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My mom doesn't listen.

Question Posted Tuesday April 6 2010, 9:02 pm

My mom doesn't like who I am or who I hang out with very much. She tells me I'm going through a teenage phase and can't wait till in out of this 'hippie' phase. Yeah, I'm almost 18, not 13. Then, when I try to express how I feel about how judgemental she is or how I wish she'd accept me for what I like, she makes a big joke out of it. She'll be like "oh yeah I forgot I don't know you, your only my daughter" when really, she doesn't. I realize that was a teenage remark, but she doesn't know experiences I went through, like how I was almost raped at a high school party when I was fourteen which was known about me all through high school and I never had a boyfriend or even many friends. So I
made friends with really nice 'hippie' kind of kids. They were the only ones nice to me through high school and yeah you get it. How do I tell her that it's the things I like and I'm not trying to be anything and make her understand?

I can't tell her about the rape thing because it would upset her and I'm over it.

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BRobb answered Wednesday April 7 2010, 2:25 pm:
Unfortunately some people just aren't the best parents. Sounds harsh but it's true. I know it's easier said than done but just block out her judgments. If you're comfortable with who you are and your friends are good and accepting people then you've got alot more going for you than most. Your mom doesn't accept you because she doesn't want to and odds are there isn't anything that will change that. Focus on the fact that you're on the cusp of going out and starting your own life.

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ami101 answered Wednesday April 7 2010, 9:30 am:

I can only imagine how your mum is going to feel when she finds out about the near rape situation. That is such a heavy thing to be caring around and I know you think you are over it but getting it off your chest will make you realise how much it is still affecting you. And I think it will strengthen your relationship between you and your mum that you trust and love her enough to come to her with such a secret. She should see you as an adult and that your maturity level is greater than she has given you credit for. She probably is afraid of you growing up so in her head you are still a little 13 year old.

Have you tried introducing your mum to your friends?
She doesn't understand them and just assumes certain things about them because of how they dress/live their life. Invite your friends over to meet your mum, give them a chance to talk and get to know each other. You could all make dinner for you guys and your mum one night, then you can eat together and you mum will see what great people they are. If you’re worried about how your mum will act I think you really need to give her a chance, otherwise you will never know.

Tell her that you are not friends with your friends because they are 'hippies' but that they respect you, make you happy, let you be you unlike other people who put you down and make you sad/unhappy with yourself. She probably thinks they are going to influence you in a negative way so make her see that it is in fact the opposite. If talking directly doesn't work try being more subtle. How you act will get her attention and hopefully by having a more positive attitude she will see how good your friends are for you. Comment about stuff you did with your friends and about their lives. (positive stuff but also if you have a problem discuss it with your mum she will see you are a mature adult).

If it isn’t essential to move out then staying at home after high school can be a good thing. Save money and have family support. 'Running away' from home and the situation could cause you even more confusion so think carefully about it when you come to decide.

Do you have other family members? Talk to them about it. Maybe your mums mum or sister or brother, they can then talk to your mum or offer you advice in how to handle the situation.

I'm not sure if I have been helpful but hope the situation approves and she starts treating you like an 18 year old who can make decisions for yourself.

All the best

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Uniq_The_Geek answered Wednesday April 7 2010, 8:12 am:
Hi :)

Ahh yes, I have the same type of relationship with my mom. I honestly don't know what to tell you. I just deal with my mother mocking me and whatnot. And yes, I have my hidden secrets she won't even know as well. I think once you become independent, move out, and see her only like 4 times a month, she'll realize how much of a person you are. And once you grow older, you can open up about things you once couldn't open up about before. Hopefully other advicenators can fully answer your question. Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

Uniq :)

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