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I'm Jessie. I've been on here on and off for about 7 years. I'm 22 :) I am currently in my final year of college studying English and new media I'm from Ireland I dye my hair way too much. I've been blonde,brown,brown with blonde,black,red,and blonde again!I love helping people I found advicenators when I was just 15 and didn't understand the world! I feel I have matured with this site. The people on here are amazing and I love coming on here in my spare time to be there for people in need. I won't tell you what you want to hear because that's not advice it's just fooling yourself. I try to help in whatever way I can I try not to judge and try to relate to a situation if I can. :) If you don't like honesty then you won't like my advice.
If you're kind enough to rate me please leave a comment letting me know if I helped! I love hearing that I have!
Please try to use proper grammar and be coherent.
I have been featured 4 times. :)
advice
My gtandmother has been having a lot of health problems lately and she's just lifeless?
MY great grandma has broken her hip 2-3 times. She fractured her neck and its well now, she has a sore on her foot that won't go away, the doctor said just leave a sock on it and let it get will but it isn't. She can't walk because her foot. She doesn't talk to anyone and she barely eats. I think she feels lonely or depressed about her health problems? Idk, we try to talk to her and she doesn't talk, sometimes we try to get her to eat and she doesn;t eat. She just lays down, not saying anything & sleeping or slouched staring into space. She doesn't want to get up and she's always cold even though it's literally 105 degrees outside and its not cold inside. She always has cover over hear head. She stays with my aunt for a half a week & my grandma for half a week. She doesn't like for them to change her diaper, feed her or anything. What could be wrong? What can we do?
Hey there,
I'm sorry to hear about your great grandmas health issues.
It's completely natural that she may feel depressed given everything that's going on with her.
She probably feels like life is weighing her down at the moment.
These are classic signs of depression. She probably also feels like she is losing her independence as she has to have you guys caring for her 24/7 It's not a nice feeling and most elderly people like to regain what little independence they may have left.
You just have to let her know that you guys love her so much and that you will be there for her in whatever shape or form she needs. If she wants you to back off a little,respect that and give her time. But let her know that you won't be too far away.
If she doesn't talk,sit with her anyway. Hold her hand or maybe tell her stories? Even if she doesn't reply just let her know what's going on in your lives. Make her feel included. Maybe ask her about some events in her life?Anything she likes talking about that she can re tell? I know when my grandad was sick he used to love telling us all his life stories,it really helped him to cope.
Basically just keep doing what you're doing and hopefully she will come around :)
Good luck and much
I am a girl(17). I watch porn 3 to 4 times a week. I want to stop doing this. Everytime i watch porn, i feel loads of guilty, but i do the same next time. I was caught watching porn once, but my mom didnt say anything. Please help me......i am an indian
Hey there,
You shouldn't feel guilty. Watching porn is completely normal and healthy. Loads of people do it. When it becomes obsessive or addictive however that's when it becomes a problem. Like if it's getting in the way of everything else in life.
3 to 4 times a week doesn't seem that bad too me.
Don't stress you are among millions around the world who watch it. There is nothing wrong with it.
Good luck and much
Does taking pills and getting really drunk, while over a bridge sounds like a good idea to kill myself? I have two options drown or die from the drug over does. I know that I have a mental health issue (depression. I have asked for help and have been take antidepressents. They somewat help. I also learned that I have another mental health issue that came with the depression.....Socail axiety. Everyday I feel like their is no point to my life. I have a good job, good family, but I have no meaning/nothing.
No. That does not sound like a good idea at all. You know why? Because killing yourself is NOT a good idea. Nor is it a solution to your problems.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Take it from someone who knows. I have suffered with mental health issues. I have had suicidal thoughts,but I have battled through it and overcame my demons. And I am so much stronger as a result.
You say you have no point to your life,but you just mentioned two very important points. A good job and a good family. Most people aren't fortunate to have those things in life. Most people struggle alone to make ends meat without any type of support system.
You have a loving family who care about you a great deal! Think about how devastated you would leave them should you choose to end your life. By committing suicide you are going to be affecting the lives of everyone around you.
Please don't give up. Life can be cruel,hard and challenging sometimes I know. It's brutal but don't let your demons get the upper hand. Think of the good things life has to offer.
Moving higher up the ladder at your career,travelling the world,meeting knew people,romance,spontaneity,excitement,laughter,wonder.It's endless. Stop associating with the negative.
Don't bottle up your feelings. If you are feeling depressed lonely and suicidal TALK IT OUT! trust me it really does help. A problem shared is a problem halved as they say.
A friend of mine recently committed suicide. He hung himself,but mid way through (which often happens) he had second thoughts. He tried to stop it by putting his hand through the rope (this was how he was found) but unfortunately he failed.
I have lost so many people to suicide including family. It's devastating. Please seek further help. Have you gone to a psychiatrist? Counsellor? it can transform your life.
Have a look at this website:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
I wish you the best of luck in life and I beg you not to end it. Life is precious. We only get one shot,make the most of it.
I am always here if you need someone to talk to. My inbox is always open. Much
Hi,
I have been reflecting on a few times in my past of which I don't really understand my behavior.
I went through major depression when I was a teenager - maybe that has something to do with how crazy I got?
Anyway, I recall times where I went to parties and I acted really crazy. I remember getting really excited whenever I arrived to a party and I remember always having the idea that I'm going to have a lot of fun tonight. Most of the time I related fun to acting absolutely crazy. I feel embarrassed by how off the wall I would get. I don't think many people would invite me a second time to their party no matter how close we were. I don't understand why I would act the way I did. I just know I had adrenaline inside of me bursting at the seams. I feel that same sort of speed whenever I get really upset. Even now, I struggle controlling myself. Sometimes I get so heated, I do something really stupid and at times, I throw tantrums. I have gotten better at restraining myself - I can stay absolutely calm whenever another person is trash-talking me. Although calm, I still feel the pressure building up inside of me. I know at moments I can appear insanely crazy to people. Other than those once out of a blue moon times, I am a very relaxed normal person. I wanted to know if there's a diagnosis for my behavior or is it just bad nerves?
Hey there, :) I can relate to how you feel. I had similar out bursts a while back when I went through a rough time after my drink was spiked. What I did was I went to see a pyschiatirist as my behaviour was out of the ordinary. I know its scary to think about but they are really only there to help! The mind is a fragile thing and like any other part of the body when its broken it needs fixing.I'm not insinuating youare crazy by any means. But I really think you should see someone who can better understand your symptoms and help you. None of us here are doctors,so unfortunately we cannot give you a diagnosis. If I was to hazard a guess it sounds to me like you.could be suffering from ADD (attention deficit disorder) or ADHD attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Of course this is a mere guess as I am not actually qualified to say. If you are a little apprehensive about seeing a pscyhiatrist I would suggest visiting your dpctor first who mighy be able to give you.peace of mind about going :-) Best of luck and I hope I.helped some how. Much
Okay, so. I have always had paranoia and hypochondria. But recently, every time I get so excited for something, my mind wanders and I start to think something negative will happen. I'm going to miss life if this doesn't stop, so how can I make this stop?
Hey there,
I went through a phase of this a few months ago when I had a lot going on in life. I just couldn't allow myself to become excited or motivated about anything.
I Would come up with the most irrational possibilities to arise in a situation.
You need to just take a deep breath calm down and think for a second. Be realistic. Every time you have a negative thought counter act it with a positive one. I developed a technique where I literally talked myself out of it. I would get anxious and paranoid over the most smallest of tasks. Like seeing my friends for example became a struggle because I developed this fear that we would have nothing to talk about and it would be awkward. So I just had to keep reminding myself and reassuring myself that things would be Okay. That we had plenty to talk about and we would have a great time.
If you're beginning to psych yourself out too much it really helps to talk to someone about your fears and negative thoughts. My mum was the person I confided in and she really helped me see things in a positive and clear light. She calmed me down lots and reassured me.
Another example would be back in October my sister who lived in England at the time invited me and my boyfriend over to stay for two weeks. At first I was so excited but then all the negativity crept into my mind. First it was what if the plane crashes..Next it was what if they loose my luggage? Then it was what If we miss our stop on the bus?Or get on the wrong tube? Any time I had one of those thoughts that I couldn't counter act I would talk to someone.
If you keep it bottled up it's just going to eat away at you to the point where you can't enjoy life. I am also a hypochondriac. If I learn someone is ill I automatically worry I might get it too.
But I have learned to think differently. If you worry about that kind of stuff then you are never really going to live or experience life.
There are SOO many bad things that can happen to us of course but there are also SOO many good things.
Sometimes it doesn't always seem that way but good is always around the corner. I firmly believe that after having an ordeal of a year things have finally started to look up.
Definitely confide in someone. Reassurance can really help! Why not think about counselling either? A good counseller can really change your outlook on life. They can help you combat your feelings of paranoia hypochondria and negativity.
Its just about being brave and facing your fears and life head on.
The only way to do it is to get through it head on.
Whenever you have a negative thought think of a positive straight away and remind yourself of that. Reiterate it again and again until it sticks. Think what's the worst that can happen?What is the probability of such a thing actually happening? I am probably ten times more likely to really enjoy myself.
:) Best of luck and I hope I helped.
My inbox is always open if you need me.
Much
Can anybody kill me? Seriously...
20 years old from greece
Nobody Is going to kill you. That would be murder.
Or euthanasia whichever way you look at it.
Jess 18/f
Problem:
-bullied through elementary and hit highschool more guys joined in, name called , took it to the streets and played niki-niki-nine-door , egged and paintballed my house, tried to run me over , through food at me outside school
-got raped and assaulted different times
-no councelling ever
-gotten more negative toward everything
-im emotionally torn apart
-friends all left me
-everyone bullied me lives around me the rape area is around me everything thats negative is surrounding me and I just cant forget it..
-im getting nightmares almost everynight, stress , anxiety , and emotionally break down almost every day
should I move away? should I get councelling?
any thoughts?
btw im 19
Hey there :)
wow you have certainly been through a lot. :(
Life throws us some horrible blows. Sometimes all at once and it can feel like everything is weighing us down and its just one thing after another. But leaving town won't solve these problems or fix your negative attitude. It's only going to go with you. Think about it.
You have been bottling up many emotions and you need someone to talk to,to let it all out to move on.
My inbox is always open if you ever need anyone to off load on. I would definitely recommend counselling. It would help alot or even talk to a family member. Your mom dad? I find my mom is always the best person to talk about how I'm feeling.
You need support in your life. What your going through at the moment you can't deal with on your own.
You have already made a great step by sharing with us all here..and seeking advice and help. Go that bit further and reach out for real.
don't be afraid to ask for help for someone to listen..its the least you deserve.
Start living and experiencing don't let cruel pathetic bullies get you down and keep you down. Experience the good in life. Focus on the positives even when it feels like there is nothing..find the smallest little thing.
Re discover your passions and interests get out there and make friends. REAL friends ones who care understand you and won't turn their back on you. There are people like that out there. Remember not everyone is bad and not everyone will hurt you.
Little by little and you will get there. Have faith in yourself. Put the past behind and look to the future. I know it's hard just to forget everything but in time it gets easier to accept it and move on. to deal with your problems and not let them haunt you for the rest of your life. If you let all this stuff weigh you down things will never get better trust me.
Think about talking to someone please :) It can't hurt any more than what you have gone through already can it?
Feel free to inbox me any time
I wish you all the best
Much
I want to stop masterburting and i don't know what to do. Please help me.
I believe the word is *Masterbating.
You can't
Your a hormonal teenager. Its normal. Embrace it.
-Jess 17/f
Its true that college is a new chapter,something i might need,but in my past i tried reaching out only to end up with more scars.so this time i'm just gonna stay put and let life take its course,if there is someone out there that can make my emptiness go away,someone who hears me well then who's to say university won't bring me closer to that person,but i choose to be realistic,life isn't a story with twists and turns and happy endings,it's one big test filled with trials and tribulations,its a series of unavoidable events to direct you to your destiny and as fate would have it,the sun can't shed it's light on everyone's,i don't know how many times i have to make myself bleed to realise this truth.do you have any idea what it feels like to go by everyday seeing people smile and see the life in their eyes in doing so,their freedom?,i just want one day like that,to be that alive.what does that feel like?,. .i am from south africa,(i'm white,just for the record).again,thank you for your interest,i'm a very strange and confusing person so thanks for sticking with me for this long
Hi there I got it I just wasn't online :)
South Africa wow I presumed you were from the US like many on here. Don't thank me I like to help in whatever way I can
I find your way of thinking and looking at life fascinating.
I'm Lucky so far in my life I have been a very lucky person. I have great parents..and two sisters that I love very much. I agree with you on the unavoidable events but they are not all bad.
But I agree not everyone is fortunate enough to find happiness and life in life..if that makes sense.
I'm not going to lie there are days when I love life and I laugh almost everyday thanks to my amazing group of friends who I only found this year in school. But my life isn't picture perfect. No ones ever is. It look me a long time to find true friends for some its longer some it happens straight away. I was a push over with controlling people for a long time far too long because I was simply too nice. Always trying to keep these people happy even if they hurt me. It took me a while to see that I had to stand up for myself.
I was lucky enough to meet and fall in love with my first boyfriend last year. But I have experienced painful losses in my life death loneliness insignificance frustration anger and pain.
I have felt the way do the only difference is mine has been temporary. I get anger over insignificant things like money for instance. Times are really hard for everyone at the moment and there is a lot of things I have to sacrifice in my life and it used to make me resentful towards other people who had it so easy,but then i remembered lifes path is different for everyone. I had to accept mine in life and be thankful for what I did have.. clothes on my back a great family a roof over my head food to eat friends and the opportunity to get a good education. Some people have nothing. To feel alive to me and to smile is just being thankful for those things there are some days I feel like laughing non stop in thanks for that. But i'm not naiive. I know any of that could change any day like you say trials and tribulations;.. maybe one day I could be unlucky enough to be involved in a tragic accident? loose my ability to walk like so many.. maybe In the future I will be among many women who cannot have children.. maybe my boyfriend will break up with me? what happens if I get no job if I don't pass my exams? loose friends family?
I don't allow myself to think about these types of things the cruel events and aspects in life that could bring me down. I take each day as it comes.
You say you see life in peoples eyes thats because they are hiding their pain also. Every single person in this life has pain they just do their best to focus on the good and to smile and laugh. Everyone has a story everyone.
You say in coillege your not going to reach out.. but then how are things going to try? you have to keep trying to reach out or you will just stay this way..sure you might get burned again and again but isn't it worth knowing you didn't give up? that way you will know well I guess Im definitely not meant to find that someone to make the emptiness go away.. but if you don't keep trying your letting them pass you by? that's how I see it.
being realistic is great but being pessimistic isn't no matter how bad things get. Thats the difference in those that feel alive and those that don't in my opinion. Your not confusing you just have a distinct way of viewing life and the world everyone is different. :)
Well,i can tell you one thing,if what you said about your sister was true then it helps somewhat to know that i'm not completely alone so for telling me that i want to thank you.but if this is who i am meant to be then i want to embrace it rather than waste my life trying to fix it,i'm not giving up because i have nothing to give up on.oh yeah,i'm 18 going on 19 and am going away to university next year.i'm hoping that will bring about some sort of change in my being.would online friends help?,- this is exactly why i'm on this site to begin with,i'm not getting my hopes up though as people tend to be dishonest behind the comfort of a computer screen and dishonesty is the last thing i need.i really appreciate your interest.if i may ask,how old are you and are you studying?
I promise you that's the truth :)your never completely alone as cheesy as that may sound. I'm nearly 18 and i'm going to uni in a few weeks just waiting on exam results in a couple of weeks I'm from Ireland.
But see there's a start coming on here but I do agree people can be very dishonest you just have to sus people out. you can usually tell the fakes a mile away. College could be a major change you could meet some amazing people for some school is awful and college is great others its the opposite. Its a scary but exciting time take it as an opportunity to branch out and be noticed where are you from?
I really appreciate what you said to me and for elaborating the way you did.but see,i have tried to connect,all my life i have but as i said,for some reason i'm just easily forgotten about.i told some of my family members that i'm frustated but they are very ignorant when it comes to these things,they see it as nothing more but just a phase that will eventually pass,maybe people just don't understand me.i have let my anger out before more than once,last year i hit a window and still have some marks on my hand but it only remedied my situation temporarily.i am just confused because theres nothing weird about me as a person,i'm smart,active and in shape and i'm not unatractive or anyting.and i can answer your question about my cutting,it doesn't make me feel better,but i dn't do it to feel better,i do it out of frustation,it feels like i have purpose when i do it,so i dn't see it as an evil cycle,it's just my way of expressing what i feel,i don't enjoy it,i want to stop but i dn't know any other way to express myself,do you understand this?i just don't know any better but i know it does me no good.i have thought about just puling the triger before but i care about my family,i'll never have enough courage to do that to them, so i'm sort of trapped.i don't know where all this started but maybe it's my past that formed my future.my dad has been in jail for as long as i can remember,he got out last year but not a week went by and back he went.it's easy to blame everything on him but i'm not that kind of person,i dn't blame my problems on others.so i hope you understand me a little better now,
Hey again :)
Yeah I understand much better now I was afraid I might come across to harsh or like I was trying to blame you for the way things are for you but I just didn't understand totally there was some things unclear.
You remind me a lot of my sister in some ways, she tells me people forget about her. She makes friends but they always end up moving on or hurting her even though she has a great personality and is very pretty for years she was lonely never had a boyfriend and not many friends. where as me and my other sister were the outgoing ones. I put it down to her unwilling to get out there but she explains that she does she just finds friends with the wrong people. She was always shy around guys too because she was badly bullied as a child. She always says how things go wrong for her in life and everything comes easy to me and my other sister. It breaks my heart because she is honestly an amazing person she lashes out at us alot and it can hurt but I know its her way of coping.
Im telling you this because not so long ago she actually met her current boyfriend who believe it or not is like her in every way. Couldn't connect with people was also bullied..and now they are having a child together it wasn't planned and shes only 22 but she is delighted she finally feels like her life is going somewhere. Although she doesn't have say the close friends that I would be fortunate to have.
I guess what im trying to say is if you try and stay positive maybe you will connect with the right people it happens for so many.
How old are you?If you don't mind me asking are you still in school or in college or working?
it breaks my heart that you have contemplated suicide it really does. The world can be a cruel dark place. The people who don't take the time to see what a great person you are,are the ones missing out its THEIR loss. Never give up trying to make friends trying to show people who you are.
the fact that you said you couldn't actually commit suicide for fear of hurting your family,even though they have been ignorant to you shows immense strength. Also the fact that you don't blame other people i.e your father for things shows compassion. I don't know if you realize that but I hope you do.
Your family do not mean to be ignorant I guess they just don't understand it took me a while to understand things from my sisters perspective.
Have you tried chatting to people online? I know that might sound a little gay but sometimes its so much easier to try connect with people and talk to them build up a friendship (obviously you have to be careful) but I actually have a lot of friends on the net. Then maybe that would help you to show people who you are and that your not someone to be forgotten about.
You seem to realize your good qualities like as you said your personality your attractive etc.
Theres a lot more I would love to say but I am strapped for time at the moment. Please right back if you can identify with anything I said :)
Im here any time you wanna talk :D
-Jess
So see,the worst pain anyone could bear is being alone.Connecting with others seems to be simplicity itself but to me it just doesn't happen that way.Why is that?It's been that way all my life,i was always the 25th guy when a teacher might say to divide into groups of 2,3 or 4,it's as if i don't even exist sometimes and i don't know why.I'm not unattractive and i don't have a weird personality but people seem to just forget me.Over the years i've cropped up so many frustrations and anger and its made me an empty person.I even find it hard to laugh these days.All in all,i've grown tired of life,i've tried numerous hobbies and all to get out there and have even gone as far as to ask God what is wrong with me,but my pleas just stick to the roof of my dark room.Cutting myself is the only thing that makes me feel alive,-how do i go about learning to breathe all over again?
Hey there,
Okay there is no doubt you are suffering immensely and as I'm sure you know cutting is not the answer to your problems In fact it is only worsening it,despite what you say about making you feel alive.
It will only do that for a certain amount of time..
what happens a while after you have cut?how do you feel then? back to where you were before you did it? Its a vicious cycle and you need to stop for your own safety and well being..I know that's easier said than done but have you ever tried to talk to someone? you might say there is no one or no one will listen but that's not true. there has to be someone. Your mom dad? an aunt or uncle even a therapist it really would help. you seem to be bottling up all your feelings and its driving you to the extreme.
You say you have tried numerous hobbies..but have you tried actually talking to people?
Have you ever wondered maybe the reason you can't connect with people is because you have become accustomed to being disconnected yourself?
There is nothing wrong with you. You just find it harder to get to know people than others that's totally normal. From what you have said above it seems like you have sunken into a state of depression and self isolation maybe I'm wrong but it's not healthy. This may sound harsh but you need to stop allowing yourself to feel sorry for your self. Focus on the small little things that make you smile anything. get out of the house walk run..feel the fresh air stop and look around you and be thankful for the fact that you are living.. take note of small positive things about yourself and the world. Stop telling yourself you can't connect with people because despite what you say you can. Show people your personality talk to people about your interests..goals etc.
Perhaps you have tried that in the past but you need to try harder or things won't ever change.
You need to shed this apathetic attitude.
you need to talk. Scream even let go of the anger and the past and look to the future at being a new person. I don't know details of your past obviously..or why you are like this now maybe something happened or maybe you were just always shy. But you are like this because you have sunken into negativity.everyone has bad times and low moments but you are having them constantly and you need to stop.. things aren't always as bad as they seem trust me.
I hope this helps in some way I really do.. please get yourself out there don't hold back from cutting and please talk to someone
Im always here if you need someone feel free to inbox me..
Much
Hi I'm 19 year old female and I'm in my second semester of college. I have a great boyfriend and I was talking to him today. And well he has a lot of friends and is very out going and I'm the complete opposite. And we were talking and I was trying to explain to him why I don't have hardly any friends. When I walk into a room I automatically think that people are judging me. I don't start talking to strangers unless I have known them for a while. I feel uncomfortable when I am around a bunch of people I don't know. I know it sounds like I'm just shy. But i don't understand why I get so scared and nervous and feel like people are practically out to get me. I was just wondering if maybe it was possible that I am just over reacting or if something is maybe wrong. Thank you for your time!
hey there :)
okay let me just say theres absolutely nothing wrong with you!
many people feel this way from time to time others have always been naturally shy its just in your nature thats all and its all about learning and gaining the confidence to come out of your shell abit.
First you should think about all your great qualities,you know what makes me, me. sort of thing.
remind yourself your a fun loving nice to be around kinda person.
when meeting new people relax and try to put it to the back of your mind,pretend they are like friends youve known for years,bring up a general topic of interest you know music tv shows just ask the person stuff about themselves and get to know them.I know it seems scary but it gets easier the more you relax and the more you do it.
Just be yourself and let people see the wonderful person that you are and that your boyfriend sees.
maybe next time your out get talking to people together it might make it easier on you :)
Just remember and try to do all theese things and hopefully things will get better
I hope I helped :)
Much
I'm 24 and female and I lost my virginity to a guy that I fancy the pants off! It wasn't at all what i expected and I was drunk and so was he and it was just...well, not that great.
I saw him last night and had to speak to him beacuse I just don't know how to feel about the whole thing and his words went a little something like this: "Well I had fun it was a laugh" and I was like "pardon and what now?"...He actually doesn't give a shit about me and I can't believe I waited that long to lose my virginity and it ended up being with an absolute CUNT! I've cried constantly for the whole entire day and I can't eat cos I feel sick. How long does it take to get over this? I hate him. He's ruined everything :(
Thanks
xxx
Hey there,
awh im sorry to hear that. I hate guys like that,who have absolute no respect or anything for us and only care about getting some.
but its not the end of the world don't let it or him keep you down you made a mistake and you regret it alot but just forget it and move on theres no use dwelling on the past your just going to upset and depress yourself more.
youve got the crying out of your system now the next step is to pick yourself back up.
the trick to get over this is time. just put it out of your head completely when you feel yourself start to think about it distract yourself.
keep busy,surround yourself with work and friends and having fun etc.
and be sure to make the next time you have sex really sepcial,with someone you know you can trust 100% and who you really care about and who cares about you.
be careful not to fall into the wrong hands again when your drinking theres nothing worse,we have all nearly been there in some way or another and its not good. dont let yourself be taken advantage of again your too good for that!
I hope I helped good luck :)
Much
Iam 20 years old and I have a problem with trusting people a little bit to easy and I want to know how to be not so trusting?
Okay well the key is to get to know a person first and make sure you know them well before you start trusting them with anything major.
dont go telling people you barely know or have just met problems or secrets and such because maybe they seem nice its hard to tell those who mean well from those who dont so take the time to build up a good sense of trust and even then always be catious,
the best people to trust are friends youve known a very long time and your family =]
think about what your about to tell a certain person before you do and you should be fine =]
but dont close off completely its good to have one or two people you can always rely on and trust.
hope i helped in any way
Much
16/f
ok well where do i start. i really think theres something wrong with me. that i am not noticing as much as others.
well heres the thing. my ex knows me better than i know myself and helps me realize so much about myself.
we were talking last nite and he was telling me to ignore people that get on my nerves. well i said, u know me, i cant ignore things. and he said "not being able to ignore things is a blind version of sumbody not knowing themselves, meaning no one does." and i totally agreed.
i DONT know myself. at all. and its really becoming a problem. thats part of the reason we broke up, because he thought that i was changing for him and for everyone else. which is true. but i cant stop doing it. i dont know who i am so i try to act like other people.
he also said, " i love you, but you act so different around so many people i find myself going who is she really? i was unsure of the girl i fell for." and i do it unconsciously sometimes and i no that i change for everyone. its like im trying to make everyone happy and impress them. as in im a different person to all of my friends. like when i met my best friend i started dressing just like her. (shes black) and i totally changed my style and started talking differently and acting like i didnt care about anything kind of like her. i am a really caring person but when i talk to her im just like yeah who gives a fuck, whatever, who cares. and i like the type of person she is so its not like im unhappy being like this because all this changing just kind of comes natural to me because i like impressing people so much. but it happens all the time, ive changed to be like different people many times.
i went through the jock, skater, hippie, and many more phases. im currently stuck in the "gangster" phase. maybe because my best friend and ex are black.
i dont know. but the thing is, i want to be friends with EVERYONE so i act like how i think the person would want me to act. i am part of every different cliche and i act different in every one of them. with the gangsters, i talk like im black, i wear ghetto clothes, and act like i dont give a fuck about anything. with the stoners i wear my bob marley stuff, talk really slow, and act chill with everything. with the popular people i always crack jokes, wear abercrombie, am really caring and act a little bitchy at times. i change like every month, but i still keep all my old friends, i just gain alot of new ones too but i dont think they like me for the real me, even though i dont even know who that is.
and believe me ive become amazing at this changing and i am friends with everyone in the school because im so good at doing this. but i need to stop. its ridiculous and i feel like im being fake. its become a habit and almost like a game. ive become friends with girls that my ex once dated, just so i could keep tabs on him. ive become friends with girls so they will hook me up with guys. ive become friends with guys to make girls jealous. i havnt become friends with half my friends just because i like them as a person. but i want everyone to like me and i love being so popular. i dont know what to do. like my ex said, if i dont know the real me, no one does. please helppp
ok one good thing about this whole situation is that your begining to realise it and wanting to change thats the first step towards helping to fix it.=]
so its like your taking on different personalities around different people there is a girl i know who used to have the exact same problem.
it is totallyy normal though for us teens to go through like a hundred different phases and labels before we find who we really are or where we "fit"
if you want to be friends with all theese people it shouldnt be a case of you changing your hair or clothes attitude or personality to fit in with them.
people respect you more if your someone who can just mingle in with everybody but still stay who you are.
your ex is spot on it what he said about if you dont know the real you no one does.
you just need help finding who you truely are ok like think
what do YOU like doing?
what kinda music do you like to listen to?
and whats your favourite style of clothing etc etc.. fav movies books tv shows..
think for YOURSELF not as anybody else or anyone your trying to be like this is the only way your going to find out about who you are.
If all of theese "friends" are true friends then they wont care about your appearence or personality etc they will like you for you and if they dont then they honestly arent worth wasting your time on they are fake friends..why would you wanna spend time with people like that?
people who like you for what your Pretending or posing to be. just forget about trying to impress and make friends and honestly just try concentrate on finding yourself and staying true to yourself, life will be alot less stressfull and dont worry about not having friends or fitting in i gaurentee you,you will =]
your ex seems to really understand so talk to him more and im sure he would be happy to help you in changing.
i hope i helped in the slightest i wish you the best and good luck!
Much