I have a wealth of life experience, some because I've paid attention to other people's mistakes, and some because I've made the dumb mistakes myself. My dad use to say that experience was not the best teacher but the hardest teacher. Many, many times, I wish someone could have given me the heads up, but it did not happen that way. So without choice, I had to learn the hard way. I am willing to share my wisdom with you.
Location: East Coast
Member Since: April 6, 2010
Answers: 22
Last Update: April 12, 2010
Visitors: 4028
Main Categories:
Love Life
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To keep this short and simple, my friend recently found out they had herpes. Obviously they're upset, what should i say to them to comfort them and calm them down? They're going to tell their significant other tonight,and get back to me. So i want things to say for when she talks to me again, because I am def. trying to help, but i just i don't how to relate to her right now. All advice and some knowledge/counseling technique's would be appreciated. Thankyou (link)
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Dear My fiendd,
First, I admire your care and concern for your friend. Here you are asking questions about how to be a better support system. Kudos to you! If only more in the world were like you.
Second, this just let's us all know the importance of condoms during sex. Believe it or not, sometime the infected person does not even know they have a disease because they have not visited a doctor.
If you haven't already, read as much information as you can about herpes. Being informed is the best way to be supportive. In your research you will learn that thousands of people have been diagnosed with this disease and thousands more are diagnosed each day.
Share and discuss this information with your friend and remind that they are not alone. Sometime with a diagnosis such as this, it feels so isolated and that no one could possibly understand. However, millions of people have this condition and still go on to lead fulfilled lives, even having children.
Encourage your friend to become more healthy with exercise and diet to keep outbreaks to a minimum. Some people have gone months without an outbreak because of the way they take care of themselves.
In other words, let your friend know it's not the end of life-just the beginning of living life differently. If significant other does not take the news well, trust what I say, there will be someone else who will understand and be willing to share a life of love and longevity with condoms. Additionally, you may be able to locate support groups where your friend can feel understood being around others with a similar circumstance.
You are a good friend and your friend will be ever grateful knowing you were there to listen, encourage, and not judge.
Take care of you,
Deeply Setting
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18-female.
So I just got back from the doctor and found out I have a yeast and bacterial infection - my first one. I have to take two different pills for both of them .. only for a week and the doctor said that these pills will interfere with my birth control so if i did decide to become sexually active to also use a condom. Well after leaving I was thinking .. IF I were to become sexually active AFTER i'm done with these pills to get rid of the infections, it won't interfere with my birth control right? It will only interfere when I am taking the meds? I know you guys aren't doctors or anything but an opinion would be good .. or if any of you girls have had this problem if you could helps also. thanks!:) (link)
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Dear Y & b infection,
Think about this, how long have you been in your sexual relationship with this person? Are you engaged? Living together? Talking about marriage? My point is this, so many people, including myself, THINK their relationship will last forever, only to look back and wish they'd never had unprotected sex with this person. Then think about if you ever break up with this person. How many more people are you willing to have unprotected sex with just because you love them?
My answer to you is - even if you are on the pill, use a condom with your partner EVERY TIME - unless you have some solid plans and money invested in your future together. See a man will usually stay around if he's invested financially in some way. This still doesn't guarantee his monogamy, but at least you may have a more long-lasting relationship, which you can both work through issues together.
Remember, if your partner is your age and enjoying the newness of sex (a couple years and less) what's to keep him from enjoying unprotected sex with the next person? I mean why would he not? Believe when I say, don't trust anyone with YOUR health.
Other than that, use the condom 14 days - the seven days of taking the med and the seven days after.
Take care of you,
Deeply Setting
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My boyfriend and i broke up just about 2 weeks ago (he broke up with me ). He told me I was the best girlfriend he's ever had(and his first REAL relationship) .He told me im the most amazing girl he's ever met but he needs space and i guess he got sick of hanging around me so much.I did everything for this kid,all the time.even his friends would tell him how great i am and how pretty i am and how they wish their girlfriends were like me.We are on good terms and have hungout a few times since the break up,but while we were dating..he used to smoke weed and it bothered me so sometimes he'd lie to me about doing it.then i told him to be honest about it,so he told me the truth,and we'd fight over it often and he'd tell me im a "buzz kill" which obviously made me feel like crap.Recently since we've been broken up,he smokes more than ever.for the first time ,today he came to school high and told several of my friends he was getting high after school too.He skipped a few hours yesterday to do it.and it's just horrible.He hasn't done his work ,nothing! he has such a great family,he's so so smart,he has honors and AP classes,he is so good at soccer,he goes to church and he had me and this weed thing is throwing him down the drain and i feel like weed has been picked over me.Everyones telling me that he;s gonna miss having me around because i was so good to him and i was the first girl he ever really liked,...but how can he miss me if he's spending all his time getting high and not in the right state of mind?! HAs anyone else had this problem? He's such an amazing guy when he's not high .I just miss him and i wish he'd miss me too. (link)
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Dear Beyond depressed,
You just about recounted an experience I had recently. Unfortunately, you won't be able to change this scenario but you can learn from it.
1-Stick with your standards. If you knew he was smoking weed, being with him and then trying to change him is not the way to go. You have to leave people to their habits until they hit rock bottom and know it's time to create a healthy lifestyle.
2-People must help themselves in healthy ways in order to be a benefit to YOU. Marijuana relaxes people. He likely smokes weed to help him cope with something in his past or in his life. However, counseling is the better option, but a person must admit the struggle and be willing to get help.
3-An addict who is not in recovery will choose their addiction over you on any given day, because they are already in love, in love with the thing they abuse.
His pain of losing you and knowing he was not worthy of you makes him need to smoke more in order to cope. Do you want to spend all of your time with someone who has NO coping skills for problems other than to get high?
Just remember, it is not your fault. We both fell in love with an addict who was afraid to feel, afraid of the reality, and thus afraid to be sober. All we can do is hope for the best unselfishly. Not for the best of the relationship, but the best for the addicted person who is truly in pain.
Wish him well and find someone who is sober.
Take care,
Deeply Setting
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19/f so there's this guy in my class i liked him and i thought he liked me, but he didn't. He smiled and talked to me in class and on facebook, so i misinterpreted it, especially when he gave me his business card since he's a fitness trainer at this gym. And i called him so many times, and then i texted him and he told me he had a girlfriend. so basically i s talked him like a moron. And now he gives me death stares all the time. And now i feel bad, and i can't stop thinking about it no matter how hard i try. I want to say sorry to him and that i want to start over and be friends. Should i apologize? like to his face? please help thanks! (link)
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Dear Should I apologize,
You have no reason to feel bad in the first place. Unless you're leaving out information and you did some harm to him physically, or crossed physical boundaries, waited in the bushes outside his home, told people you were his girlfriend etc. you have nothing to feel bad about. You called him repeatedly, and when he told you his status, you stopped contacting him. Kudos to you. A real stalker would not be that intelligent.
You misinterpreted his intentions-it happens, especially when it involves something we want. I think he is the one who owes the apology. After your third call, you should have received a text at the least telling you he had a girl THEN. It was rude for him to wait so long to give you this necessary bit of information.
Should you apologize? I don't think so. Moving on is enough to create closure to this situation. Remember, he has a girlfriend. Would you want a woman who was attracted to your man to become his friend? Probably not. Respect his situation - it will elevate you and show that you have class.
Trust me, a man who waits that long to tell another woman he is already involved is seeking trouble and attention. You deserve better than that anyway.
Take care,
Deeply Setting
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I'm afraid of getting my period at school and I have decided to use tampons and I think I figured out how to use them/insert them but what it I get mine at school?I tryed wearing a pad of all sizes and they all feel like dipers but what if I can't get my tampon on right?ahhhhhhhh help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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Dear Getting my period at school,
The way you are obsessing about this, I'm gonna guess that you haven't had your period yet. Relax. It's not as bad as you think it will be. You already appear mature-minded enough to be prepared so you're ahead of the game.
Go to the store and purchase some panty liners, but the unscented ones. These are so small you won't even remember you're wearing it. Wear one every day until you get your period. They are small but absorbent enough to catch any flow when it starts. Remember, your period will not just gush out like a faucet. It will begin with brown spotting then increase as the hours and days pass. You will have ample time to handle the situation.
When you notice the spotting, just change to a more absorbent pad. If the ones you tried feel like a diaper, just purchase the ultra thin pads. Very comfortable and you can wear them with jeans.
One more thing, please do not insert petroleum jelly into your vagina. You will get an infection. Please only use water soluble lubrication. That is why KY Jelly was invented.
Overall, don't obsess. You seem well-prepared and will have enough time to be hospitable to your visitor when she arrives ;)
Take care,
Deeply Setting
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the other day i was beat by my dad so bad im 16 and a guy but i can't stand up to him. he punched me in the nose once an threatened to kill me so i took a shotgun an put it to his head an told him to back the f*** off. i thought i made the point clear to him but the next day he had iron knuckles with him an nailed me in the forehead. im lucky i barely felt it i guess over the years ive become almost immune to pain. but i dont know what to do to have him stop without cops or foster care getttin involved i luv him to much even tho he busted my lip and my forehead open. luckily im ok i dont feel dazed or nothin from the hit. im lucky i moved backwards with the punch so it didnt get me bad just a lil blood. but if i hadnt moved i could probly be dead rite now........... any advice would be helpful............ but toher than my dad i have a goood good life an grl im a QB for my highskool and i make straight A's.... i need sum help plz (link)
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Dear I hate this,
I am not going to sugar coat this. If you do not do something about this, it will ruin the rest of your life. I am hoping that it is not already too late.
What I'm saying is this - no matter how good you think your life is or how many A's you're getting, unbeknownst by you, this abuse is creating an alternate person within you. One who may develop anger management issues, one who may beat up his girlfriend and or children, one who won't be able to handle unsuccessfulness of any kind, one who won't be able to keep one relationship for long. The gun incident demonstrates that it's starting already.
The longer you allow this to continue, the longer you will need therapy. Yes therapy. You will need to discuss this in detail with a professional and discuss the paradox of loving someone who is beating the life out of you.
What you may not know is that your father was beatup when he was young. This is the way the cycle of abuse works. He didn't talk to anyone to resolve those issues, so now he's beating you. He knows it's wrong, but yet he thinks it's best. Sounds sick doesn't it? It is. Your father is a sick man and he needs help. However, do not sacrifice your future happiness by doing sticking around. You cannot help him. Protect yourself!
Find the number to a crisis hotline so they can direct you to appropriate authorities in your area. It's a difficult decision. I understand. However, you are at a crossroad right now. If you do nothing, trust when I say, you will feel the effects and regret for the rest of your life. You do not deserve this type of living.
Take care,
Deeply Setting
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how can you tone your face? (link)
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Dear Tone your face?,
This is a good question. There are generally 3 steps to a good facial skin care regimen. Wash, tone, and moisturize. Toning makes the skin look renewed, rejuvenated.
It's important to use the correct type of product for your face so you have to first know if your skin is dry, oily, or a combination of both.
I tone my face with aloe vera gel. However, toning the skin actually begins with the wash. At least 2-3 times a week, you want to wash your face with something slightly abrasive - slightly. For example a sponge, or scrub glove. Don't rub your skin hard. Lather the cleanser you use on your face then go over it with the scrubbing motion.
What this does is a deeper cleaning than just your hand or a wash cloth. It will remove the dead skin that begins to cover and block your pores and makes it easier for blackheads and whiteheads to clean out.
After this process, dry your skin and then use a cotton ball to cover your face with the toner of your choice. You will see the difference. When the toner dries, moisturize with lotion.
Toning your face is like toning your body. It makes you look good at a glance. Keep these steps and you will have great skin for years to come.
Take care,
Deeply Setting
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16f
hey ya'll sorry i'm always askin question about, well, privates, but i guess i'm just not educated about her enough. so the other day i was masturbating, and i felt something pop, and i thought "well how weird, b/c i know i've not got my hymen anymore." so i'm freakin a little bit, and then i look and theres some blood (not much, but it worries me nonetheless, b/c ive had my period this month already.)
so for two days i was fine, and then yesterday it was kindof itching a little, and then today, it was itching alot, and it stings very bad! i know this is not an std transmitted from another person b/c ive been checked since i last had sex.
so my question now is, what's going on? should i go to a doctor? can you get diseases or infections from masterbating?
any and all help is appreciated! thank you! (link)
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Dear About the girl downstairs,
Apparently, you were inserting something inside your vagina. It would have been helpful to get a description of the item.
First, let me tell you something people have misconceptions about. The inside of a vagina is not dirty. Being an internal organ keeps it clean and precious. What must be cared for particularly is the outside folds of skin and lips where sweat and secretions can collect.
The inside of a vagina is so clean and delicate that even our diets can effect its health - example being yeast infection. In fact, the vagina it is probably the cleanest part of your body The inside of your mouth, which is seething with bacteria, is even way more dirty than the inside of your vagina.
That being said, if you used something that was not clean and just laying around to masturbate with, then you have likely given yourself an infection. If you used saliva from your mouth as a lubricant, you may've given yourself an infection. If you used a shared item - something someone else inserted inside them - then you may've also contracted an STD if the other person has an STD. Also remember, never insert ANYTHING into your vagina that was in your or someone else's anus. The smell from that infection will make you run to the mountains.
It appears that you enjoy masturbating. Just take care of your vaginal health and don't take it for granted. Make sure you and anyone else washes their hands before touching you down there and be sure all items have been washed with mild soap and water. And yes, you should see a doctor about this present situation.
Take care,
Deeply Setting
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Okay, this isn't the easiest thing for me to ask but it's pretty much anonamous, so here it goes. I'm completely unhappy with my privates. It's a point of severe lack of confidence for me and i have no clue what i can do about it. I am most hesitant about being intimate with anyone because of the way i look down there. It grosses *me* out. And it often hurts to masturbate because of the little, erm, flappers. I think they're called labia? They are all messy looking, and messy feeling as well. I don't feel like this is normal at such a young age.
Well I'm not sure what, if anything, i can do about this. Does fixing this problem absolutely require plastic surgery, or is there anything else i can do? Please help me! I am at a complete loss as for what i can do about this, and i think i mentioned already it takes *such* a toll on my confidence!
Sorry for the length of this, and I appreciate anyone who helps me out, greatly.
Also i apologize if this is the wrong category, but it seemed to fit better here than elsewhere. (link)
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Dear Hatred for my own privates,
I'm going to read between the lines here and conclude two things 1) you've never been to a gynecologist and 2) you are not a virgin. The reason I surmise such is because the question you ask can be discussed and answered by a professional. A gynecologist would be appropriate.
If you have been to the GYN, then don't be shy about raising these concerns. It's one of the things you pay for - medical advice - so get your money's worth.
Now, I gather that you are not a virgin because you say you lack confidence in the appearance of your vagina. This means that someone else is seeing your vagina and has made comments about it. Did that partner make jokes about your vagina? If so, you want to get rid of them immediately. They do not love you and are not worth your body.
A person who loves and cares for you, is focused on the feeling they have and give while being physically and emotionally connected to you. A person simply focused on the appearance of your vagina when they are supposed to be loving you is wacko.
However, if you are a virgin, I'll tell you this - vagina's come in a variety of appearances so if you are comparing yours to someone else's- just stop. That's no different than comparing the shape of the lips on your face to another person. Your shape there is part of what makes you YOU - not cookie cutter but unique.
None of this is to downplay your concern, but just to make you see that it's not a bad thing at all. What's also great is, no one knows, and no one should know until you find the one who loves you first. Then you can share your secret treasure with them :)
Take care,
Deeply Setting
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Usually I get my hair dyed and highlighted blonde professionally. But now I want to dye my hair a medium brown and I was wondering if the hair dye boxes at the store did a fairly good job at it? Is it even that possible to screw up on brown? If you have used anything in particular that you've tried and it works, could you please tell me the brand and price, etc? I've use hair dye kits PLENTY of times before, but i always used blonde (which looked horrible) and was just wondering if brown worked. Thanks. (link)
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Dear Dying my hair at home,
There are two things that will create a problem when you dye your hair at home. 1) not knowing what you are doing and 2) going from dark to light. In these cases, a person should definitely go to a professional.
However, you have both things covered because you've dyed your own hair at home before. It's obvious that you know how to protect your skin, how long to leave it on, etc. Also, being that your hair is currently blonde, you have no worries because dark color covers a light shade easily.
Any shade that you find and like in the store should work. As you already know, just follow the instructions well.
Therefore, it sounds like you are just worried because you've never tried a dark color before. Don't worry. Since you know what to do, the worse that can happen is that you don't like the color and decide to get it lightened again. In this case, you'll have to cough up the doe and just got to the professional. So kudos for being daring! I think you're set.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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ok i've been rele horny lately.. and i've been having sex with my boyfriend aggressively i mean i don't think he minds but i don't like it..how do i stop becoming as horny all the time? i mean i dont watch porno and im as average as average can get? i dont get it? (link)
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Dear horny,
I am going to be very honest with you. You have put yourself in a very, very, very difficult situation. This is what I mean -
The more you have sex, the more you will want sex.
You have a boyfriend with whom you've had sex repeatedly. He's not gonna go abstinent without a fight.
Your boyfriend knows your sexual triggers-how to get you hot.
The majority of songs on the radio is about sex or being sexy.
Most of your friends are probably having sex and are talking about it.
Just seeing your boyfriend's picture is a trigger.
Many jokes people tell are sexual-oriented.
In other words, you don't have to watch porn. Sex is everywhere and you are acutely in tune to it now that you are no longer a virgin.
It is admirable that you are thinking of falling back on the sexual activity. However, you have now created a situation for yourself where it's gonna be easier TO DO this thing you don't want to do than to not do it. You now understand the dilemma of an addict. You either will or you won't, but there's just no cutting back.
Decide what you want to do and put up the fight. Start hanging out with virgins or people who want to practice abstinence. You may lose your boyfriend in the process. This is not to discourage you, just to keep it real.
If you give up however, remember this--by the time you are a young adult of 23 (prime young adult age after college, thinking about career path, marriage and children)--many of the good significant-other candidates won't view you as valuable and rare. You will already be worn out emotionally and mentally and have had many hands all over your body for the past 10 years. Also, there will be greater possibility that you could find yourself in a "smashed-the-homies" situation. Not cool.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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last school year... i met this boy i'll call him "jeff". Well i really really really really really hated "jeff". Well he hated me too. But in the middle of the year... my hormones took over and i fell for him.
Well now its summer and he unblocked me (he had nme blocked on aim the whole school year) and he said hi and i said why are you talking to me? he said "oh i dont care about school stuff anymore...how are you?" and we talked for like 2 hours like we were best friends. Then like a week later he imed me and was like I HATE YOU and unblocked me. Then yesterday he unblocked me and we talked for 3 hours!!!
i really really like him and i cant tell if he still hates me!!!!
i rate high!
(link)
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Dear Mixed signals,
Sounds like your hormones are very talkative. They are telling you ~hey, look at that terrific guy Jeff. He's so hot, isn't he? But your intuition had already told you way before that Jeff actually wasn't such a nice guy. See, there was something within you that told you the truth. Now, you can see you were correct. Many times, we do not listen to our gut instinct, our intuition. We are actually more intelligent than we give ourselves credit.
Listen to your instinct and put a muzzle on those hormones. They'll lead you wrong every time.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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Okay, so i'm fifteen years old
and i'm so insecure about what I look like.
Alot of people think i'm pretty, but for some reason I don't feel it.
I have a really low self esteem.
I worry about my weight, not because i'm too fat
but because i'm too skinny. i'm 5'4 and I weigh 98lbs. I have NO boobs, and NO butt. People Judge me all the time for that.
My body isn't the only thing I don't like about myself, I also hate my teeth I have had sooo many people say stuff about them, they used to be really yellow but I was recently taken to the dentist and I had that taken care of but I still feel like my smile isn't pretty.
People at school always talk about how i'm too skinny, it emotionally scars me because theres nothing I can do to fix my body!
I'm really shy only at school though, because i'm sooo worried about what people are thinking about me, though at home I can be myself because I know my family won't judge me.
what are some things I can do to higher my self esteem. I'm sooo sick of people at school saying stuff about me. (link)
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Dear Low self esteem,
I'm sending you a hug right now because I understand what you're feeling. (((hug)))
I have been called skinny. Not because I am, but because I wasn't plump enough in the right places. You know what I mean. Interestingly, now that I've gained a bit of weight, I sometime wish for those slender days, because I had good muscle tone and looked great in a bathing suit.
One thing to remember is this, there are very few things that you can do NOTHING to fix. You see that is true with reference to your teeth. So let me give you some practical advice.
Teeth - Pay attention to what you eat and drink. Smoking anything, coffee, tea, chocolate and dark soda will yellow your teeth in a heartbeat. Avoid them! Also, each day rinse your mouth in hydrogen peroxide before you brush. This is a whitener and will work to brighten your smile-just don't swallow any.
Weight - What are you eating? Make yourself eat breakfast - especially before 10am. Some meat, cheese, bread product and or potatoes. These are the foods high in calories. Eventually, you will gain weight. However, if you are active in sports, then you need to eat extra because you will burn off those calories. Eat more than your energy output. Don't stuff yourself, just eat often.
Then, get a friend to show you how to lift weights so that you have muscle tone in your arms and legs. Trust me when I tell you that muscle tone is the envy of women everywhere. Why do you think they talk about Michelle Obama's arms?
You - Yes I bet you are pretty. You just haven't paid attention to it. Ask those friends what is pretty about you. Listen to what they say. They may say your eyes or your hair or your lips etc. Whatever they say highlight it.
I remember meeting a guy who just went numb over my eyes and couldn't stop complimenting them. I was surprised because they're only brown. However, you can best believe that afterward I rarely left the house without wearing mascara and eyeliner. Hey, if my eyes are one of my nicest features, then I should show them off!
You have great things about you as well. You also have ways to improve what you don't like. Start taking action. As your esteem grows each day, you will also be able to discover and focus on your intellectual and creative talents as well!
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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Ok here goes. I'm a 26 year old female. I've been threw a lot of relationships that failed. And for a couple of years now I've been on my own. Lonely and quite miserble and I'm currently trying to peice my life back togeather. So about three weeks ago I met a guy at a bar, he was much older than myself ten years to be exact so I thought wow a refresher. Usually I date always date guys around my own age... So I was instantly drawn in to this guy. So we talked on the phone and he took me out to eat so... I taught it was cool. It has been a while since I've really been out with a guy. So after the date we started talkng he invited me to hs home and we were intimate. Big mistake to soon and my feelings for him instanstly started to multiply I mean heres a guy I've known for a week that I slep with and now I have serious feelings for him. So every night basicly after that I continued to go over his house and sleep with him. And lately starting last week he started to change he only invited me over one day and the other days he barley answered his phone or when we talked he barley even paid attention to our conversation. So yesterday which was easter My family was over and my sister brought him up in the conversation. And I started talking about him and to my utter amazement my brother and law knew him. He grew up in the same neighborhood and he told me things about the guy that was shoking to me. He told me that he was a drug dealer and he was married before. OMG that threw me for a loop because just earlier that day I was talking to him and I heard a female in his background and before I could say anything else he quickly said he was about to take a shower and he hung up his phone. No matter the low down things you hear about a person when you have feelings for them it's really hard to get over that person... Superhard to move on even though I know that he only wanted sex with me and he really didn't plan on getting to know me that's why he lied about it. But I know he will proably call me and I just dont know if I would have the strength to resist him. Olease tell me any ways that I could do to get him out of my life for good! (link)
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Dear Ok here goes,
To me it sounds like the root of the problem is that you have no standards. That may sound rough, but I don't mean morally. I mean, if you met a new guy tomorrow, would he meet your standards?
When we don't have standards or boundaries, we allow all sorts of things to happen to us and all sorts of people into our lives. Example - the guy is much older than you, which was different so you went with it. However, do you have an age limitation? Trust me when I tell you that men do. I bet he asked your age didn't he? Men know what they're looking for and they will ask needed questions. Sometime women don't -only to be thrown for a loop at the end.
So my answer to you is create your list of standards first. Make note of everything you want in a man that you are worthy of and stick with it! You will likely find that this guy does not measure up to your standards. Once you realize that, it will be much easier for you to move on, knowing that he is simply a waste of your time.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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I have a problem. I have always wanted abest friend that will be with m everywhere, and with me through everything. I keep sitting with new people that look like they are the perfect one for me!....dont laugh. after a while, they fade away, and i just want one that would want me as a friend as bad as i would want them :( one that wouldnt want anyone but me to hang out with and i just dont see that happening. im not unnormal or unnatractive, i just want a friend, and dont know what to do. help me! i am a girl.... (link)
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Dear I need advice,
I understand your hurt and frustration. In fact, I still experience it because my bff died, and she cannot be replaced.
Instead of looking for just ONE friend, I would suggest seeking a group of friends. First discover what your strengths. Do you sing well, paint, write poetry, love math or science, playing sport or watching sports? Then there is likely a group formed that shares that interest. Join that group and you will instantly have something in common with several people.
I am sure you have several interests, so you can join several groups or clubs. Eventually, you will find that someone will gravitate toward you, especially when you do not seem so eager.
Just remember that although you meet several people, and really want a bff, it doesn't that you allow people to treat you any kind of way. Hold your standards high and know what you expect in a friend beforehand.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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Here's the story:
I moved to Texas in the year 2003, I moved in with my grandma, and became best friends with this girl that lived on the same street as me.
We would hangout ALL the time, we were pretty much inseperable. We would fight but we would eventually get over it. Well, a couple years ago we got in a huge fight she got her sisters and her parents involved which resulted in it being a war against my family and her family.
I didn't talk to her for a year then she randomly messages me out of nowhere and apologizes for the whole thing it took me a while but I ended up forgiving her. My family still hated her, and her family still hated me so we never hung out after that but we'd still talk a little at school and on the internet. Thing is you can't joke with her or she causes a big scene about it and stays mad at you forever. Me and my sister would always laugh about how she types, because SHE CAN'T SPELL WORTH CRAP! she types all ghetto, so one night it was me, my sister, and her friend, we thought it would be funny if we mess with her a little so I IM her on message and I was being nice but I was typin the same way she was and I guess she figured out I was making fun of the way she typed and got all mad about it well later on that night I message her because I felt bad, I explained to her that I was Just kidding and that if I hurt her feelings i'm sorry. Well she replys back with something really rude so we got in ANOTHER arguement, she posted bullitens about me which ALL of her friends can see so I got her back and posted an embarressing video of her dancing.
we haven't talked much since then but I see her everyday at school. I don't talk about her, seriously I forgot she exsisted until today when my friend told me she was talking about me in her 4th period class. I mean this girl is ALWAYS talking about me ALWAYS judging me and i'm really starting to get tired of it. I want to confront her about it but I have nooo idea what to say.
I want to message her and set things straight, I don't want any drama, i'm more mature then to sink to her level and give her what she wants.
what should I say to her though? I don't want to be friends with her, I just don't want to be enemies either. you know?
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Dear On and off friendship,
I'll get right to it. It's too late. You've hurt her. You did not say what the original argument was about, so it's challenging to say if this on-and-off will ever end. However, I doubt it. The reason she still talks about you is because she is still hurt. People who are hurt will generally want to do something back to hurt the offender. She is trying to work through her hurt until it's out of her system.
I believe that you did not want to salvage the relationship when you teased her about her ghetto typing. You knew there was a possibility that she would become offended, but you didn't care. Therefore, just keep on not caring.
She needs to get over the hurt and over you. The best way for her to do that is to not have ANY contact with you. If you do not want to be her friend, leave her alone.
Many times a friend relationship will have huge, huge transgressions within itself. It's not easy, but those who want to save the friendship must learn forgiveness and acceptance. One day you will have a friend you really care about. They will hurt you and not care about making amends. You will be hurt by such callousness, and then you will become more understanding of this scenario. It's just the way of life.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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15/ f. I have a guy best friend, 15 as well. He is the best, he's there for me and he listens to me when I need someone to open up to. Lately, everyone has been saying we should go out, it started with just our friends telling us and now it's everybody. I just look at his actions as being friendly, I mean we were good friends for seven years now. I could be having a horrible day and I would text him and just tell me all my problems and he'd listen and help me out. When we're on the phone, he'll play songs on his guitar for me because he knows I love that (he's still to nervous to sing in front of me, though). He'll help me with my homework whenever I ask him to. I yell at him a lot because he's negative a lot, he says some positive things but he struggles with low self esteem and that kinda thing so whenever he's feeling like that, I'll tell him how great he is and everything. Now, the other day I was going through a lot of problems with my brother getting caught doing something illegal and I was going on and on and after it all I said "Sorry for dumping my horrible life on you" and he goes "horrible life! that's negative! i want to hear your problems, i want to help." I thought that was really sweet. Everyday, I bring him in a 6 pack of his favorite crackers. Lastly, I don't know if you know what the silly bandz are, they're rubber bands in shapes like flowers and hearts and giraffes, I told him I have them and he said "I'm not a big fan of things on my wrist and I brought them in the next day and he stole one from me, after he went on and on about how much he won't take one. Now, he wears it everyday. I can't bring up the topic of us going out because he's a nervous kid. I would be his first girlfriend as he would be my first boyfriend. Now, my title is because about two years ago, I told him I was kinda diggin him and he said he didn't feel the same. So, I was wondering, do you think he changed his mind? I have been pondering on us going out for a while because I could see us together but I don't want to ruin the amazing friendship we already have. What do you think? Any help is mucho appreciated! Thanks! (link)
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Dear Did he change is mind,
I know exactly the confusion and apprehension you feel. I have experience a very similar situation. However, let me let you in on a secret. A man WILL DO what he wants to do. You will never have to convince him. Therefore, I am not surprised at all when he said he did not feel the same. This is the reason he did not approach you about a romantic relationship. It's not that you are not a beautiful person. He may even be attracted to you. Just for some reason, he does not want to have a romantic relationship with you.
Trust me when I tell you that low self-esteem is serious and nothing you want to mess with. Believe it or not, a person with low self-esteem will feel unworthy of you. If you go against what they feel, they will hurt you. Not intentionally, It's just the way people who feel unworthy of good things operate.
Enjoy your friendship with him, because a friendship like that is difficult to find. However, take everything at face value and stop reading into the things he does. Keep your self-esteem high, and don't accept romance with anyone whose esteem is not equal to or greater than yours.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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I'm fifteen, so is he. I think he's really cute. I'm hearing he's a huge druggie. He smoked and drank and everything. Now, we haven't talked yet and I'm not planning to until I know for sure he stopped all his drugs. I will not sink so low as to go out with a drug addict. I think he could be a really cool guy, I see him outside of school with his friends, all of them are smoking except him so that's a good sign but I don't want our first conversation to be "so, are you still a druggie? ok, cya." Don't say "get to know him first then work your way up to asking him" because I feel no matter how long we've been talking that question will always be awkward. Also don't say "ask one of his friends" because alllllllllllll of his friends smoke and I don't know any of them. Sorry if it's difficult to answer because I probably eliminated the top answers for my question. I just want to know how do I find out if he's still doing drugs before I start to like him more? Thanks! (link)
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Dear I like this kid,
It is outstanding that you have a criteria! I've asked some people I know about their criteria for eliminating or accepting a companion in their life, and they have none. What that means is that they don't place any value on themselves and are willing to take whatever comes along. You have your own standards, so remember, there are a MILLION cute faces in the world we live.
Therefore, the answer to your question is actually not difficult at all. Make your exit-stage left. People who do the same things hang out together. In other words, a "druggie" hangs out with other druggies because they will not be judged. Their lifestyle will be accepted. An ex-druggie is gonna hang out with people who are trying to NOT use drugs anymore. It takes great will and encouragement to stop doing something you get pleasure from doing-regardless what it is. Therefore, hanging with people who use is not what a clean and sober person does.
If you get involved with him, you will always wonder if he has started using again. Trust me, you do not want this drama of investigating a person all the time. There is someone for you who has the same standards as you do. In the meantime, have fun looking at all the cuties until the right one comes your way,
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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Ok so a very close friend of mine was taken advantage of by this ex boyfriend of hers while he was in a relationship with a new girl. He told her he loved her and so on and so forth and that he hated his current girlfriend but then once my friend ended the affair (due to her finding out she was only one of about 6 girls he was cheating on his girlfriend on) he ran to his girlfriend and told her she forced herself on him. So now this girl has been terrorizing my friend bitching her out sending her contact info to freaks and trying to contact my friends mom so she can tell her shes had sex. I wanted to cheer my friend up a lil so i sent a question to formsprings to her but she like sorta owned me. So i could really use some help getting her back with a great response.
Here it is
Dontcha think someone over-zealous and dim-witted should be a little less vocal?
I honestly could care less what people think of me xD. I'm one to follow my heart and i do what i believe to be correct. In the end, I'm always happy with my decisions and i only listen to those close to me xD. Don't you think if one has something to say about someone else, they should say it to their face directly? I might talk shit, but i never have an issue talking that shit to someones face =) (link)
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Dear Help me get her back,
The situation you described has a lot of turns and curves and is a bit difficult to follow. What it sounds like is that you want to get some revenge on the female who is trying to hurt your dear friend. Not that this is the best way to resolve this, but if my thought is correct, then you are a good friend. You feel the hurt and embarrassment of your friend that is not your own.
I would tell you this, do not try to cheer her up or do anything other than be there for her to listen when she needs to talk. The emotions she experiences is necessary for her to heal. I understand as a male that your nature is to fix what is going wrong in the lives of the females you care about. However, just remember that for females it is not usually about that. You will be such a great friend if you just listen and understand the frustration she is feeling right now.
Unfortunately, she became involved with a compulsive liar who cares about NO ONE - trust me when I say not even himself. Therefore, he does not care about who he hurts or the pain it causes while he lives his life.
Right now, in order to move beyond this fiasco, your friend needs to live her life to the full in real time- NOT ONLINE. Outside of blocking and/or deleting this trouble-making chic from her various online sites, she needs to be active. Go to amusement parks, the pool/beach, for walks/hiking, snorkeling - i know that may sound crazy. My point is do something with her that she's never done before. She will learn that the drama the guy has going on is insignificant. While they sit around waiting for her to get online she OUT having the time of her life! They will seem so pathetic--as they in fact are.
In conclusion, be there by listening and coming up with great ideas of new and exciting activities to share with one another. You both with solidify the realness of your friendship, and in the long run she will realize and appreciate what you have done by just allowing her to be.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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this group is an online spiritual group. We are a tight knit family, but for the past few months there's been a silent air of resentment. Everyone could feel it and tensions were growing between moderators and administrators.
Recently one of our bolder administrators, as in she is more of the project controller and the site being in her name) has been in a bout of depression. One of the members has attacked her (not wanting to but just a lack of consideration and of egging her around). I had a talk with this person because I was upset with him.
Im not a person in control, not a mod or admin because being 17 i am under the required age, but ive been in a fit of "this group and all these people are my family too and im not letting it fall to pieces dang-it". Two mods and an admin have left this site out of frustration and one mod has already started on another site and convincing others to join her, including the aforementioned bolder admin.
One of my better friends on the site, an admin, is deeply troubled by this, and she is trying hard to keep the family alive. The thing is that the owner (bolder admin) is a bit stubborn and easily upset, a bit dramatic.
Im lost in all this confusion for the second time in the families history. I'm not sure what to do...but once again I feel like I have to take some things myself. It seems i just cannot accept what is happening and im literally just joined advicenators because im so lost in this mess of secrets and betrayal.
What can I do? keep in mind this is a 17yr old talking with a group of 20-30 something yr old so there might be a feeling of youth=illegitimacy.
Any general advice as well works just as fine here. However, I'm not going to leave the family and im not giving up. (link)
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Dear Split up of groups/friends,
Your situation is extremely convoluted (involved), and I can tell that you could type much, much more detail if you had the time.
I will start by telling you this- their issue is NOT your issue. In other words, there are some 20, 30, 40 etc year olds who have not resolved the things that have happened to them as a child. When this happens, they behave like children regardless of their age. It is not your job to fix their problem!
What you can learn from this is to make sure that if there is anything you are personally struggling with in your own life-handle it now without delay. Otherwise, it will cause you to behave your shoe size and not your age much in the way your friends are behaving.
Also remember, online personas really get some people off. They may not be the personality they pretend to be online. They, like most people, want to be liked and present as very likable persons. However, when the going gets tough, they show their true colors and lack of ability to communicate. Unless you have met them personally, remember that online personas can be very make believe. In other words, you may expect more of them than they were ever truly capable of.
In conclusion, you have no obligation to anyone except to your children (if you have any) and yourself. Chat and post wherever you want and because it makes YOU happy. Do not allow ONLINE PERSONALITIES to make you feel guilty about what websites you frequent. Encourage them to resolve the beef where you can, but remember, if you make anyone else's problem your own, you will become Old Mother Hubbard before you reach 20!
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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