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I've been away for a while due to a serious illness and subsequent health issues. Favourite quotes of the moment:
The children of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years - Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions!
Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. whatever we do to the thread, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect. - Chief Seattle.
We spend the first 12 months of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. We spend the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up!
As you slide down the bannisters of life, may the splinters never be pointing the wrong way.
May you be in Heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
I've been very happily married since August 1980 to a wonderful man and have beautiful twin girls, now aged 31. Both are married to wonderful young men and one of our girls has recently made us grandparents to a beautiful, smart and feisty granddaughter. I studied geology with the Open University. I am retired from being a manager in a large UK based insurance company which I actually quite enjoyed. (How sad is that?). I love anything to do with the environment and wildlife and try to do my bit for preservation and conservation. I would like there to be a decent world for our grandchildren to inherit. I also have CFS so find life a bit of a challenge at times but always hope for better health in the future.
I have a deep interest in the spiritual and the paranormal worlds, having experienced several incidents myself, and have been involved in meditation groups and groups that (safely) explore the paranormal. There is more to this life than we would normally credit, so an open mind is always the best option. You're not so likely to get caught by surprise!
I have a deep fascination for anything to do with Ancient Egypt, as you can probably tell by my name. I have statues and paintings all around the house. As my hubby has a similar interest in Native Americans, we tend to have a lot of unusual wall decorations, like a tomahawk.
I love cars, especially vintage ones, but my all time favourite has to be the Bugatti Chiron, what a car!
I have had a lot to do with animals over the years. I have fostered many, helped to set up a wildlife charitable hospital and raised a diverse range of young animals from bats to fox cubs and different species of birds, even a baby deer! I have had great pleasure in sharing my life and home with a number of animals over the years, most of them rescues. I am currently sponsoring an Amur Tiger, they are such beautiful cats and desperately need help, there are so few of them left. I was lucky enough a couple of years ago to meet some Aye-Aye's and Livingstone's Bats, a truly wonderful experience. We now have three cats, Oliver and Mollie, a brother and sister, he's a ginger and she's a tortoiseshell and a black and white called Daisy. She arrived in a taxi and was left on our doorstep in a cat carrier with the message that 'they knew we loved cats and would be good to her'. She has settled down well and gets on wonderfully with the other two.
If you have a pet that is showing ANY signs of illness or distress, please, please, please take it to a vet! Even if finance is an issue, work that out later. It is cruel to leave an animal suffering for any reason. Most animals do not show signs of illness until they have been ill for some time, basic instinct tells them it is a display of vulnerability, and certain death in the wild. Their instincts have not caught up with domesticity.
I do feel that we should all treat others as we would wish to be treated. Bad karma comes back to haunt us.
advice
I am a little embarrassed to ask my mum I'm 12 years old a male but how do I ask my mum to buy me new underpants?
There isn't any easier way than coming right out and asking her. It might be embarrassing the first time but it won't shock her. We all need new underwear from time to time so it's not an unusual request.
We've all been through that embarrassment stage and you will get through it just fine. Just get your courage together and go for it, you'll probably end up wondering what you were worried about. :)
I have two teenage daughters who have been blessed with musical talent and beautiful singing voices.There is a talent show at our county fair every year and they want to participate. I am almost certain one of them would win or place as a runner up. Therein lies the problem! They have a close loving relationship but they are extremely competitive with each other when it comes to music. So far I have never allowed them to compete against each other because I am afraid this could create a permanent rift between them. I have tried to encourage them to sing together as a duet but they refuse. Should I allow them to compete individually and possibly damage their relationship for life?
I can fully understand your dilemma as I am the mother of competitive twin girls. There is no easy answer to the problem though. You don't say how old they are so I don't know if hormones are playing any part in the difficulties at the moment.
At some point they are going to need to learn how to deal with their own feelings and their ongoing competition with each other. They have to start making their own decisions and accepting the consequences, whether it's refusing to sing together or anything else. You're not going to be able to shield them from it for ever and it's going to run you ragged trying. They're also going to come across others better or worse than them so they really do need to learn how to accept and respect the success of others, whether it's their own sister or not. Better to learn now while you still have some input in their lives.
If they both want to compete but individually, you could try talking to them, telling them about your concerns and asking them what they feel would be the best solution. You could also add that whilst one might beat the other on this occasion, it might not be the case the next time. At least that way they will have taken control of the situation and decided for themselves what to do.
I wish you the best of luck, it's not an easy one!
My father took everything of value and left us.
My mother is mentally ill and now has no insurance(so she's off her pills).
My sister is a major suck up to our mother(Favorite child).
Were stuck in an Extended Stay hotel and,its sucking up all the income we have.We have tried all "free" places for medicine and help.But our income is too high,but its not enough for us to live on.
I barely make $150 a week from my job and, its considered part time.I'm at my job all day from 10AM to 4PM and,they don't consider it full time.So because of the time and all the work,I can't get a 2nd job.We have no car,so we take the public city bus everywhere(which is $1.50 there and back per person).
My problem is my mother.She's always been an mental abuser and only to me.She says that "I'll never be anything","I'll never go to college,and even if I did I'd fail it","Ill never be anything in life,or have a husband let alone a boyfriend"... That was just this week.
She said that to me because I told her to "hold on one moment" while I was filling up water bottles,and she wanted me to look for a phone number for her.It only took 2 minutes and I couldn't look away or I'd have water on the floor.
My sister is a major suck up to our mother.She sides with her even when moms wrong.She won't stick up for anyone and can't even keep a job that long.she keeps calling out at work and lying to them about why.I tell her to quit it and I get screamed at by mom (mom encourages her to call out).
Right now I got no friends,because I don't have time.I got no other family to go to,and right now mother plans on leaving with my sister.They plan to go to grandma's and I can't come.she made that clear.Were all old enough to be on our own,but we weren't ever encouraged or pushed to go on our own.Our mother was one of those ones that did everything for you,even when you didn't want her to (tried getting her to stop,but that only made her mad and she'd guilt me into letting her).
So where do I go?Do I leave my job and beg my deadbeat dad to go,live with him in another state?
Or do I take my chances on the street?If I do that I lose everything I own.
Firstly, the financial situation you're in. I'm not from the US so I'm not sure how your welfare system works but are you able to find out if there are any benefits/help you would be entitled to if you find yourself on your own. Research all possibilities that do not involve you borrowing money as that is going to make things worse for you. I'm sure there must be some sort of assistance available to keep you off the streets.
Secondly, your family. Your mother does seem to have some quite serious issues going on there and she's dragging you and your sister into them. She sounds rather bitter about life so I'm guessing she's feeling very let down by it and is taking out her internal rage on you both. However, you do need to understand that regardless of what life throws at us it is up to us how we deal with it. Your mother and sister are not dealing with it in a positive way but you sound as though you're smart, tough and resourceful. I think you really can make it on your own and do well. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but I think you're up to the challenge. It actually sounds as though taking some time away from both of them will do you the world of good, enabling you to build up your battered self esteem and show yourself and everyone else just what you're made of. Bear in mind that there are people who make themselves feel better by making those around them feel worse about themselves, you do not need that negativity.
It has to be your decision as it's your life, no one should be telling you how to live it so decide what it is that you want and go for it. In time you'll meet people who will appreciate you for who you are rather than knocking you all the time. The same goes for your mother and sister, it's their lives and they have to make their own decisions, good or bad, but you don't have to be involved in it.
Before you do anything though, find out what help you can get and then make your choice. I wish you the best of luck.
Me and my younger sister are always fighting. Sometimes it is jut verbal but other times it get physical. My mum says that we don't even act like we are sister because we are constantly bickering.
My question is
How do I get my sister to stop making us argue?
You don't say how old you both are or how much of an age gap there is. However, in my experience it is actually quite unusual for siblings to not fight. We tend to take out our frustrations more on family as we know that it is 'safer' to do so as they are less likely than friends to sever all connections with us. It could be that you are both so different you don't even think in the same way and so can't find a way to connect except by fighting.
You need to take note of what type of things are the most common cause for your arguments and how it makes you both feel. If you can understand what your triggers are you might start to recognise when something is about to get out of control and stop it before it gets that far. You could both maybe think of a word (not rude) that you can say to each other when you notice this happening, like a time out.
The other thing you need to look at is your question. You want to know how to stop your sister making you argue. It takes two to argue so if you don't respond and just walk away, there is no one left for her to argue with. Unless, of course, you're doing something that is deliberating provoking her?
My dad is the most hnest peroson i know. But hes been lying to me:: He prommimsed me he doesnt smoke, when i see him do it! When hes going to bed, ill hear the slider door open to the porch, and look out the window.....and there he is smoking. Thats not the first time either. I catch him sometimes really eraly in th morning too sometimes, because i get up really early. Why is he lying?
There could be a number of reasons why he is lying. He may not want to quit or he could be trying to protect you from it in case it affects your health and well being. He quite possibly feels really bad about not being able to stop that he's too ashamed to admit it and does not want to appear weak to his daughter. This may be totally misplaced guilt, but an understandable parent thing, on his part as it is so hard to quit.
He sounds as though he needs your support and understanding with this problem. There are various products available now to assist him and maybe you could talk to him about it. Be careful to not sound accusatory as this may make him defensive and more difficult to help.
Let him know you're worried about him and his health and how badly it would affect the family if anything happened to him. Support goes a long way in helping anyone kick a habit.
i'm 54 and from texas. i moved to nc 3 yrs ago to help my kids with their kids. they both travel a lot for work and i stay with their children.I've had problems with depression and from jan to march of 07, i was homebound. my life was literally falling apart. my son and his wife confronted me about how things were getting bad for me. they offered to help however they could. my daughter in law took my finances and kept those perfectly for me until i was better. i barely remember what went on in that period of time but i did something because we had a great relationship until one day they brought back all my records and told me i did not respect them and they felt like i wasn't trying. it's been 6 months and our relationship is very cold and i miss them so much and would do anything to get back to having a family again.she's an a-type personality and i'm the polar opposite. she is organized to the max, she has a very volitile relationship with her mom, who is a very cold fish. i don't worry about much as i always think things will work out, although i've made great strides in taking action instead of waiting for a problem to work itself out. please help me as this means everything to me. even my son acts stand-offish to me. granny
Well you have been having a tough time. There could be a few reasons for their change of attitude.
Did you get help with your depression? If you didn't, maybe they thought that you weren't trying in that way and decided 'tough love' was what was needed. If you did get help, were you following the advice you were given? If not, again, they may have decided on the tough love to try to get you to help yourself. Sometimes this approach works, sometimes it doesn't. It really does depend on the personality involved and the level of the depression.
You did make a major life change in order to help your family. Could this depression have been building up over the last three years, resulting in the episode earlier this year? Perhaps they are feeling a little guilty about this and don't know how to handle it. Only they would be able to tell you.
It does sound as though your daughter-in-law has had her share of relationship issues and may find it difficult to deal with emotions. If you, at that point where you don't remember much, had an emotional outburst, it could have made them feel unable to cope with your condition. A lot of people find it very difficult to deal with depression, as finding the right thing to say and knowing how to react is very hard.
It's good that you are making such an effort to work out your problems now. Maybe you should write them a letter explaining how you feel and apologising if you did say something out of turn. Tell them that you would like to know what went wrong and that you'd like to build bridges as you miss the relationship you had before.
If they were prepared to do all they did whilst you were ill, there's a good chance that you can all work this out now. Let them know that you do respect them and truly appreciate all they did for you. Hopefully they will then be able to talk to you and start to mend the breach. They may be missing you as well.
0KAY I AM 13 AND I NEED T0 FIND A J0B BUT THERE IS LIKE NUTHIN I CAN FIND TO DO IM 13 SO iDK BUT PLEASE HELP ITS VERY IMPORTANT
First of all, typing in capitals is considered as shouting on the internet and is not easy to read either.
As for jobs, it really depends where you live. I will give you some suggestions appropriate to your age but some of them may not be possible due to location etc. Also, some employees may not take you on due to your age and insurance issues rather than capabilities.
Babysitting, newspaper deliveries, dog walking, car washing, chores around the house, mowing lawns and other general gardening, litter picking, helping at a kennel, cattery or stables,
lightweight shopping for neighbours.
I can't think of anything else at the moment. Try looking at your local newspapers to see if there are any more ideas in the jobs section.
So, my mom seriously doesn't approve of me being a vegetarian. She believes in eating all food categories to be healthy and blah blah. Well, I've been a vegetarian for almost 5 months now and I'm well and healthy and enjoying it. Well, my mom still opposes it and views it as an unhealthy thing. I've tried to get it through her head that I can still get the nutrients I'm missing from omitting meat out of my diet. But at times, she keeps on saying stupid things about me being a veg and vegetarianism and sometimes they just want to make me cry. And she absolutely opposes me becoming a vegan in the future. She thinks that I need meat, chicken, seafood, blah blah to be healthy to keep studying hard and I really don't. I'm getting all my protein and vitamins and etc with other foods. I know that I can't change her views on this because I've tried to do that a long time ago for almost 2 years straight. I just need to know how to get over what she says and no let it effect me. I really do enjoy being a veg and look forward to being a vegan in the future. And I really need to learn how to get over my mom's words.
15/f
If you really want to be a vegetarian you could try showing your mother these websites. The first ones show that eating meat isn't all that good for you, in fact, in some cases it can be quite unhealthy in the long term. I have also included some websites showing the benefits of a meat free diet.
These days where there is so much choice for us veggies, there is really is no need to be deficient in any of the essential nutrients needed for a healthy well balanced diet. The last sites give advice on how to ensure you manage this successfully. I have happily been a vegetarian for the last 20 years and would not dream of returning to a diet of meat or fish, so good luck with convincing your mother you will come to no harm on a sensible veggie diet.
http://www.juiceguy.com/Meat-toxic-substance-hard-to-digest.shtml
http://www.vernoncoleman.com/eatingfor.htm
http://www.thefactsaboutfitness.com/research/meatmem.htm
http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Vegetarian_eating?OpenDocument
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/nutrition_fit/nutrition/vegetarianism.html
i dont remeber if i posted this thing bfore, but its really starting to annoy me. i have a twin sister who i am very jealouse of. she is smarter then me, and she is prettier then me and everything she does is just better then me. even her grades and our parents are alll happy over her and my mom always ends up getting mad at me and telling me to try harder whenever i get my report card. i mean and shes skinner then me and idk what to do about it...like im totally jelouse and ive had a million breakdowns about hating the way i am. idk wat to do anymore. i can't handel being second best. i just need advice. what really gets me is that when we move to Gerogia soon, everything depends on your grades and i dont think im good enough bc shes going to do sooo much better then me. i feel like when we move im just going to be a freak with no life while my sister gets all these friends. im 15/f.
I have twin daughters and trust me, twins are not the same, even if they are identical, and should never be compared with each other. You are different people who have your own personalities and abilities. You say she is smarter than you? Maybe she is, but you will have your own talents, all you have to do is look for and develop them.
The hardest thing is stopping comparing yourself with her. It sounds as though other family members are making the same mistake, which is doing nothing for your self confidence. You need to start acknowledging that you are far from being second best, you're just as good as your sister and everyone else.
Academic ability does not make you great, it's who you are as a person that counts. There is more to life than just being clever. There's compassion, understanding, the ability to make people feel good about themselves, laughter and so many more.
Being thin and attractive also doesn't mean you're a great person, there are plenty of supermodels who can prove that point!
Try to learn to be you, not a poor reflection of your sister, because you're not. Your parents need to learn this fact as well. If you can, you will have a happier life and you will find you are making true friends who don't care about shallow things like what you look like or what your IQ is.
There are lots of people who have changed the world for the better but who would never have been considered brainy. You could be one of them, just give yourself a chance. Look on the move as a fresh start, giving you the chance to find out who you really are, and making friends that will value your individuality.
As long as you are trying your hardest at school, no one can reasonably ask for more. Carry on putting the effort in, but for your sake, no one else's. It's your life and you have to live it, remember your twin is just a sister that was born at the same time. She's not you and you're not her, you're your own person and it's time to start being you.
15/f
my mom makes me crazy!!! we used to be bestfriends and now we fight over everything! she screamed at me for about 45 min today cause i took a shower in her bathroom and she always tells me to get out of her face and stuff. and she loves my bf more than me. she sides with him on everything.
my dad is just a jerk. he works so much hes barely home but he always yells at me when he is. he tells me im stupid and worthless... im an only child so it doesnt help. concrete angel by martina mcbride is my theme song.
someone please help me... i hate this
It sounds as though they are both really stressed out at the moment, possibly about money as your dad is working all the time? People do tend to lose their tempers more when they are worried about something.
Was your mum expecting to use her bathroom and didn't know you were in there? Did you take longer than you were supposed to? Did you tidy up after yourself? All possibilities that could add further stress to a relationship.
It could be that hormones are causing problems here as well. They make tempers shorter and everything can appear to be a lot more difficult to deal with.
I'm sure she can't love your boyfriend more but he may be able to throw some light on what's happening if they're that close. Talk to him first and see what he has to say, then talk to your mum. Wait until she has some time, make notes if you have to so that you get out everything you need to say. Maybe sit her down with a tea or coffee and tell her you don't want to fight anymore and ask if there are any family problems you're not aware of. If there are, you'd like to help.
If they see that you are approaching this in a mature way, they may open up to you and discuss any issues they are having to deal with.
dude my mom is so gay. she is trying to make me feel guilty for no reason. she always yells at me and i hate it! she drinks and smokes when i told her don't do it around me. she does it anyways. then she cusses me out all the time. when i didn't do anything. i hate it. i just wish she would die. i hate her. i want to move out forever! what can i do. my brother said i could move in with him when he gets a house. and my aunt said the same thing.! help what can i do?
It does sound as though your mum has severe problems. You don't say how old you are, but that is a lot to deal with at any age.
If you are able to, it may be better for both of you if you do move out for a while. Perhaps the shock of this would be enough to make her think about what is happening. I'm sure she doesn't want to lose you. There may be laws where you are governing who you are able to live with, maybe your brother or aunt could help on this?
If you do go and live with one of your relatives, perhaps you could have a family meeting with your mum and suggest she gets some counselling. People don't generally act that way unless there's something really wrong. If she agrees and it works, you could find that you are able to get close to her again.
Whatever you decide to do, please don't wish your mother to die? She might be making your life a living hell at the moment, but we only get one mum, and if this did happen, you would have to live the fact that you wished it on her for the rest of life. You're having a bad enough time at the moment, you don't need that as well.
I hope all goes well for you.
This ain't really a question, but, happy mother's day to all the mommas here on advicenators - and to all the momma's of the columnists & moderators =)!
Thank you. :)
My Grandma passed away on Tuesday, and my Dad asked me if I would do a reading for her... I'm terrified of public speaking... but I think I could manage reading a poem, does anyone know any suitable poems (preferrably ones I could find on the internet) I have googled "funeral poems"... but they're not really what im looking fo... I would like a beautiful poem, maybe about nature or god and heaven... (my Gran was a devout catholic who spent much of her time in church)... thankyou so much for your help x x x
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, I hope your family and you are coping with this.
I've found a couple that may be of some help, the first is called 'Do not stand at my grave and weep' by Mary Frye.
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!)
The second is an old Indian prayer.
Should your blanket be torn,
May your breezes blow warm,
May your pleasure be what you find.
May the burdens you bear
Like your bounty-be shared
May you leave something good behind
May the sky and the land
Rise to your command
May your senses come like the night.
Live in peace with the Earth
As in death-As in birth
May you prosper, and have a good life.
The last one was written for our Queen Mother's funeral.
She is Gone
By Anonymous
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
Good luck.
This morning my mom was cranky and kept snapping at me to the point we had a a tiff. During the course of the fight she said; I know you ask questions about weight and other things on the computer, these people are not experts, I see what you do; (But she really does not see because I log out when she comes near my computer) And of course she and I went back and forth saying nasty things to one another. (But I like asking and getting advice on Advicenators and other websites like Advicenators and the advice makes me feel better.) SO MY QUESTION: If you were me (or even it happened to you) and someone criticizes the people that you get advice from online how would you handle it? I mean would you ignore, defend it or other (and tell me what the other is)
I would listen to the concerns being voiced and hopefully, make a balanced judgment based on that, and how much help I felt I was getting from the websites. However, as an adult, like you, I would be the one to make the final decision. I would then explain that whilst I appreciated her concerns, I am mostly happy with the advice I have been given so far. I would also let her know that it is a form of coping mechanism, enabling you to deal more easily with life.
However, I do think you should keep in mind that your mother is going to know you better than we do, and she is possibly feeling a little hurt that you are making us your first port of call rather than her. Regardless of age, mothers will also want to be needed by their children, it's not something we can just turn off. Also, keep in mind that you do have a tendency to repeatedly ask the same question in a variety of ways, maybe this is at the bottom of your mothers crankiness today? She's worried about you, she's not getting any younger and she's probably feeling powerless about helping you at this stage.
I really think you need to talk calmly to her and explain to her what you have been doing and why. Then decide on a plan of action together to find you more help.
Hey. Well, I'm thirteen, and I've moved back in with my mom 4 years ago [my parent's got divorced, long story]. Just about half a year ago, my mom and I started to really get on eachother's last nerves. It seems like she never approves of anything I do, like wearing 'dark' eyeliner or painting my nails black. I can't even talk to her anymore becuase it's like she's insane or something. She doesn't listen to me, and yells from the conversation's start to finish. She won't even let me like make a deal with her, like I'll wear lighter eyeliner, but the nails stay black. All she does is comment on how I'm too skinny, or 'goth' or how my behavior changes when I'm with different friends, like they influence how I behave, which is NOT true. She also seems to think I'm like, so slutty, when compared to half the girls in my school, I'm like a saint. And, she thinks that I'm like, a druggie and when I go uptown with my friends from my dad's neighborhood, I'm up to no good.. when I'm not doing ANYTHING wrong. I've never smoked or drank, and I wouldn't, I would never be able to manage getting away with it. The point is, I can't stand my mom, and I can't even talk to her and tell her what's bothering me, or she has a fit over absolutely nothing... I'm not exagerating, either. Please help, I don't want to stress over this, and hate my own mother, but I really can't take her anymore.
And sorry that this is so long, but I REALLYY need some help with this.
Wow, your mother sounds really scared. After everything that has happened, it seems she is terrified of losing you as well. You don't hate her, you hate what has happened between you, and you can't see a way out at the moment.
I don't know anything about the breakup or the area your dad lives in, but whether real or perceived she sees some kind of danger associated with you going there. She knows you better than anyone, and is going to be concerned about whether you are yet experienced enough to deal with some of the situations you may find yourself in.
If talking to each is out of the question at the moment, try writing her a letter. Keep it respectful, state your concerns politely and suggest compromises. Let her know that you are growing up, not away from her. Tell her that you love her and respect her and her opinions but you need some space to grow. Mention that you have chosen this method as you don't want to argue but you both need to establish some ground rules you are both happy with. If she sees that you can take some responsibility, she may calm down a little.
It is very hard these days being the mother of teenage daughters. There are so many things you can see that could harm them, and you worry constantly, it's part of being a parent. You need to understand this to be able to start seeing where she is coming from.
The thing that concerns me most is where you have said, 'I've never smoked or drank, and I wouldn't, I would never be able to manage getting away with it'. Does this mean you would if you could? If so, your mothers' inner radar could be picking up on this and stressing her out more.
You really do need to open some line of communication before it's too late and you both say or do something you are going to regret.
Good luck.
i have this dog, and he has to be put down tomorrow, b/c he has been peeing in the house, and we got him fixed, but it didnt help. we have 2 other male dogs, so theres a lot to compete for. he is the smallest. and im getting a new puppy tomorrow, for my b*day, and it just happens to be the day that we have to put down my other dog. my dad has been calling me mean and such b/c im getting a new puppy, and im happy to be getting her, but hes like your replacing your old dog with a new one, thats so wrong. but today i was crying b/c its my dogs last day with me, and i really do love him.
im allowed to be happy to be getting a new puppy, right?
If your dog's incontinence is due to him being old and ill and it's the best thing for HIM, that's different.
If you're doing it because you can't be bothered to train him or resolve the health issue that could be at the bottom of it, I don't think you should get another dog, ever.
Having a pet is a responsibility you take on for the duration of that animals natural life span. If it's treated with the love it deserves, you will get far more joy out of owning him, and the clearing up and training should be an accepted part of this.
Getting a new puppy on the day you are having your old dog killed is extremely insensitive, and I believe, does not show any real love on your part. So, yes, I agree with your father on this one.
I know she did not say that I should gain weight. However, I keep thinking I have a few other pants that are big (I brought them that way - it was the style) and if I wear them and she sees them on me she will say the same thing. However, I have worn one of the pants that are big and she hasnt said anything. Am I overreacting to the above?
STORY TO REFRESH YOUR MEMORY: I am thin and A FEW DAYS AGO when I came home from work I changed into a tee-shirt but wore the same pants I wore to work. She asked me as I sat down to eat if I lost weight, and I said no, but this upset me. I said to her that she always tells me I look beautiful. She said you do look beautiful but your pants look bigger. And she told me that I am skinny enough. However, I feel as if she is telling me to gain weight and I look ugly -- is this in my mind and am I overreacting. HELP" WHEN I ASKED MY FRIENDS THEY SAID THAT IF MY MOM WANTED ME TO GAIN WEIGHT SHE WOULD KEEP PESTERING ME TO EAT OR SAY YOU ARE NOT EATING ENOUGH AND SHE NEVER DOES THAT TO ME - SHE ALWAYS ASKS ME IS THAT THE RIGHT AMOUNT" (PLEASE KEEP IN MIND AFTER A FEW DAYS NOW SHE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT)
If you think about it it's not surprising she does not want to talk about it anymore. You reacted badly to something she said in all innocence and she is probably a. worried you would over react again, and b. she is tired of the same old story.
You KNOW you are thin, you have said this many, many times. You have had countless stories about how thin you are and how you are if you feel you have been slighted in anything.
The next time you start wondering about this, take a look in the nearest mirror, that should help to reassure you. You could also try to keep a record of how many times you seek reassurance from others. This might help you to understand your mothers attitude to not wanting to discuss it any further.
Look at the copy and paste notes you have
already compiled, as this should also help you.
I think it safe to assume that you are over reacting, and you need to take positive steps to overcome this before you drive your family and friends away.
Lastly, as I have said before, if someone says you are beautiful, accept it gladly. It is not a thing that many people have said to them, treasure those compliments and discard the rest.
NEED HELP: I am thin and today when I came home from work I changed into a tee-shirt but wore the same pants I wore to work. She asked me as I sat down to eat if I lost weight, and I said no, but this upset me. I said to her that she always tells me I look beautiful. She said you do look beautiful but your pants look bigger. And she told me that I am skinny enough. However, I feel as if she is telling me to gain weight and I look ugly -- is this in my mind and am I overreacting. HELP" WHEN I ASKED MY FRIENDS THEY SAID THAT IF MY MOM WANTED ME TO GAIN WEIGHT SHE WOULD KEEP PESTERING ME TO EAT OR SAY YOU ARE NOT EATING ENOUGH AND SHE NEVER DOES THAT TO ME - SHE ALWAYS ASKS ME IS THAT THE RIGHT AMOUNT
It sounds as though your mother thinks you look fine but is scared of your reactions to her saying anything to you about your weight, clothes, jewellery, food portions etc.
Your friends have all said you look fine to them, and you really must start accepting this. The next time you feel someone has said something offensive to you, try looking in a mirror. If you are happy with what you see, take that reassurance. It really does not matter what anyone thinks about you as long as you can be happy.
I'm sure you do not want to make your family and friends scared to talk to you in case you react badly to them, so you must start to have more confidence in yourself. They say you look beautiful, accept it! Not many people get that said to them, so treasure the compliments and let any perceived criticisms go. Life is too short to worry about them. :)
AHH i have never been sooo pissed off in my life.
ok so the thing is that im about to turn 16 in june and i have a younger sister who is 14 right now. ANd she said that our parents are gonna let her do Drivers ED this summer. AND They wont let me.
AND im GONNA be 16. SO not only they will let her Do it before me BUT she is YOUNGER too. HOW EFFIn unfair is that. I just like wanna KILL myself now. IM soo pissed off.
what can i do to stop this from happeing.
cuz there is NO way that she is gonna take drivers ed before me. THERE is no way.
how can i make my parents make her take it when shes also 16.
Was it just her that told you that or did your parents say it as well? It's important because if they've not said anything, she could be trying to get a reaction out of you with no basis in the truth.
If they have also said this to you, you need to talk calmly to them and find out the reasons. It may be something that you are not aware of.
Collect all the facts and then base any discussions around them. Always stay calm and if there is a problem for them, try to work towards a compromise. If you can show them you can act maturely it should go some way to them agreeing to letting you take it.
I keep crying cause of this and it's making feel so stupid. My father has always yelled/cussed at everyone about the stupidest things, which already upset me. But now, my mom is starting to start yelling at me about the dumbest things. I cried for about two hours cause of it the other day. Do I even have a reason to be crying? My mom used to be the only person I could talk to whenever my Dad upset me by yelling at me, but now I can't even talk to HER about it cause she just does the same thing. Is there something I can do to either take my mind off of it or get them to stop or SOMETHING?
It sounds as though your fathers temper is getting to your mum now, and she is reacting to it by shouting at you. This is obviously not a good situation for any of you.
Your father may have reasons for the way he behaves, he might have had a difficult childhood which influences the way he is now, he could be under pressure at work etc.
It must be very hard for your mother as well as you to live in this environment and not become affected by it. She might not even be aware that she has now started to act the same as your father.
If you can, try to get your mum on her own, a shopping trip, a walk or just somewhere you can talk to her. Work out what you want to say first to her, to ensure it doesn't come across the wrong way. Then try to have a heart to heart with her. Ask her if there is anything you are doing to make her mad at you or if she is under some strain you could perhaps help with. Let her know your concerns about your dad.
If you think you would not be able to speak to face to face without getting overly emotional, try writing her a letter. The advantage with this is that you can read it and rewrite any parts that you think could be misinterpreted.
Maybe if she then understands how badly you're being affected by all this, she could talk to your dad, or seek help from someone qualified.
You should not be suffering in this way and you do need to take some form of action to change things.