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To Move In or Not to Move In
I am a 30 yr old female who is currently in a relationship with a man who is 41 yrs old. We have been together for 1.5 yrs and have known each other for 3 yrs. Our relationship is healthy. We have things in common and love each other very much. We have discussed marriage briefly and he has said that he wants to marry me. He asked me to move in to his home in January of 2009. Last year in July I told him that I would not consider moving in with a boyfriend again unless I was engaged. I want to do things right and I am having doubts about moving in with my current boyfriend in January since he has yet to propose. I can't help but look at his past realtionships... He was with a woman for 9 years and a woman for 3 years and never proposed to them. I have asked him in the past as to why, and he said that they grew apart and he never really loved the 3 year realtionship partner. So what makes me different? Should I not move in with him until I am engaged? Most importantly, how do I approach this subject? Thanks
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think you need to be blunt about this. You obviously love this man and value your relationship very highly. Do not do anything you believe will destroy your chances of marrying him. If marriage is your primary objective, then go for it and don't let anything stand in your way.
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You need to do what you are comfortable with.
If you aren't comfortable moving in with someone unless there is an engagement, say so. That is a really important detail, and he needs to know it. It's not about giving him an ultimatum; it's about being honest about your needs and expectations.
If you see moving in with him as a step that should mean marriage is right on the horizon, tell him so. If he doesn’t see moving in together the same way, then you two really need to talk about that.
Just approach him honestly and gently. You don't need to accuse or defend. Mostly, you just need to ask some tough questions: What does moving in togeather mean to him? When does he see getting married to you? How does he see his life procedding in the next five years?
Be prepared to share your answers to those questions as well.
If he doesn't have answers to those questions, or if his answers don't really include you, then you know you have good reason to be concerned about the reality of marriage.
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What makes you so sure that a proposal guarantees that he loves you or that you won't grow apart? An engagement is just as easily ended as a relationship.
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