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situation regarding split up of groups/friendships after longlasting issues


Question Posted Sunday April 4 2010, 7:28 pm

this group is an online spiritual group. We are a tight knit family, but for the past few months there's been a silent air of resentment. Everyone could feel it and tensions were growing between moderators and administrators.
Recently one of our bolder administrators, as in she is more of the project controller and the site being in her name) has been in a bout of depression. One of the members has attacked her (not wanting to but just a lack of consideration and of egging her around). I had a talk with this person because I was upset with him.
Im not a person in control, not a mod or admin because being 17 i am under the required age, but ive been in a fit of "this group and all these people are my family too and im not letting it fall to pieces dang-it". Two mods and an admin have left this site out of frustration and one mod has already started on another site and convincing others to join her, including the aforementioned bolder admin.
One of my better friends on the site, an admin, is deeply troubled by this, and she is trying hard to keep the family alive. The thing is that the owner (bolder admin) is a bit stubborn and easily upset, a bit dramatic.
Im lost in all this confusion for the second time in the families history. I'm not sure what to do...but once again I feel like I have to take some things myself. It seems i just cannot accept what is happening and im literally just joined advicenators because im so lost in this mess of secrets and betrayal.

What can I do? keep in mind this is a 17yr old talking with a group of 20-30 something yr old so there might be a feeling of youth=illegitimacy.
Any general advice as well works just as fine here. However, I'm not going to leave the family and im not giving up.


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DeeplySetting answered Tuesday April 6 2010, 11:55 pm:
Dear Split up of groups/friends,

Your situation is extremely convoluted (involved), and I can tell that you could type much, much more detail if you had the time.

I will start by telling you this- their issue is NOT your issue. In other words, there are some 20, 30, 40 etc year olds who have not resolved the things that have happened to them as a child. When this happens, they behave like children regardless of their age. It is not your job to fix their problem!

What you can learn from this is to make sure that if there is anything you are personally struggling with in your own life-handle it now without delay. Otherwise, it will cause you to behave your shoe size and not your age much in the way your friends are behaving.

Also remember, online personas really get some people off. They may not be the personality they pretend to be online. They, like most people, want to be liked and present as very likable persons. However, when the going gets tough, they show their true colors and lack of ability to communicate. Unless you have met them personally, remember that online personas can be very make believe. In other words, you may expect more of them than they were ever truly capable of.

In conclusion, you have no obligation to anyone except to your children (if you have any) and yourself. Chat and post wherever you want and because it makes YOU happy. Do not allow ONLINE PERSONALITIES to make you feel guilty about what websites you frequent. Encourage them to resolve the beef where you can, but remember, if you make anyone else's problem your own, you will become Old Mother Hubbard before you reach 20!

Take care,
DeeplySetting

[ DeeplySetting's advice column | Ask DeeplySetting A Question
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