Basketball3846's advice column | Basketball3846's Advice About Friendship

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Q: I'm in my first serious relationship with an amazing guy. My family & friends all like him, and of course I like him very much. The problem is, since him and I have been together, I've spent less time with friends. They have been trying to hangout with me, but for some reason I have more fun with my boyfriend. I feel like a horrible friend because these girls are great friends. Is it so wrong that I'd rather be with my boyfriend at this point in my life? (17/F)

It's hard when it comes down to choosing between friends and boyfriends. Try and talk to your boyfriend and tell him you love hanging out with him. But think about it, chances are, your friends are going to be there longer than your guy. It's important to balance them both even if you have more fun with your guy. Try and pick certain days of the week for your friends and others for you guy. It's important to keep it all balanced. Good luck!

Q: my friend is really crazy and whenever she comes over to my house i have to hide everything that she does crap with like puts in peoples hair or has fights with like whip cream chocolate fudge umm and even my cell phone. shes made mose of my friends cry and bleed. how can i tell her enoughs enough without her getting mad at me

Well, just sit her down and tell her enough is enough. Tell her people are getting sick of her hurting people. Tell her that she can be funny but it stops being funny when people are being hurt and start to cry. If she's your friend, she should understand.

Q: Is god real im confused

It really depends on your religion. If you don't have one then it's up for you to decide as to what you believe. People believe different things but no one really knows for a fact.

Q: 15/f
i have never had a boyfriend. Is that like pathetic?? I want everyone to be honest like if you think thats stupid then say it i wanna know your honest opinion i wont get mad at anyone...unless you go like wayy overboard.

5 for anything.

I don't think that is pathetic in the least bit, honestly and truely. You're only 15 and trust me, it all happens totally fast. Before you know it they are going to be all over you, it just takes more time for guys to grow up and mature than girls. I kow that sounds way overused but it really is true. Don't rush into anything, just take your time and wait for that special person!

Q: I am a very popular female at mi highschool, and mi highschool is known for a lot of lesbians and gay males. It is crazy because I always said how it was nasty to date the same sex. Well I am realizing that I am attracted to females. Well it's one inparticular tho. It's like no one turned me out or ne thing I just catch mi palms sweating wen I get around her and me daydreamin' about her. It's even more crazier because we are so close. I don't know what to do, maybe it's just lust but I really like her. I am afarid because mi cousins would kill me if they knew, I want to tell her but don't know how. Should I give hints or just tell her? Wen would be the right time to tell mi bf and mi fav. cousin. It's not like I care if others know, I just need those three people to kno. PLEASE HELP me, rate 5's for any useful advice

Well, this isn't going to be easy I can start out by telling you that right now. Just start out by going up to the girl you like and since you two are close, just tell her that you are a lesbian. She should understand since your close. After that she may ask who it is you like and then is the time to say that it's her. and for your bf and cousin, just sit them down (you dont have to at the same time) and calmly explain to them that you're really confused and that you think you may be a lesbian. your cousins family and your bf should always be there for you no matter what. it may shock them at first, but it's fine. you can't help what you really are.

Q: ok i have this really good friend(we will call her sue) who really likes this guy(we will call him joe) and has liked him for like 5 years and is seriously obsessed wiht him. but the problem is that i now like Joe and my other friends want me to go out with him but i dont want Sue to get mad at me. and i no for a fact that Sue would hate me for life for she wanted to kill this other girl that was going out with him for a while. Also my friends who want me to go out with Joe have been talking with him and they said that he said that i should not care what Sue thinks and i kind of have the feeling that He will never go out with sue anyway. advice on what i should do please? thanks.

Hmm. Well try talking to sue i mean cause if she really is a good friend of yours she should let you go for him. and if you do and she gets mad, shes your good friend and shouldnt b mad at you at all let alone "for life" if she still says no, wait a while and see if she becomes less obsessed. if not i guess you should try a dif guy because you should never let a guy go between you and your friends. the friends are there for the long run and guys can break your heart pretty fast (not that he will nessicarily but im just sayin) good luck!

Q: I just moved to a new school and I'm finding it really hard to make some friends (i'm in 9th). and it just gets really lonley on the weekends because I don't like do anything. And my friends from my old school, I don't talk to them anymore. I don't know if there is any advice you can give me (besides that whole join a sport because I am doing a sport in the spring) and join a club because I am already in some and they arent very helpful with meeting people. Any advice??

Well I would go out there an introduce yourself to differant people. Go see if there are any people in your school who seem to be in the same situation as you, or somebody that doesn't have a lot of friends. Don't be afraid of what people say about them though because you never know what they're really like until you go and really get to know them. Good Luck!

Q: Last year I was cool nd evry1 kne who I waz but this year ppl r callin me by my friends name bcuz she looks xactly like me now, she died her hair my color has almost the same style as mine the same face the same frame nd etc. I kno i should b flattered but im not I want my life back! Ive told her this many times but she doesnt get it! Wut should I do?

Well, this may be a little dirastic but, you could always change your looks to how she looked and she how she reacts. If she says that you aren copying her looks then say, "Nope sorry. You don't look like this." This should knock some sense into her "blonde heart". Good Luck and tell me how things go!

Q: OK I like this guy Named Chris But I used to Like this guy Named Matthew But the Day I met Chris was the Day I met Matthew In person And It was kinda Awkward Because I like Chris more and I dont want to hurt Matthews feelings So I didnt tell Matthew that Chris spent the night with Me But he found out by a friend But its ok I didnt tell her she couldnt tell!! so anywayz that night me and chris were laying down next to eachother and we started kissing ever since then We have had this big huge crush on eachother so But ok
Chris is really sweet, nice, comments me on stuff and kisses alot and hugs alot a cuddles alot And likes me for me which is really kewl
on the other hand
Matthew- Cocky, kinda mean, nice sometimes
comments on how Hott I am doesnt give me hugs, tells my friends there hott all the time in front of me talks about my friends 24/7 and U see why I dont like him
I just need to know How to tell HIm I dont like him but IN a nice way!!

Alrighty. Well, just tell him that you would much rather be his friend because there is someone else in your life. It is not good at all to tell lies, cause he will find out and it will look suspicious if you and Chris are around each other all the time, right after you broke up with Matthew. He should understand, and if he apreciates you (even though it kinda sounds like he doesn't) he should be fine with it. But most likely he will ask questions. Just keep saying "I am sorry". You don't have to answer them cause Chris is none of his bussiness. Good Luck!!

Q: I used to have 2 best friends. Arina** nd Stacie** (** names have been changed) and I know 3 is a tricky number to work with when it comes to friends. So one night me and stacie were texting each other and shes like "i got a bf" and I say, "really, who?" "tyler" then I say, "wuts his last name?" "i dunno" then I say "and let me guess...u never met him before?" and she got all offended and called me a bitch when I was just kidding, cuz she went out with this guy tht lives in P.A and never met him before. So we stared fighting over the text messaging bickering back and forth. And we haven't been friends since June. And I don't think we ever will be again. But the sad part is my (favorite) other best friend, arina, turned against me for some reason and I think its because stacie is tellin her a bunch a trash about me. So me and Arina stopped talking to me and I really want to talk to her and ask her why shes mad at me. Its so painful it makes me cry. We were like the bestest friends. I was more close with arina than anyone. We shared such good times. I just don't know what to do cuz one day arina stared giving me the silent treatment without telling me why. So she just left me in the dark. I do not know how to solve my problem at all. Can you help me? I miss arina! :`(

Alrighty. Well this is all to typical for me. This is how almost every day of my life is except I am usually stuck in the middle. Try and get Arina and Stacie to meet up with you somewhere and try talking to them. See why they are mad at you and tell Stacie that you were just fooling around when you texted her and guessed that she had never meet him. Maybe Stacie was jealous of you (just a thought) and wanted you to think that she got a boyfriend so that she could brag about something. She might not have had one at all but made it up, and she might not have had an answer for your questions and she started to freak out cause you doubted her. (this is all a very very large guess but you never know) So just try talking to them and figure out whats up. Good Luck!!

Q: Ok- I usually am the one giving out advice... but I am stumped on my own problem. Well here is what happened:

I used to have a best friend named Justine. We hit it off great from the start. After the first month we'd known eachother, we spent the night at each other's houses almost every weekend. We had only known eachother for a year when the inevitable happened- but we'd shared so much together. I had told her all of my deep dark secrets, and she had told me some of her own.
Well- this summer, I had been at my cousin Ashley's house- and we had been chatting with boys on AIM. I told Justine about it when I saw her- and for some reason, she FLIPPED. She wouldn't talk to me, and she ignored all my e-mails to her.
This year, I went back to middle school, and Justine had changed completely over the summer. She had all these cheerleader friends, and she was acting like she was better than everyone else. She even sits in front of me in my English class.
This is where the problem comes in. I don't want to be Justine's friend anymore- she is such a brat- but I do want her to act civil towards me (in English she is always sighing, like she hated being around me- and she tells people, when I can hear- that she hates me). What can I do to make her stop acting so immature???

Alrighty. It is good that you don't want to be her friend because she does sound like a very bad one. Try talking to her when she is alone and tell her that you just want her to be kind around you. You don't care if your not friends but you can't have her treating you this way. See how she responds to that. If she still doesn't change then try talking to your parents about it or a teacher. Good Luck!!

Q: ok my best friends boyfriend was supposed to call her today and they were supposed to hang out nd' he hasnt even call yet nd' shes like all crushed n crying n everything...i cant stand seeing her like this...what can i say to her to help her feel better(theyve been together over a year)help me quik!! plz if ne1 can

ill even rate you 5'z

Alrighty. Well maybe her boyfriend has plans that just came up and he couldn't get a hold of her. You never know why. I am sure it is not serious but if she is breaking down then it sounds like she is parraniod. She probably got that way because of some of the things her boyfriend does to make her think that he maybe breaking up with her. But tell her not to worry and that if he was gonna break up with her for anything she did wrong, he would have done it already. Good Luck!!

Q: I apologize if this ends up being really long, but I thought I'd ask.

I've been friends with this girl, we'll call her Sabrina, since the 8th grade. We grew to be really close really fast and ended up going to the same high school. That's kind of a big deal since we live in Chicago and most kids separate after grade school.
Anyway, we remained best friends up until I had a tough time in early 2003 and ended up dropping out of school. We lost contact up until a couple of months ago. The fact that we didn't keep in touch is pretty much my fault. I apologized for it, she appears to have forgiven me and we started hanging out again.
Sabrina is 18 now and recently moved in with her boyfriend because she was unhappy living with her mom. Only, now that she lives with her boyfriend, he wants to maintain complete control of her life, including who she hangs out with.
He told her she wasn't allowed to hang out with me anymore and she's actually obliging him.

I don't know if I should just deal with it and talk to her whenever I can, or if I should just let her know we shouldn't be friends at all anymore or what! I'm pretty hurt. Any advice would be appreciated and I will rate everyone who responds. Thanks.

Alrighty. Well her boyfriend sounds like a jackass. She should probably realize that she shouldn't have a boyfriend that does that to her. If I was in your shoes, I would go up and talk to her boyfriend (after making sure Sabrina is okay with it). Tell him how you feel about him not allowing Sabrina to hang out with you. Also try to mention that you have been friends since 8th grade and obviously that's a really long time. If he doesn't change the way he is allowing Sabrina to live, talk to Sabrina and tell her that this guy is not a very good boyfriend to be controling her life like this. Be nice about it because you don't want to ruin your friendship. She how she responds to that and I hope I helped. Good Luck!!

Q: I am sure that this question has been asked before but I'd like some answers pertaining to my exact situation. I ussually hate online advice forums, but thougth I'd give it a try before I critisize it. Ok, so enough, here's my problem.

My best friend is a girl. She (and I) are 15 years old. I've known her for about two years now. We have been through so much together and help eachother out in so many ways that I see our friendship permanent unless I personally screw it up. When we first met, I immediatly liked her and wanted to date her. When I found out she felt the same way, I planned on asking her out. But some stupid girl found out that she liked me and proclaimed it to the school and also wrote a letter from me (which I didn't write) to her asking her out. Then this menace of a girl embarrased her in front of the entire cafeteria by starting a chant of "ask her out (then my name)". After that, we just became friends and never really brought it up again. It's been two years since then and we have both had at least one boyfriend or girlfriend. I am starting to really like her and it haints me that we never even gave it a shot. But I am not sure if she likes me more than a best friend or if she would agree to go out with me. She is the only person I trust and I can't give her up as a friend, which is why I haven't risked our friendship by asking her out. So, where do I go? What do I do? What do I tell her? What will she say? If she refuses to go out with me, will our friendship be awkward and ruined?

Alrighty. Well, me and my boyfriend have been friends for a while and when I started to have a crush on him he found out. Shortly after, he asked me out. We are very happy together and we are just better friends. This happened before with another one of my friends and after we broke up we are still good friends. So give it a shot. If things don't work out, then ask if you guys can still be friends. Try not to ask her out until you find out that she likes you. (even if it is a little bit). Once that happens, if she says no, things go back to normal. No big change. So what do you got to lose? Good Luck!!

Q: Okay well I have this friend Casey that is reallie jealous of me bcuz I know alot of guys and I have a bf and all.Casey goes around calling me the worse names in the book like c*nt and sl*t and a whore and all.ANd the funny thing is I only have one bf and she likes spreading rumor to everyone so now my bestfriend is mad at me bcuz Casey said I fucked her bf and now I dont know what to do and evening Stephaine bf told her that we didnt have sex which we didnt and now I dont know how for her not to be mad at me:(So please help what should I do:(
-Kimmy

Alrighty. Well, Casey sounds like the worst friend anyone could ever have. I would get rid of her asap. Friends are suppossed to be there for you and be happy for you not go spreading rumors about you! About all these rumors, just keep telling everyone that they aren't true. Whoever the rumors include you with like Stephanie's bf for instance, talk to him and tell him that you need his help to turn down all these rumors. Without his help people are just going to think you are lieing. Try ignoring them or maybe try telling a teacher or family member that this person is spreading horrible rumors around the school about you. No one should have to deal with this kind of stuff. Good Luck!!

Q: Most of my friends don't like one of my friends, and there is a good reason for this. Last night, I slept over my friends house who is one of the ones who doesnt like the other friend...and she was sayin mean stuff 2 the other friend on IM, and then I got on my screen name and the one who no one likes IMs me and asks "where r u?" so i signed off quick ssayin i hadda go, but I think she might've had an idea i was right there and think i was takin part in it. I just don't wanna get in the middle of the whole thing. There are some good reasons the rest of my friends don't like her, but I don't want to stop being friends with her or any of the other ones. If she confronts me again and asks where I was and finds out I was right there, what do I say?

Alrighty. Welll, you could 1) Deny it and tell her a little white lie, but then again. Lieing is not the greatest thing you can do in this situation. But if I were you I would just tell her that some of your friends are a little cautious about her and you just wanted to see why this was and maybe make things better for her. Good Luck!!

Q: Okay my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now. One of his really good friends is a girl and she and I don't get along. I dislike her because she has talked trash about him behind his back early on in our relationship telling me that I shouldn't like him, that he's a horrible person and he's a bad kisser and all this mean stuff. She used the fact that she dated hima s an excuse as well. She and I never were really good friends but she and he always have be like good friends. I now realize how hard it is for him. Because we dont like each other. He's told me how she'd make a comment when he would say he was with me or something about me and sometimes I'll admit I would roll my eyes and maybe make a comment when he talked about her. I've realized this is hard for him. I'm not sure if I want to be her friend but I do want to make things easier for him and easier for our relationship because at one point this situationw as a big factor and reason for our fights. And after our last big fight it came up again after it wasnt for like 2 months. I don't know if I should set aside my differences with her or if I should just ignore it? help please!

Alrighty. What I would do is try talking to your boyfriend and tell him why you don't like his friend. Try to tell him the things she has said about him in the past. Try not to be so harsh on it though because it may be hard for him to hear all the things she is saying about him behind his back. Then he might understand why you act the way you do. And when you are around him and he brings her up, try to hear what he is trying to say. Don't show any "bad" signs that you don't like what he is talking about. With his friend you might want to talk to her about the way she acts too. It sounds to me as if she is still in love with him and she just wants you to break up with him so that she can have him back all to herself. Good Luck!!

Q: well i posted a message stating my problem with these three guys. well i talk to one of them and told them that it wasnt going to work that was this boy named bryan. Now i am faced with the big decision of picking Joseph or Donald but i dont know wich one. See i have known Donald a lot oonger than Joseph but we have all ways been friends but we never had those conversations dealing with getting to know each other like fave color and food things like that. Well he has a friend named Joseph and i like joseph and donald keeps telling me the Joseph really wants to get with me. Me and Joseph have talked a feew kissed a few. But see i really like joseph i like a lot of things about him. But see he is a big flirt and so am i so evan though one of us would be in a relationsship we would still end up fliorting with some one els. But im not really worried about that i want to know how can i pick between them which one to choose and if i should tell the one that i didnt pick that i go with his friend pleaz help signed~ worried to pick

Alrighty. Well it sounds like you are in quite a pickle. What I would do is just stay single until you get to know Joseph a little more. Once that happens, I personally think you should choose him becuase it sounds like you two really enjoy each others company. I hope things work out! Good Luck!!

Q: I love to swear. My friends unfortanatly hate it. this one girl on my bus hits me really hard on the head whenever i swear. even like shut up.

Alrighty. Well, what you should do is go up to this girl and tell her how this makes you feel. But it sounds like this girl is only trying to stop your little swearing problem. I bet that she just wants to help you stop. Swearing can be addicting so you might want to get some help with it. But I would just talk to this girl about hitting you on the head. Ask her why she does this and ask her to stop. Good Luck!!

bio

Hey guys! My name is Leah and I am 15 years old. I'm from Maine where it's always beautiful but for some reason, everyone here wants to leave it. I love playing basketball and just hangin out with my friends whenever I can. I am the advice giver in my group of friends and I always help them out with whatever it is they may need. When I get older I want to be a phyciatrist and have a huskey named Isabella. I don't know why but I do. If you have a problem, I am here for you and wont judge you at all. I never pass up on a question passed to me so don't be shy. I've been through a lot in the past 15 years and I'm sure I will be able to answer a majority of you guys' questions. Hit me up and don't forget to live for the moment. It's the most important thing you can do.