ask DeeplySetting



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I have a wealth of life experience, some because I've paid attention to other people's mistakes, and some because I've made the dumb mistakes myself. My dad use to say that experience was not the best teacher but the hardest teacher. Many, many times, I wish someone could have given me the heads up, but it did not happen that way. So without choice, I had to learn the hard way. I am willing to share my wisdom with you.
Location: East Coast
Member Since: April 7, 2010
Answers: 22
Last Update: April 13, 2010
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ok i've been rele horny lately.. and i've been having sex with my boyfriend aggressively i mean i don't think he minds but i don't like it..how do i stop becoming as horny all the time? i mean i dont watch porno and im as average as average can get? i dont get it? (link)
Dear horny,

I am going to be very honest with you. You have put yourself in a very, very, very difficult situation. This is what I mean -

The more you have sex, the more you will want sex.
You have a boyfriend with whom you've had sex repeatedly. He's not gonna go abstinent without a fight.
Your boyfriend knows your sexual triggers-how to get you hot.
The majority of songs on the radio is about sex or being sexy.
Most of your friends are probably having sex and are talking about it.
Just seeing your boyfriend's picture is a trigger.
Many jokes people tell are sexual-oriented.

In other words, you don't have to watch porn. Sex is everywhere and you are acutely in tune to it now that you are no longer a virgin.

It is admirable that you are thinking of falling back on the sexual activity. However, you have now created a situation for yourself where it's gonna be easier TO DO this thing you don't want to do than to not do it. You now understand the dilemma of an addict. You either will or you won't, but there's just no cutting back.

Decide what you want to do and put up the fight. Start hanging out with virgins or people who want to practice abstinence. You may lose your boyfriend in the process. This is not to discourage you, just to keep it real.

If you give up however, remember this--by the time you are a young adult of 23 (prime young adult age after college, thinking about career path, marriage and children)--many of the good significant-other candidates won't view you as valuable and rare. You will already be worn out emotionally and mentally and have had many hands all over your body for the past 10 years. Also, there will be greater possibility that you could find yourself in a "smashed-the-homies" situation. Not cool.

Take care,
DeeplySetting




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