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i really need help, my life is falling to pieeces. its long but interestin
16/f
ok well where do i start. i really think theres something wrong with me. that i am not noticing as much as others.
well heres the thing. my ex knows me better than i know myself and helps me realize so much about myself.
we were talking last nite and he was telling me to ignore people that get on my nerves. well i said, u know me, i cant ignore things. and he said "not being able to ignore things is a blind version of sumbody not knowing themselves, meaning no one does." and i totally agreed.
i DONT know myself. at all. and its really becoming a problem. thats part of the reason we broke up, because he thought that i was changing for him and for everyone else. which is true. but i cant stop doing it. i dont know who i am so i try to act like other people.
he also said, " i love you, but you act so different around so many people i find myself going who is she really? i was unsure of the girl i fell for." and i do it unconsciously sometimes and i no that i change for everyone. its like im trying to make everyone happy and impress them. as in im a different person to all of my friends. like when i met my best friend i started dressing just like her. (shes black) and i totally changed my style and started talking differently and acting like i didnt care about anything kind of like her. i am a really caring person but when i talk to her im just like yeah who gives a fuck, whatever, who cares. and i like the type of person she is so its not like im unhappy being like this because all this changing just kind of comes natural to me because i like impressing people so much. but it happens all the time, ive changed to be like different people many times.
i went through the jock, skater, hippie, and many more phases. im currently stuck in the "gangster" phase. maybe because my best friend and ex are black.
i dont know. but the thing is, i want to be friends with EVERYONE so i act like how i think the person would want me to act. i am part of every different cliche and i act different in every one of them. with the gangsters, i talk like im black, i wear ghetto clothes, and act like i dont give a fuck about anything. with the stoners i wear my bob marley stuff, talk really slow, and act chill with everything. with the popular people i always crack jokes, wear abercrombie, am really caring and act a little bitchy at times. i change like every month, but i still keep all my old friends, i just gain alot of new ones too but i dont think they like me for the real me, even though i dont even know who that is.
and believe me ive become amazing at this changing and i am friends with everyone in the school because im so good at doing this. but i need to stop. its ridiculous and i feel like im being fake. its become a habit and almost like a game. ive become friends with girls that my ex once dated, just so i could keep tabs on him. ive become friends with girls so they will hook me up with guys. ive become friends with guys to make girls jealous. i havnt become friends with half my friends just because i like them as a person. but i want everyone to like me and i love being so popular. i dont know what to do. like my ex said, if i dont know the real me, no one does. please helppp
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I have pretty much been through nearly the same thing.
Maybe he needs to accept that your obviously a people person. It's not being fake getting along with many types of people it is a rare and pretty amazing quality to have.
Just don't dwell on not knowing who you are...everything will fall into place.
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ok one good thing about this whole situation is that your begining to realise it and wanting to change thats the first step towards helping to fix it.=]
so its like your taking on different personalities around different people there is a girl i know who used to have the exact same problem.
it is totallyy normal though for us teens to go through like a hundred different phases and labels before we find who we really are or where we "fit"
if you want to be friends with all theese people it shouldnt be a case of you changing your hair or clothes attitude or personality to fit in with them.
people respect you more if your someone who can just mingle in with everybody but still stay who you are.
your ex is spot on it what he said about if you dont know the real you no one does.
you just need help finding who you truely are ok like think
what do YOU like doing?
what kinda music do you like to listen to?
and whats your favourite style of clothing etc etc.. fav movies books tv shows..
think for YOURSELF not as anybody else or anyone your trying to be like this is the only way your going to find out about who you are.
If all of theese "friends" are true friends then they wont care about your appearence or personality etc they will like you for you and if they dont then they honestly arent worth wasting your time on they are fake friends..why would you wanna spend time with people like that?
people who like you for what your Pretending or posing to be. just forget about trying to impress and make friends and honestly just try concentrate on finding yourself and staying true to yourself, life will be alot less stressfull and dont worry about not having friends or fitting in i gaurentee you,you will =]
your ex seems to really understand so talk to him more and im sure he would be happy to help you in changing.
i hope i helped in the slightest i wish you the best and good luck!
Much <3
Jess:D
xox
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you need to be your self you do no your self what stuff do you like to do what music do you like to listen to who do you have a crush on what one of your main goals in life what are one of your talents these are question to find out who you are if you wake up you have a name you parents gave it to you your parents brought you up as a baby they no you more then any one. but if you act like other you will forget your self. you are dont you want to be you yes thier are cliches in high school but yes its ok to be what you want but do it in your own way see this why you have lost your soul in your self.If your good at making people smile and laugh when you give jokes. don't conpare your self to others because every ones diffrent when you do you get stressed out and worry if i act like her will I get this in life trust me we all want to be somthing but do it the right way. you need to learn to love your self and be cofedent in your self then you will be happy with the people around you then your way been will change.and try learing manners and how to be a lady this has helped women face thier problem wth life with friends.school,career ect I have did this because of my career it was requrired. never let people walk all over you and you dont need to do somthing just because that person said you had to if it hurts you dont remeber school is about learning because ones your last year of high school every one changed the stoners and the loser pretty much make somthing of the thier self then the prepies my self was not hat popular but I still tryed but I just keep my head high didnt let any thing get in my way so it would not bother me after I got of school I went to art school became a model and a web designer because I didnt worry about what the hell people were thinking me I was thinking about my future if people cant understand you then they are not real people the main key in life never give up and when some one gives you advice take it. if you listen to people they wil listen to you its showing people respect and its not good to be bitchy this a sign no ones what to be around so you ned to work on this as you get oler men dont like bitchy women they will leave they dont put up with crap. just get invold with school activaty this wil help like drama school decarating ok hope this helps you ok.
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