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how do I get a new relationship with daughter in law?
i'm 54 and from texas. i moved to nc 3 yrs ago to help my kids with their kids. they both travel a lot for work and i stay with their children.I've had problems with depression and from jan to march of 07, i was homebound. my life was literally falling apart. my son and his wife confronted me about how things were getting bad for me. they offered to help however they could. my daughter in law took my finances and kept those perfectly for me until i was better. i barely remember what went on in that period of time but i did something because we had a great relationship until one day they brought back all my records and told me i did not respect them and they felt like i wasn't trying. it's been 6 months and our relationship is very cold and i miss them so much and would do anything to get back to having a family again.she's an a-type personality and i'm the polar opposite. she is organized to the max, she has a very volitile relationship with her mom, who is a very cold fish. i don't worry about much as i always think things will work out, although i've made great strides in taking action instead of waiting for a problem to work itself out. please help me as this means everything to me. even my son acts stand-offish to me. granny
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Well you have been having a tough time. There could be a few reasons for their change of attitude.
Did you get help with your depression? If you didn't, maybe they thought that you weren't trying in that way and decided 'tough love' was what was needed. If you did get help, were you following the advice you were given? If not, again, they may have decided on the tough love to try to get you to help yourself. Sometimes this approach works, sometimes it doesn't. It really does depend on the personality involved and the level of the depression.
You did make a major life change in order to help your family. Could this depression have been building up over the last three years, resulting in the episode earlier this year? Perhaps they are feeling a little guilty about this and don't know how to handle it. Only they would be able to tell you.
It does sound as though your daughter-in-law has had her share of relationship issues and may find it difficult to deal with emotions. If you, at that point where you don't remember much, had an emotional outburst, it could have made them feel unable to cope with your condition. A lot of people find it very difficult to deal with depression, as finding the right thing to say and knowing how to react is very hard.
It's good that you are making such an effort to work out your problems now. Maybe you should write them a letter explaining how you feel and apologising if you did say something out of turn. Tell them that you would like to know what went wrong and that you'd like to build bridges as you miss the relationship you had before.
If they were prepared to do all they did whilst you were ill, there's a good chance that you can all work this out now. Let them know that you do respect them and truly appreciate all they did for you. Hopefully they will then be able to talk to you and start to mend the breach. They may be missing you as well.
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