17/f
(I've known this guy since I was 7) he is now 21.
When I was like 15 almost 16, him & I became best friends, and eventually had sexual relations (yes i know he's older & etc. I am very mature for my age because of everything I've been through, so dont judge me or give me sh** for it please, because you'll just be a broken record that I wont really listen to--sorry.)
Any ways, he has like no one there for him anymore except for me, and he's on drugs really bad; which I'm used to dealing with because my step dad used to be on them really bad.
(lets name him John)
John and I tell each other everything and anything, our whole friendship is based on honesty and just being real, even if the truth can hurt.
& John never really had any one there for him, like he has his grandparents but he cant really talk to them, and all his friends are moving away; so all he really has is me.
I want him to know that I don't like that he does drugs (except for weed, he knows that I dont care if he smokes weed), like he kindve already knows a little bit, but I want him to know I care for him and love him I don't want him to get hurt or end up killed over the drugs hes doing now.
He basically already knows I'm always here for him no matter, but how I do I tell him I care for him so much and tell him I dont like the drugs without pushing him away?
& I know I should just stay away from him because he's drugs, but deep down he is a really good and nice person, hes just made a lot of very bad decisions and ended up with the wrong crowd basically; & when it comes down to it I love him, even if he is all wrong & f*cked up, but we all are in some way, & you can't help who you love..
(keep in mind me & him have never dated, we're basically best freinds with benefits.)
& I apologize if this comes off as mean, I'm really not trying to be, I'm just stressed out from it all & I'm tired of people telling me how bad of a guy he is & stuff like that..
So I guess here's my question how do I tell him how I feel without pushing him away?
& sorry this is so confusing
REPLY TO YOUR FEEDBACK:
Honestly, he probably will end up dying as a result of his addictions. Even at the best rehab centers in the world, the success rate is only 15%. Most people do not beat addictions.
I know you are hurting right now, but there is nothing you can do to save him. It is a tragedy. I feel for you. And if you were right here in front of me, I would hug you. And then take you out to the movies :) You need to take care of yourself. Let him deal with his own problems.
You can't wait for him to change. No matter how badly you want him to beat out drugs, you can't make him stop. He has to find the strength within himself. You can't do it for him.
Let it go.
-------------------------------------------------
His addiction should not be your primary concern. Hard as this may be for you to accept, you need to find somebody else to love. Believe me. I'm in a similar situation.
When I was fifteen (four years ago), I fell in love with a guy named Eric. We both loved each other, but we never really dated. Eric is now addicted to hard drugs, and constantly does things to hurt himself.
Over the years, it has been difficult to know how to handle the situation. At first, I begged him to stop. I wanted the best for him. I didn't like the stuff that he was doing, and I wanted to help him. He rejected that help and started seeing me less and less.
Eventually, I decided that since he wasn't listening to me, I should cut him out of my life entirely. I did this even though he is an amazing person. I did it because I wanted him to know that I did not accept his addiction. I wanted to take a stand against it. Doing this actually helped him, in a way. It got my message accross, and it showed him that I expected better of him. Moreover, it helped me. During those three years, I fell in love with somebody else, made new best friends, and re-built my life.
Now, three years after I started ignoring Eric, I have decided to talk to him again. This time I have a new attitude. Basicially, I have decided to place the responsibility of his addiction into his own hands. I have decided to live my life and let him deal with his.
Whenever the topic comes up, I let him know how I feel about his addiction. But, I do not act angry, push him away, etc. Instead, I talk as though we are on the same side, and to be honest, we are. I am on his team, and I want what's best for him. I don't get angry when he talks about drugs. Instead, I say things like "If you want to talk about the fact that you have a problem, I'm all ears. But if not, you know I don't want to hear about you doing drugs. Let's focus on something more positive." I remain positive with him at all times.
---
IN CONCLUSION :
The best way that I know of to let someone know that you are against their addiction without pushing them away, is state your concerns respectfully and honestly. Don't lecture him. Don't get angry. That probably won't do any good. But don't pretend that you are OK with what he is doing.
In a nutshell, be matter of fact. And don't let yourself get all wrapped up in his problems. Live your own life, find new people to love.
I understand that right now he's the most important thing in the world to you. Believe me, I've been there. But it's really up to him to help himself. You can't do it for him. And there are other people in the world who would love to fall in love with you and become friends with you. Don't shut your eyes to them.
This guy that you love, he has a lot on his plate right now.
Let him take care of his problems.
Let it go.
Take care of yourself first.
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I still love my ex ,probably because our breakup was just over the fact that he didn't feel the same as at the beginning of our relationship and he saw me as a friend.He still does see me as a friend and during our relationship ,we kind of combined our groups of friends together and we all hungout and now that we brokeup, we still do that and hangout all the time.We've been broken up for like 2 months but i still see him almost everyday.He knows im always with my best friend Val and he always texts her and asks her what we are all doing and stuff and hangs out with us.He never texts ME asking me what we are doing but he knows that I'm there with them.Him and his brother are like best friends so they come and hangout with us all the time and his brother is somewhat interested in my other friend Leslie so sometimes he will text her and ask her what's going on with all of us.I don't want him to talk to my friends about hanging out,i'd rather him talk to ME because he wouldn't even know these people if it were't for me!and im just really offended.Me and my ex get a long great and it's not awkward or anything because we got used to being around eachother.but i still love him and i don't want to be around him anymore and i cant help it if he texts my friends and chills with us all the time,I don't know how to tell him to stop ! It's hard to tell someoone you love that you can't see them anymore JUSt because you love them and it hurts.help!
Just tell him.
Get it all out in the open. Tell him how you feel.
Work something out so that both of you are happy.
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helllllo! 18 years old. i've been through so much in the past two days its crazy. well i like this guy but he has a girlfriend. he has feelings for me too but said he would feel too bad breaking up with her. last night he told me they were on a break. i didn't believe him, at all. then later he said, seriously we are i'm not kidding. so i was like okay i believe you. well then today my friend was like his "girlfriend" is at his house. i started balling. i was like seriously why would he do this to me, he lied to me. and my friend was like i'm going to kill him. so she texted him and was like are you and nicole on a break? and he was like i dont know kind of, why? and she was like well it's kind of weird that if you are, that she is at your house right now. so after i heard that i was fed up and i texted him and said "when you lie to me, like you did maybe you should try hiding it a little better next time" and he was like i did not lie to you! and i didnt say anything back, then he was like are you being serious? your talking about me and nicole right? (his girlfriend) and i didnt say anything back, he was like linds. and finally i was like, yeah im being serious, i'm not as dumb as you think i am. and he was like i don't think your dumb! and i didn't lie to you. we are on a break thing. we are still like kind of dating but decided to not hang out for a while and see what happens. and i was like i don't think i can trust you anymore.. and he was like linds why! i didn't lie to you. and i was like, because you know how hard it is for me to trust people and i finally trusted you and you pull this shit on me and he was like i didn't lie. i'm sorry if you think i did but i didn't. and i was just like you better be sorry, i feel like i shouldn't even be talking to you right now. and he was like i am sorry. i'm sorry you think i lied to you, but i didn't, i wouldn't lie to you, but i guess i'll let you go then..im sorry. and i was like i'm not even going to argue with you right now, it doesn't matter and he was like, ok.. and i was like you can text me later or something because right now i'm in a really bad mood and i don't want to say something to you that i don't mean and he was like alright..
do you think i was too harsh? i just don't know he made be cry so hard when i heard his girlfriend or whatever you want to call her was at his house today. i was starting to shake i was so upset. i felt bad because i know he felt really bad, and after i called my friend and she was like i really don't think he is lying to you. and so i felt even worse! but i told him how i felt, because really i was hurt, badly. i thought he betrayed me. i hope he doesn't think i hate him now. i told him to text me "later" do you think he will? i just need an opinion.
To be honest, he hasn't been dishonest. He did not lie to you. He seems to have been fairly honest about the fact that he is not completely finished with the other girl. The term "break" implies that he is not quite done dating her. It means that they are off for awhile, but that they will be back on again soon. Since he told you that they were on a break and not completely broken up, you can't really call him a liar when he hangs out with her.
I think that you attacked this from the wrong angle. You were not exactly too harsh, but you did get upset over the wrong things. This guy is not dishonest, he is selfish. He is putting you aside while he sorts out his feelings for somebody else. Rather than calling him a liar, you should tell him that he is being inconsiderate of your feelings.
I'm just going to wrap this up by saying that as long as you are being honest about your thoughts and feelings, you are not being a fool. Just make sure that any anger/pain/frustration that you are going through is expressed. Communication is key. You need him to understand what you are going through.
Since this situation relies mainly on the guy and very little on you, this is pretty much all of the advice I can give. Your only other option (other than expressing your feelings and waiting to see what ends up happening) would be to drop him all together, but you don't seem too keen on that one. I don't really recommend giving up on him all together anyway, since it's good to take chances on people, but don't let him string you along.
Good luck.
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ive been dating my amazing boyfriend for 3 months and recently hes been starting to kiss my neck...does this mean anything?
thanks 16/f
I think that you are reading too much into this. If a guy kisses your neck, it means that he wants to kiss your neck. Just relax.
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Okay, i have been dating my boyfriend for about a month now. He is really nice and i really like him. I have been to his house before but he has never been to mine. I want him to come over but i am really scared. I know we would watch a movie or something, but my room is really small and my tv is only as big as a computer screen. I get really nervous everytime i even think about letting him come over. I have a big mirror in my room that if you sit on my bed, all you see is whats in the mirror. I would be really awkward if we just sat on my bed and watched a movie watching ourselves watch a movie and there is no way i can turn the mirror. I don't want to watch it anywhere else either. We haven't really got to hang out since we have been going out except for 2 times. I just don't know what to do. Please help asap!! thanks!
I understand that it can be awkward when your room/TV is small. I actually don't even have my own room, and the only television in my house is the one in the family room, so I can relate to what you are saying.
That being said, you need to stop being so self-conscious about your house. If you really like this boy and you plan on being with him for a long time, you need to let him see your house. If you really want him to get to know you, you need to allow him into your life as much as possible. This means letting him to see you in all kinds of situations, even uncomfortable ones such as this.
How about you invite him over, but explain that you are nervous about the setup of your room? That way he'll fully understand the situation and everything will be out in the open.
Good luck.
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k so the guy that i was not quite in love with (but could of been if we stayed together) went back with his ex. it was about 2 weeks ago n i was crushed when it happened but now im doing okay but i wanna be completely over him.
i miss the boyfriend aspect so much and miss feeling wanted and loved and being called baby.
Not gonna lie, i'm pretty and guys give me a lot of attention. But its mainly for sex and i hate it. i just want a guy that will love me and i will love him. BUT the poroblem is im hellla picky and i can never find the right guy. and when i found him he lets me go! so its going to be hell trying to find a great boyrfriend that i actually like =/
any helpp on:
- letting the right guy come to me/ me finding him (i usually have no luck when i look for guys but i do if i dont look)
- good ways to get completely over him
-SONGS like brandy's almost doesn't.. like the whole, "not good enough" and "i want you back" and "miss you" songs...
PLEASE HELPP mee =) thanks
If you want to get over him completely, listening to sad songs is not the right way of going about it. You need to start listening to happier music. You should also try to be a little more positive about where your future is headed. Instead of assuming that it's "going to be hell trying to find a great boyrfriend ', decide to have fun with your situation. Meeting new people is generally an enjoyable experience, and is usually not "hell".
However, if getting over him right away is not your goal, I suggest that you listen to some matchbox twenty songs and continue with your current attitude. There's nothing wrong with doing so, to be honest. It's okay that you are upset. You don't need to try and forget about your pain right away if you don't want to.
As far as missing the attention that you got from your previous boyfriend goes, that is normal. Everyone likes to feel special, and dating someone can definitely help you feel that way. Just be sure that you aren't being too needy, because desperate people are often used and manipulated. Don't let yourself get taken advantage of just because you want attention. By this I mean, if people are using you "mainly for sex", you need to stop them. Do not let anybody take advantage of the fact that you are lonely. Keep your standards high. There is nothing wrong with being "hellla picky". Keep your eye out for nice guys.
Once you decide that you've found a guy that meets your expectations, don't be afraid to try and get to know him. There's nothing wrong with taking the initiative and asking him out. Girls do not always have to wait for the guy to come to them. That being said, if you do not find anybody who meets your standards, you need to wait. Don't settle for somebody just because they are there.
Good luck.
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Okkk
So I have a kinda big problemmm
I have been going out with a guy for about 3 months and I love him so muchhh
But...
I am REALLY attracted to a guy that I just met, we just clicked, almost like "love at first sight"
The guy I love is amazing but we have about 2 things in common, literally....I love horses he is dead scared of themmm, he is amazing at sports and I don't really do many of themmm, etc.
But the guy I am attracted to, and like a lot, we have almost everything in common! We have the same disposition and everythinggg! He is amazinggg and we would make a really great coupleee
The worst part is, he admited that he liked me a few days agooo, and I want to make a move, but I love another guyyy
And it is love, but the begining stages, not like "I would die without you" love....
If you know what I mean...
What should I do, be with the guy I love, or the guy that I have so much fun with and am REALLY attracted to...
By the wayyy, I am way more attracted to the guy I am NOT going out with...
If that helps anyyyyy
Thanks
If you actually loved him, the fact that he is scared of horses would not even phase you. You would respect his fear. You would also appreciate his talent for sports, even if it is not your thing. It's okay that your boyfriend isn't exactly like you. Someone does not have to be your clone in order for you to love them.
I hate to break it to you, but your definition of "love" seems to be what most people would call a "classic crush". If you really loved your boyfriend, you would never even begin to think of leaving him for somebody else who you barely know, just because the new guy seems fun.
That being said, you are obviously dating for fun as opposed to for true love and commitment. So, go ahead. Dump your boyfriend and have some fun.
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There is this guy i like but my best friend likes him to what should i do?
I suggest you try talking to your friend. Let her know how you feel, and see if she is okay with you getting closer to him. If not, just keep things casual between yourself and the guy.
Good luck =)
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I have this crush on this boy and then I found out that guy best friend had a crush on me. We're having a dance and my guy friend asked me to dance so I did and I saw my crush.. He was getting kind of antsy because he has a crush on me too. My crush tryed to ask me to dance but he is shy and chicken out after he saw me dance with my guy friend. I don't want to hurt my guy friends feelings or my crush's. I am starting to like my guy friends now too. I kind of like them both now, and i dont no what to do or which boy to choose for are next dance. What should I do or which boy should I choose?
from,
Alysonwillow, female, age 14
You don't exactly need to choose, do you? Why not just stay friends with both of them and see what happens? If you aren't sure what you want anyway, jumping into a relationship probably isn't the smartest move.
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i m a 18year old girl.i m in a relationship for past 8 mnths.my boyfriend has confessed tht he had oral sex with a 3 girls before me...but knw he loves me ..i believe him tht he is compleletly changed. but still their is dilama in my mind about what i dnt knw..i want tht he shud regret over it like anything... wht shuld i do.. help mee
If you are uncomfortable with this, you need to talk to him about it. Let him know of your concerns, feelings, etc. with regard to the issue.
It's good that he is telling you the truth. Now you should definitely express your feelings about this, especially if it makes you feel a bit uneasy.
Good luck =)
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14\Female.
I woke up around Nine am, to my cellular device ringing. Fully expecting it to be my Mother I gave a little lip, but it wasn't. It was Benjamin. Now don't go completely judging. Yes I met him on Myspace, but he's cousins to a friend of mine so he wasn't a stranger stranger. I actually met him at this end of the year party my friend threw. He'd been away in Mass. for the week with family. I've known him since the end of the school year. I didnt expect my brother to be home, and I really wanted to hang out with him because it and been so long since, so I told him to wait at the end of my street which he did no questions asked.
My family doesn't know about Benjamin. For reasons every teenage girl should know about. Not that we do anything. I'll get into that...
So we walked to the field and up to some of the Fourwheel trails and randomly laid down. It was so funny I got insanely hungry so he whipped out a frkn Poptart. XD I started asking him questions about Mass. and was he did just joking. Were friends, were saposed to joke. I asked I was like "So how much pussy you get?" With a smile because I already know that he does that stuff even though he's only a month older then me. =X Found him condom stash, and Playboy so it would never come to me as a surprise. At the time, he was playing with my hand but like let it go turned and stared at me. Kinda weird.
So he was like "I didn't get any." All not rawr but stating a fact so I was like =O "How is that possible? Your gorgeous." Completely joking. Even though he is...
Yeah, he probably does think you will eventually sleep with him.
If you are worried about things being taken too far, I suggest that you really take things in stride. When he does something you don't like, say "stop". When he does something you do want, feel free to tell him "all systems go".
The main thing here is that you don't give this guy the wrong impression. Be honest about what you want.
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14/f
Ok well theres this guy,"A", and I really, really like him. He is so sweet, funny, & attractive. I found out that he liked me!!! I was so happy, but it doesn't seem like he likes me and ask me out. I think he's flirting but just in case heres what he does:
1. I'm his top girl on myspace, even before his best friend thats a girl
2. He always talks to me on myspace, and even calls me on the phone
3. He invited me over to his house a couple times just to hang out
4. He always insults me, and i'm like awhhh ur meann, then he smiles
5. He has had only 2 girlfriends before, so i dont think he has a problem with asking me out, although he is a little shy
So, i just wanted to see is he really into me? & Is he going to ask me out?
thanks!
=D
Yup, it sounds like he's interested =)That being said, I doubt he's going to ask you out. You are the one posting questions regarding a potential relationship, not him. That being said, why don't you take the initiative and tell him how you feel? If you want a relationship with this guy, I suggest you tell him that.
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15/f
This is going to be a very confusing story, please bare with me haha.
Ok, so last weekend i hooked up with this guy John. John and I had been sort of a thing for like a couple weeks and this was the first time we've hooked up. Things were like fine between us for a few days but then he started excessively calling me and i got really annoyed and decided it was time to move on and be nothing more than friends with him, though he doesn't know that yet. This past saturday we were all out and john and i werent talking that much because he was in a pissy mood. so i just flirted alot with my good friend james who i like now, and he likes me. Later that night i was talking to john and he snapped at me about how i wasnt paying attention to him, and we kidn of worked things out. I have no idea what to tell john or even to follow through with things with james. what should i do?
ps. sorry its so confusing if you need me to explain further let me know. thank youuu
John is obviously a much more serious individual than you are. It is obvious that you are looking for someone to have fun with, not necessairily someone who calls you 24/7. John on the other hand, seems to want someone who is always "paying attention to him", or alwyas talking to him. It makes sense that you don't particularily have a thing for John anymore - you have opposing views on relationships!
Let him know that for this reason, you should just be friends. Then, go for James!
Good luck =)
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I am a 32 year old female. I have recently lost my grandmother, and broke up with my boyfriend of six years, (my idea). I love him very much, and he is a good man. I have wanted to get married for a long time but he has not asked me. I have however talked to him about it, and told him how I feel about getting married. He is not outward with his emotions, but I know he loves me. Our sex life if very grim, and we hardly communicate. I feel that we are very close as friends but I want more from him. At the same time I am afraid I am loosing the most special thing in my life. I am afraid that I am making these decisions and dealing with this to cover up the real pain of loosing my grandmother. She raised me and we did everything together. I just dont want to loose something special for the wrong reasons. Please help. Thank You
I do not believe that it is the death of your grandmother that is causing these feelings. Most people do want to be married. It should be high on your priority list! Perhaps the death of your grandmother did heighlight this desire, but that's good.
All of that said, the fact that you "hardly communicate" is a bigger problem than the fact that he hasn't asked you to marry him yet. I know that you have talked to him about the fact that marriage is something you really want, but is he aware of how badly you want it? Does he know that the reason you broke up with him is that he wouldn't get serious?
If yes, then good riddence to him. You don't have forever to wait. If no, then you may want to get back with him and give him another chance - communicate your desire for marriage in a clearer way and see what happens.
Either way, I wish you luck. I also send my condolences with regard to your grandmother.
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My boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 yrs. And he has never acted this strange. Lately he has been very mean and he hasn't been thinking about my feelings. This morning he started being nice to me again and that lead to sex.. After that he was being a total jerk. I talked to him about it and said that it bothered me and it felt like he has been using me. He then yelled at me and said "It's because....NEVERMIND!" I asked him what he was going to say and he just said forget about it i'll talk to you when i get off of work (which is in 12 hours). He then walked out of the house and slammed the door. He turned off his phone too. I just don't know what to do because now in this relationship anything he says goes. I feel like i don't have a say in anything anymore. I feel really used and i also feel like he doesn't trust me and i haven't done anything to destroy that trust. One time he accused me of cheating on him because i felt "loose". When i have been sooo loyal to him. And it hurts my feelings when he says that because i haven't done anything wrong. I really don't know what to do to prove to him that i'm not cheating. I'm also really frustrated b/c i feel like i need to talk to him now and work things out. But it's so easy for him to just ignore me. At the end of all our fights i'm always the one apologizing, even when i didn't do anything wrong. What should i do?
You need to talk to him about everything - all of the bad feelings, uncertainties, etc. You guys clearly have some issues that need to be worked out. The only way to work them out is to communicate.
Oh yeah, and you should also stop aplogizing when you haven't done anything. That will never help you to feel valued.
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I am a 30 yr old female who is currently in a relationship with a man who is 41 yrs old. We have been together for 1.5 yrs and have known each other for 3 yrs. Our relationship is healthy. We have things in common and love each other very much. We have discussed marriage briefly and he has said that he wants to marry me. He asked me to move in to his home in January of 2009. Last year in July I told him that I would not consider moving in with a boyfriend again unless I was engaged. I want to do things right and I am having doubts about moving in with my current boyfriend in January since he has yet to propose. I can't help but look at his past realtionships... He was with a woman for 9 years and a woman for 3 years and never proposed to them. I have asked him in the past as to why, and he said that they grew apart and he never really loved the 3 year realtionship partner. So what makes me different? Should I not move in with him until I am engaged? Most importantly, how do I approach this subject? Thanks
I think you need to be blunt about this. You obviously love this man and value your relationship very highly. Do not do anything you believe will destroy your chances of marrying him. If marriage is your primary objective, then go for it and don't let anything stand in your way.
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I have had a crush on my best guy friend since 5th grade (I'll be in the 11th grade next year)... We went to the Sadie Hawkin's Dance together last year and I don't know if I should ask him again or what because We had lots of fun and he was teaching me to dance... What should I do?
I say, go for it! Nothing ventured, nothign gained. Besides, if you think it will be fun, why not? =)
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Im 28 yrs old female. Everytime my bf leaves (we dont live together he lives outta town) he gives me a big hug and a kiss on my forehead on my lips only once in a while. I want to know if this is a good thing, or if this is a bad thing. Hes not one to show his feelings, he loves to cuddle in bed and when we go dancing he'll hold me in front of him and dance with me. I dont know how to read him sometimes!!!!!
sincerely
confused
I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it 's sweet.
That being said, if you would like a kiss on the lips, you should go for it! Next time he kisses you on the forehead, smile and go for the lips. =)
Good luck.
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Sometimes when my boyfriend and i are just sitting around he will go up my shirt some like around my back. How do i get him to go where i want him to?
You need to take the initiative! Like everybody else is saying, go for it =)
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well, at camp, this kid asked one of my really good friend's out, and she said no, and then he asked me out, and I said yes, and so now, we're going out! But, I think that he still likes her, while he's going out with me. It's like they're always flirting and stuff. It makes me so mad! And, I asked his best friend, who is my really good guy friend, if he could ask my boyfriend if he likes my friend, while dating me, and so he asked my bf, and my bf goes, only as a friend, but now, it seems like he is mad at me because I asked him that! And, my bfs best friend likes me, too, so, i mean, if my bf likes my frend, and we break up, would it be wrong if I went out with his best friend? How do I find out if he likes my friend, how do I find out if he's mad at me, and if we break up, would it be bad to go out with his best friend? ahh please helpp !?!?
It sounds to me like you and your boyfriend need to sit down and have a very long talk.
Ask him everything you are wondering about with regard to your friend, his anger, etc. Do your best to work things out. I'm sure you can work out your problems.
Of course, if things do not work out between the two of you, you can always ask him if he would be okay with you dating his best friend.
Good luck =)
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