Gender: Female
Location: New Zealand
Occupation: Student
Age: 20
Member Since: April 3, 2010
Answers: 10
Last Update: April 7, 2010
Visitors: 2114
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Okay, so i'm fifteen years old
and i'm so insecure about what I look like.
Alot of people think i'm pretty, but for some reason I don't feel it.
I have a really low self esteem.
I worry about my weight, not because i'm too fat
but because i'm too skinny. i'm 5'4 and I weigh 98lbs. I have NO boobs, and NO butt. People Judge me all the time for that.
My body isn't the only thing I don't like about myself, I also hate my teeth I have had sooo many people say stuff about them, they used to be really yellow but I was recently taken to the dentist and I had that taken care of but I still feel like my smile isn't pretty.
People at school always talk about how i'm too skinny, it emotionally scars me because theres nothing I can do to fix my body!
I'm really shy only at school though, because i'm sooo worried about what people are thinking about me, though at home I can be myself because I know my family won't judge me.
what are some things I can do to higher my self esteem. I'm sooo sick of people at school saying stuff about me. (link)
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Hi
just want to comment on the use of hydrogen peroxide. It is used in bleaching hair, disinfectants and in antiseptics. It can be used as a tooth paste/ teeth whitener but please make sure you use the product which is intended for this use! Therefore it is a good idea to find a toothpaste and/or mouthwash that contain hydrogen peroxide rather than making one yourself.
Found the following online:
Large oral doses of hydrogen peroxide at a 3% concentration may cause "irritation and blistering to the mouth, (which is known as Black hairy tongue) throat, and abdomen", as well as "abdominal pain, vomiting, and diarrhea.
The Hydrogen Peroxide sold in drug and grocery stores contains chemical stabilizers that makes it unsafe to use as a mouthwash. It should be considered, and is usually labeled as for EXTERNAL USE ONLY - Do Not Ingest!
I sucked my thumb when I was younger and so had to get braces..I have the braces off now but I still feel like me teeth sick out and I'm not happy with my smile. I think it will just take time for your confidence to grow and for you to forget about your teeth. When you mature (get older) your focus will change and you will become happier with how you look.
You need to focus on what you do like about yourself. As suggested ask your friends. A little bit of confidence can go a long way.
Your peers will all judge themselves just like you do, except it will probably be that they think they are too fat or need to tone up. Everyone is self conscious it just varies at how good they are at hiding it.
It is also because of this that they might target you. It will make them feel better about themselves. They may not even realise they are hurting you because as they make comments about other people all they focus on are themselves and how it makes them feel good.
To have positive self esteem you have to look in the mirror and maybe not love what you see but accept it for being you. I see so many faults when I look in the mirror but I'm happy because there are so many worse off people than me. Imagine if you were overweight, how hard would it be for you to lose that weight and change your life style? Imagine if you have rotten teeth or teeth that sick out? Imagine if you have a face covered in acne? These are things many/all girls have to face and when comparing their battles to your own you can see how lucky you are. Even if you think you have all of these things it is your personality that makes you shine brighter and more beautiful than those around you and that can only show through if you are happy being you.
You body will change over time just be patient, and in the mean time do positive things to help this change, don't suddenly increase your food consumption or change what foods you eat in hope to gain weight, that isn't healthy. You are you and they are they, hell I am me. I would kill to have a body like my friends but how realistic/healthy is killing over it? I now see how stupid that is and am happy that I am me, because my friends who I idolise have things wrong with them that I would hate, their personalities, morals, values, how they treat others. As long as I am happy with how I treat people I am happy with me.
To want to change because of people who make you feel unhappy because what your teeth were a bit yellow, you have no butt, etc, that’s selling yourself short.
Sorry to go on and on but I always hated my breasts, wished I had small ones (probably like you have) and don’t get me started on my butt! So do you see everyone has insecurities which make no sense to other people!
In time you will see this and as you mature you will become happier for being you and not sacrificing apart of yourself to be like someone else who wishes they were like you.
I hope I have helped in some way.
Oh and one more thing I have a friend who is over 6 foot, people always point it out and I know it emotionally scars her. But what is she to do? Shrink? That’s not possible so is she meant to face everyday unhappy with her height or can she accept that she is tall and learn to be okay with it and love herself, also use it to her advantage. Now imagine that my friend was naturally really skinny..what would you want her to do?
Here are some quotes I have found which make me feel happier about myself.
"I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you, except yourself"
"The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique." Walt Disney
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My mom doesn't like who I am or who I hang out with very much. She tells me I'm going through a teenage phase and can't wait till in out of this 'hippie' phase. Yeah, I'm almost 18, not 13. Then, when I try to express how I feel about how judgemental she is or how I wish she'd accept me for what I like, she makes a big joke out of it. She'll be like "oh yeah I forgot I don't know you, your only my daughter" when really, she doesn't. I realize that was a teenage remark, but she doesn't know experiences I went through, like how I was almost raped at a high school party when I was fourteen which was known about me all through high school and I never had a boyfriend or even many friends. So I
made friends with really nice 'hippie' kind of kids. They were the only ones nice to me through high school and yeah you get it. How do I tell her that it's the things I like and I'm not trying to be anything and make her understand?
I can't tell her about the rape thing because it would upset her and I'm over it. (link)
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Hi,
I can only imagine how your mum is going to feel when she finds out about the near rape situation. That is such a heavy thing to be caring around and I know you think you are over it but getting it off your chest will make you realise how much it is still affecting you. And I think it will strengthen your relationship between you and your mum that you trust and love her enough to come to her with such a secret. She should see you as an adult and that your maturity level is greater than she has given you credit for. She probably is afraid of you growing up so in her head you are still a little 13 year old.
Have you tried introducing your mum to your friends?
She doesn't understand them and just assumes certain things about them because of how they dress/live their life. Invite your friends over to meet your mum, give them a chance to talk and get to know each other. You could all make dinner for you guys and your mum one night, then you can eat together and you mum will see what great people they are. If you’re worried about how your mum will act I think you really need to give her a chance, otherwise you will never know.
Tell her that you are not friends with your friends because they are 'hippies' but that they respect you, make you happy, let you be you unlike other people who put you down and make you sad/unhappy with yourself. She probably thinks they are going to influence you in a negative way so make her see that it is in fact the opposite. If talking directly doesn't work try being more subtle. How you act will get her attention and hopefully by having a more positive attitude she will see how good your friends are for you. Comment about stuff you did with your friends and about their lives. (positive stuff but also if you have a problem discuss it with your mum she will see you are a mature adult).
If it isn’t essential to move out then staying at home after high school can be a good thing. Save money and have family support. 'Running away' from home and the situation could cause you even more confusion so think carefully about it when you come to decide.
Do you have other family members? Talk to them about it. Maybe your mums mum or sister or brother, they can then talk to your mum or offer you advice in how to handle the situation.
I'm not sure if I have been helpful but hope the situation approves and she starts treating you like an 18 year old who can make decisions for yourself.
All the best
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There are somedays where I will not eat all day and not be hungry. The smell, sight, or thought of food makes me sick to my stomache. Then there are other days where I have a huge appetite and overeat, especially around midnight. I know my eating habits cant be healthy, but its out of control now. How do I get back to eating 3 meals a day, like I used to a couple years ago? I've tried to eat when I wasn't hungry (so I wouldnt be THAT hungry the next day), but I always get sick and throw up. It's almost like my body wont let me eat every other day or so. Any ideas of what could be wrong with me? (link)
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Hi,
I think you need to see a doctor. I sometimes go a day without eating if I'm at work or something and food is not available or I'm too busy. However I do feel hungry and when I get home I eat normally.
Do you take the time to sit down and eat?
Perhaps try and eat small amounts during the day and see how it goes? I'm not sure what is wrong but maybe your body just needs to remember to eat regularly throughout the day.
For example eat a few bites or a whole apple around midmorning, a cracker or sandwich (as much as you can manage) around lunchtime and maybe a small snack in the afternoon. Of course you will still need to eat at night (dinner) otherwise you will starve and that’s not healthy but start slowly by introducing your body to small amounts of food during the day.
With looking at your ‘overeating’ and why this is happening if there is no obvious reasons then perhaps you have some type of eating disorder. There are many different types of eating disorders other than anorexia and bulimia.
Also what do you mean by ‘overeating’ perhaps you are eating a normal amount but as you don’t eat normally you cannot see this. If you don’t eat during the day perhaps your body is just craving food. I don’t know what you eat at this time but try eating a proper meal instead of snacking on foods, which you might eat a lot of. There is no harm in eating dinner at 11pm if that suits you, what is harmful is not eating dinner at all and at 11pm eating unhealthy foods which will do nothing to fill you up. Basically you need to make sure you provide your body with the essential nutrients it needs to function normally. Like water, carbohydrates, proteins, fats, vitamins, minerals. If you are not eating during the day then what you eat at night should equal what you are missing. Vegetables, pasta and rice, fruit, meats these are foods which are good for your body. Foods like biscuits, chips, other ‘fast’ and snack foods are okay to eat but in combination with the previous foods. So if you are only eating these type of foods at night that really isn’t healthy.
For about 9 years I could never eat breakfast because I always felt sick. I think this comes down to the fact that I’m not a morning person and I’m always running late in the morning so stuffing down food and running around made the food disagree with my stomach. Now if I have the time I will sit down and eat toast or cereal and it is fine otherwise I choose to skip breakfast and eat later on midmorning/lunch. It did take me awhile to feel okay about eating breakfast.
I strongly recommend you talk to your family/ local doctor/counsellor about this as it sounds like quite a serious issue which will only get worse over time. Talking about it will help you understand it and perhaps come to a realisation about why it is happening.
Seeing a nutritionist is an excellent idea, I’m not sure how much they cost. Do some research online or in your phone book and then see if you can save up or ask your parents to support you. They will if you take the time to explain what you are feeling because they will want to help you.
The nutritionist will look at what you are eating and explain if it is or is not healthy and suggest ways of getting the proper food to your body.
Hope I have helped :)
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Im applying for a new job and it asks me my reason for leaving my last job. The reason I left was because I wanted to move onto something else, possibly higher paying and something better. How would I word that? (link)
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You could just say you want to challenge yourself, try something new, and develop your skill set. Experience something new to help you in life..etc
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my period gets very very very very heavy in the beginning.. and i try everysize pad (to get the picture... i have 13 different packs of pads in my closet) and it always ends up on my underwear... so every month or so i have to buy new pairs... can i prevent this? (link)
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Hi, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
You can get pads for night time which are bigger than normal pads, have you tired these?
You could also change your pad more often than you are at the moment, which will be annoying but should deal with the heavy flow.
You could also try tampons..and perhaps pads at the same time if you are worried how it will work out the first time. You can get super tampons which will hold more than the mini tampons but you could try all types to see what suits. Tampons might take awhile to get use to but stick at it.
If you are unhappy or concerned about your period then you should visit a doctor. You can talk to your mum or someone you feel comfortable with about it before you do if you wish. Depending on your age there may be pills you can take to lighten your period.
Hope I have offered helpful suggestions.
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Well recently my circle of friends have been splitting up bc of hidden resentment, one person has taken advantage on the rebound.
Now i have a few things i can say but its a bold action...most of my friends are passive and pessimistic...and thats usually the way I am.
I might make some people mad and I might be missing a few points, and most people are stubborn...but I made an oath to restore the groups former glory, that I would pull my hair over this until i go bald.
I want to fix a wrong and bring back this strong familial bond..
Im not sure if boldness is a better approach if people get upset but some advice in this general situation please? (link)
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Hi
So it’s easy for me to say this because I’m not in your situation AND I’m out of high school but if it were me I would just tell your group to grow up and that life is too short and too stressful to have to deal with this. School is stressful enough. It’s your group that is meant to be there to help you with the stress not add to it.
I don’t know if I would walk away if I was in your situation, in saying that I don’t know what their behaviour is. All groups go through their share of problems and usually it is because of immaturity..which is totally normal at your age!
You can’t keep the group together if you have all just grown apart. Maybe there is a few of you who could decide you want to remain friends but are just ‘over’ some others.
It’s ok for your friends to drift apart. I have experienced this with my group of friends in high school. I am now good friends with about four of them the other four while I still think of them as friends they are just completely different people to me and have different values.
You can stick together and then after high school see how it goes and you will eventually realise who your good friends are.
I personally would probably (if I had enough guts, but I think by that stage I would be so mad and over all the drama I would just blurt it out and then walk off and let them decide the next step for themselves) anyway I would say something like this..
Look guys, I love you all but this is getting really ridiculous, we don’t need all this drama. Some of you have done some pretty mean/bitchy stuff and I just want to know who is prepared to apologise and who is prepared to forgive. If none of you are then how is this group going to work? Do we really want this tension for the rest of our high school days? I for one don’t and I don’t want to keep this group together if the same stuff/shit is just going to happen again. We are friends we need to respect each other and make each other happy and if we can’t do that then what is the point in being a group, because that is not what friends are and we all deserve more.
You should say what you like but really life is short and you don’t want to look back on your high school days and regret the time wasted arguing over little things. And I know they don’t seem little to you or to anyone in your situation but when you leave high school and leave that life behind you will be faced with new challenges and those of your past seem so so minor and insignificant.
I don’t know if I have helped you but the main thing is that if someone is treating someone in their group the way you have briefly touched on then that is no friendship, maybe they just need a wake up call, they are probably all angry and confused and don’t know how to handle their emotions. But if it is something more and truly vindictive then that is no friendship and so you should think about what’s best for you and find some good friends who want cause you to pull your hair out.
Another option is to take them all to the guidance counsellor, that’s what they’re there for. Let them sit in a room (with an adult to control the situation) and express their feelings. That might of course work and solve the problem or cause a bigger rift if no one is willing compromise, and again is that the kind of person you want to be friends with?
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I'm 19, and planning on moving to America. I'm going there for someone who i know very well that i met online(but never in person) and i want to know, how can i go about doing it? Before i go, do i need a working visa? or can i tell them the truth, that i met a man online and i want to be with him in america? Also, If i'm planning on going there to marry him, do i even need a working visa? a friend told me if i tell customs or whoever the truth about how we've only met online, that they might not let me into America. Is that true? I'm Australian, and I really need to get there and live there so i can be with him, and of course, i'd be living with him. so tell me, how does all this work? (link)
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Hi,
Please remember your safety. It is just being sensible. Let someone (your family/close friend) know when and where you are going. Dates and addresses.
Meeting someone you haven’t met always has some risk. PLEASE book a return ticket. The worst thing is to be in America wanting to get home but not having the money. Or keep the money for a return ticket in a separate bank account. Or with family.
If you get over there and it works out, great! If it doesn’t seem how you imagined it to be you have had a good learning experience and there is no harm in going home with the knowledge that you have been to America. Is there someone who would like to travel with you for a holiday?
I don’t know what documents you will need to enter America, you will definitely need a work visa if you plan on working over there. Research online, Australia will have a govt page with details.
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My life has hit rock bottom. I have no hope left for myself. This year has been one of the worst years I have faced in the 20 years of my life. My college grades are anything but good. My dog passed away last month. My boyfriend of 8 months who I love, is hurt because i lied to him that i was a virgin. He won't even talk to me properly. I have absolutely no friends who I can talk to about anything. I want to end my life. I just cant continue living in pain each day with no one around to take care of me or just hold me and say that "It's gonna be okay". I try to optimistic but I'm just too lonely. What do I do? (link)
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Hey,
so life is a like a book in that life is made of chapters. You can have a bad chapter (like what you are experiencing now) but it is important to realise that you will soon come to a good chapter.
I know when you are experiencing the bad stuff you can’t see how it could possibly get better, how you could possibly be happy, but trust me one day you wake up and realise you haven’t thought about death in awhile, that you are happy and you can see your future, whether it’s is as a mother or in a career or travelling around Europe when you are older.
First off you need to talk to your boyfriend. He needs to realise that you are human and made a mistake. Explain why you lied about it, how you feel. If things don’t get better consider moving on, you need to steer your life in a positive direction and him holding it over you is not fair on you or him.
I don’t know how he is feeling. Maybe he is embarrassed that he was a virgin and you were not (if you have had sex) or that when it comes to it that you will be more experienced than him. He has no right to your body and the fact that you have had sex before is nothing to be ashamed of and he does not have the right to make you feel ashamed.
It’s easy for me being on the outside to tell you to talk to your boyfriend but that’s what I think you should do. Tell him you’re sorry for lying. Why you lied to him. How you feel. Explain you are feeling like no one loves you and that you think your life isn’t worth holding on to. If he doesn’t forgive you or offer his support he isn’t worth holding on to.
Life is precious and when you are going through a bad patch it is so so important to realise you deserve to be happy. One day you will look back on this time and shake your head and wonder how you could ever of thought of ending your life, so full of promise.
Please realise suicide is the most selfish thing someone could ever do. Your boyfriend may be mad at you but it would destroy him if you were to kill yourself. Your poor family, I’m not sure what your family situation is like but I can assure you they do love you and for the rest of their lives they will have to live with the guilt of not being able to help you. It will shatter the rest of their lives.
Can I recommend you read some ‘chicken soup for the soul’ books. It really puts your life in perspective. They are stories about uplifting people or teenagers who write about experiences they have had. Loss of friends/family (from accidents, suicides). Stories about hope. Happy stories! Chicken soup for the teenage soul could be a good place to start (even though we are no longer teens at 20!). It is very eye opening reading stories from teens who had tried to commit suicide because they didn’t see a way out or future until one day something changes and they realise how blinded they had been by their own pain, to forget about hope.
Another thing is to look at what you are studying at college, are you passionate in it? I studied for two years, failing a lot until I finally realised I was doing something I had no motivation for. Now I am doing something I love and it is a lot easier to study. If this is not the case though then it is your current relationship with your boyfriend that is causing your hard time a college. Therefore it really needs to change in order to ensure the rest of your life stays on track.
If he doesn’t forgive you then he can’t honestly love you, lying about being a virgin is not that bad. If you cheated on him ok he has every right to be upset and not forgive you, but this seems so minor to cause such disruption in your life.
It also sounds like you need something in your life to relieve stress. Sport is a great way for meeting new people, having something you can escape to to sort out your thoughts. Social is a great idea. Use google to find your nearest club for say tennis, netball, soccer, cycling, I don’t know what ever you are interested in. There may be book clubs, movie clubs, photography clubs. Just go along and be open to new experiences.
Volunteer your time at not-for-profit organisations. Do you have a local YWCA? You need to get out and mix with new and different people, making new friends. There are so many organisations out there! Try googling for some in your area. It so easy to feel lonely but it is just as easy to do something about it, find the courage to want to help yourself and take a risk.
Are you religious? My sister has started going to church groups after feeling lonely, mixing with people her own age she has a great time.
There are lots of clubs and groups at colleges. Join a social college sport team or some other type of club.
You can also approach your tutor/lecturer for extra help if you need it. Approach someone in your class if they would like to start a study group, you can help each other. Perhaps lighten you course load. If you find it too stressful drop a paper and do what you can manage. Later on you can always increase you work load.
Remember this: there is ALWAYS a way out, ALWAYS something to live for. And I promise you you will live through this time in your life and come out stronger.
Please if you don’t feel you are improving go see someone. Colleges have excellent health services available. See a counsellor or psychologist. (lots of people do!..and that’s what they are paid for by the college). Talking about it makes it so much better. If you need help dealing with your boyfriend ask your mum perhaps, or a counsellor. There are so many people who will want to help you, let them, first by opening up.
I feel for you, you remind me of me a bit. I lose myself in books and watching anime. Do you have a love? a hobby? Everyone needs something to escape to.
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17/f my best friend is anorexic, she has been since last summer it's really bad. She looks like a Skelton and it's really gross. She probably weighs 80 pounds. She is lifeless and boring and always in bad moods. Before this crazy diet she did she was the funnest craziest girl I ever met. I'm considering telling my guidance counselor because I'm really afraid she is going to die. What do you think I should do? I know I can't control her, but I'm not going to watch her die either. People have given me multiple anorexic warning sheets to give her. It's just really bad and I don't know what to do (link)
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Hi
My best friend was severely anorexia.
The first step was for myself and another of her friends to go to the school counsellor .
While they have very limited knowledge with eating disorders they can contact her parents and eating disorder organisations to help her.
It will be tough. She will lie to you. My friend lied to me constantly. You need to be her support. She most likely does not want to get better, that is the sad truth of the disease. She does not realise she has a problem.
It might take months/years for her to recover. My friend had to leave school because of health risks and so she was not allowed to attend, thankfully she got into a eating disorder clinic where she lived and they helped her.
The important thing is that no matter what she says, no matter how mad, upset, lost you feel you need to remind her that you are always there for her. She will need someone to talk to and support her.
Research online eating disorder places close to you. And look online for information so that you understand about the disease.
She won’t eat, she’ll say she has but trust me she won’t, or she will but then exercise excessively.
When you feel comfortable you should talk to her family. Someone should travel with her before and after school.(to make sure she does not walk or leave extra early for school to get excessive exercise done)
Mention that she will most likely exercise at night when they are asleep.
It will be tough but always remember the friend you love before the disease. She’s still there she just has a mental illness which she needs to confront and beat before she can fully return.
Don’t hate her because of the lies she may tell, the stories she may make up. It will be obvious but to her she will be fooling you.
Stay strong.
All the best
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kill me now! iv had belumia 3 times already and it gotten really bad to the point it tore my family apart.every time i had it it was triggered off my stress or family issues, but this time everything is good im not stressed, im not overwieght and there are no family issues..i even have a seriouse bf now so i like everything in my life at the moment.
I DONT UNDERSTAND!! i started to get bad thoughts about food about a week and a half ago.. i told my bf about them and he said if it get worse we will get help. but the last few days have been bad... iv started throwing up again and feeling horrible when i eat food.
i havent had courage to bring myself to tell my bf. im so scared how can i get there thoughts out of my head???? i dont want to screw up all the good things i have going at the moment :( :( :( (link)
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Hi,
My best friend has had bulimia for around four years now, so I’m going to try and help you by touching on my experiences as a friend with someone who has an eating disorder.
To start with I have had a best friend who became severely anorexic, my twin sister has had depression due to eating issues (she was a gymnast) and my friend who is still battling with bulimia.
The most important thing is that you go see someone to talk through why this might be happening and they can then help you.
It took my sister at least a year of seeing someone for her to finally come right. She mentions how she use to be scared of food and never realised something was wrong until she started to get better. My parents are really supportive and fortunately could afford the NZ $150 visits to go see a top psychologist.
There will be free services available through government run organisations or eating disorder organisations. A school counsellor would be a good place to start. However their knowledge and skills about dealing with this type of thing I think would be pretty limited.
Do you go to school? Does your boyfriend go to the same school as you? When I was at school my friends and I approached our school counsellor about our friends eating problems. They were not going to go themselves because they believed nothing was wrong/did not want help/were embarrassed. You don’t seem to be at that stage yet which is why acting now is really important. If you can tell you friends (maybe one or two close friends) they will then feel the need to approach the counsellor to help you, meaning if you ever feel you don’t need to go, you’re getting better etc your friends will be there to ensure you do get the help you need.
Because bulimia is a disease that can stay with you for life I feel you should approach your parents and ask if they would support you to go see a top psychologist. It can cost around NZ$150 a visit. Or do you have a job and can support yourself? Perhaps offer to pay a bit of it.
I cannot express enough the importance of seeing someone. Weekly visits are important because you can talk about what is stressing you out and they will offer you ways in which you can deal with it. My sister would talk about her family, pressure to get better for us, school pressure, and other stuff).
Please understand that there is no ‘quick fix’. It takes time to understand where this issue came from, how you can deal with it when it arises, and how to handle it if things are not going to well at the moment.
Please do not let it go on longer before you get proper professional help, the longer you leave it the harder it gets.
The thing is you might have to face ‘screwing up’ the good things in your life before you can get better. Always remember your friends, family will always be there for you and be the ‘good thing in your life’.
It is so hard for a friend or family member to help someone with an eating disorder. Maybe you might lose friends over it..they can only go so far with you, but family will always be there for you.
I fell out with my friend who had anorexia. She would lie all the time and when she finally got better she was a different person to who I knew (obviously, she had missed out on her teenage years and so was going through the stuff I already had). Three years later we are now friends again as we have both matured.
As a result of my friends battle with anorexia it did unfortunately lead to her parents getting a divorce and issues with her sister.
My bulimic friends’ family is fine, want to know why? They don’t know how to handle it and so they choose to ignore it. They tell her she is being stupid and needs to get over it, they eat junk food in front of her, hot chips, that kind of thing. I can’t say I know how you feel but I can say one thing at least you family cares. I don’t know what your family situation is like at the moment but at least you know they care enough to argue over it, to feel pain and frustration over it. My friend is living in a house that offers her no support and as a result she has no motivation to get better.
I’m sorry if I am not helping you, this is a really close issue to me and I could talk about it for ages.
Another thing is that it is so easy to get into a routine and get comfortable. My friend won’t go out, she won’t let anyone see her. She has a routine and she can’t get out of it. She is at the stage where it is easier to continue with it and even though she doesn’t want to be bulimic she doesn’t have the determination to push herself a little bit out of her comfort zone. Please do not allow this to happen to you. With family support it shouldn’t.
FAMILY support is the most important thing (that is if you are living at home?) you need someone to support you whenever you are having these feelings.
Dinners should be meals that are healthy so that you don’t eat the food and feel bad and then continue eating more. I do not understand how it works but for my friend she decides if she is having a good day or a bad day. If her family is eating ‘junk foods’ then she will eat them too and that makes it a bad day and so for the rest of the day or night she will eat a lot of food. And then vomit it up.
I don’t know at what stage you are at with this disease but if there are certain foods that trigger your bulimia talk to your family/boyfriend, make sure that these foods are not in the house. Make sure dinners are not foods that you consider ‘bad’ or ‘fatty’. Could be anything from hot chips, pasta, rice.
For people without eating disorders pasta and rice are healthy foods and can be eaten but if for you you do not see them that way then you should try and avoid them. Eat salads, wraps, foods that are light and will not cause you to stress out when eating them. Obviously you need a variety of foods but if you are at the stage where eating certain foods make you want to vomit them up then avoid them. Later you can try a small amount of say rice/pasta, having your family there to serve it to you. Don’t have any left over. See what it is like to eat a small amount. Can you handle it? If not you are not ready, if you can then that’s great but don’t push yourself too fast too soon. Be prepared to fall back into old habits. Do not see it as a failure, it is all part of the journey to get better.
With anorexics it is easy to see something is wrong however with bulimics it is not, unless you know what to look for. It is important that your family understands that you are sick and even though it might not show it is just as serious as anorexia . Also as with my friends they had a bit of both. My friend was anorexic (not severely but she lost a lot of weight) before she became bulimic and my anorexic friend did throw up sometimes as well.
Another thing is how you see yourself. My friend is my size and sees herself as fat. I am not fat. It doesn’t matter what you say to her she believes she is fat. Bulimia is a mental disease and so it affects how the person sees themselves. I hope I am not scaring you I just want you to be aware of the seriousness of the disease and how bad it can get. You are not at this stage yet that is why it is so important you get help now while you want it.
The strength it takes to stand by your friend with an eating disorder is huge and I can tell you now your boyfriend will not find it easy. You should take your boyfriend with you to some counselling sessions so you are on the same page. Also having sessions with your family is vital.
I am sorry that this is so long, there is also so much more to say. If you would like to keep in touch let me know I am happy to give you my email address if you need someone to talk to or have any questions.
Before your family can support you they need to understand. Once you start lying to the people you love it just gets easier so don’t fall into that trap, talk to your boyfriend about what you are going through. He is your support person and you need to trust each other. Always remember your family loves you unconditionaly.
Whoa this is long...hope I didn’t lose you along the way.
Best of luck :)
PLEASE get help.
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