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Death and a breakup after six years
I am a 32 year old female. I have recently lost my grandmother, and broke up with my boyfriend of six years, (my idea). I love him very much, and he is a good man. I have wanted to get married for a long time but he has not asked me. I have however talked to him about it, and told him how I feel about getting married. He is not outward with his emotions, but I know he loves me. Our sex life if very grim, and we hardly communicate. I feel that we are very close as friends but I want more from him. At the same time I am afraid I am loosing the most special thing in my life. I am afraid that I am making these decisions and dealing with this to cover up the real pain of loosing my grandmother. She raised me and we did everything together. I just dont want to loose something special for the wrong reasons. Please help. Thank You
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It may very well be that you are covering up the pain of losing your grandmother or it may be that you are ready for more of a commitment in your relationship and he just wasn't giving it to you. Either way you have to do what makes you happy. If you believe that you really care about this man and want to make it work then you are both going to have to work on your communication skills. Let him know that you want to get married one day and that you would like it to be with him. Tell him that you want to communicate better and you want to have a better sex life. If you don't communicate your true feelings with him then you are never going to know if things could have worked out and it will haunt you forever.
Also talk to him about losing your grandmother, let him in. Maybe letting him in will help him to understand where all of your feelings are coming from and it may ,therefore, make him communicate better or at least understand you a little better. If you feel as though the relationship deserves another chance then I say go for it. Do what feels right to you, we can't tell you what you should and shouldn't do. If you feel like he is a waste of your passion then move on, but if you feel as though you really care about this man and want to give it another try the I say do it. Just work on the communication and sex issues together, then things may get better.
Good Luck.
Hope I Helped.
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I am sorry to hear about your grandmother :(
I agree with Scooter. I doubt that this is about your grandmother's death. And the lack of communication as well as the poor sex life are really much bigger problems than him not asking to marry you. I recently heard that relationship experts consider communication and sex to be the two most important factors when assessing the health of your relationship. (Via a CNN special, I believe.)
So... In summary, I believe that this relationship was not a healthy one and that it was best for you to end it. If you assess your own feelings and still think that you can make this relationship work... Then talk, talk, talk to your boyfriend about the problems you are experiencing both in and out of bed. If he won't talk to you, but he's still willing to try to work this out, you might want to see a relationship couselor. (Or failing that at least buy 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,' by Dr. John Gray. Smart man, great book.)
But if you assess your feelings and you believe that you did right thing... Give yourself some time the mourn the loss of both your grandmother and your relationship... And when your head is straight start dating again with the purpose of finding a man that is able to communicate his feelings.
Also buy, 'He's Just Not That Into You,' by Greg and Liz. This book is your dating bible. Read it, live it, love it.
Best wishes. Take care ;)
Melissa
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I do not believe that it is the death of your grandmother that is causing these feelings. Most people do want to be married. It should be high on your priority list! Perhaps the death of your grandmother did heighlight this desire, but that's good.
All of that said, the fact that you "hardly communicate" is a bigger problem than the fact that he hasn't asked you to marry him yet. I know that you have talked to him about the fact that marriage is something you really want, but is he aware of how badly you want it? Does he know that the reason you broke up with him is that he wouldn't get serious?
If yes, then good riddence to him. You don't have forever to wait. If no, then you may want to get back with him and give him another chance - communicate your desire for marriage in a clearer way and see what happens.
Either way, I wish you luck. I also send my condolences with regard to your grandmother.
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