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Competitive Sisters
I have two teenage daughters who have been blessed with musical talent and beautiful singing voices.There is a talent show at our county fair every year and they want to participate. I am almost certain one of them would win or place as a runner up. Therein lies the problem! They have a close loving relationship but they are extremely competitive with each other when it comes to music. So far I have never allowed them to compete against each other because I am afraid this could create a permanent rift between them. I have tried to encourage them to sing together as a duet but they refuse. Should I allow them to compete individually and possibly damage their relationship for life?
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This is a tough question to answer. To my mind it falls under the heading; Damned if you do, Damned if you don't.
At some time in their lives they will compete with each other. When this happens the question become how will they handle the outcome? This is an unknown and not something even a mother's intuition can foresee.
Seeing this and knowing that the day will come that they will compete against each other my question to you is: Would it not be better to allow them to compete know while you are with them? In this manner you can prepare them for the fact that only one of them can come in at First place the other in a follow up position. You can have discussions now ahead of time as to how they will handle this between them and what you will expect of them.
My feeling is that allowing them to compete now should be based on the following. They must agree:
1. The final decision is yours that you will make just before competition time. They may register but you may withdraw them before hand.
2. You tackle the problem ahead of time through meaningful discussion with them about possible outcomes. Which would include one of them winning or neither of them winning.
3. The meaning of competition, sportsmanship and what it means to them as sisters.
Based on these discussions before hand you can then decide if you want them to participate. By tackling the problem before rather than after I believe will allow for a more meaningful discussion rather than for damage control after.
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I can fully understand your dilemma as I am the mother of competitive twin girls. There is no easy answer to the problem though. You don't say how old they are so I don't know if hormones are playing any part in the difficulties at the moment.
At some point they are going to need to learn how to deal with their own feelings and their ongoing competition with each other. They have to start making their own decisions and accepting the consequences, whether it's refusing to sing together or anything else. You're not going to be able to shield them from it for ever and it's going to run you ragged trying. They're also going to come across others better or worse than them so they really do need to learn how to accept and respect the success of others, whether it's their own sister or not. Better to learn now while you still have some input in their lives.
If they both want to compete but individually, you could try talking to them, telling them about your concerns and asking them what they feel would be the best solution. You could also add that whilst one might beat the other on this occasion, it might not be the case the next time. At least that way they will have taken control of the situation and decided for themselves what to do.
I wish you the best of luck, it's not an easy one!
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Honestly, not allowing them to compete against one another, while they are still under your roof and you can mediate and help them handle the fallout, will only delay any possible problems until they are older and you aren't around to influence how it gets handled.
Eventually, they will find themselves in competition, either with each other or with other people - including close friends. You aren't doing them any favours by not teaching them how to win, and loose, with grace and respect.
Take this as an opportunity to school them on respect. If they fail utterly, then denying them opportunities to compete makes some sense, but at least give them a chance to be successful - not just to be successful at the talent show, but successful at being fair competitors who treat one another with love and respect.
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