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Q:

I'm a 16 year old male
Recently I spent the weekend at a lake house with a couple friends at a lake house. My friends sister was there who is a year younger than I am.
We instantly got along really well and have a lot of things in common. We held hands for a little bit but then her brother came up to us so we stopped so he wouldn't know.
If he found out we both are afraid that he would be mad at both of us and we wouldn't end up being friends.

She's one of the most beautiful girls Ive ever seen and I just have a feeling that I can't loose about her. Help!
Do you know for sure that he is extremely protective of his sister? I know that a lot of guys are, and I notice that you said that you are worried that he would be mad at you. I am trying to see if this fear of yours is well-founded.

I would suggest asking him what he would think about one of his friends hypothetically dating his sister. If he seems cool with it, then tell him that you like her and you think that she likes you too.

After confessing your feelings for his sister, consider his response. If he's not supportive of it, then what is more important - his friendship or having a relationship with his sister, who you can't seem to get over? Before you answer, remember that teen relationships don't usually last long, so if you are good friends you might reconsider risking your friendship. If he gives you the go-ahead, then start pursuing a relationship with her.

Q: I hate putting this under love life. But I wasn't sure what else to do.

I've been struggling with this thing since March. I am a 19 year old female, college student. This spring I went on spring break with friends in Florida. We went to a club with fake IDs and, yes, I'm a college student, I got pretty drunk. I've only blacked out three times in my entire life and I've been drinking since 16 and I'm almost twenty. The last night of spring break, in that club, I blacked out. Kind of. I can remember bits and pieces. I remember meeting a guy and dancing with him and that I thought he was cute. At some point I left with him. Which is completely unlike me. My friends were freaking out and so scared, they called me hundred times. I don't remember texting them this but I replied to their messages and calls with "I'm fine, meet you at home". The next thing I remember after leaving the club was vomiting violently in a toilet in either a house or a condo. It was horrible. I remember the guy picking me up off the floor. And I remember laying in a bed. I think I have flashes of having sex but I don't know if they're real. Before this night I had only had sex with one guy, my boyfriend of two years but we had recently broken up. I remember being in a car and walking up to the house where my friends and I were staying. I definitely remember this next part. I was laying on a table in the backyard of our house, behind some trees by the pool. I remember something inside me and it hurt. I don't know what it was.That's the last thing I remember. When I woke up the next morning my vagina was bleeding and sore and it hurt really bad. I knew I had had some kind of sexual intercourse. I just didn't remember if I wanted to. I felt so embarrassed and didn't tell my friends. I was so mad at myself for putting myself in that situation. and I hate that I can't remember if I told him no or fought him. im almost positive I wouldn't have willingly had sex with a guy I just met. I went to the doctor to get tested for STDs and pregnancy and I was okay. I didn't tell the nurse any details. But that night still eats at me. I haven't told anyone and I don't know what I would say. I don't think I can call it rape, but then why do I feel so violated?
Whether or not you consented to sex, he still raped you. You were drunk and not in the right mental state to consent to anything at that point.

At this point, if possible, you should still press charges. Do you remember anything about what this guy looked like? He could do this to another unsuspecting girl, so you should try to report it if you can.

You mention that you're struggling with this experience. I recommend that you go to a counselor to discuss this problem. He or she will help you work this out and get over what happened to you.

Q: Hey, I'm 15 and a freshman . Well, this guy (he's 20 and he graduated already) have been friends since last summer and him and I are somewhat really close. He's a really sweet guy, he is a Christian and he's never had sex before. He's helped me through when I got dumped, rejected, bullied, depressed, and we've just always been real good friends and never fight. Well, since Valentine's Day is coming up we already made plans to hang with our single friends, and yesterday he asked me if I would go out with him, and I keep saying I'll think about it, but I just don't know how I should respond even though I feel the same way as him. Like, we discussed age gap we had and he said 5 years isn't that huge and I kind of agreed. If him and I go out, I just would feel afraid I would get bullied for it , but I don't know. I want to say yes, but a part of me wants to say no. Advice please?
I think that 5 years is huger when you're 15 and he's 20. Things get better when you're 20 and he's 25. Right now at this point in your life, the two of you still want different things.

I doubt very strongly that the two of you are doing similar things with your lives right now, or are thinking of the same things. In order for a relationship to work, especially when you're starting out, the two of you have to be in relatively the same place.

Is not having sex something that he has chosen not to do because of religion? Or, does he want to find the right girl to do it with first? I'm not sure what state you live, but if the two you were to have sex, that would be illegal. He could go to jail.

For now the two of you should remain friends. If you still have feelings for each other after you graduate high school, then maybe revisit the issue later.

Q: I haven't been on this site for literally years but I thought someone here could help me. I can't go to my friend with this because I've told her similar things before and she immediately says the worst, like he is cheating and hiding things from me.

I'd really like someone else's opinion, please.

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he is 21 and I am 20. I basically live with him and I'm with him pretty much all the time. BUT I can never touch his phone. He literally fights me over it if I get ahold of it. He also has two phones. He says one is for games and the other is for calling and texting. I've been on the games one before freely with his permission. The other one I have only been on when I snuck around when he was sleeping, and I did find horrible heart-crushing things on it. He was talking to multiple girls, and even in sexual ways. He told one girl that he was going to have sex with her when he visited another state and she was agreeing to it.
Talking to him about it, he denied everything I said and said he was never actually going to have sex with her.

(This wasn't the first time I saw him talking to other people. A couple months before he was talking to his ex, who we went through terrible things with. She is psycho and I don't know why he'd even think about talking to her. I guess she was hard to let go.)

I've accused him before of continuing to talk to other girls, calling them beautiful, deleting the messages after, etc. He gets extremely mad, yells at me, and leaves the room. I can recall this happening 3 times where I'm seriously crying and scared of him.

It seems like every day I see on his phone a pop-up saying a girl accepted his friend request. I ask him and he says its someone he knew from where he lived before, and he had a lot of friends who were girls. But all of them are like... Beautiful, have lots of likes on their pictures(from him too), and.. ya know? Like, they don't seem like real girls. But their location sure enough says where he is from. BUT who even has that many friends? He adds a LOT of girls. "That request is from a long time ago." Yeah, okay.

He also used to take his phone in the shower with him. I say USED TO because he doesn't shower when I'm there anymore, I'm assuming because I confronted him about it.

One last thing, I was on his games phone and went on his Facebook to see him telling another girl she's "so beautiful" and then later, it was gone. He doesn't remember it all at. So, I know he deletes everything. And, of course, denies it.

I'm sorry this is so long. If someone can give their opinion on this, like how I can help the situation or help fix these problems we have, I'd be very appreciative. I really do love him. Taking away all of these things I mentioned above, he does NOT seem like someone who would cheat. I know him really well. But all of this is beyond my mind.
I hate to tell you this but some times things happen and we don't want to believe them. This sounds exactly what is going on with you. In fact, you said that you don't want to go to your best friend for this reason.

It is very strange that he has two phones, one for "games" and for making phone calls. Most people that I know only have one cell phone. This already sounds suspicious.

Then you find him telling another girl that he plans to have sex with her, and she's consenting? You also see facebook posts where he calls all of these girls beautiful?

Next time you see a message like that, print it out and make sure that he cannot just delete it. Sit him down, confront him about it, and see what his reasoning is.

Maybe he's into some weird role playing stuff, but it does not sound like something kosher is going on.

Q: Hello,
My boyfriend and I are 17 and 18 years old. We started a long distance relationship a little over six months ago. Back then, I was still a virgin and he knew that. However, a few months ago I cheated on him and lost my virginity to a guy I honestly had no feelings for. I was completely aware of what I was doing and I did it because I really just wanted to get it over with. I made sure there were no feelings attached. Now, the guy still chases after me, but I want no business with him, or any other guy rather than my boyfriend. I love him to death and really have no trouble remaining faithful. I realized it wasn't worth it and he's truly the only guy I ever want to be with. However, I know that he'll want to break up with me and his heart will be completely shattered if he knows. He keeps talking about how magical he wants my first time to be once we finally see each other again. And I believe it will be magical because it'll be with him. I don't want to lose him, but I do think he needs to know. I also don't think it's any conversation to have via phone/text/video. A close friend told me not to say anything '"cause there's no point". I know if we were in the same time zone it'd be easier to confess and try to win his trust back, but I have a serious disadvantage by not being able to daily demonstrate my true feelings towards him. I've thought of telling him in the far future, once we're living together, but I don't know how he'll feel about it after such a long time...
Also, I'm actually kind of glad I did it only because it was extremely painful, and he wasn't the one who caused that terrible experience. The guy was gentle, so it would've been bad either way. Should I tell him when we finally meet again? If so, should I do it as soon as possible, or do I give it some time? If I do choose to tell him, I know I probably shouldn't have sex with him until he's known, but I'm terribly scared of ruining the possibility of a future with him.
I'd appreciate any thoughts and advice,
Thank you.
You can't build a relationship on a lie. Yes, you should tell him. Tell him the exact truth, as it happens and let him make his own decision. Yes, it might crush him, yes he might leave you, or he might decide to works things out.

Even if things don't work out, you're still very young. You're very young to be saying that he's the only guy who you want to be with. He's your first love and tons of girls feel this way about the first guy who they develop feelings for, but then life gets in the way of things.

So, even if the two of you break up, although it will be painful, just know that eventually you will move on, hold yourself together, and focus on getting over him and staying faithful to the guys who you date.

Sometimes you have to make mistakes to grow. Don't feel too anxious about telling him the truth, yes, he may leave you but relationships have grown stronger after cheating.

Q: 'fingering girl, may have precum on finger, but girl took ipill after the incident....will she be pregnant?
In general, the amount of semen found in precum is very low. However this varies based on the man, since I assume that you are young (still in your teens) your chances of making a girl pregnant through precum are most likely higher than if you were older. So, if there was precum on your finger there is a slim chance.

Even with the morning after pill there is a slim chance that she could be pregnant. The morning after pill is only 87 percent effective against preventing unplanned pregnancies: http://www.pregnantteenhelp.org/prevent/morning-after-pill/

While the chances of her being pregnant with the 'possibility of precum' on your finger are very small, you should be aware that there is a slim possibility of her getting pregnant.

If it will make the two of you feel better, encourage her to take a pregnancy test. But, like I said, the chances are very slim. So rest assured with the idea that she is probably not pregnant.

Q: I truly loved a girl name preethi she lives in Coimbatore im Arun maheedhar in same area because of her situation and completion of her parents she left me we both doin masters in Coimbatore the day of her proposal is Nov 8 th around 7.30 in the evening then our life was awesome for few days like upto Dec 30 th the same year 2013 I was last seen her at Dec 30 th 2013 evening I dropped her in a market place and I left with tears and my tears still not stopped today april 6th 1.14 am I was feeling very sad abt the memories I tried to erase her memories but I can't I tried many things but only fail remains in love in carrer in life only her memories left with me now I want to die with that same memory but I don't want any resurrection after this life it's enough I'm now not fit for my life. Her birthday is April 9th so on that day I pray for her life for last time and I want to die with those memories please tell a way for a quick painless death
I refuse to give anyone advice on how they can kill themselves. Trust me when I say this, suicide is never worth it.

I suggest that you seek counseling to recover from your problem, since this is probably not the only girl who will ever break your heart. A few resources that you can connect with, include:

The Lifeline Foundation (91 33 2474 4704)
AASRA (91 22 2754 6669)
MAIYTREYI (91 413 339999)
ROSHNI (91 40 7904646)
Saath (91 79 2630 5544)
SNEHA (91 0 44 2464 0050)
The Samaritans Sahara (91 22 2307 3451)
Sumaitri (sumaitri.org)
MAITHRI (91 239 6272)

I will tell you that when I broke up with my first love, I could not stop crying and it felt like I would never get over him but I did. The way that he broke m heart was completely awful and it took me a long time to get over it, and I have. The two of us are now best friends and he regrets hurting me.

Now I have been with my boyfriend for three years who I plan to marry and begin a future with one day. I love my life right now, and I promise you that you will find yourself in a situation one day. When you find the right woman she will give you the world and will never leave with you a broke heart. You have so much going for you, you're getting your masters degree, killing yourself is definitely not the answer.

Q: My best friend and ex co worker, P, use to joke arounf with me. He'd tease me by keeping my pen away from Me out of reach. He bought me a pop when I had no money. He'd just pick on me and tease me but at the same time bought me things. My friend M teased him about liking me and he got all quiet that day.

My second last day of school I had a cupcake and ate it and gave him the ring that was on top because to me it was trash. I gave it to him to throw it away. I came back the next day which was my last day working there before I transfered to a different location and asked him did he throw it away. He said no he kept it.

Do you think he likes me or just being a really nice friend? Usually I would now but we were coworkers back than and I didn't know if he liked me or not.
It sounds like P likes you, him being your best friend while working with you means that he wants to spend time with you in different social situations. Therefore this means that there is a much higher chance that he likes you. And then with keeping the ring from the cupcake that you intended to throw out, also backs up my theory.

Q: Hi, Im 19 and so is my boyfriend. I was pregnant and was having a tubal pregnancy so they removed it this Sunday. Before my pregnancy we weren't together but once i got pregnant with him he came back. I told him the only reason he got back with me was because of the baby. he keeps telling me thats a lie. well anyways yesterday i told him to go to my house. He couldn't because he was at a party, so he told me he would come the day after. so I called him today and he was sleeping almost the whole day. I go on Facebook and i see hes at the movie theater with his friends and a girl that's likes him a lot. im so dissapointed. After I told him to meet me at my place he does something else. I keep texting him but no reply because hew in the movie theaters. I have a bad feeling specially with this girl at the movies. i don't know what to do anymore. I feel like im the only one fighting to keep the relationship going. What should I tell him or do? please help me out . Sorry this is long :(
If I were you I would break up with him, I know it is hard because I am sure that the two of you have been through a lot together. However you do not seem happy with the current state of your relationship, and whether or not your boyfriend is back together with you because of the pregnancy, or is with you because he really cares about you; the truth is you no longer feel comfortable in this relationship, and you need to find a relationship that you are secure in. Rule of thumb for me, NEVER get back with an ex boyfriend because the two of you broke up for a reason.

Q: My ex and I have been separated from since the beginning of the year. I am slowly staring to get over him and I am so proud of myself for making progess. Anyway, lately I can't help but re-read our old conversations (I saved some for memories, I tend to do this with guys I've really liked, I have some saved on my computer, e-mail, tumblr, etc), I even re-read the questions I posted on here about help I needed with him. I just want to reminisce on what we've had and establish that all of it is down the drain but realize that I did learn something. It hurts to read it sometimes though because I just can't help but miss him...Well im not sure if i miss him but i miss being happy knowing that I had someone and someone had me. But from what I've read, we seem to have had problems all the time. From reading everything I see now that the main thing we lacked in our relationship was communication. He was my first boyfriend so I had to learn everything through him, but I wasn't his first...but his longest. But I feel that I have learned A LOT over the past few years from when the cycle of relationships and boyfriends started. He's moved on to another girl now, they're just friends but I know he;s trying to take it slow with her to make sure it lasts... He's trying to do everything better than what he did with me, which is smart in his case, even though I can't help but feel cheated somewhat. (Our relationship was a little rocky from the start) I have realized we can't and won't be together, and I'm okay with that. I do admit that I am a bit lonely and I miss having someone to care for and to care for me in a special way. But why do I keep reading these things about him? I've had another ex but I don't read anything about him.. well there's not much about him that I saved but I dont even find him worth thinking about (that relationship only lasted a month and I gained nothing out of it, just lost a friend..) But yeah, should I be doing this? Is this my way of my healing process? Do you think I'm still trying to hold onto him?
It's possible that you are subconsciously trying to hold onto him, that you miss him. I'm going to give you the same advice that someone gave me, get rid of those conversations. When you look at those conversations old memories start to spark and you start to get really hurt.

About finding someone to care about you, you eventually will. You are probably young considering that you have only had two boyfriends, and only really one that lasted long. I would suggest that you take this time to enjoy being single and if you want maybe go out on a few dates, if possible. Sooner or later, you will get stronger and like I said you will meet someone who will make you happy.

For now, delete those old conversations between the two of you and learn from your past mistakes. Learn that when you get into another relationship, you should work on building your communication skills - the strongest relationships are built on communication.

Q: Me and my 'ex boyfriend' broke up a few days ago. We're both fine with it but I still love him. Over the summer he's moving to Georgia and I wont see him so is it better that we broke up now? Or should we have waited? And he's mad at me cause my friends are always around..what do I do? Tell them we he's around not to come by me? I'm just so confused...
I think that it's a good idea that the two of you broke up, Zane's right long-distance relationships are hard and very rarely work out.

The best thing that the two of you can do is to stop contacting each other. You mention how he has a problem that your friends are always around you, so I assume that you are still talking to him. I know that it's hard right now but the two of you are not together anymore, and depending on how long the two of you were together for you still have feelings for each other.

I also find it easier when I meet someone that you are interested in, to get over the person. I am not telling you to randomly fall into a relationship but start talking to other guys, and keep your options until you meet someone that you feel is special enough to get into a relationship with.

Q: Im a pastor and I have been married 19years but I started an emotional relationship as well as a sexual relationship with a young lady that I have been knowing quite somtime shes younger shes a member of my church and she has bee so supportive of my ministry and I feel as if I need 2 make a decision because I would 2 be with this younglady I ask my wife was she happy and she didnt answer me me and my wife dont even have sex Im still in the marriage for my kids but the affair has been going on for a year next month I just really see this younglady not being apart of my life I depend on her so much.help me! Im a 42 yr.old male
The easy answer would be leave your wife and continue your relationship with this woman who makes you happy. However with your situation, your career as a pastor there's a lot of gray here.

I would also that you being a family man makes this even grayer, however growing up with parents who were unhappy together I think it would have been better for everyone involved if my parents had divorced.

Psychologically I think that most of us try to mimic our parents relationships, of course there are a few exceptions. I think that my relationship with my boyfriend is one of them, but my sister has a very low expectation of relationships due to her low self esteem and of course growing up in a household where our parents didn't really have much of a happy relationship.

I think that by leaving your wife and showing your kids what a happy relationship is like would be good for them. However if you do decide to leave your wife, depending on how close your kids are to her and how young they are, I would not bring the other woman around them for at least a few months.

But you also have to wonder about your career, going into the clergy means that you have a high expectation among your parish of staying together with your wife and making everyone think that the two of you are happy by putting on a false facade.

So I would think about this as well, what's more important to you, your career or this woman?

Q: I am trying to get back with my ex....problem is she wants to be with her ex she hasnt seen in years thats in the army in japan and not comming home anytime soon. What should i do i mean why be with someone you cant see? I am hurt and dont know what to do
I'm sorry about this situation, unfortunately there is not much that you can do. She has made up her mind who she wants to be with, and she doesn't want to be with you.

After going through a very painful break up over a year ago, I have realized that break ups happen for a reason. Usually your ex is an ex for a reason, and there's someone else whose better.

My best advice is to move on and start talking to and get to know other girls. Go out with the guys, chat girls up that you're attracted to, and sooner or later you will find the one.

Q: This boy i really like talks tome A LOT so how do i know he likes me we are realy good friends :D
If he talks to you alot, he definitely likes to be in your company. I think in order to find out how he truly feels you should let him know that you like him.

I know that you're probably shy, but you really don't have anything to lose. Life is too short to not any chances.

Let me know how it went if you decide to follow my advice :).

Q: I need serious help.. I'm so confused and lost on what to do.

Me and this guy Nick have been dating for 13 months. The most serious relationship i've ever had. well we broke up about 3 months ago. Ever since we broke up, i've been just having fun being single. I went to parties and just let loose and have fun. it was a blast. But now he's talking to me again and I think Im starting to fall back into love with him again.. I really don't know what to do. i think i do love him because he can really make me feel special and good, but at the same time I like being single and not worrying about commitment and I could just focus on myself..

Also, a lot of my friends and my parents hate him.. He said he wants to be Facebook official again.. but I'm not sure I really want all my friends to know that we might be back together (if it happens). and plus my parents would be really mad. I know that other people's opinions don't really matter, but it does mean a lot to me. I've made a ton of friends while I was single, and i've told them stories about Nick and they pretty much straight up told me that they don't like him and hated him..

soo idk what to do.. Should i follow my heart (i think) and get back with him because he can make me feel good and nice.. or should I just break it off with him completely because I do like being single and not worrying about commitment and i would feel a lot better if my friends and family didn't know about him again.

help?
What stories have you told your friends about Nick that they didn't like? After you said that, I get the feeling that your relationship wasn't exactly healthy even if he did make you feel good some times. A guy who truly loves you, is never going to treat you like shit and if he feels like he is he's going to go out of the way to show that he still loves you and be affectionate after an argument or a fight.

I think that people break up for a reason, and once they break up unless it has something to do with commitment issues they should leave the relationship alone. My best advice is don't talk to him, enjoy being single until you find somone special who wants to treat you good and make you smile.

I hope that I was able to help, good luck!

Q: Is anyone on here in a LDR? I'm with this guy that I really like but I'm going across the country for college and just wanted other peoples opinions on it.
I am in a semi-long distance relationship with a great guy who lives a state away from me. I'm starting a new job next week, and I can definitely see it working out. We've been together for six months and he's the most caring of all of my boyfriends.

However he is not all the way across the country, it's not as expensive to see him and it's relatively easy. With him being across the country, the only way that I can think that you're going to get to see him is if you fly there. Have you looked at air rates, are they affordable?

Do you plan to work when you're in college? If so, are these air rates something that you can afford on the typical salary that you're going to make? Chances are at a part time job you are not going to make enough money to make it affordable for you to fly across the country.

Also when you enter college you are going to meet several new people, and with him being so far away you're going to drift apart. When I was a senior in high school, about two years ago, I actually overheard a teacher talk to these girls about her husband who she met in college, when she was dating another guy who was long distance. She said that long distance can work if you really want it to.

Do you really want this to work? Because you're going to have to take a few factors into consideration, such as the opportunities that you could have to date other guys in college who would be closer to you and you could have more of a relationship with, whether your relationship is strong enough to last and if it would be actually be affordable for you to see him.

I wish you good luck with whatever you decide to do :).

Q: I have been dating this really sweet guy and he is my first boyfriend. I have realized i really dont have those feelings for him even though i thought i did. Either i have to end it. He has told my friends he really really likes me and i dont know how to break it off with him. I feel so bad. How can i let him down gently
Breaking up with someone is always hard to do, I've honestly never been the one to do the breaking up. The closest I ever came to being in that situation was asking one of my ex boyfriends if he wanted to break up. I don't exactly know how to tell you to do this in a way that's not going to hurt him.

But I would definitely break up with him face to face, I had a boyfriend who dumped me out of the blue in a instant message. What he did was cowardly and it really, really hurt.

And the best thing to do is to give him the truth, that way he's not wondering why. Tell him that you thought that you really liked him and now that you're getting to know him and your relationship is progressing, you think that he's a really nice guy, but you just don't see it going anywhere because you don't have the same feelings for him that you once thought you did.

Q: 15/f

Well......There is this guy me and him are Best Friends even after we went out. He is a year younger than me but we diceied to give it a shot. We went out for like a week we wouldnt do anything like hold hands or kiss that kind of stuff because my cousis were down and they were ALWAYS around us. When we were going out I aksed why he liked me and he said the sweetest thing "I liked you the very frist day i meet you" That was sweet. But now he is going out with this girl a year younger than him and im mad because he said the only reason he is going out with her is becuase she will 'put out'. The only reason we didnt do anything was because of my family it isnt my fault.
So....my question is How do I deal with this i really like him.....and i wanna go back out with him but he is goin out with a girl 2 younger than me and 1 year younger than him.
This is not going to be what you want to hear, but I'm going to tell you why everyone (including me) has the same feelings on this issue.

I'm going to repeat what everyone else said. I know that this guy is your friend and you have a huge crush on him, but he really doesn't seem to be worth, for a few reasons. Let me spell them out for you:

# 1 - He expected you to put out after a week and broke up with because you weren't, I am 5 years older than you and my youngest boyfriend (and current) is 7 years older than you are, the oldest boyfriend I have had is 12 years older than you are. None of them expect for girls to put out to them after a week, in fact they were decent enough to wait until the girl was ready.

# 2 - It sounds like he's using the girl that he's dating right now for sex. At thirteen, you are still very naive when it comes to things like this, in fact at fifteen you are as well. If a guy is using his current girlfriend that's a good indication that he's going to use you.

This guy made it clear to you, he just wants sex and even if he didn't he has a girlfriend.... I hate to tell you this because I'm sure that it would have irritated me to hear this at fifteen as well, but it means that you back off.

P.S. There are several guys out there more worthy of your time, just don't 'put out' quickly to them. You will be much happier if you date them for a while, before having sex.

Q: so there was this guy i liked for two years (freshman and sophomore year) and then i stopped liking him whenever he got a girlfriend junior year. we were friends before i started liking him. then he found out my feelings for him and avoided me completely. but starting last year after him and his girlfriend broke up, he stared to warm up a little more to me. giving me his number and even wished me happy birthday. at the beginning of my senior year i said i didn't want a boyfriend because i had no time to keep one because i was so busy and i said i was over my crush and just wanted a friendship with him. but now my crush came back all tan, really cute, and a new and improved muscular body and i can't help but ogle him. and now he's starting to be more of a friend to me like joking around with me and talking to me and i won't admit this to any of my friends but it's hard for me to not like him when our friendship is going back to the way it was freshman year. i missed my friendship with him whenever he avoided me and i'm happy to have it back but at the same time, i feel like i'm getting those feelings back for him and i don't want that because 1. i'm afraid that i won't give him the time he wants 2. he just thinks of me as a friend 3. i would actually want to tell him about my feelings for him and try to make it work but then he might go back to avoiding me and i really don't want that. what do i do about this? please help. what do i do about this situation with him i'm sorry this is so long but i really needed to say all of this.
First make sure that you are really interested in this guy. I agree with the other responder to this question, if he avoided you because he found out that you have feelings for him he may not be worth it. However we don't know him, so we could be completely wrong as to what happened. It could be that one of his girlfriends knew that you had feelings for him, and got jealous, and told him to leave you alone.

I would make an effort to try to get closer to this guy, call him on the phone and hang out with him. Really make sure that this is a person that you would want to date, because you still sound a bit uncertain.

If something is going to happen between the two of you it will, and it will either work or it won't.

Good luck!

Q: I am with a wonderful man whom I love very much. We are in a long-distance relationship but he is endlessly sweet, thoughtful, and loving to me. We talk every day on Skype. In most ways I feel I could not ask for a better man. But. He has been hurt by many women in the past, and he's told me many times about how for 20 years he put a wall around his heart and did not love anyone, nor allow anyone to love him, for fear of getting hurt again. He tells me that he was miserable before I came along. He also says that if I were ever to leave him, he would put the wall back up around his heart, would be miserable again, and would not even try to love anyone else for the rest of his life. (He is 50, so this is conceivable, and knowing him, I believe it might actually be true.) Although we are close and can talk about most anything, I would not marry him yet, because we just don't know each other well enough. I love him because he is a good soul and there is no one with a kinder heart, and don't plan to break up with him, but I still don't like feeling pressured to stay with this man forever or else always carry the guilt of breaking his heart and ruining his life. Is this normal, or am I being a jerk, or what?
I'm probably quite a bit younger than you, I'm only 20, so I don't know how much my advice is going to mean to you. But I think that it's perfectly normal for you to feel this way. It sounds like he's putting a lot of pressure on you about staying with him.

I would actually talk to him about this. Explain that you think that he's a wonderful person, you want to stay with him but you feel very pressured by some of the things that he says to you sometimes. Let him know that for the time being that you have no intention of breaking up with him but you also don't want to feel like you're trapped.

If he really cares about you he'll understand and back off a little bit. This could also be a sign of a controlling relationship, if he puts anymore control on you than you really have to get out because controlling relatoinships can also get very abusive.

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