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i dont like to see him get hurt
17/f
Hey!
oookkk i need major advice lol cause my friends def. dont give me any. i really like this guy, but he does a lot of stuff i dont like. he smokes a lot, drinks to much (i like to drink but he drinks all the time) and hes just kinda known as a "bad boy". a lot of people tell me i could do a lot better. he gets into trouble a lot and starts fights with people, but im really comfortable with him and i like the way he makes me feel. i dont know what balances out more or if its worth going through stuff he does... and if i should keep being with him cause i really like him but i really dont wanna get stuck in his drama and the stuff he does. i dont want to lead him on either... so if i should get away from him i need to. hes a really nice guy and he has a lot of friends and i know he would never hurt me... but the things he does really bothers me... and i dont like to see him get hurt or get in fights. I NEED MAJOR ADVICE!!!
-kelly
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, I know it's been quite a while since I checked the site, but if things are still where they were when you wrote this, I suggest keeping in contact with him, but also dating other people.
He may mellow out as he grows up, and you won't get so caught up in him that you become lost if he ends up in jail or something.
If he's going to do things you don't want to do, don't go. Tell him you're happy to go do something else with him, but that's not your scene.
Let it go with the flow, but don't compromise yourself or allow yourself to get pressured into doing something you don't want to do.
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I think I've already answered this question. You can look at my advice column for the answer. - Sporkster
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Well, first of all you should tell him how much you care about him and that you worry about his well-being. His behaivior is very self-destructive and can put you in danger. Stay away from this guy until he gets help from these problems. Don't go anywhere with him, especially in a car. Tell him that you really care about him but can't be around him when he does these things. If he really cares about you, he will get help. I recently lost an uncle to alcholism, so I know this is no joke. It's a serious addiction, and if he doesn't get help, he's putting you both at risk. Good luck and take care.
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Sounds like i would feel the same way. Listen to ur heart. What does it say? If you really like him, talk to this guy. Tell him about this. If he really likez you, he'll care. If he shows no concern, you are WAYYYY TOOOOOOO good for him!
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*cracks knuckles*
Okay, so you like this guy a lot. You just don't like his behavior, right?
Have you tried talking to him about how you feel? Sometimes if a girl really just tells a guy something is bothering her, he'll try to fix it if he likes her enough.
Miscommunication is a BIG relationship-killer.
The first thing you wanna do is prevent the killer from even coming close.
Tell this boy what you just told me, aside from the obvious points. If it doesn't change anything, let me know what's going on and I'll try to give you advice accordingly! Good luck!
-Siren=)
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You say that he is a really nice guy and has lots of friends, yet you also say a lot of people don't like him, and he is a "bad boy" always getting in trouble. It sounds as if you are confused as to who he really is. Since your only 17 I would say take a break from this guy. Get out and date more people and see what other kind of realationships you could have. Why stick it out with this guy if your not truely happy. Unless you think this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, I think you should move on and see what else life can bring you. You are too young to settle for some "kinda nice somethimes" guy.
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Okay I think your best bet is to talk to the guy and tell him how you feel. If he cares about you back, he should at least be willing to cut back on these things you don't like and that are bad for his health, and then you can take things from there. However, if all he does is break promises or laugh at you for being so concerned, then I would get rid of him, he's not worth your time.
Good luck :)
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Hi, I'm sure this boy seems exciting and different to other guys and makes you feel special. But focusing on his good points will not make his bad side go away and it certainly in no way excuses his violence or too much drinking etc. Understandably, you're bothered by what he does (anyone would be) and you should not have to compromise your values and morals just so you can be with him. You said you 'don't want to get stuck in his drama', but if you keep spending time with him, that's inevitable. Soon or later, you'll get involved. Sometimes your feelings for him is not enough when it comes to maintaining a relationship, because it's not up to you to stop him from getting hurt or getting into fights. You can't change him against his will. I know we can't choose who we fall for, but that doesn't mean that the person we're attracted to is right or compatible for us. Think very had about whether you can honestly see much future in this relationship.
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Hey
I dont want to be the bearer of bad news but you should really let him go. Just from the way it sounds. If the things he does bothers you then maybe your body is trying to tell you something. Just think if one day he gets drunk and trys something whether it be rape or try killing you. When you are drunk you dont know what you are doing or what is going on around you. It is even hard, believe it or not, to control your actions. Think of it as if you are in a dream or nightmare and you start talking in your sleep but you dont know it or maybe you start to sleep walk this is how a drunk person reacts to everything. If he is really nice to you and you think that he loves you then try checking him into a alcholic adictions center. Or a support group. Maybe even sit down with him maybe with an adult listening from another room( for safety) and talk to him about it. Tell him exactly what you told me. Tell him that if he doesnt straighten up and pull his act together you will leave him. If you do go to this resort then follow through with it. You dont want him to think that you are weak. If he thinks that you are weak he knows that he can push you around. Again just make sure that you are safe and there is always an adult around just incase he lashes out or something. You should also make your parents aware of the things that are going on. Just promise me one thing be safe. Oh please be safe. I would rather have you get out of there and report him to the police then see your name under the obtuaries in the newspaper. If you feel you cannot get him under control then let the feds take care of it. Remember it is all for his own good. Always follow your heart and never let your gaurd down. You are a women stand tall and proud.
advice For Teens
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DEAR KELLY,
I UNDERSTAND FROM WHAT YOU WRITTEN THAT YOU LIKE THIS GUY. BUT YOU DON'T LIKE SOME OF THE THINGS HE DOES.WELL I THINK YOU NEED TO SIT HIM DOWN AND TELL HIM YOU LIKE HIM ALOT BUT TELL HIM HE NEEDS TO STOP GETTING IN TROUBLE AND IN FIGHTS WITH PEOPLE BECAUSE IT RUINING MINE AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
SINCERLY:ADVICE GIVER
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I understand, i had the same problem, actually i just had the same problem. Truth is, and its not easy, but you need to talk to him about it. I know people might say you could do better but im guessing you dont want to "do better" because you like this kid. You should tell him that you really like him and that you are interested but you dont want to deal with all the other stuff. He then needs to decide whats most important to him. You cant make up his mind for him. You prolly dont want to change him either because thats what attracted you to him. The best thing you can do is communicate with him, thats the best thing to do in any situation. Dont worry about your friends either, if they are friends they will get past themselves and support you in your decision. Most of all, good luck babe!-let me know how it works out!
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Try to talk to him about his probles and if that does not work then if your friends say I wont be your friend if u go out with him that is when u sould dump him here is a saying I say to all my friends boys will come and go but friends will last of ever but if u think u should stay with him then just do what your heart tells u.
hope I helped,
oblvr10
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I would remain close friends. You don't have to participate with him in the things you don't like. This fighting thing may be a phase, and it may not. Just talk to him about it, and you shouldn't worry about leading him on, I'm sure he knows where you two stand.
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I think that it's probably best if you just stay good friends with him. One thing that I've learned in my years is that you can't change a guy. No matter how hard you try, they will never change, and it seems like this guy needs some changing in his life style. I have to admit that there isn't much wrong with drinking or smoking a lot. My dad smokes and drinks and he is a really great guy; however, getting into fights and being known as a bad boy at school isn't a very good thing. I don't think that you're going to want to get in to a relationship with this guy. If you need anymore advice just mail me again. n__n
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Wow--Quite a story there--Okay...Just tell him how you feel about him getting in to fights and getting hurt and shxt. I mean...I know you like him alot and your friends say you can do better...but you just do with what you want. If he cares enough about you--He'll cut down a little bit...Thats the best I can think of right now...if there's more...I'll get back to you on that.
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One of my best friends is just like this guy your talkin about. If yall do have a close relationship then tell him how you feel. Ya know like a heart to heart conversation..also ask him why he does it. Ask him if he would consider slowing down on his drama though and if he says no then tell him well then don't do it around me. But becarful with what you say and how you say it because you don't want a ruined friendship.
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I know how you feel- I used to have a boyfriend who was a drug dealer. It can be confusing. Ignore people's opinion- YOU like him! You have to let him know that you won't drink a lot or smoke, and that you don't want any pressure to. If he blows you off, forget it. ALso tell him that it bothers you when he fights because you care about him....ask him if he'd like to see you get hurt. All in all, if he respects you, go for it. If not, sorry. Good luck!
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Why'd you go out with him in the first place? If you love him a lot, and you don't want to hurt him... Have you tried talking to him? Ask him to consider your position. Ask him to stop doing wrong things, because if he's an alcoholic, he could end up hurting YOU. If he doesn't want to try to stop for you, he doesn't really love you. Leave him if he doesn't get his act together, but don't be mean about it. Hope my advice helps.
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kelly,
most girls me being one of them are typicaly atracked to the whole "bad boy" thing if you don't like the stuff he does talk to him about it and see how he reacts to all of it and if its a positive response and he's willing to try to stop for you then hes defenitly a keeper! but on the other hand if its a negative response that he gives you then i really dont know it would be up to you i guess weather or not you want to put up with all of it but if he picks that over you then he's not worth your time anyways theres other guys out there that will treat you rite! <3 all my love LaLa
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well hun, i think that if u really do like him..then stay with him BUT tell him how u feel about the stuff he does...it might change..ive been in the same situation as u, cept my ex bf was atheist..and i believe in God..so it made me feel awkward..but i talked to him about it and now he is a christian..it takes time..just tell him how u feel and if he respects u and likes u then he will change for u or just not do the stuff around u..but if he doesnt change then u can do better..dont get ur self down over this..it will only make matters worse...
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There must be a reason why he smokes and drinks alot and gets into fights. U said not many people like him. Maybe he's just not happy. So u don't HAVE to get rid of him because you can try to talk to him and see if there's something wrong that you can help him with. If you can get him to smoke less and drink less that might also help because drinking and smoking are ways people use to 'get away from life' and he can never face his problems if he runs away from them. It sounds like he needs to get his life together.
But if he doesn't seem to want any help maybe he just has to figure this out on his own and you might have you leave him.
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