xosodapopx3's advice column | xosodapopx3's Advice About Families | Main Page

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Website:

Gender:

Female

Member Since:

December 19, 2008

Answers:

325

Last Update:

February 24, 2014

Visitors:

30793

Favorite Columnists

The_MoUsY_spell_checker

advicenator_admin

Main Categories:

about

Hi, I'm Brittney, I'm a junior in college. don't ever feel hesitant to ask me a question, I will never judge you. Be completely honest and I will give you the best answer I can give, 100% of the time. A fun fact about me- I'm a triplet!

advice

I noticed you said you are a triplet and I think that is cool (: What do you dislike/like about it?

Thank you! I've loved having two other people that I can relate to and have a special closeness with because we are all going through specific phases of life at the same time. For example, going to the junior prom and having a first boyfriend (girlfriend for my brother). It's also pretty cool because we all used to have the same friends growing up. Recently my sister transferred to my college which is awesome ; and we all turned 21 together and had our first legal drinks together which was definitely special.
I guess you could say some dislikes are regular sibling like problems. Conflicts are more complicated because we are friends with the same people so often times my best friends get a two sided venting session! And although I'm a lot older and have way more responsibilities and freedom, my parents were a lot more strict when I was younger because they were going through every experience with three kids for the first time.
Overall it's been a very identifying experience for me. I say that with the meaning of independence :-) . I used to be identified as the "triplet" all of the time. This really helped me push myself to be more independent and discover who I am as "Brittney" not the "triplet" . I hope this answers your question! Sorry it took a while to answer I started college again and took a bit of a hiatus but I'll be on hopefully more often!

Hello 15/F*
My mom keeps reading my diary! I try to hide it but she is allways snooping around!! I write EVERYTHING °̩n there because that's the way I express my feelings. I don't act weird I'm allways bubbly, but I have my down days. Why does she keep reading it. And any good ideas where to hide it? I can't hide it °̩n my matress or pillow. So any other ideas? ThxX lvj! XxX

I used to have this problem as well. I think parents just like to keep updated on how their kids feel. Do you talk to your mom about your personal life? She may be snooping around because she feels like she doesn't know much and is trying to find out for herself. You should talk to her about how you feel. Don't get mad, just tell her you know she's been taking it and you'd like to talk about why she reads something private. If it doesn't stop, I suggest you keep an online diary. Either on Microsoft word or online notepads or free diary websites. It won't be exactly the same experience but it will be nice to not have to worry about her reading something so private. Overall, I suggest you talk to her first. I'm sure she doesn't mean to anger you, mothers like to feel involved. So maybe talking to her more frequently about your personal life will help fulfill her curiosity.. It's worth a try!

Say it is wrong for us to stick
With my mom because she is now a criminal. What do you think about that ?

I mean in my opinion, she only has six months in jail it's not like she killed anyone. she definitely was wrong for what she did but I think calling her a criminal especially after she has done her time is really harsh, it's true but when I hear the word criminal I automatically think of murderers. To classify your mother with the same word used to describe someone on death row or who has life in jail just seems really intense to me.

statements like the jokey comments I made about my mom going to jail my dad mentioned it was good to not be hysterical and be understanding and he said to just look at the positives if the situation. That's when I mentioned the whole she will no what it's like to be punished tease. He mentioned it will give me an opportunity to see what happens when you break the law and it is an interesting and educational experience lots of prior my age don't have. Would you agree with that?

Yes I agree, and you can make your own experience out of it as well

One thing I wonder is how being in jail will change her. Obviously spending six months there would change you somewhat. I mean now that my mom is a criminal and will be surrounded by other criminals for eight months. I've talked to her on the phone and she seems the same but I still wonder. One positive that may come from this, maybe she will go easier on me. Though that could be a bad thing I guess

Yes she will be around criminals but in the same respect she will still be herself, probably a better her because she has learned her lesson. She will not pick up any bad behaviors by the people in jail, most likely she's just focusing on doing her time and getting out so she can be with you again. Definitely is a positive thing. I don't think as a mother she will go easier on you, maybe in the beginning of when she gets home because she's getting acclimated to her house again, but she will always be the same mom, and pick up her rhythm of parenting as if she never left.

I was thinking of sending some books to her (you can send books from Amazon). Do you know of any good paperback books or magazines that someone in jail might enjoy?

I would suggest any of her favorite magazines would be nice like if you know she loves cosmopolitan you can send if to her. As for books everyone has a personal preference, I like autobiographies while she may like fiction. If you know what she likes it could help you pick.

people say I am acting cold or childish but isn't it better to act the way I am acting instead of being hysterical or feeling miserable? '

I have just accepted it and instead looked at "positives" of the situation (a bit more freedom with her being absent for a little while (if it was longer I'd feel worse) , her maybe looking at things now from a different perspective)

I'm not tearing her down with it or sonething. I'm just not feeling scared or anything and instead feel that is rather thrilling, it is an experience not many peploe go through.

Things I said are this

1. Before she surrendered to jail. We went out to a restaurant. I teased her about how tomorrow she was going to be behind bars and taking orders from people. She joked back that the food she's eating now won't compare to prison food.

2. I was telling my dad and some friends I trust how "maybe she'll see how it feels when I get punished"

I hope this doesn't sound too malicious or uncaring.

It's not too malicious, but make sure you try to keep some of those thoughts to yourself instead. The way you talk out loud is going to influence your thinking. So if you constantly make comments like that, you're going to start thinking that way seriously too. If you talk positively and tell your friends and dad things such as "it's only six months, it will go by fast" and other positive statements like "I can't wait for mom to come home so we can all spend time together" etc you will think more positively. It's kind of like how when you smile, you feel happy. Even when you're sad, if you really smile you will feel a little but happier its the same with your talking. And it's okay to feel sad, some people you say tell you that you are childish or cold, maybe this is because inside you are covering for your sadness? It's natural to feel upset and saddened by your situation. In fact, feeling upset and sad shows that you care and are affected. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, you are human. If you feel sad, talk to your dad about it, perhaps you can keep a diary of this experience for you as it will make you feel better. Another good idea is writing your mom a letter, or multiple ones. Little actions will help relieve your emotions, you should use your friends and family to cheer you up through this time. Everything will be just fine :-)

this is weird but I don't really feel scared or anything about this, I can't help but feel a little eh "excited" maybe is the word about my mom being in jail. Not in a malicious type of way but more in a teasing type of way. Not because I hate her or dislike her. On the contrary I had a good relationship with her but I definitely find it kind of funny that my mom is in the punishment situation now and is taking orders from others and it might give her a different perspective on certain things. Also because I know she is coming back in six months and is not going away from forever or for years and years. I guess it is kind of childish to think that way but I cannot really help it lol . I actually told my dad some of these things and he said it was OK and he was glad I was instead not acting hysterical about it and even joked back "maybe you;re mom will understand how it feels when she punishes you, maybe when she comes back things might be different". People might look at it and think we hate her but really it is just a different way of dealing with it.

I definitely understand, it is a more lighthearted method of dealing with your situation. As I like to think of if, every family has a different rhythm or flow to them, some people may find that the best method of coping is by crying, in your case it's not and that is definitely okay. The point is you're dealing with it just fine, which will obviously be better off for all of you in 6 months on the arrival of your mother. I wish you the best of luck! I'm glad that this turnout is a good one :-)

my mother is going to jail for six months for forgery related charges. I am handling the situation fine because she will be back and her visit to jail might make her go easier on me now. Even though it is only six months, My dad asked if I want to visit her sometime because he said she would appreciate a visit and it could be interesting and an "educational experience" (What does that mean? Please give your opinion on that)

also, my dad said I still have to listen to my mother when she gets out. I don't understand how he can do this. I mean like I said I don't hate my mom or anything and had a good relationship with her but now that she is a criminal, her telling what to do might be hypocritical

I have no problem with my mother and other than this misdeed she was a good mother but I don't know if I should subject myself to go into a jail just to see her for a while. Does anyone know what it is like there and how the visiting works? I am a 14 year old girl by the way. Also, what can we talk about in the short time we probably have? Also is it really going to be that bad for her in there, I mean she has six months of not having to worry about anything.

Having a mother in jail is never a pleasant or easy experience, fortunately she didn't commit something much more serious. What I believe your father means by it being an educational experience is that you will get to first handedly witness and understand how unpleasant jail is. Its like punishing you when you misbehave, it shows you how actions have grave consequences. As for you deciding whether to visit her or not, she is still your mother and everyone makes mistakes. No matter what you do wrong or what mistake you will make in life, your mother and father will always love you, this is in some respects reciprocated by you visiting. It shows support and would give your mom an ease of mind that as your daughter you still love and respect her. It's definitely an experience a 14 year old let alone anyone should have to go through, but family is forever and 6 months in the long run will seem like nothing. 20 years from now when you're thinking about getting married and having kids, the 6 months your mother has spent in jail will simply be a lesson learned, and hopefully just a past memory for you and your entire family. Also, as far as your mother being a criminal, it is technically true, but try to sympathize when she tells you to clean up your room or when she grounds you for talking back to her (every teen goes through this stage) because after all, she still is your mother, and it will only enhance your relationship if you keep the rhythm of your family functioning the same. In 6 months, she will have paid her do's for her crime so it won't be worth bringing up over and over again. I know I would feel horrible if my mom still brought up all of the mistakes I have made when I was your age (I'm 21 now). Anyway I hope this helps! Let me know if you need anymore advice or have any other questions. Again I'm sorry you have to go through this tough time, but your family will be back to normal before you know it. :-)

Yeah, after 3 years of not seeing him, my dad got arrested and I went to see him in prison. When he saw me & my sisters, he was so suprised. He said that he wanted to get back into our lives, and i'm cool with that. But, I'm worried that he will break my sisters' hearts by leaving again. I don't want that. I guess the question is, is it a good idea to give him a second chance, after he left once?

If your dad was a friend, that would be different and not as important, but hes a huge part of your life. I think that you should give him a second chance, everyone makes mistakes, and this is an opportunity for you guys to start over. But you need to tell him how you are feeling, and how you felt when he left, this will bond you guys, and it will show him how much of an impact it really had on you. Everything will work out, dont worry! Good luck!

Ok, I know it sounds like a terrible thing to tell someone, but I am very concerned for her, and my neices' and nephew's health and wellbeing. My sister has never been a clean person. She keeps herself and her children clean, but actually cleaning a room or her house is impossible for her. I remember as a child she used to close her eyes and wish for the "cleaning fairy" (me) to come and clean up her room. I would do it because I thought I was surprising her and making her happy. When she was a teenager our mother would beg, plead, and punish her to clean her room, until one day she went through with huge black garbage bags and threw EVERYTHING away. She ended up with three or four of them filled with mostly garbage and items that my sister mistreated. Now, at the age of 29 and mother of three children (one of which she only has custody of part time) things haven't changed much. I don't really know who does the minimal cleaning that actually gets done, usually when she knows someone is coming over to visit, so I can't really say who is pitching in to keep the house liveable, but here is an idea of what her (rented) house looks like even when she knows I am coming to visit...There are usually dishes in the sink, filled to the top. If the dishes have been washed, they are not properly cleaned, cups still have dried up drink in them, plates and silverware still have caked-on food on them and plasticware have an oily film on them. The scrubbie she uses to wash the dishes is always grungy and probably filled with germs. The carpets have ground-in food and liquid stains, not to mention clothes, toys, garbage, ashes (from cigarettes) and other debris on them. Her kitchen linoleum has years of caked on food and dried liquid stains, even after she claims she just mopped. Her bathroom sink always has toothepaste globs and soap film and dirt on it. (She hardly ever has soap at her bathroom sink either) The toilet is so disgusting I don't sit on it, there is usually pee or poop smeared on the seat. (She has young children 4 and 7 but she allows the 4 year old to go to the bathroom without supervision and if she goes #2 she doesn't know how to clean herself properly and usually gets poop on the toilet, herself, and sometimes the walls, sink, and other things in the bathroom) You can't even walk into her bedroom because there are clothes covering the entire floor, not to metion other debris. The children's rooms are just as bad, with toys and clothes, food and juice stains. The children do not respect their toys and I wouldn't doubt it if not one of their games is playable because of missing or broken pieces. Books are ripped and colored on as well. Her laundry room is in the basement and everyone just throws their clothes down the stairs, covering the stairs to the point where you would fall if you did not kick them out of the way. The laundry is not done often, unless it is desperately needed.

My sister seems to care about what people think about the cleanliness of her home, because it is the first thing you hear when you are on the way to visit, "My house is a little messy, but not too bad." or "I was going to clean the house but..., so don't be mad if it's not that clean." or "I just cleaned the house." (And then you get there and think "This is what you consider clean?") She just never seems to know what clean is, even remotely. But she puts on this facade like it is important to her.

Now that I'm done explaining that, I would like to add that just recently the family suffered a house fire and they lost everything. They did not start the fire, but the fire marshal said that all the junk around the house fueled the fire to rage on faster and further. I began a relief effort through friends and family that brought her truckloads of new things, not to mention all the help she received from organizations in her area. I drove all over creation to collect things for her...I called and emailed several people to collect things for her...I created donation tins out of old coffee cans and set them up at my job for her...I've donated my own posessions as well. When she got herself into a new house I went to visit her. I fully expected there to be stuff all over the place in boxes and bags, but I was very upset when I saw that every room in her house was the same as it always had been. Bathroom had the toothepaste globs and hair all over the sink, no soap, and the brand new towels that were donated to her were sprawled throughout the hallway outside the bathroom (not folded and in a pile) Her bedroom looked like a bomb went off, and the kids' rooms looked the same. I told her that I thought everything would be different now that she has gone through such a life altering event and had all of her current possessions donated to her. She screamed "What do you want me to do?! I keep getting all of this stuff and I have no place to put it!!!" I told her I understood that her dining room was filled from wall to wall with with things she had to sort through, but the room upstairs were so messy. I was so taken aback with her violent response I began to back out of the room when she screamed "Yeah get out of here!" I ended up leaving her house and eventually she texted me "You no longer have to worry about me, my family, or my house. I feel we should no longer speak to each other. Good luck iwth your life and family." I cannot believe she took things to that level. I sincerely believe that she is in denial about her problem and instead of giving me excuses like I said she would, she disowned me, my husband, and baby-to-be. I am very hurt but cannot bring myself to talk to her. I helped her so much when her house burned down and she also said she was going to send back the money and items I collected for her. I think that was very wrong of her as well. PLEASE HELP!!

you and your family need to sit down and have a talk with her. You have to try to explain to her calmly the reasons why it's dangerous to have such uncleanslyness in her house. To be honest, there is only so much you can do, it is her house, as much as I hate to say it, it's true. But she needs to be careful, one of my friends neighbors lost custody of their children because of the clutter in their house, im not even kidding. Everything will be fine, but you guys should have a talk. Offer to help her clean her house, this way everyone can "start over" Dont give up just yet!! As mean as she can be, she has an obvious problem, and its clear that everyone knows, herself included; a little time and patience can go a long way.

But my dad doesn't take me seriously at all. He wants me to go to community college and get a business associates degree so I can take over his business. I don't think he understands at all that cooking makes me so happy and it's all I would ever want to do. How can I get him to take me more seriously? How can I make him see this is something I'm willing to be serious about?

Thats great that you want to do what you want to, not what your dad wants. Definitely take a course of some kind on cake decorating, that will show him you are serious about it. also, try entering into some local contests, and bake lots of cakes at home that you can decorate to get the experience. your dad will see that you are really into it in no time. Also, you can always go to community college and minor in cake decorating if you want to. Good luck!!!

Dear Adviceanators: A few years ago my mom passed away. My sister who is in her fifties received my moms house of 130,000.and most of her money (about 80,000 dollars) I got a lum sum as well but not nearly as much as my sister. The problem is this my sister is a master manipulator. She worked very hard on my mom behind my back saying things like if I would give the house away If I got it. (both of our names were always on the house my mom told me) She also told my mom she needed more money than me because she need to fix up the house. I never new my name was taken off till after she died. You have to understand my sister is a lpn nurse who used to make 20.00 an hour. Before my moms house she lived in a trailer with hole in the walls. She always had the ability to make a good living instead she only worked 2 days a week just to get by. What bother more than anything is that she abused my mother physcially and mentally and my mom enabled this bum by buying her cars and giving her money and now my mother has just enabled her after she died as well. I get so angry at this whole situation still to this day. Espcially if I ride by my moms house and see her sitting there like she worked so hard all her life to get all these things. I do have to say that GOD had truly blessed me in my journey of not getting that house. I just feel she got away with what she did. Oh and also she plans to get one of those reverse mortages to live off of. Any advice?

Im sorry for what happened, unfortunately theres not much that can be done at this point. You should talk to your sister as much as it may kill you, if you are a little low on cash, ask her to help you out. If you need to stay at the house for a few weeks, ask if she would be kind enough to let you drop by, if your sister got all of the belongings in the house and jewlery, ask her to share some with you. It would be what your mom wanted, despite what was on the will, your mother unfortunately had a weak moment where as you said she was manipulated. Try to keep an open communication with your sister, and stay calm, try not to lash out at each other. Everything will be okay, dont worry :-)
xosodapopx3

My mother has been acting noticeably different for the past few months...she has a shorter fuse when it comes to things she would normally be very patient with. She is also forgetting things very easily anymore. I can't seem to ask her for help with anything anymore (something small, like "Have you seen this?" or something like that) without her getting irritated with me and saying hurtful things to me. She is constantly belittling me and making me feel like someone who is just invalid and an annoyance to her. I feel this coldness between the two of us, like she resents me somehow, and it's like I don't know her anymore, and it's hurting me more than you can imagine. I'm crying right now even as I type this, but quietly, because I'm afraid if she see's me crying she's going to get irritated at me and lecture me. This isn't some angry "nobody understands me" teenage rant. If it were something stupid like her grounding me, I wouldn't be asking for advice. I am at wits end, and I miss my mother so much...

I completely understand what you are going through, my mom went through and episode like your mom is too. It could be a sign of something, but just give it some more time, luckily it wasnt anything too bad for my mom. It got to a point where I just broke down, and I was angry at her so I shut her down by ignoring her and keeping to myself, which took even more on of a toll on me because I missed who she was and who I was. This sounds completely ridiculous but the only time she listened to me was when I sat her down and had a serious conversation with her, and I cried. I told her everything, and there was so much emotion involved. You need to talk to your mom, and bring to attention what your view is of what is going on. Start the conversation with, "mom, are you okay lately? Is there something on you mind?" Something like that to open up conversation. My mom said no. Your mom will mostlikely say no too, thats when the emotions hit you and when you try to explain you just start to cry, and thats completely okay. Let your mom know that you have been noticing a change lately, how you feel like there is more tension, and perhaps maybe she is more iritable, make sure you dont accuse her, talk to her calmly and caringly. Tell her how much you love her. Provide some examples if she is in a little bit of denial, this way she can see what is going on. It will be okay, its normal for parents to get at their wits ends too, everyone does sometime. Let me know if you need to talk, Im here for you 100%.
xosodapopx3

15/F

I want to get ear gauges. However, my parents think it's a dumb idea and I won't ever be able to get a job with them. They believe that they won't heal back if I decide to take them out. They say I can have them when I move out, but I know I won't want them then.

How do I convince my parents to let me get them?

I wont give my opinion on ear gauges considering thats not the question you are asking :-).
You can try to compromise with your parents on a size. Show them a really small size, then say : "see, its not bad at all, its just a little bigger than a regular earing hole." Tell them you might not even go through with the whole process, you just want to try them out. Start out with that, and once they become more comfortable with them on you, it wont be that big of a deal.
Good Luck!

Okay this could get long..

I am absoulouty fed up with my stepmother. My older sister whom is 30 years old and my stepmother have never gotten along. My father and my stepmom have been married for 14 years.

My father: Never really had a good relationship with my older sister and I, Doesn't stand up for himself at all, Barely calls the two of us..and in his eyes my sister and I were always trying to split up him and his wife.

My Stepmother: The bitch whom I can't stand, Talks badly about my older sister in front of my father to me and tries to get me to turn on my sister by saying how she is not responsible and doesn't call my father enough etc.

Okay well..It is now August and my sister sent an email to my dad and stepmother back in April saying how she was fed up with Dad and my stepmom and how my stepmom always told her how to raise her kids and made innapropriate remarks to my sister in front of her children. For example *Around Xmas my stepmother went to visit my sisters kids and the 2 year old girl put on lip gloss and blew kisses at my stepmom and told her that she loved her* and my stepmom yelled out "How sexual!" in short terms the email also stated how my stepmom is a opinionated, selfish, assuming, outspoken bitch (I won't lie, It's true) my father got fed up and called my older sister back and said "have a nice life" wtf? Anyway, I not to long ago wrote an email to my stepmom about how I feel she is the reason why my older sister and my father stopped talking and I can't stand her! Okay IT TOOK MY FATHER 4 DAYS TO CALL ME!!!! I know right.. wow now not to be mean here or anything but my father is Pu$$ywhipped.. He doesn't speak his mind or ANYTHING..it aggravates me and my sister. So he called me left a message for me to call him back but I know if I call him back all he is going to do is lecture me about how my stepmom "is his wife and I should respect that" etc. Either that or maybe he will tell meto have a nice life? I don't know what the hell to do anymore.. I want to tell him how I feel but again I've already had this discussion with him before and I'm sick of it!

Thats a tough thing to deal with, Im sorry. I have a few suggestions that I think will help you guys get along again/better. So despite all of yours and your sisters attempts to separate your dad and your step mother, he always ends up on her side. I think that if you both truely love your dad, which it very much sounds like you both do, then you should try to tolerate her with minimal contact. Im not taking your fathers side, but put yourself in his shoes. He is devorced, and now remarried for 14 years now, he has two daughters that he barely talks to.
I think that it would be a good idea for everyone in the situation to stop acting so harsh and loud if that makes sense. What Im trying to say, is that instead of sending emails, or talking on the phone, I think that you and your older sister and your dad should take an afternoon off together and go out to lunch, somewhere peaceful. This way you can both express your feelings while talking over them. Just be sure to stay in a peaceful and calm manner, he wont listen if he feels like he is having lunch with two attack dogs haha. And I think thats why he hasn't listened lately. Also, since its obvious that your dad isnt planning on splitting up with you step mom, it would be a good idea to try to make peace with her. I know that sounds impossible right now, but you and your sister should go out with her alone too, and talk to her. Tell her (calmly) that you think shes nice, but there are some actions she has taken that you both deem innopropriate. Express in a mature manner how you would appreciate it if she didnt make those jestures in front of the kids anymore.
Think about it, right now all that is happening is its you and your older sister vs your dad and step mom. At this point, you should try to make peace with your father and step mom, and try to end the war.
Good luck!!!! if you have any other questions or need anything else, you can always inbox me.

So my boyfriend is moving.we've ben together for 9 months so this is tough. so me and him had some beer rite and it was only because i was really upset. and my clothes ended up coming off.
and i got caught by the cops and my parents find out. i told them i was sorry and i never wanted to do it again but they just won't give me the chance to prove it to them.
How do I make this better?

Your parents arent going to be upset forever not to worry! Trust me when I say go out of your way to be extra happy and nice to them. Time is the biggest healer in the world, just let the situation linger for a little bit, right now its too fresh for them to forget about it. If I were you I would start by just simply hanging out with friends at the mall or something simple like that, that will start to build the trust between you guys again. Good luck!!!!! let me know if you have any other questions or concerns :-)

this guy, A, and my mother recently reconnected from high school together. (theyre in their 40s now.)
hes always here, hes become close with our entire family to sleep over here on our couch, but almost every day when i come home from school, his truck is in our driveway. him and my mother used to date when they were in high school. she said he was her first love. she only does things she normally doesnt do when he's around, like, go to the beach, order in pizza, or ride his fcking motorcycle. hes a nice guy, im not denying it, but its just that this connection bothers me because my dad is supposed to be the only guy in my moms life (.. in my point of view.) hes not the jealous type, and he knows theyre friends, but it just bothers me. i dont want to end up with the parents with the cheating mother and the depressed father. i love my dad and i dont want him to be third wheel all the time wiht my mother and A.
what do you think of this..? am i overreacting, are they just friends, ?

It is understandable how you feel. If this happened to me, I would mostlikely feel the same exact way. Its natural to have that instinct in yourself to not want your mother to be around another person all the time, especially a guy. I think that you and your mother should take some time to go somewhere together, privately; this way you can talk to her, and tell her how you feel. Be sure to talk to her open mindedly, put yourself in her shoes, even though she might be spending too much time around A, it is good, and healthy for her to have friends, including A as one of them.
Also, when there is a situation like this where another non family person "intrudes" a little bit, it is important to regardless of the new comer, spend quality time alone. Maybe it would be a good idea for you, your mother, and your father to also spend some nice quality time together.
Friends are good to have, but remember that your family will always come first, especially in your case, because it seems like you have a really tight relationship with both of your parents.
Good Luck, let me know how the talk goes! If you have any other questions, or just want to talk, you can message me on my advice column:
xosodapopx3
i really want to help you.

Long story short..my dad is 53 years old,he is a very smart man but I am afraid that he is homeless.I live in another state,and up until a few months ago we hadn't spoken in a number of years due to a nasty family fued.

My father was spoiled and coddled all of his life by my grandparents,who also raised me,he always has had a good job but his parents took care of everything for him so anything he earned he kept for himself.They have both passed away and now due to some family infighting over my grandparents estate between my father and his siblings, the family home was sold and what little money my father received from that is long gone.

I feel that he is homeless,but I am afraid to ask him,I don't know if I am ready to hear it.He always seems to be at a park everytime I talk to him even late at nite and although he has been working steadily remodeling homes I don't think he is making enough to support himself.

I guess my question is should I ask him or wait for him to tell me,and once I hear the truth ,ready or not, should I offer to help him?

Try to stay possitive, but if he is homeless, you need to help him. It might be tough to handle, but you can do it, wouldnt you rather find out if your dad is homeless, than just not knowing but pretending everything is okay. If he is hiding the facts from you, its probably because he doesnt want his kid to know, because he is embarassed or ashamed. But forget not, that being homeless is very dangerous and not at all the least bit comfortable.
If he does come out with the truth, try not to be too overly shocked in front of him, try to be understanding, and offer to help him. Mostlikely, he will say no to you helping him because it once again will be embarassing, or he will want to be the "man/responsible father" and pretend not to need your help. But please dont take no for an answer, you need to force the help even if he says no. trust me, even though he is saying no, on the inside he will be screaming YES.
Good Luck, please let me know how this goes for you. And also, re-assure your father that you love and care about him. :-)
xoxo

ok so ive realy messed up this year, im 15 and at the begging of the year my parents trusted me completly the left me homealone for homecoming weekend, and i had a party they found out i was only grounded for a week, then i got pulled over for weed a mouth later i was gorunded for a mouth then the weekend i get ungrounded i stayed out past cerfew. and now all there trust in me is gone. i know i messed up but is there any way i can gain there trust back sooner??

For one, I understand your "untrustworthy parent" situation, I think every person growing up goes through it at least once.
I will say though, if there is one thing I am good at, its getting my parents to recognize my appology. You have come to the right girl :-)
First, I would write a very thought out, and educated letter. And I'm not just saying for you to make it heartfelt, but not truely mean anything to you, try to actually write it from your heart. (trust me, parents CAN tell.) Make your letter appologetic, but not so much about "how you are going to punish yourself forever" type thing, they do not want to hear sympathy. :-)
After you have finished your letter, also I suggest you sit down and have a serious conversation with your parents, just about how you know that you really messed up, and you really are sorry (then before you go to your room or wherever, give them the letter.)
ALso, I think it would be a really nice thing for you to just start doing nice things around your house to help out your parents. For example, help your mom with the laundry, or dinner, folding cloths, shoveling the snow (depending on where you live, its snowing by me) anything that you can do will show them that you are trying to make up for what you did.

Something to keep in mind:
Give it a day or two...or three :-) before you ask your parents to go out again (and when you do ask to go out, try to make it a small get together not a huge party, this will get them to adjust.) Also, try to (if possible, because I know this can be tough,) when you go out, maybe come home a little earlier than your cerfew.

Good luck, tell me how it goes!
ps.
weed does nothing good for your life, or body, you shouldnt buy it anymore :-) and I have said that before to people that have questions on advicenators about weed and they have given me ratings of 3's because of it, (I am not occusing you of being one of those people that give lower ratings because of it, but just saying...) but to be honest, I dont care, its worth the rating if I could speak my mind, the only reason I am speaking my mind, is because I care about the people on here I am helping out (including you.)

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>