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Making bold actions
Well recently my circle of friends have been splitting up bc of hidden resentment, one person has taken advantage on the rebound.
Now i have a few things i can say but its a bold action...most of my friends are passive and pessimistic...and thats usually the way I am.
I might make some people mad and I might be missing a few points, and most people are stubborn...but I made an oath to restore the groups former glory, that I would pull my hair over this until i go bald.
I want to fix a wrong and bring back this strong familial bond..
Im not sure if boldness is a better approach if people get upset but some advice in this general situation please?
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Hi
So it’s easy for me to say this because I’m not in your situation AND I’m out of high school but if it were me I would just tell your group to grow up and that life is too short and too stressful to have to deal with this. School is stressful enough. It’s your group that is meant to be there to help you with the stress not add to it.
I don’t know if I would walk away if I was in your situation, in saying that I don’t know what their behaviour is. All groups go through their share of problems and usually it is because of immaturity..which is totally normal at your age!
You can’t keep the group together if you have all just grown apart. Maybe there is a few of you who could decide you want to remain friends but are just ‘over’ some others.
It’s ok for your friends to drift apart. I have experienced this with my group of friends in high school. I am now good friends with about four of them the other four while I still think of them as friends they are just completely different people to me and have different values.
You can stick together and then after high school see how it goes and you will eventually realise who your good friends are.
I personally would probably (if I had enough guts, but I think by that stage I would be so mad and over all the drama I would just blurt it out and then walk off and let them decide the next step for themselves) anyway I would say something like this..
Look guys, I love you all but this is getting really ridiculous, we don’t need all this drama. Some of you have done some pretty mean/bitchy stuff and I just want to know who is prepared to apologise and who is prepared to forgive. If none of you are then how is this group going to work? Do we really want this tension for the rest of our high school days? I for one don’t and I don’t want to keep this group together if the same stuff/shit is just going to happen again. We are friends we need to respect each other and make each other happy and if we can’t do that then what is the point in being a group, because that is not what friends are and we all deserve more.
You should say what you like but really life is short and you don’t want to look back on your high school days and regret the time wasted arguing over little things. And I know they don’t seem little to you or to anyone in your situation but when you leave high school and leave that life behind you will be faced with new challenges and those of your past seem so so minor and insignificant.
I don’t know if I have helped you but the main thing is that if someone is treating someone in their group the way you have briefly touched on then that is no friendship, maybe they just need a wake up call, they are probably all angry and confused and don’t know how to handle their emotions. But if it is something more and truly vindictive then that is no friendship and so you should think about what’s best for you and find some good friends who want cause you to pull your hair out.
Another option is to take them all to the guidance counsellor, that’s what they’re there for. Let them sit in a room (with an adult to control the situation) and express their feelings. That might of course work and solve the problem or cause a bigger rift if no one is willing compromise, and again is that the kind of person you want to be friends with?
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Shit changes. Deal with it.
Friends drift apart. Arguments take place. People change. People’s opinions change.
There is a natural life cycle to all peer groups. The vast majority of groups will eventually fall apart or drift apart. It's a part of growing up, it’s part of life.
It's not very respectful of you to go on thinking and saying "I know best! It's not really that big of deal. I can do something that will make everyone okay again and see it my way!" That doesn't respect the wishes of others, or the seriousness of their opinions and beliefs.
Your 'oath' is a bad idea.
Instead of trying to be responsible for a group of people (which will inevitably lead to you behaving like a bully and fail to respect their opinions and feelings about how they want too, or want not too, participate in a group) focus on your personal relationship with those individuals who you want to have personal relationships with. Sure, tell people individually you’d like to maintain the group. Tell them if you feel they are being stubborn. Be an honest and respectful friend. Don’t try to fix everything. You don’t have that power, and you shouldn’t pretend you do.
If you feel you have something to say to the group, go ahead and say it. HOWEVER, don't say it trying to change everyone's mind, or to make them see it the way you do, or to 'fix' the situation. That isn't going to work, and like I said above, it's disrespectful.
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