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16f excrutiating hatred for my own privates
Okay, this isn't the easiest thing for me to ask but it's pretty much anonamous, so here it goes. I'm completely unhappy with my privates. It's a point of severe lack of confidence for me and i have no clue what i can do about it. I am most hesitant about being intimate with anyone because of the way i look down there. It grosses *me* out. And it often hurts to masturbate because of the little, erm, flappers. I think they're called labia? They are all messy looking, and messy feeling as well. I don't feel like this is normal at such a young age.
Well I'm not sure what, if anything, i can do about this. Does fixing this problem absolutely require plastic surgery, or is there anything else i can do? Please help me! I am at a complete loss as for what i can do about this, and i think i mentioned already it takes *such* a toll on my confidence!
Sorry for the length of this, and I appreciate anyone who helps me out, greatly.
Also i apologize if this is the wrong category, but it seemed to fit better here than elsewhere.
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don't worry about this one. All vaginas are weird looking and none are the same.!
have you been on the channel 4 embarrassing bodies website? (if your english) because they have a gallery of what is normal it might make you feel better
also dont feel bad about being intimate with someone because if a boy loves you and truly cares he wont give a shit what you look like down there. and if he does he must be a bit inexperienced to think that they are all perfect. or maybe he looks at to much porn :)
you could mention that if any boy gives you trouble lol
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Dear Hatred for my own privates,
I'm going to read between the lines here and conclude two things 1) you've never been to a gynecologist and 2) you are not a virgin. The reason I surmise such is because the question you ask can be discussed and answered by a professional. A gynecologist would be appropriate.
If you have been to the GYN, then don't be shy about raising these concerns. It's one of the things you pay for - medical advice - so get your money's worth.
Now, I gather that you are not a virgin because you say you lack confidence in the appearance of your vagina. This means that someone else is seeing your vagina and has made comments about it. Did that partner make jokes about your vagina? If so, you want to get rid of them immediately. They do not love you and are not worth your body.
A person who loves and cares for you, is focused on the feeling they have and give while being physically and emotionally connected to you. A person simply focused on the appearance of your vagina when they are supposed to be loving you is wacko.
However, if you are a virgin, I'll tell you this - vagina's come in a variety of appearances so if you are comparing yours to someone else's- just stop. That's no different than comparing the shape of the lips on your face to another person. Your shape there is part of what makes you YOU - not cookie cutter but unique.
None of this is to downplay your concern, but just to make you see that it's not a bad thing at all. What's also great is, no one knows, and no one should know until you find the one who loves you first. Then you can share your secret treasure with them :)
Take care,
Deeply Setting
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I have the exact same problem as you. I have large inner labias, and for a long time I was very uncomfortable being intimate with anyone. I had even heard someone talk to me about how gross larger labias were, but then I realized: everyone is different, and thats what makes us beautiful. So what if you have large inner labias? If the guy youre with really cares about the size of your inner labias, then he's not worth your time anyways. Some people actually enjoy larger labias. Hope I was of help!
p.s Dont get the plastic surgery unless you really really really think you need it. A boy should love your body for what it is! plastic surgery can go wrong, and you wouldnt want it going wrong, especially in that area. I dont think theres any other way of reducing their size. Love them! Embrace them! (not literally, haha)
good luck.
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Your problem isn't the way you look but the way you feel about yourself. Who are you comparing yourself to, and why? Why do you think you look so bad, and messy? Nothing you described sounded the slightest bit unusual to me, I think you need to spend more time accepting yourself and learning to love that area of your body, not trying to change it.
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When females get aroused the labia will swell, so it won't look so "flappy". Also as you mature the appearance may change. There really isn't a so called normal appearance for the the external genital area. There's many variations from woman to woman.
Plastic surgery would be an extreme fix that may only create more complications.
There may be some aversion in your past that has caused you to feel this way. Such as your parents attitude about the natural body--or attitude towards sex.
Work on building your confidence in other ways, focus on a talent or skill that you are good at and concentrate at getting better. Overall, the right partner isn't going to care what your labia looks like. But if you are fixated and repulsed, and lack self esteem...he may care about that.
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Please don't worry about how you look down there. Most guys don't notice and probably like the way we look if they do.
We are all different and many, like me, find the private areas uncomfortable to look at. Surgery will not be the answer because you need to build up your confidence rather than go under the knife.
It is highly likely that out of your group of friends, one or two may feel the same as you. Obviously it's not a question that you can ask of them but do bear in mind we all have an area of our body that we don't like.
I know that I have not given you any quick-fix answers, but I hope that I have eased your mind some. All the best.
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Honey, read this:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
We ALL struggle with this problem. Our vaginas simply do not look like porn stars in the real world. I am sure that you are normal.
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