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on and off friendship.

Question Posted Tuesday April 6 2010, 9:09 pm

Here's the story:
I moved to Texas in the year 2003, I moved in with my grandma, and became best friends with this girl that lived on the same street as me.
We would hangout ALL the time, we were pretty much inseperable. We would fight but we would eventually get over it. Well, a couple years ago we got in a huge fight she got her sisters and her parents involved which resulted in it being a war against my family and her family.
I didn't talk to her for a year then she randomly messages me out of nowhere and apologizes for the whole thing it took me a while but I ended up forgiving her. My family still hated her, and her family still hated me so we never hung out after that but we'd still talk a little at school and on the internet. Thing is you can't joke with her or she causes a big scene about it and stays mad at you forever. Me and my sister would always laugh about how she types, because SHE CAN'T SPELL WORTH CRAP! she types all ghetto, so one night it was me, my sister, and her friend, we thought it would be funny if we mess with her a little so I IM her on message and I was being nice but I was typin the same way she was and I guess she figured out I was making fun of the way she typed and got all mad about it well later on that night I message her because I felt bad, I explained to her that I was Just kidding and that if I hurt her feelings i'm sorry. Well she replys back with something really rude so we got in ANOTHER arguement, she posted bullitens about me which ALL of her friends can see so I got her back and posted an embarressing video of her dancing.
we haven't talked much since then but I see her everyday at school. I don't talk about her, seriously I forgot she exsisted until today when my friend told me she was talking about me in her 4th period class. I mean this girl is ALWAYS talking about me ALWAYS judging me and i'm really starting to get tired of it. I want to confront her about it but I have nooo idea what to say.
I want to message her and set things straight, I don't want any drama, i'm more mature then to sink to her level and give her what she wants.
what should I say to her though? I don't want to be friends with her, I just don't want to be enemies either. you know?

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DeeplySetting answered Wednesday April 7 2010, 1:31 am:
Dear On and off friendship,

I'll get right to it. It's too late. You've hurt her. You did not say what the original argument was about, so it's challenging to say if this on-and-off will ever end. However, I doubt it. The reason she still talks about you is because she is still hurt. People who are hurt will generally want to do something back to hurt the offender. She is trying to work through her hurt until it's out of her system.

I believe that you did not want to salvage the relationship when you teased her about her ghetto typing. You knew there was a possibility that she would become offended, but you didn't care. Therefore, just keep on not caring.

She needs to get over the hurt and over you. The best way for her to do that is to not have ANY contact with you. If you do not want to be her friend, leave her alone.

Many times a friend relationship will have huge, huge transgressions within itself. It's not easy, but those who want to save the friendship must learn forgiveness and acceptance. One day you will have a friend you really care about. They will hurt you and not care about making amends. You will be hurt by such callousness, and then you will become more understanding of this scenario. It's just the way of life.

Take care,

[ DeeplySetting's advice column | Ask DeeplySetting A Question

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