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I lost my virginity the night before new years eve...
I'm 24 and female and I lost my virginity to a guy that I fancy the pants off! It wasn't at all what i expected and I was drunk and so was he and it was just...well, not that great.
I saw him last night and had to speak to him beacuse I just don't know how to feel about the whole thing and his words went a little something like this: "Well I had fun it was a laugh" and I was like "pardon and what now?"...He actually doesn't give a shit about me and I can't believe I waited that long to lose my virginity and it ended up being with an absolute CUNT! I've cried constantly for the whole entire day and I can't eat cos I feel sick. How long does it take to get over this? I hate him. He's ruined everything :(
Thanks
xxx
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
The fact that you have waited this long shows that you have a great amount of respect for yourself. However, The guy sounds like a loser who just wanted to get in your pants..and sometimes despite whether we think he is a great guy, honest, and the one we think we are going to be with forever..sometimes the truth comes out when you give yourself up in sexual terms. You are hurt due to his actions and words..but like Witty said below me it probably will bother you until you have passionate sex and no that does not mean go out and try and look for it too forget what has happened. What is done is done, Now you have to try and move on because you can't take it back. Trust me, There are times I wish I could take back my past but things happen for a reason even when we don't want them too. Life is a lesson and full of challenges we all learn from our mistakes. The more you dwell on feeling sorry for yourself the more you will feel like shit and it will keep on haunting you. I understand what you mean by "he has ruined everything" You were waiting for the moment too happen and you were saving yourself for the one you love but that can still happen. Yes, He took your virginity but no he can't take what the future still holds for you so don't let him get you. You deserve better and this guy is just an asshat.
-Bahaima22
24/F
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How long does it take to get over it?
Hopefully, you'll feel better tomorrow. Losing your virginity, in the scheme of things, isn't that huge a deal. Honestly, its going to bother you until you have some decent sex. No, thats not orders to get out there and fuck someone else.
You hate him? He's ruined everything? What has he ruined, exactly?
Or, more to the point, how is this entire thing his fault? You said that you liked the guy alot and got drunk with him. You pinned whatever hopes you had on a fantasy loss of virginity on a drunk encounter with a guy you had a crush on.
And you're probably going to stay bitter about this until you can accept that. You made a decision, and these are the repercussions.
Sleeping with a guy in hopes that it turns into something more than sex is a terrible idea. Because guys will say yes to sex with girls they would not date.
If you don't have enough self control to say no to a bad idea, how can you blame others for the fact that it blows up in your face?
Its not his fault that you chose to sleep with a guy you liked who didn't like you back in that relationship kinda way. Its not his fault that you waited until 24 and built up your virginity into a ridiculously huge deal and then were crushed when he didn't wake you up with breakfast and roses.
Honestly, I'd hazard a guess that you don't exactly have realistic expectations when it comes to sex and relationships.
Go out on dates. Establish an emotional connection before you take off your clothes. Have the self control to say no when you're drunk with a guy you like who finds you sexually attractive enough to sleep with.
Tell me, if this is his fault, are you going to go out again, get drunk with a guy you like, sleep with him, and expect a relationship out of it? It doesn't work that way.
This isn't his fault. Also, sex is a skill, not a Ron-Burgandy-esque visit to pleasure town. You don't start out knowing what you're doing, which is another good reason to have sex in a relationship.
If you get drunk and have bad, awkward, I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing sex with a guy you can't expect him to come off of it thinking he wants to ask you out tomorrow.
Get a boyfriend, fall in love, and then have sex like you need to repopulate the planet. When you're with someone you care about, the sex doesn't have to be technically great to be good sex. Then you have lots of sex and figure out what the hell you're doing, and everything gets better. One night drunken stands aren't going to teach you to be decent in bed.
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I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
That guys a jerk. Drunk or sober he should have realized that you gave him the most precious gift a woman can give a man. The fact that he does not realize the gift you gave him makes him an ass and not worth your tears. He may have appeared to be a prize catch but my advice is to throw him back in the sea. There are far more men out there who would love to honor you by getting to know you and not just see you as an object of their sexual satisfaction.
As for waiting this long to have sex: When to have is a very personal decision and something that should not me made under pressure from peers or anyone else. The longer one waits the better it will be for you are not only more mature but you do not have to sneak off and hide or rush the act. Rather you can relax and indulge in privacy and intimacy, which is what sex, is all about.
In today’s world young people see sex as a recreational sport. As they get older they find sex is part of how they define their life mate, as sex is still a large part of couple’s intimate life, as it should be. Sex is no longer viewed as being solely for the purpose of procreation and it is expected that both partners are to enjoy themselves. You skipped the recreation sports part and frankly missed nothing other than a lot of frustration from many a coitus interrupt-us and back seat slam bam thank-you- mam if the boy thanked you at all.
I would be remiss if I did not remind you to practice safe sex. I would suggest you view the web for condom usage both male and female condoms. Yes there are such things as female condoms which many couples prefer to the male condom.
Again, please do not waste your tears on that guy, he is not worthy of them. I know you feel hurt but this will pass with time. Get yourself out of the house and find someone who is worthy of what you have to offer him as a person and partner.
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Drunk sex is never that great...
And to be completely honest a lot of sex you'll have in your life won't be that spectacular either. I've been having sex for... -quick math- about six years now and I can name 3 partners (out of a number above 30) that I actually, genuinely enjoyed myself with.
Anyway, getting you over your virginity loss... that's a hard one. I had other things to get over when I lost my virginity, but I know how ridiculously bad it feels to be you right about now. My advice to someone 4 years my elder is to call up your friends... ANY friends... girl friends, guy friends, gay friends, and go out on the town. I'm not saying get trashed (because that's really how we got here) but I'm saying go out and have a good time and forget that creep. I'm sure he's been having sex since he 12 or some bullsh!t story like that that he tells to his buddies.
Mourn your virginity not this creep. Not all sex will be this upsetting... in fact it can a hell of a lot of fun, but the first time is always crappy, and the first guy is always a jerk. That's just how it goes...
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Hey there,
awh im sorry to hear that. I hate guys like that,who have absolute no respect or anything for us and only care about getting some.
but its not the end of the world don't let it or him keep you down you made a mistake and you regret it alot but just forget it and move on theres no use dwelling on the past your just going to upset and depress yourself more.
youve got the crying out of your system now the next step is to pick yourself back up.
the trick to get over this is time. just put it out of your head completely when you feel yourself start to think about it distract yourself.
keep busy,surround yourself with work and friends and having fun etc.
and be sure to make the next time you have sex really sepcial,with someone you know you can trust 100% and who you really care about and who cares about you.
be careful not to fall into the wrong hands again when your drinking theres nothing worse,we have all nearly been there in some way or another and its not good. dont let yourself be taken advantage of again your too good for that!
I hope I helped good luck :)
Much <3
Jess
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