I'm a thirteen-year-old who loves writing, playing piano, and giving advice. I'm happy to answer any question you ask me, and I'll give you the best advice I can. I like answering love life and mental health questions, as well as ones about LGBTQ issues.
I'm going to say a little more about me. I love Greek mythology, and my favorite Greek god is Athena, the goddess of wisdom. (You can tell from my username.)
I believe strongly in equality for all people. And I think no one should ever be discriminated because they are different.
I love it when people use proper spelling and grammar in their questions and answers -- I know I always try to do so (but like every other human being, I make mistakes sometimes). It makes you look smarter, and it's so much easier to read!
One more thing . . . this is an awesome advice site! Several of the people on here give really helpful advice and answers. The least I can do is give some advice back.
E-mail: athena4896@gmail.com
Age: 13
Member Since: August 22, 2013
Answers: 67
Last Update: December 28, 2013
Visitors: 5233
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Hey friends. I'm a 16 (almost 16) year old girl. I've identified as a chick for all my life, but lately I've been feeling confused. Some days I feel like a girl, some days I don't. Some days I actually want to be a girl, some days I don't. It's about even, really. A lot of the time, I don't even feel like I'm either.
When I was a kid I was like this too. I wanted to be a boy a lot of the time especially in kindergarten, and when we played games I would be a boy character. When I create new characters now even I tend to find it easier to develop males, and prefer using male characters over female. I've never acted really feminine or masculine, and neither have my characters. Lately a lot of my characters have been genderqueer or gay.
I honestly and truly don't know which gender I'm attracted to. I know I'm not entirely straight, though I like to think I am. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm bisexual or not really attracted to anyone. I don't think I'm attracted sexually to anything, the idea of sex or genitals don't really appeal to me. I don't even really acknowledge my own genitals, except when it's bleeding like a little bitch. Stupid pussy.
I guess I'm just a confused chick. I want to just come out and say I don't think I'm really a girl, but I'm afraid that I'll be wrong, and that people who aren't cisgendered will be offended by my dumbassery because they understand it more than I do.
I don't know what my question is. I just need advice. What do I do? How do I understand myself?
Thank you for reading. I know it's a little lengthy, but I needed to get it off my chest. (link)
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Hi! Based on what you wrote about your sexuality, I can assume that you're asexual. An asexual is someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction. However, some asexuals do still experience romantic attraction.
But your gender and sexuality are things you can only label for yourself. No one else can define what gender you are or who you're attracted to.
I'll tell you what I think though. After reading this, I didn't really get the impression that you are a cisgender girl. (But like I said, only you know who you are.)
If it helps, these are a few of the different gender identities out there, although there are actually very many:
-Cisgender female/male
-Trigender (a non-binary gender identity in which someone shifts between feeling male, female, and a third gender)
-Genderfluid (a gender identity where someone feels neither male or female, but feels more male on some days and more female on others)
-Androgynous
-Transgender (FTM or MTF)
Just remember that you can identify yourself however you like. But don't worry too much about labels; what matters the most is that you're being yourself.
I hope I was able to help, and I hope you find out who you really are. :)
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Hello everyone! I've got a very simple question: What are your favorite book(s)? If you don't have a favorite, what are some you really enjoy? (I need new things to read.) (link)
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I'm thirteen as well. My favorite series is the Warriors Series by Erin Hunter. If you haven't read it yet, I think you should. :)
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I have started to masturbate a lot lately í'm 14 male it feels really good the other day my mom nearly caught me i want to keep masturbating but i'm worried i'll get caught what should i do? (link)
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Masturbating at this age is perfectly normal, several other teens your age do it too. To avoid getting caught, make sure you have the door locked when you masturbate. Another idea is to do it in the shower.
I was caught once, and it was embarrassing, no doubt about that. My mom walked in on me and I just said, "Maybe next time you'll knock." But usually if you get walked in on it's best to say that you're sorry and you'll be more careful next time. Usually they will just pretend nothing ever happened.
Okay . . . this idea is stupid, but it's possible to make a joke out of it, by saying something like one of these:
"What happened to my wiener?! It's all swollen!"
"Wanna join?"
"Oh no! I accidentally shot the dog!"
Never mind. I think masturbating in the shower or with the door locked is the best idea. :)
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I just now had a dream that I died. I don't know how I had it, but yesterday I was talking about death and stuff with my friend. Do you think that's how I had the dream?
The dream felt so real. I was so scared when I woke up and I really don't want to experience that again. Any advice on how to not have it again? (link)
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It's probably just because you were talking about it with your friend.
Also, dreams about death can mean certain things. I think this link will help you:
http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=death
To avoid having bad dreams again, avoid watching scary movies before bed. (Once, I watched an extremely scary movie before going to bed. And around midnight I crawled into my mom's room to sleep in there. I kept her up half the night because I was whimpering.)
Meditating before you go to bed also helps. It's also important to think about positive things.
Being able to relax is important. You will be more likely to have bad dreams if you are under stress.
There are actually ways to control your dreams (I think it is called lucid dreaming). I think this might help as well.
http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Your-Dreams
I hope I helped. And I hope you don't have that dream again. :)
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how will i stop missing someone who is always in my mind? (link)
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Trying to avoid missing someone will only make you miss them more (I know this from experience). It's normal to miss someone you care about, so give yourself time.
Distracting yourself with other things might also help. Find a new hobby or hang out with other friends. Just because you miss the person doesn't mean you can't have fun. :)
Maybe you can set a goal for yourself. Focus on something else you need to do in life.
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Ok, so tomorrow me and my boyfriend are going to kiss for the first time and I have no idea how to kiss! im totally screwed please help! (link)
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When it's the right time for you to kiss, it should just come naturally. There is no perfect way to kiss.
Wait for the right time. You don't really want to have your first kiss at a random moment after class -- wait for a romantic moment when you two are alone together.
Putting on some lip balm and popping a breath mint in your mouth a little while before the kiss might be a good idea.
When you feel ready to kiss, and when the time feels right, there are some signs you can give to show that you feel ready. Lean in a little bit and make eye contact. Get caught looking at his lips. Give him a romantic compliment, and try saying it in a soft voice. You can also put an arm around him if you want to or do other things to hint your intentions.
You two will most likely find yourselves leaning in toward each other. When this happens, just close your eyes and go for it. Keep your lips parted slightly -- but only a teeny bit. Also keep your lips soft and avoid letting your lips smack.
Keep the kisses gentle and soft at first. And do something with your hands. Maybe you could place them lightly on his shoulders or something similar. After you kiss, you can just remain silent and hug him.
I hope I was able to help! And remember that kissing isn't as complicated as it might seem. Everything will turn out fine, I promise. Just relax and enjoy the kiss when the time is right for it.
Good luck!
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14F... My grandfather died today. It was verry sad because we where close, its hard for me because my dad died just a few years ago...* and my grandfather was all "dad" i had left. I don't know what to do. I keep freaking out! PlzZ help me (link)
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I'm very sorry about that. :( Everyone has to deal with grief at some point in their lives, and it's never easy.
First off, remember to make time to grieve.
But instead of focusing on depressing thoughts, try to remember the good times you had with your grandfather. Think about the funny memories and things you liked to do together.
Another important thing I need to say is don't start withdrawing from your friends and family members too much -- it will most likely only make you feel more depressed. While having some alone time to grieve is perfectly fine, completely isolating yourself is different. Don't be afraid to cry or talk about your feelings to your friends and family.
Try to stay somewhat active. You don't have to go partying and forget all about your grandpa, but I think you should spend some time with your other family members and friends. Maybe you could go out to dinner with others who are grieving for him.
Having a memorial service is a good idea, or do something that will give you a chance to say goodbye.
You could also go to a grieving support group. But if you're having an exceptionally hard time coping with the grief, you should try seeing a therapist.
Just remember that things will get better. You will be able to get over the loss eventually, but that doesn't mean you'll forget about your grandfather.
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Hi this is aayush frm india ....i dnt wnt to live not to survive evn a sec. Becz of my family my mither ...relatives.....and all the neighbrs of our society .....they thnk tht i m nothing....evn my mthr tease me tht i m bwcm nthng....i dnt hv any speciallty which should boy have....evry tym she tease me i dnt hv such a good personality....but i rwally wnt to die (link)
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I used to want to die too, but I was able to get help.
I think you should look at these:
http://www.metanoia.org/
http://areason.org/
http://suicide.com/
If you don't feel like you have anyone to talk to, call a suicide hotline. I think this site will help you too:
http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/india-suicide-hotlines.html
Is there anything other than killing yourself that can be done to alleviate your problems? You can leave town and start fresh somewhere else. You can transfer schools.
What will you be missing out on if you die? You will be missing out on being alive and feeling emotion, for a start. You might not realize it, but your family loves you. If you kill yourself, they will blame themselves, and if you write a suicide note, they will read it over and over again and wonder what they could have done differently.
If you feel like no one loves you, let me remind you that there is always someone who cares about you even if you don't know it.
I think you should find something to do that you enjoy or something that relieves stress. These are some of the things I do to relieve stress:
- Meditate, do deep breathing, and do yoga.
- Go running and get some exercise.
- Read a book.
- Write in a journal, or write short stories and poetry.
- Do some artwork.
- Play an instrument.
Those are a few ideas. Look around to see what kinds of things work for you.
Please stay strong and find a way to enjoy life again. Remember that many other people have gone through this exact same thing -- including me -- but they were able to get help and then keep living. One day, you'll look back at this and be glad that you got help and didn't throw your life away.
Don't give up. I believe in you.
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When people self harm, how do they do it? Scissors, knife? I just don't understand. And why? I literally do not understand. I have no opinion about it because I don't understand. Any advice appreciated. (link)
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Hi there,
I hope you won't use this information to start cutting yourself. A year ago, I was like you and I didn't know much about it or understand it. But one of my friends told me she was cutting herself. I had a really bad self-image at the time, and it seemed like a good way to punish myself. So I tried it once. Then I tried it again a few weeks later. And then I started doing it more and more until I was doing it everyday, and it became an addiction.
People found out that I was doing it and told me to stop. But I didn't feel like stopping was possible. It's like alcohol and drugs. You try it once and then want to do it again and again, and it eventually becomes an addiction.
I cut myself on and off for about a year before finally getting help and stopping.
I cut myself with knives, scissors, razors, pencil sharpener blades, and any other sharp things I could find.
These are some of the reasons why I did it:
- I wanted to punish myself because I hated who I was.
- The physical pain distracted me from the emotional pain and helped me feel less stressed temporarily, and the sight of blood helped calm me down.
- When you are injured, your body produces beta-endorphin, a chemical that controls stress and improves mood. (But exercise is a much better way to release beta-endorphin.)
- It was a way for me to express intense emotions.
But I found out that there were better ways to cope besides cutting.
Cutting is something people often do when they don't have better ways to deal with emotions. It is also associated with depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety.
I think you should look at this article. It will help you understand this subject a little better:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html#cat20123
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Im a 13 year old girl and im always so horny, is that normal? I really just want to have sex all time and with anyone, I just want to get my first time out of the way, is that weird? please don't think im weird or a slut because im not I just want to know if anyone's got any advice.... (link)
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Yes, it's absolutely normal for your age, and there is nothing weird about it.
I have these feelings too, and so do several other kids this age. I think you should try masturbation. You only need yourself to do it, and it is safe and fun.
http://www.mymasturbation.com/
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So i was dating this girl. we broke up. because i was into someone else. then she told me she wanted to get back together. i still love her. but i like someone else. i don't know how to tell her that i want to move on. i know if i tell her she'll be heart broken. but i know pretending to love someone when you don't is bad to. help? :c (link)
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Hi there. I'm in a similar situation, but it is the other way around. I was dating this amazing, beautiful girl, but then she dumped me because she liked another guy. She said she still loved me and would get back together with me someday, but she pays less and less attention to me, and I think she wants to move on.
I think being honest is the best thing to do. You should make it clear that you don't want to be with her anymore.
So just tell her that the time you spent apart gave you a chance to reflect and grow. Tell her she will always have a special place in your heart, but that your life has grown in a different direction.
I think that will be the least hurtful way. No matter how you say it, though, it will hurt. But you shouldn't have to pretend to love someone just to make them happy.
Good luck.
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is it bad to have sex with ur broher.. (link)
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It's not just bad, it's illegal.
If your brother is forcing you to have sex with him, tell someone he's doing that. It's wrong.
If you're crushing on your brother and want to have sex with him, don't do it. I will admit that I have a crush on my sister. Heck, I can't even look at her without blushing! But I would NEVER act on those feelings because that would be very wrong.
If you just want someone to have sex with and there are no feelings or pressures involved, try masturbation. Or you can get a boyfriend if you're old enough.
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My mom saw my self-harm scars and told my dad.. Well he called me an attention-seeker. He doesn't know what I go through and why I do it and I don't want to tell him. What do I do?
P.S. Please don't tell me to get professional help or anything like that. Thanks (link)
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I'm sorry that your parents aren't very supportive. Sometimes, when a kid is self-harming, the parents get angry at them, tell them they're grounded, and say they're just trying to get attention. It doesn't help much when they do that.
When I first started cutting, my mom didn't exactly approach it the right way. She said I was just doing it because one of my friends was doing it, which wasn't true at all. But I was able to talk to her about it, and now she's very supportive. I was thinking that you could ask your mom if you could see a therapist. I mean, I know you don't want to get professional help, and I didn't want help either at first. But a therapist might be able to help you find better ways to cope with whatever you're going through and make your parents understand you more.
Sometimes, when you don't feel like you have anyone to talk to or anyone who will support you, calling a hotline is a good idea.
The self-harm hotline is 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288).
And if you want to talk to me, my email is athena4896@gmail.com.
I don't know if you have read this far or not. But I think you should try to find a few alternatives for self-harm. Here are some of the things I do when I have an urge to self-harm, and I think you should at least give them a try.
- Take a shower -- you can make it super cold or super hot, or just keep it at an average temperature if you just want it to be relaxing.
- Go running. Exercise is a great stress reliever, and the pain in your legs can distract you from the urge to cut.
- Try meditation, breathing exercises, or relaxing yoga poses. I meditate for a few minutes every day, which helps a lot. Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and bring your focus to an inward subject. When I meditate, I usually focus on my breathing or on a calming image from nature, such as the sunset.
- Write in a journal or write poetry to express how you feel, if you're someone who is creative or enjoys writing.
- Call or text a friend. They can make you feel better or help you get your mind off of things by talking about something completely different.
- Do a hobby or another activity that is enjoyable and will help distract you. Try a puzzle that will challenge you and distract you from the pain you feel.
- Snap a rubber band on your wrist. The pain gives a sense of relief, and it leaves marks that look like scars, but they go away overnight.
- Drip some dark red paint on your wrist -- this helps if the sight of blood is important to you.
- Write out your anger on a piece of paper and rip it up.
- Holding an ice cube or rubbing it on your skin is helpful. You can dye it red if that helps.
- Try the butterfly project. Draw a butterfly on the place where you want to cut. Name it after someone you love, and let it fade naturally. If you cut before the butterfly fades away, it dies. But if you don't, you set it free.
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hi i am rossy.....i am 18 years old....yesterday my gf 15 years old........was giving me blowjob and accidentally she swallowed the sperm.........now my question is will this make her pregnant?........and how can i make sure that she is not pregnant??.....please i need urgent answer.......i am very much tensed (link)
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No, she cannot get pregnant from swallowing sperm.
Before doing any kind of sexual activity, it's important to educate yourself. Knowing what kinds of protection to use is especially important.
I think you should look at this site:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/#cat20015
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Now please don't criticize too harshly, I'm already insecure enough. But I feel like I was meant to be born a guy. And that being born a girl was a mistake. I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but I want to be who I think I was meant to be. Am I sane...? :\
(Sorry, didn't know what other category to ask this.) (link)
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First of all, I'm not going to criticize you. :) And you're not crazy at all! The way you feel is fine.
Based on what you have written, I think you might be transgender. That's because you were born female, but you feel like you were meant to be born a guy.
I think you should check out this article. It might help you better understand what being transgender means:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/girls/transgender.html#cat20015
I think seeing a psychologist will help you. A psychologist can help you accept and understand the way you feel, help you feel less confused, and give you options for what to do later in your life.
Just remember this: you're not crazy, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling this way. And only you can decide what your true gender is. Your gender identity isn't something that other people can define for you.
I hope everything goes well for you. :) And if you have any other questions about your gender identity and how to deal with feeling this way, you can inbox me anytime.
~Athena
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Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 weeks now and latly hes been trying to get close i think? He's been giving me his jacket and love notes also compliments. So i wondering how our relationship is going so far? And r we taking to fast? (link)
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It seems like your relationship is going well so far. :)
Whether or not you are taking things too fast is something that depends on the couple. If you both feel comfortable moving at this pace, then it's fine. But if you feel like your boyfriend is rushing you or insisting that you do things you aren't ready for, then that wouldn't be so good.
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what is a quick and painless way of killing myself? (link)
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I cannot tell you how to kill yourself. Instead, I'm going to help you find a way to keep living.
First off, a little while ago, I felt that way too. I felt like death was the only option. One day, I decided that I'd had enough, and I tried to kill myself.
It was the stupidest thing I had ever done.
First, I spent several hours in the emergency room, and I had to go to a mental hospital after that. At first, I just wanted to get the heck out of that place. But then I realized that it would actually help me. They started me on medication and helped me find better ways to cope with the pain. Now I am starting to see hope. I still have to go to the hospital every day. And it isn't exactly the funnest thing ever. But I know it will be worth it.
You can't kill yourself now. You don't even know what the future holds for you, and you have so much to live for, even if you don't realize that.
The hospital has been helping me a lot. I highly recommend that you go to one.
I think you should look at these. They helped me somewhat, and I think they will help you too:
http://www.metanoia.org/
http://areason.org/
http://suicide.com/
I also think you need someone to talk to. Confiding in a close friend or family member is one option (if you haven't already), but you can also call a suicide hotline.
You can email me any time if you want someone to talk with. My email is athena4896@gmail.com.
Is there anything other than killing yourself that can be done to alleviate your problems? You can leave town and start fresh somewhere else. You can transfer schools. You can break up with your partner/get a divorce (depending on your age).
What will you be missing out on if you die? You will be missing out on being alive and feeling emotion, for a start. You will never see your friends and family again. Speaking of your friends and family, they will feel awful if you kill yourself. They will blame themselves, and if you write a suicide note, they will read it over and over again and wonder what they could have done differently.
If you feel like no one loves you, let me remind you that there is always someone who cares about you even if you don't know it.
I think you should find something to do that you enjoy or something that relieves stress. These are some of the things I do to relieve stress:
- Meditate, do deep breathing, and do yoga.
- Go running and get some exercise.
- Read a book.
- Write in a journal, or write short stories and poetry.
- Do some artwork.
- Play an instrument.
Those are a few ideas. Look around to see what kinds of things work for you.
Please stay strong and find a way to enjoy life again. Remember that many other people have gone through this exact same thing -- including me -- but they were able to get help and then keep living. One day, you'll look back at this and be glad that you got help and didn't throw your life away.
Don't give up. I believe in you.
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Hii 14/F me and this guy know each other for about 3 years* I really like him and I dont know it he likes me*
He holds my hand
He say he loves me
He sends txts saying mwah and so on*
He is jelous when i am around other guys
I don't want him to break my heart so does he like me? Or should i just get over him
(link)
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Hi! It seems like there is a good chance that he likes you, but you can never tell for sure unless you ask him.
I think holding your hand, saying he loves you, and getting jealous when you're around other guys are indicators that he likes you. Here are a couple articles that I think will help you further determine whether or not he has feelings for you:
http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-a-Guy-Likes-You
http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-if-He-Likes-You
I think that should help. But you can try flirting a little and seeing how he responds (if you haven't already been doing so).
http://www.wikihow.com/Flirt-with-a-Guy
Good luck!
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I'm a thirteen year old girl in 8th grade and this guy asked me out. I don't like him. He is more my friend. When he asked, I was frazzled so I said I have to think about it. I want to be friends with him still without making it awkward. What should I say tomorrow at school?
P.S.-Everyone in the school knew he was gonna ask me out. And people were telling him that I was interested. (link)
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Hi! You know, part of being a girl is turning down guys sometimes when they ask you out. It's important to respect the guy's feelings without making it seem like you want to go out with him.
I understand that other kids at school want to see what happens and all that. But I think it is not the best idea to reject him in front of everyone.
When you do tell him, it's important to remain calm and polite. Calmly explain how you feel. Say something like, "I'm flattered that you like me, because you are a nice guy. I just don't like you in that way, though, but I hope we can still be friends." But you can say whatever you think feels right.
After saying what you want to say, watch his reaction.
- If he mentions wanting to still be friends or seems okay with your decision, say you're glad you can still be friends.
- If he begs you to go out with him, be a little more firm.
- If he looks like he's about to cry, tell him you're sorry and say you'll still be there for him as a friend. Then leave for class because he might think you really do like him if you stay.
I hope I helped!
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Hii 14/F
my best guy friend like me* i don't like him in that way and i don't want to ruin our friendship* how do I let him down easy (link)
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This kind of thing has happened to me before. It happens to almost everyone eventually.
It's good that you do not want to hurt your friend's feelings or be mean. Being generous of his feelings is one of the first steps in turning him down. It's important to turn him down without sounding mean -- while still making it clear that you don't like him in that way.
First off, don't tell him you do not like him like that in front of everyone, so he isn't as embarrassed.
When you do tell him, it's important to remain calm and polite. Calmly explain how you feel. Say something like, "I'm flattered that you like me, because you are a good friend. I just don't like you in that way, though, but I hope we can still be friends." But what you say is up to you.
Now you watch his reaction.
If he seems okay with your decision, say you are glad you can still be friends.
But you can be more firm if he begs you to go out with him (or if he asks you if your feelings have changed a week later).
If he looks as if he will cry or just seems really sad about it, tell him you will still be there for him as a best friend.
Good luck!
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