes you uncomfortable then hes not being nice to you. it sounds to me like hes pressuring you which anyone who respects you shouldnt be. right?!
maybe you need to think about why a threesome would make you feel uncomfortable and really think about it...
s-k [ chubb_chubb's advice column | Ask chubb_chubb A Question ]
Eyesinoceanwaves answered Saturday December 4 2004, 3:41 pm: HOnestly the only thing you can do is say that if he really loves you then he would respect your opinion on it. I think a good number of guys want to have a three some. But they are guys. I think talking to him more about how you feel will help him realize that he could make a mistake by doing this. If you feel uncomfortable about it, you shouldn't do this at all. Even if he wants to. [ Eyesinoceanwaves's advice column | Ask Eyesinoceanwaves A Question ]
dinoold answered Wednesday December 1 2004, 4:47 pm: no way..to me..this is the ultimate betrayal..ok..sex is the same for a while now..lets' DO my (BF) fantasy and get another girl..Nope no way...i admit i am a prude but to me..he might as well just fool around with someone else...sex is between two people...not a party..ok..
This will not end..he will NOT want to just do it wiht two after this..ok..
ThugGirl041790 answered Wednesday December 1 2004, 3:01 pm: Dont do something for him that you feel uncomfortable doing.. i understand that you love this guy and that the other girl wouldnt mean nothin to him..you should tell him how you feel about that and how it makes you feel to know he wants to have sex with you and another girl.. personally i would have to hit the girl if she touched my boyfriend.. but yea dont feel bad to tell him no and you probably think youll lose him or something cuz you said no to that but if he loves you like he says he wont bug you about it.. hope things work out okay and hope i helped or atleast a lil bit.. (D) [ ThugGirl041790's advice column | Ask ThugGirl041790 A Question ]
dreamingkat answered Tuesday November 30 2004, 11:11 pm: This is a tricky one. Not because of the question you asked, but because of the question that seem to be lurking under the surface.
I agree with other posters that you should never ever do anything your uncomfortable with. A little nervous - like the butterflies before a test - is one thing, but uncomfortable - like you know your going to regret it later - is quite another.
If he really is only looking for an additional set of holes and bulges, there are toys that the two of you can use to simulate that.
But it seems that that is not the real issue here. It sounds like your not comfortable saying "no" to (or otherwise denying) him. If that's true, it is something you will need to explore sooner or later. Even someone who is submissive needs to have the ability to set limits - and anyone in a relationship with a submissive needs to know which limits are not to be pushed.
snowwalker69 answered Tuesday November 30 2004, 4:12 pm: Keep saying no!!!! And tell him that if he doesn't understand that you'll feel uncomfortable with it, then he isn't worth it. I know it ain't that easy, to be in love with someone and to tell them that. And it would bother me bad if my boyfriend was talking about having sex with other women. And you feel bad when you say no? He should feel bad for even asking. Fantisies are nice ... yes, but a fantasy should be performed with only the one you love, and no one else. Good luck [ snowwalker69's advice column | Ask snowwalker69 A Question ]
TheQueen answered Sunday November 28 2004, 6:16 pm: tell him no no no no no no no no no if he really love you he shouldnt even tell you he wants to do that kinda nasty stuff he never think about you and how you feels about that TELL HIM HELL THE FUCKING NOOOOOOOOO [ TheQueen's advice column | Ask TheQueen A Question ]
loser_of_the_centry answered Sunday November 28 2004, 5:18 pm: I really don't know what to say that would help. If he really loves you he won't care that much about it. Tell him you don't want to and stick with your answer don't cave in unless you are totaly comfortable with it. No one is good enough to make you feel uncomfortable. Some one better will come along and you'll be happer if this one don't work out
houdini07 answered Sunday November 28 2004, 1:38 pm: wow. that is, well, very hard to answer. if he is having fantasies, i really dont know what to say to that. who is he having fantasies of? is he forcing you to do this? [ houdini07's advice column | Ask houdini07 A Question ]
mookie answered Sunday November 28 2004, 9:24 am: Its every mans fantasy and few actually get to live it. If you are not comfy don't do it if he doesn't get the hint tell him your fantasy is to have a 3some with 2 guys that ought to get his attention. [ mookie's advice column | Ask mookie A Question ]
pRiiNcEsS_bRyT answered Saturday November 27 2004, 11:53 pm: well i would only do it if you really want to...because if he really loves you he wouldnt pressure you into doing anything your not comfortable with!! so just tell him hey im not comfortable doing that can you please jsut quit bringing it up....good luck sweetie!
xOx ---> bRyTt [ pRiiNcEsS_bRyT's advice column | Ask pRiiNcEsS_bRyT A Question ]
angita answered Saturday November 27 2004, 11:19 pm: look if he really respects you he'll let it go if you say no.. he should really understand. i mean would he let you have a threesome with you and another guy..probably not. and if you guys do it and he like it then there will probably be a second time or he would want a second time. but don't feel bad about saying no because your man is suppose to make you feel special and comfortable and he isn't doing that rite now.. well good luck and follow your heart. angie [ angita's advice column | Ask angita A Question ]
Mexicanchic62820004 answered Saturday November 27 2004, 11:01 pm: He should only be told once that you would feel uncomfortable if you did a 3 sum. If he really loves you then he wouldn't always be tryin to get you to do it, he should respect your answer. If he doesn't then I think that you should dump him, cause a guy that doesn't listen to his girl and keeps tryin to make her do sumthin she don't want to then he is just not worth it.So tell him straight up NO!!! [ Mexicanchic62820004's advice column | Ask Mexicanchic62820004 A Question ]
Cath answered Saturday November 27 2004, 10:24 pm: Hi Sweetie,
Ask him how HE'D feel about at 3some with another guy? If he says "uncomftrtable" then tell him that's how you feel too! I'm sure he really loves you and it's just smething he really wants but knows he wouldn't have if it meant giving you up. Tell him that love is never asking the other person to do something he or she feels unomftrable with twice. Once is enough and you said no. Period. Nothing else should matter. A 3some shouldn't be the only thing that makes a person happy. I'm sure it's a phase and it'll die out. Just be firm about your answer and don't do it under any circumstance. He'll learn to be ore respectful and you'll see he really loves you if he stops asking you to do it.
Have a good night. My best wishes! ~Blessed Be... [ Cath's advice column | Ask Cath A Question ]
LAUREL-TESSA answered Saturday November 27 2004, 10:15 pm: well if youreally dont want to go through with it you need to tell him and talk to him..but otherwise if you think you want to go through with it just make sure your the main person in the 3-some and just make sure its want u want to do and good luck!!
CandYkaHne answered Saturday November 27 2004, 10:13 pm: Stick with your answer and dont feel bad about it. Tell him that u would be uncomfortable in doing that and that you just flat out dont wanna do it...if he loves you like he says then he should understand and be fine with that. [ CandYkaHne's advice column | Ask CandYkaHne A Question ]
RedNeckShOrTy answered Saturday November 27 2004, 10:09 pm: Tell him that you don't want a 3 way and that you wont change your mind. Tell him that you would feel uncomfortable. Make sure he understands how you feel. Tell him you love him and that you want to be with him but if he loved you than he would understand how you feel. If he keeps asking you then be firm and confident and tell him "NO". If you sound unsure then he might think he can persaude you into it. I hope i helped!
icey0990 answered Saturday November 27 2004, 10:05 pm: I havent been in your situation before, but this type of question has shown up on "Talk Sex" a talk show on tv hosted by Sue Johanson , who is excellent! Well anyway im going to tell you what Sue Johanson said:
1) dont do ANYTHING your not comfortable with ever. Especially when you`ve been going out for two years. Im sure you two have been together for a reason. By now if you say straigght out you dont want to do anything..he should respect that
2) Now im not saying that this will happen..im just talking about the possibilites. Your boyfriend says this is a one time deal...but..sometime down the road after you have the 3 some...what will come next? He`ll might cook up another idea and mention it every once in a while and you might want to give in again. He`ll remember that you did it eventually...so he might think you`ll give in a second time.
please dont do anything your not comfortable with. This is a serious deal and you shouldnt do it unless your completely comfortable with it.
best of luck..drop me a line if you want to talk again
Striker6909 answered Saturday November 27 2004, 9:52 pm: well... first of all tell him that it is making you uncomfortable.. and also in order to keep a relationship both sides must sacrifice something.. so if he wants to do this.. maybe you should tell him one of your fantasies to him and see what he thinks about it... although it may sound kind of weird at least he will know that "you have to give something to get something" [ Striker6909's advice column | Ask Striker6909 A Question ]
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