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did i over-react?


Question Posted Sunday November 9 2008, 8:06 pm

helllllo! 18 years old. i've been through so much in the past two days its crazy. well i like this guy but he has a girlfriend. he has feelings for me too but said he would feel too bad breaking up with her. last night he told me they were on a break. i didn't believe him, at all. then later he said, seriously we are i'm not kidding. so i was like okay i believe you. well then today my friend was like his "girlfriend" is at his house. i started balling. i was like seriously why would he do this to me, he lied to me. and my friend was like i'm going to kill him. so she texted him and was like are you and nicole on a break? and he was like i dont know kind of, why? and she was like well it's kind of weird that if you are, that she is at your house right now. so after i heard that i was fed up and i texted him and said "when you lie to me, like you did maybe you should try hiding it a little better next time" and he was like i did not lie to you! and i didnt say anything back, then he was like are you being serious? your talking about me and nicole right? (his girlfriend) and i didnt say anything back, he was like linds. and finally i was like, yeah im being serious, i'm not as dumb as you think i am. and he was like i don't think your dumb! and i didn't lie to you. we are on a break thing. we are still like kind of dating but decided to not hang out for a while and see what happens. and i was like i don't think i can trust you anymore.. and he was like linds why! i didn't lie to you. and i was like, because you know how hard it is for me to trust people and i finally trusted you and you pull this shit on me and he was like i didn't lie. i'm sorry if you think i did but i didn't. and i was just like you better be sorry, i feel like i shouldn't even be talking to you right now. and he was like i am sorry. i'm sorry you think i lied to you, but i didn't, i wouldn't lie to you, but i guess i'll let you go then..im sorry. and i was like i'm not even going to argue with you right now, it doesn't matter and he was like, ok.. and i was like you can text me later or something because right now i'm in a really bad mood and i don't want to say something to you that i don't mean and he was like alright..

do you think i was too harsh? i just don't know he made be cry so hard when i heard his girlfriend or whatever you want to call her was at his house today. i was starting to shake i was so upset. i felt bad because i know he felt really bad, and after i called my friend and she was like i really don't think he is lying to you. and so i felt even worse! but i told him how i felt, because really i was hurt, badly. i thought he betrayed me. i hope he doesn't think i hate him now. i told him to text me "later" do you think he will? i just need an opinion.


[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Monday November 10 2008, 6:55 pm:
okay so like three hours later, he ended up texting me. and we started talking and he was like are you still mad at me? i was like i forgive you because really he explained why she was over and everything. but now i still have my doubts, i don't know whats going on. we talked all night until he said he was going to bed, and he was like i'll text you tomorrow goodnight. and that was all. i just don't know if i accepted his apology too easily, am i a fool for doing this?...and i don't want to get my hopes up of him texting me, like he said he was going to. and their sadies hawkins dance is this friday, i don't know if she asked him to go already but i'm just wondering if she did, if they're still going. it just worries me...

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scootermclisle answered Tuesday November 11 2008, 7:49 am:
To be honest, he hasn't been dishonest. He did not lie to you. He seems to have been fairly honest about the fact that he is not completely finished with the other girl. The term "break" implies that he is not quite done dating her. It means that they are off for awhile, but that they will be back on again soon. Since he told you that they were on a break and not completely broken up, you can't really call him a liar when he hangs out with her.

I think that you attacked this from the wrong angle. You were not exactly too harsh, but you did get upset over the wrong things. This guy is not dishonest, he is selfish. He is putting you aside while he sorts out his feelings for somebody else. Rather than calling him a liar, you should tell him that he is being inconsiderate of your feelings.

I'm just going to wrap this up by saying that as long as you are being honest about your thoughts and feelings, you are not being a fool. Just make sure that any anger/pain/frustration that you are going through is expressed. Communication is key. You need him to understand what you are going through.

Since this situation relies mainly on the guy and very little on you, this is pretty much all of the advice I can give. Your only other option (other than expressing your feelings and waiting to see what ends up happening) would be to drop him all together, but you don't seem too keen on that one. I don't really recommend giving up on him all together anyway, since it's good to take chances on people, but don't let him string you along.

Good luck.

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Mystique23 answered Monday November 10 2008, 11:03 pm:
Well honestly, it sounds like this guy has some unfinished business with this other girl. Even though they may or may not be together, the fact that their status is so vague should give you a right to be cautious. He has to resolve what he has with this other girl once and for all. And he also has to make it clear to you what they are.

I personally do not want you to get hurt. If in fact he is not honest with you about this girl, then if the two of you get together then he may not be honest about you to other girls. ( I am not saying that he is lying to you) You truly have to want better for yourself, know what you deserve. If you think that what is happening with him bothers you then you should ask yourself is it worth being involved with someone you do not know much about. If you decide to be with him then proceed with caution.

Bottom line talk to him. See if he is over the other girl. Ask him to define his relationship with her to you before you get anywhere. I believe you will be fine. Hope that this helps. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

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christina12677 answered Monday November 10 2008, 11:02 pm:
so. In my opinion, I think that maybe you could have asked him his side of the story before coming to conclusions. Don't worry though, I honestly would have freaked out on him too because if I were you trying to gain trust from people, it would hurt to have something like this happen, so I can try to put myself in your shoes. I think this just shows you that you know, your friend might have told you something, but you shouldn't have quickly taken what she said as accurate until you found out his side because she ended up saying that he was on a brake with his girlfriend. You sound like you like to talk when you go through these things, so you did good by how you were feeling, and getting things a somewhat closer to normal. Be careful though. He says he likes you, but he's with her right now, on a break. Be really careful. Don't get your hopes up too high, because you could end up getting hurt if they get bak together. Just try to leave your options open, and meet different guys, or go out with them. That way you won't be waiting on a guy that you are not sure of, and one that you seem to have doubts about. I hope this helped. goodluck!!!

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