Gender: Female
Member Since: May 14, 2009
Answers: 1
Last Update: May 19, 2009
Visitors: 369
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16/f
ok well where do i start. i really think theres something wrong with me. that i am not noticing as much as others.
well heres the thing. my ex knows me better than i know myself and helps me realize so much about myself.
we were talking last nite and he was telling me to ignore people that get on my nerves. well i said, u know me, i cant ignore things. and he said "not being able to ignore things is a blind version of sumbody not knowing themselves, meaning no one does." and i totally agreed.
i DONT know myself. at all. and its really becoming a problem. thats part of the reason we broke up, because he thought that i was changing for him and for everyone else. which is true. but i cant stop doing it. i dont know who i am so i try to act like other people.
he also said, " i love you, but you act so different around so many people i find myself going who is she really? i was unsure of the girl i fell for." and i do it unconsciously sometimes and i no that i change for everyone. its like im trying to make everyone happy and impress them. as in im a different person to all of my friends. like when i met my best friend i started dressing just like her. (shes black) and i totally changed my style and started talking differently and acting like i didnt care about anything kind of like her. i am a really caring person but when i talk to her im just like yeah who gives a fuck, whatever, who cares. and i like the type of person she is so its not like im unhappy being like this because all this changing just kind of comes natural to me because i like impressing people so much. but it happens all the time, ive changed to be like different people many times.
i went through the jock, skater, hippie, and many more phases. im currently stuck in the "gangster" phase. maybe because my best friend and ex are black.
i dont know. but the thing is, i want to be friends with EVERYONE so i act like how i think the person would want me to act. i am part of every different cliche and i act different in every one of them. with the gangsters, i talk like im black, i wear ghetto clothes, and act like i dont give a fuck about anything. with the stoners i wear my bob marley stuff, talk really slow, and act chill with everything. with the popular people i always crack jokes, wear abercrombie, am really caring and act a little bitchy at times. i change like every month, but i still keep all my old friends, i just gain alot of new ones too but i dont think they like me for the real me, even though i dont even know who that is.
and believe me ive become amazing at this changing and i am friends with everyone in the school because im so good at doing this. but i need to stop. its ridiculous and i feel like im being fake. its become a habit and almost like a game. ive become friends with girls that my ex once dated, just so i could keep tabs on him. ive become friends with girls so they will hook me up with guys. ive become friends with guys to make girls jealous. i havnt become friends with half my friends just because i like them as a person. but i want everyone to like me and i love being so popular. i dont know what to do. like my ex said, if i dont know the real me, no one does. please helppp (link)
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I have pretty much been through nearly the same thing.
Maybe he needs to accept that your obviously a people person. It's not being fake getting along with many types of people it is a rare and pretty amazing quality to have.
Just don't dwell on not knowing who you are...everything will fall into place.
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