This question is mainly for the females I guess. So my GF asked me if I fantasized about blow jobs or hand jobs since we are not having sex for moral reasons on her religion which I respect. I admitted yes I fantasize about that stuff but then I saw she was like freaked out about it when I admitted that and I said she did not have to do that if she did not want to do it just because I fantasized about it because I would be okay if that never happened but she got so upset she was not doing anything to help me out with being good and she knows I like her that way and am trying to hide my erections. I tried to make a joke and said I help myself out as needed. She did not think it was funny like she feels like she is not a good girlfriend because I guess other girls say what they do for their guys or whatever which could be lies you know. I think they are just saying things to upset her like she is not being a good girlfriend leaving me all frustrated or whatever because they do not like her religion maybe. Obviously I would like to have sex or a blow job or a hand job or really anything she is in the mood to do but I can also chill and do nothing. I was already a virgin with no experience before we got together. It is not like I did not know she was a good girl when we started dating I totally knew that and like that about her even if I am not the same religion as her. I honestly did not expect much more than holding hands, hugging, and kissing and those things are great. She says I am lying to her to make her feel better which is not true. I admitted I fantasize okay that is like unavoidable but it is also true I can handle it if we just wait on the big stuff. I just don’t want her to cry over it you know. That kills me so bad when she cries about anything. Honestly if someone else was dating her I feel like they could guilt her into doing more but I could not live with it doing something like that to her. She is so sweet. She cannot help it if she is hot also. My dad and I got this boxing heavy bag and boxing gloves and we are doing this workout thing in our garage with it so he can lose weight and not die of blood pressure and he likes boxing and if I do it with him he thinks he will stick with it and it is fun also. These girls told her I was doing it because boys exercise because they are sexually frustrated. I told her that was total crap and does not even help with that in my opinion. I know it is wrong but I want to box the hell out of these girls for making her feel this way. What do I need to do to reassure her that I can wait as long as she wants to wait and not be mad about it? My mom suggested I give her a purety ring which you can get and we both wear one and like we are in it together like not all the pressure on her. What do you think? I need ideas please.
Hi. Firstly I think it is so nice that you are so happy and willing to wait and have not put any pressure on her to go against her beliefs - more power to you guys.
So, firstly I think you might be correct and her friends may be telling her many different things that are causing her to think she is a bad girlfriend. They might not even be to deliberately upset her too, it might just be their opinion on how their relationship works - everyone is different. The thing is your girlfriend also needs to realise this. Her friend (and your friends) might be into all that stuff and don't feel religion is a reason to remain pure but their beliefs are different to what you/your girlfriend believe. Don't allow others to dictate how your relationship should be, if you are both happy then carry on doing what you are currently doing.
All people have fantasies and they are a healthy thing. I think your girlfriend just needs to realise this. The whole point is to be able to fantasize about things which are not always a possibility.
At this point I think the best thing to do will be to talk to her and just explain you are happy with how things are and to stop listening to rubbish from other people. If she has questions (such as why you do boxing) just ask you about it. People can get sexually frustrated but that's life. The worst thing someone can do is give up their abstinence, especially if it is something they are practising for a reason such as religion, and then end up regretting it because they gave it up out of fear or pressure.
The purity rings, initially I thought they might be a bad idea as they'd put pressure on her too but if your aim is to make her feel better about your position then they might not be a bad idea at all. At the very least they would show her you are taking this position and standing by her on it so may make her feel better.
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I am 27 my BF 27.
I am in a long distance relationship for five years. We see each other 2/3 times a year. My boyfriend is very caring and nice. And off course I trust him a lot.
A few months back a saw a girl commenting on few of his post. and by her comment it seems like they chat sometimes. She always reacts with love react to his post. and sometimes comments praising his singing.
Now my BF has other female friends, they are his classmates and colleagues. And I am not insecure about them at all. But this girl is not his classmate or colleague.
Now I am not saying that he is having something with her. Like I said earlier I trust him completely. But I don't know why I have this weird feeling that the girl has a crush on my BF and she is trying to impress him. Should I do something about it? It is bothering me a lot. I didn't ask my bf about the girl yet. Should I ask him? How can I ask him? or should I just ignore it?
BTW we don't share our couple picture online or post anything about our relationship online. As me and my BF both are very private person. Our close friends and family members know about our relationship. But we don't showoff online.
Firstly I will say that a woman and her intuition is a great thing and there are chances it is wrong but there are also good reasons to pay heed to it too. The thing is there really is no way to know without actually asking him what the deal with her is. She might be a friend who is being supportive. Or it could be a fan who saw him singing somewhere and added him as a fan. Your relationship has lasted as long as it has because of the mutual trust you have for each other and I suspect you have always been open with each other if something is bothering you so perhaps it might be worth addressing it and casually asking him about her. It could just be innocent flirting where she has no idea he has a gf. There are so many positive and negative ways to look at this situation and we could go in an endless circle of theories but as you've expressed how much this is bothering you, I think it just seems fair to speak to him about it and bring her up casually and ask him about her. I would say ignore it as at this point it may not be worth really saying anything but it is clearly bothering you and I doubt you would be able to ignore it (it will just play on your mind) and with the trust you and your bf have - I would think he would welcome you talking to him about it just to ease your mind. I would think if the situation was reversed he would also be able to feel like he could come to you and just express his worry and talk to you about it.
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I have been going through a really tough time. My serious relationship of 3 yeas ended. The guy ditched me just before marriage. This my 3rd relationship failure. I'm 32. People around me are getting married and kids. I don't have many friends. I'm alone ans cry everyday. My confidence is shaking. I don't hv anyone to share my deepest feelings. I regret many things in life. I feel anxiety thinking about
Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=666294#ixzz6HK8mB7m2
I can't agree more with what others have already told you but first and foremost - relationships fail. They are a 50/50 thing and most do fail before you find the right one. I have had so many relationship failures I have lost count and even now am single. Some relationships didn't hurt so much but others had hurt a lot - this is natural but the sooner you are able to face what has happened and begin to move forward the easier it will be for you.
The anxiety and depression is a serious health problem and I think you really should speak to your doctor about this. Once in a deep depression it can be very difficult to crawl back out of it. You are young, feeling like this was last shot at a family is nonsense. There is someone out there but sometimes sitting and waiting for them is not the answer nor is hiding yourself away in depression. You have to help them out by showing them you are there. :)
I think firstly you should speak to the friends you do have (I only have 2 close friends - not many at all but I rather have quality over quantity), speaking to them will help. There are also the people here you can speak to who responded to you, I don't think any will mind. And you should see a doctor to see about your depression and anxiety because these things will hold you back from moving forward with your life. I don't know who this guy was but that chapter of your life has ended, you can't change what has happened but you now have a whole new chapter to write and look forward to. And don't let this shake your confidence. All too often people assume it was something they did when in fact it was just the other person who has no clue what they are doing.
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F/24. This is kind of between love and work. One of my coworkers has been acting a little strange, and I didn't even think he might've been interested in me until recently, so now I'm micro-analyzing all our interactions. For example, I was working by myself, and he popped up out of nowhere and just sort of stayed there for a while. We talked for a bit but I noticed he was quieter than usual. I wasn't really paying attention to his body language because I had my attention on working.
This other time he was talking about a funny little comic taped to a door that I hadn't noticed. When I went to it to read it, he came up behind me to read it as well. I think I've seen him get that close to other coworkers as well so I didn't really think anything of it.
I realized the last few days that he's been a little quieter in general. I think he's just concerned about something in his life or maybe just not feeling too talkative. I feel like I'm just overthinking things and I'm way off base but I want to be sure to avoid an uncomfortable/awkward situation.
I cannot say for sure if he is interested, there just isn't enough there for me to say for certain. It could be that he is acting this way to try make conversation so he can get closer to you and get to know you better and at the same time it might be he is interested in you and just hasn't got the nerve to show it yet. All I can suggest is you make it easier for him to talk to you (make conversation) and see where it goes from there. Really, there is just no way to know his intentions but what are your intentions? If he likes you what would you want to do? Are you interested in him? If you are interested in him then try talk to him and perhaps indicate that but if your not then do what you have been doing and just ignore it. If you don't know where you stand again, just ignore it and don't overthink things and they should all fall into place.
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Hey, I met this guy a week ago. He grabbed my attention once I met him.. he took me out twice. On the second day he asked if i ever gotten my feet’s licked and my butt. Lol that sounded weird. I told him if he is only looking for sex to let me k ow because am not trying to waste my time. He told me no that he finds me attractive etc. But after that day he havent written back to me. I don’t know if to hit him up or what . What do you think of this hun ? Thanks
Personally I would say no, move on. If you are not looking for someone who is just after sex then this guy clearly is not the right guy. There are not many guys at all who would just admit right out on a date that they are only interested in sex (I've not even known one who has admitted it) so the fact that after you told him you are not interested in just casual sex he has gone silent it kind of says to me that it was all he was looking for. It could be that he may have got busy with something else so you never know, there might be a good reason for him not writing. If he hasn't got back in touch after a couple of days or so though then I would say just move on and save yourself a lot of trouble - clearly what he is after is not the same thing you are after.
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Hi so i am a 17 year old female and i am dating a male the same age. We have been dating for about 7 months now and we were both kind of scared to make the first move so the first time we kissed was prom night before we went out to eat. So it was graduation day and at our school juniors show up to support the seniors (the place they hold the ceremony is right by the school so everyone shows up to school and seniors ride over first and then juniors and then we come back blah blah blah)and there is a little ritual going on, anyways that day came and me and my boyfriend were both there and were in the same class and i was just sitting on the table and he was sitting in the chair across from me and at first that was all it was i was just sitting across from him then he kind of leaned in and grabbed my ass and pulled me in towards him so we were sitting closer and had kind of burrowed his head in my chest - i had on a low v-neck romper and a big fluffy jacket because i was cold - so he had his head on my chest and put his hand behind the jacket like out of peoples view and was rubbing my back and my ass , mind you we had just had our first kiss like a week ago, so anyways the teachers had left to take care of stuff and half of the class migrated out so it was just us and then some of my friends and some of his friends. So we were cuddling as we were before and i leaned in and kissed him and we kissed like a couple of times and i was happy because after 7 months i was ready and wanted to get things moving along like i am still a teenager. So we were cuddling and at some points kissing, but after i kissed him one of those times he started kissing my chest area, the area in between my breasts. now remember i had on a big fluffy jacket so he was somewhat hidden and i was getting turned on but we were still at school so i kinda backed up and we went back to playing a card game but i could clearly see he was turned on and so was i so we went to the classroom next door which was open and no one was in there and we started kissing and what not (which we adapted to pretty quickly surprisingly) so we were kissing and he was grabbing my butt and i had my hand on his head and of course the sexual tension was building but we were still at school so we both kind of broke off and it was time to leave for the graduation. by the time everything was over it was like 9:15 and we had gotten invited to a graduation party which i decided not to go to because there was going to be heavy drinking and i don't drink so me and my boyfriend decided to go to his house and watch a movie. so we got there and started off watching a movie but half way through it turned to me on top of him, he was kind of dry humping me, we were kissing and things were getting very heated, but then his older sister came home so we stopped and went upstairs and things started again but no clothes came off he was thrusting but it was never any penetration and he came just in his pants.. i don't really know what i am asking or how to ask it i don't know like what next, i want to wait to have penetrating sex until marriage but our relationship is getting pretty serious i have known him since 8th grade and we have had little crushes on eachother but this time it turned ready, i am open to oral sex. i dont know what i am really asking i guess what are some things we can do to relieve sexual tension between us, why do you think it was such a quick switch between us first kissing to like all of this, anything like that. he is supposed to come with my friends boyfriend over to my friends house who i am staying with this week and they're also in a similar place but they've been dating for like a year and aren't having sex but have done stuff, so there will be a lot of sexual tension, do you think it would be a good idea to even have them over if they do come over should we all stay together...ughhh i am so sorry this is messy and i don't completely know what i'm asking i am just confused and ready.
Hi. I think one of the reasons things switched so quickly between a kiss and things getting to the point they are now could be for a few reasons. Firstly I think with how old you both are your hormones will be going crazy. Now although the same is true for you as well and you have been wondering when things will move on he was likely also wondering the same thing but did not want to seem like he is being pushy or forcing something to happened when perhaps you wasn't ready so just waited until he got some kind of sign. That first kiss was likely that sign he was looking for which is why things have suddenly just jumped so dramatically forward. When you are in the heat of the moment things can get a little out of control and although this is nothing new it can also be a dangerous thing because the last thing you would want happening is something you later (when the rush of the moment and the adrenaline) wears off.
You already have set and know your own boundaries on what you want to do and don't want to do (until much later) and the best thing you can do at this point it speak to your boyfriend about this and discuss it with him so he is aware of your boundaries and that he is able to respect and be happy with them. You can't realistically avoid being alone with your boyfriend for long, at least not without him noticing that something is wrong which will likely cause unnecessary problems. The best thing to do is talk to him and explain what it is you are okay with and not okay with. Your friends have been together a year and are managing not having sex (and you said you are okay with oral just not full on sex) so it's not like it can't be done. But it has to be something that you both will be okay with because otherwise it will be an issue that will just cause problems especially if he really doesn't agree with it and constantly pushes the issue (especially in the heat of the moment) and you give in then later on regret that choice. Not saying it will happen but best to see things from all angles and I think it will just make things easier if you and your boyfriend both know where you stand with things.
All I will add is not to change your principles for anyone else. I have seen it happen over and over and whenever people have done so I can't recall any one of them who have ever not ended up regretting it down the line. Good luck and if you need any further help please don't hesitate to get in touch via my column contact details.
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TRUE OR FALSE, Flirting while married or dating one person exclusively is normal, healthy, fun, and perfectly fine so long as everyone involved knows it is meaningless?
I think this depends on the circumstances. If the person who is being flirted with knows that it is innocent flirting and nothing more (like between two friends) then I see nothing wrong with it at all. In fact one of my friends and I are like this all the time and it has never been an issue because we both know it is completely innocent and our partners also knew this.
If you are flirting though and the other person has no idea you are already with someone because they maybe don't know you that well they may then not be very happy with then only later finding out that you are taken. In this situation it just is not worth it as it'll cause more problems than anything else.
I think flirting can be fun and is healthy and agreed that as long as everyone involved, including the partners, know it doesn't mean anything then there's nothing wrong with it. But, only if the partners are okay with it. This is important because if they are not okay with it (perhaps they can be very insecure) it is not worth it at all and I think their feelings should be respected - just because some people think it is okay and innocent not everyone will feel the same way and they do have the right to feel that way about it.
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Okay so my question starts with two nights ago when my boyfriend did not have service and he went to some waterfall place with his friends did not tell me. Then he went to one of my childhood friends house who was having a small party and didn’t invite me or tell me. I was in the wrong also because I was helping my good friend dan to set a picnic for his friend Ryan and Ryan’s gf and didn’t tell him. My bf thinks I was sneaking around. So therefore we both suck at communication and to him it’s not fair and I suxk more. Even though last night he was at a friends house with this girl that I do not like and she put my bf all over her story and yeah I was upset. So my question is how do I approach the situation do I get mad at him for being with this girl last night and tell him I’m upset or do I just let it be and try and move on? Do I text him or wait till in person? Please help!
Communication is important for any kind of relationship to work but you both need to trust each other too and it seems trust is an issue. If you both can't trust each other you are both wasting each others time in this relationship because you will both spend more time being suspicious of each other than actually being in a healthy relationship.
Firstly I am a firm believer in everyone having their own life - in a relationship or not. By this I mean I have never had a problem with my girlfriends having their own friends they can go out with or hangout with whilst I do the same. I certainly have never felt the need to notify any person I am with everywhere I go or who I am with all the time. This starts to feel like you belong to them and that in my opinion is not a relationship built on trust.
I'm not going to analyse the events you mentioned because that would be pointless as would picking who was more wrong than the other. Instead, I'm going to ask you, if you just let it be (about him being with this other girl) would you actually be able to let it be or will it just eat away at you at the back of your mind? Because if you can just let it go, like really just let it go, then it seems it really wasn't an issue in the first place. If however it is not something you would be able to let go and will just eat away at you then it is something you need to talk to him about. I think you both should sit down and talk things through especially on trusting each other and more importantly on talking to each other if there is something bothering either of you. Leaving things and just jumping to assumptions is the cause of so many misunderstandings in relationships and it's because of stupid misunderstandings that people tend to make real mistakes that are harder to come back from.
Don't use text to try discuss this. Text messages can be misinterpreted so this is something that should be done in person. Discuss and talk about it. If you guys can't work through this is will just continue to be an issue.
If you need more help with this feel free to message me directly via my column page.
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I'm not sure how to handle the situation. A guy was apparently talking to both of us at the same time (we're in the same social circles) and neither of us ever told the other one because it all happened over the course of two weeks. All I knew was she was seeing somebody briefly and that they had supposedly stopped talking.
Well I guess he had stopped talking to her because he was talking to me and we wound up sleeping together. Then literally the very next night my friend and I were talking and she told me she still had feelings for the guy she was talking to before and told me how they had a lot of chemistry in bed and it sounded like she was going to try and start talking to him again so as a friend I wanted to know who it was because I was excited for her and that's how I found out we both slept with the same guy.
I don't know what to do now. I think we both slept with him within the same week and he's still been trying to talk to me. I obviously lost any kind of feelings for him because I know that he knows me and her are really close and that might have been his motive because we're thought of as the best two girls in the social circles were in so he probably set out to get with both of us. However, I realize it also could have been a fluke and he started talking to me during the time they had stopped talking.
I don't know if I should say anything to her about it. I think maybe it might be better to keep my lips sealed and just quickly end things with him. I think she really likes him, but I don't have any feelings for him yet so I'd rather she was with him.
If he tells her he slept with me my plan is to just deny it because he doesn't have any proof. I don't want to lose her as a friend or have her think we slept together after she told me who he was because the dates are all so close together that she might think after I heard he was good in bed that I wanted to be with him, when that wasn't the case.
What do I do? How do I handle the situation?
Hi. I think lying about the situation might be the wrong way to go about it but at the same time I can see why you would want to keep it all a secret too as it might avoid unnecessary problems but I think it would be better that your friend hears about it from you than from this other guy. True that you can deny it and say he is lying but I think further lying about it will only cause more problems - they say nothing remains a secret forever.
I think this is really your call as you know the situation the best. I would have thought that if you explained yourself to your friend and told her what happened she will be understanding but more importantly she will know what this guy did. Although it could be a fluke the fact it happened so close together it seems he just set out to sleep with you both and then decide who he prefers (crude but this is what it seems like). Maybe it's not the case but given the way it happened it seems more likely especially if he knew that you both are very close in which case sleeping with you both should have been a warning light for him in the first place and he probably should have told you.
It is best not to say anything at this point and if it comes out then tell her the truth but you could also just tell her the truth now and give her a heads up on what you have said here because if he's trying to talk to you and then goes back to her you have to wonder if he's then going back to her because he likes her or it's just a matter of convenience.
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I'm a Junior in High school. I have a bf who most people don't like and spread rumors about. Nobody talks to him and think he's weird for being an introverted person that wears all black, even going as far to spread a rumor he was going to shoot up the school (the police got involved with that one!) and that he's a serial killer. It hurts me to see him isolated, not only as his girlfriend but as someone who knows he's a good person.
For example, this Freshman girl was falling into a state of suicide-level depression because of some issues in her home life, and she was worried that everybody secretly hated her and believed no one would care if she were dead. My boyfriend got the kids in her grade along with people who participate in the same extra curriculars as her to all write down reasons why they like her, good memories they have of her, ways she's helped them, etc, and put it in a binder. He got everyone in the drama club, band, and her ENTIRE grade to write real, genuine things down. People thought this was really creepy and he had to deal with a lot of harrasment from kids who didn't realize he was trying to help this girl. He put all the papers in a binder, then gave it to her. I saw the whole thing, where he explained to her what he did, and how people do care about her, she isn't alone, and that her life will get better. The girl's face lit up when she read what people wrote. She's a lot happier nowadays. He didn't even know this girl, but he just didn't want anyone to feel alone, so he went completely out of his way to help her.
I wish people would see that side of him, the side I see, and not just think he's some creepy serial killer but I'm not sure how. What should I do?
What your boyfriend did is very touching and certainly something he should have been recognised for doing, it was a very kind gesture. However I will have to agree with adviceman on her not being completely out of the woods. This is something that someone in authority should be made aware of so she can get some help. Feelings like those she had are not something that can be resolved so easily or quickly and tend to linger and resurface especially at emotional times.
As for your boyfriend though and what people think of him... I think the most important thing is that he knows what YOU think of him. People will always be judgemental of others and be stuck in that line of thought. He could become a priest tomorrow and people will make a million assumptions of that too and twist it around in some way or another. People like that just have nothing better to do and are not people you need to convince of anything because chances are they won't want to listen or care. Not all people are like this however but a majority that have made their minds up will just not care because he is different and that's all they will see.
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23/f
So I'm a flight attendant. Me and my ex broke up a couple months ago.
I'm now out of a complicated, stressful, unhealthy relationship and I'd like to thank everyone who helped me out on here :)
Ive been on a few dates here and there.
Now a pilot has asked me out. He's 33 and I'm 23. That's a 10 year age gap. I talked to my friends, coworkers and even my dad. My friends and coworkers have told me to at least go out to dinner and see if I even have a connection with him. My dad told me to be careful if I do decide to date him.
Makes sense. I've heard my fair share of cheating pilots lol.
Is 10 years too much of a gap? Am I over thinking? He's cool so far. But it makes me worry a little bit, like in my opinion older guys might either want to settle down faster or not settle down at all. And both scare me a bit haha.
Although older guys are generally thought to be more focused on settling down this does depend on each individual. The things you have heard about pilots is also something I have heard many times from many people that I know who work at the airport and this alone may be a reason a pilot may not want to settle down or commit. However, each person is different and I think someone who is looking to eventually settle down is a better choice than someone who never wants to but this is something that can be discussed if and when things got to that point. It's not really something to worry about at this point.
I would say go for it and see what happens. I don't think the age gap is an issue at all (you're both adults so it shouldn't matter) and go on a date and see how it goes. If you think there might be something there or even if there isn't at least you will know for sure. :)
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23/f
I started dating this guy that I met at a bar around November 2016 and I really liked him. During the first couple of months though we fought a lot. We fought mostly because the majority of my friends are male, which I understand. He didn't really know me and he didn't know that they were platonic friends of mine. I realized very quickly that he was a jealous kind of guy. We got together as a couple, we broke up, we got back together, etc.
Then in February 2017, he cheated on me with a girl at a bar. We broke up and eventually got back together.
Fast forward to now, May 2017. I moved into his house and as far as I know, he hasn't talked to any girls that he shouldn't be. We still fight about the dumbest stuff though almost everyday. Every time we get into a huge screaming match I sit there and I think, "how is this my life? Is this really the kind of person I want to be with?" because I don't fight with people. Fighting is my least favorite thing to do, especially with someone that I love. He still gets mad at me when I make a decision to hang out with someone, even girl friends. He doesn't trust me and we always get into the fight that if I wanted to go out and do something that that's not the kind of girlfriend that he wants and "we want different things out of life". I love the kid and I love the security that we have financially (which I wouldn't have if it weren't for him).
Onto the real part of my question:
I had a job at a video store a couple of years ago and I worked with this guy that I became friends with. We had hooked up a couple of times the summer before I met my boyfriend and I really, really liked him. I figured our "relationship" was just a series of booty calls and thought this guy was way out of my league and would never pursue a real relationship with me. It kind of hurt so I broke off the physical relationship we had and I got over it when I met my boyfriend. Well, this guy just got ahold of me a few days ago and confessed that he actually likes me and doesn't want to cause problems in my relationship but really just wanted me to know that he had feelings for me. I always thought that he was the kind of person I wanted to be with and that could provide me with a fun, loyal relationship.
So now I'm at a crossroads because I finally realize that I don't have to settle for someone who treats me like garbage because someone good CAN actually like me, even if nothing came out of this guy that I used to like. What do I do? I'm so very much in love with my boyfriend and sometimes I think that I'm happy with him but when we fight it seriously hurts and depresses me. I don't have any freedom to be friends with anyone I used to be close to or do any of the things I used to love doing. I miss having a fun relationship and doing things together instead of just staying home all of the time. I guess I'm scared of losing him but I'm not 100% happy. Is that how relationships are supposed to be? You just work through it? I'm scared of breaking it off, moving out and then regretting it. I'm just so lost I guess.
If this doesn't make any sense, just let me know haha. I know I'm all over the place and it's a pretty long question. Thanks for reading!
Hi. Surprisingly, this is not something new to come across as I see it happen far too often here where I am (in the UK). What I need to say about your current relationship leads into this guy you mentioned who has suddenly shown up again so I will start from your current relationship...
To answer your question, no, this is not (in my opinion) what a relationship should be like. Every relationship has its ups and downs so there will be disagreements and arguments but I think in your case this is a lot more serious than just this. You are unhappy because of the control your boyfriend has over what you can and can't do and this is turn is where everything else stems from such as the arguments every day over unnecessary things - it is because you are lashing out from being treated like you are an object.
In my opinion I have always seen any kind of relationship as a partnership be it boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife. We all have our own opinions on things ever a couple who are together in whatever capacity but then it comes down to them to sit down and work through it and come to some kind of middle ground where both are going to be happy with the decision reached. This, is what a relationship should be - an equal partnership. But when one person takes charge and acts like they set down the rules you have to follow, this now becomes less of a partnership and more of a dictatorship. It really angers me when I hear about how someone tells their partner what they can and can't do and run their life for them - they DON'T own you! Marriage or being together as a couple doesn't mean the person becomes your object you can boss around or own. And this is what I am trying to point out to you here. Yes he may be the jealous type and this is something that many suffer with especially if they have had bad experiences in the past with trust but your boyfriend not only has been jealous and keeping you away from your friends but then on top of this also is the one who ends up cheating while worrying the whole time that you would be the one who cheats on him. Maybe hes more paranoid about it now because he thinks you may try get him back, I'm not really sure, but up to this point the person in this relationship who is trustworthy is you - you haven't cheated on him, he has cheated on you.
The first thing to do is talk to him about how you are feeling. You are not happy and this is down to how he has caused you to alienate yourself from your friends. This in my opinion is not healthy, everyone should have their circle of friends who they can hang out with and just go out with. I have never changed what I do with friends just because I got into a relationship, I have always made it clear that my friends both male and female are important to me and I like spending time with them to chat about things and just catch up on what has been going on and I will never ditch my friends for the sake of being with someone. Try talking to your boyfriend and see how things go and explain how you are feeling trapped. Explain what you want and if its something he doesn't like then you both need to come to some kind of agreement on it where you are both happy because doing it his way and only his way is not working for you and is quite simply just unreasonable and unfair. I've had people say how you're under their roof so you need to listen to their rules... if they were your mom or dad then yes, I agree. But they are your partner not your parent so no, that is rubbish!
As for this guy who has come along, I find it funny how he said he didn't want to cause any problems yet still told you something that he knows will do JUST that! That alone makes me question his moral standing but that aside, this is still someone who has just come out the blue and is there at a time when you are feeling vulnerable - this is a bad combination. The last thing you want to do is in a disillusioned state do something you may end up regretting, like dumping your boyfriend who you love for someone who just happen to show up at the right time. This other guy should NOT be the reason you break up with your boyfriend - the last thing you want to do is break up with your boyfriend to be with this other guy only to realise down the line he's a jerk. You will end up kicking yourself for walking out on what might have been a good thing for the wrong reasons. So, deal with the issue of your relationship first and foremost - you said you love him so try salvage it by talking to him and telling him how you feel. He won't know what is wrong until you tell him, never just assume the other person knows, you will be surprised how dense some men can sometimes be and will not see the most obvious in front of them so sit down and have a serious talk with him. Don't turn it into an argument otherwise it will get no where, have a talk about it and about how you feel and how hes making you feel. Tell him how you feel and what you want changing so you can feel more like yourself but explain that you want to reach a middle ground where you both can feel happy so its not all just one sided like it is at the moment.
If nothing changes and you feel you have done your side of things to fix it but nothing then if you decide to leave then after that you can pursue this other guy or any other guy (or woman if you prefer) but this other guy should not be the reason to walk away from what you have. If you need to walk away then it should be because you are not happy. Not all relationships are perfect but you do need to feel like you are a partner and from what you said that is not the impression I get. You sound like someone who is feeling trapped and unless you try resolve this, he will end up loosing you and he will only try to fix things if you make it clear that something is wrong.
Sorry this is so long a reply but I hope it is of some help to you. If you need any more help or more details I can help with please don't hesitate to get in touch. Good luck with whichever way things go but remember, don't be scared to pursue happiness.
I leave you with this quote by T. Brady: "Too often in life, something happens and we blame other people for us not being happy or satisfied or fulfilled. So the point is, we all have choices, and we make the choice to accept people or situations or to not accept situations."
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Well, sorry it's bit long but straight to point, he says he trusts me and I reckon, he's been chatting about me with his friends because when i saw his few friends in town they said, (mentioned his name) he says you're kind and he loves you, we mean, he loves your personality, I looked at them and we all just smiled. However, we hardly text unless we have to but when I text him saying hi or hello, he don't seem to be into it, he does reply though. When we see each other we're like non stop chatterbox and joking with flirty comments. I ain't got a clue with this boy. I absolutely wish to confront him but not sure enough. Anyways, we've known each other for quite a while now. Good friends. Right guys, so him saying he trusts me and his friends saying he loves me, means anything or nothing at all?? Do guys talk to their friends when they are into girls and are the girls has to be trustworthy?? Thankyou. Terribly sorry it's really long.
Hello.
Firstly, him being a little off with you by text but the complete opposite when you talk to him in person might just be how he is when it comes to using texting to keep in touch. Some people can't express themselves unless they do it by text whereas others might be the opposite way around. One of my friends is a prime example of this, he will absolutely refuse to pick up his phone to answer a phone call unless he really has to because he prefers to text instead whereas there are others who can't stand having a conversation by text and prefer to just talk instead.
As for what his friends have said to you, this all depends on how old you guys are but I have found that there is always a small amount of truth to things but to take it all with a pinch of salt because hearing something from a third party could be embellished or exaggerated. For example, he may have said he likes you, they told you he loves you because that is what they assumed he is implying. I think the one thing you can take away from it is that he clearly must like you but in what capacity he likes you is something that you may need to discover for yourself. You did say you guys joke around and flirt and stuff when around each other so you could just ask him about what his friends said and say that you heard he likes/loves you and see what he says but this might also push him away, popping something like that on him so suddenly.
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As i've noticed recently, my friend has become more touchy during the conversation but not in a gross way or pervert way but more like a patting on my shoulder or like when someone comforts the other person either they touch their arms or pat on their shoulder gently, that sort of touch. I ain't got a clue but he's a lovely lad and we laugh and joke a lot. He says he will miss me when I'm away on a summer holiday, 'i said, yeah you will, you'll miss me big time, he smiled and said, no, we will stay in contact ok, I said, alright then. He's curious as well, asks me questions not a lot but he does about how I am and if I'm going on a holiday with my bf and I replied no, he's not, this time. He always offers me a drink or sandwich if he's having one, sometimes KFC. I'm just trying to understand why is he being so nice as We're only friends?! Or am I being a fool? I do admit I fancy him. Thanks a bunch you all.
From my perspective I don't really notice anything odd in his behaviour. Looking at my own friendships as well as many other friendships many start off with friends having a boundary around them but over time this boundary becomes thinner. I am very close to my friends and we are always hugging, holding hands and such things and many times we get mistaken for being together. I hate eating alone especially if anyone else is with me so I always ask them if they would like something too - this is not just down to not wanting to eat alone though but also just good manners. It could be that your friend is the same in terms of this?
I have always seen this kind of behaviour you've described as being a part of what friendships are, you ask how they are, what things are going on in their life, compliment them etc. I don't really see anything here that is out the ordinary but IF it is (this is a guy that you know better than me so perhaps he may have developed feelings for you that go beyond just friendship) then you'd need to ask yourself what you want to do about them. You have already said you have a bf so if your friend was to say he likes you as more than a friend are you prepared to end things with your current bf to give him a chance? Are you and he prepared to turn a friendship into something more and then deal with the fallout if it doesn't work out? You said that you do fancy him and this might well be true but fancying someone is a one thing but terminating your current relationship with your bf for them is another. You didn't really say how long you've both known each other or been friends for but you could always just ask him about his behavioural changes and just mention something like how you have noticed small changes in him and see where it leads to from there - he may even tell you if there is something more to it or not.
It all really depends on you and what it is you want. Ask yourself if it turns out that he fancies you and wants something more than a friendship together is that also what you want? If it is then just ask him about his behaviour if if he tells you want you want to hear the ball is in your court on what to do next. If the answer however is that although it is a nice idea that he may feel something more but you are not prepared to end things with your bf over it then there's no real point it pushing him to reveal how he feels because it would really not achieve anything. You will know how he feels but he will hope that you feel the same and expect some kind of a response from you where you'd then have to either disappoint him in some way or another or disappoint your bf.
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just curious, when I get a missed call twice in a day from a boy and while I ring back he replies it was by accident which is kind of weird because I would never call anyone accidently twice. however, when he calls it's always hi and hello, that's all. I don't know if he thinks of me when that accident calls happen or am I dreaming way ahead?? by the way, he's my crush and we go to same college. I reckon he likes me coz he does say you're a good well mannered girl. anyways, thankyou all
Unfortunately with the newer touchscreen handsets it would surprise you how easy it is to accidently call someone or pocket dial someone unless you have some kind of security coded screen lock. This is happened to me a good number of times and I have even accidently called friends whilst using my phone and has taken me a good few seconds to get back into the correct screen to cancel the call, by which time on their phone it would show I called them. Unless you really think he is lying about it being an accident then I would say there's no reason to think anything more of it especially if after you called him back and he didn't stay on the line to talk to you.
It could be that he is just shy but I am assuming this missed call thing has only happened once and not repeatedly? If it happened once then I would think you are just looking into this far too much and overthinking matters but if it has happened many times maybe just try talking to him if you call him back. If he is shy it may just need you to engage him in conversation. Again, I must stress though that this is assuming it was not an accident in the first place.
I know this response probably is not what you want to hear but given what you have said it would be a big jump for me to say he likes you in the same way you like him. What he said to you about being good mannered could just be him being friendly, or making an observation about you. I think you may well be making far more of things than they are but this is not to say there can't be more. As I said, talk to him and try get to know more about him, engage him in conversation, you could try text or something similar which may put him more at ease so it won't just be a hi and then nothing.
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Well I'm a 22 almost 23 yr old female, and well I met this guy on the dating app Tinder at the beginning of February around valentines day.. he's from the same country as me so we share the same cultural interests..
Ok straight to the point from that moment we clicked on straight away our banter has always been jokes and till this day we still speak everyday, and lately but slowly I've started becoming more and more interested in him. We flirt but we don't make it so obvious,so I start to get the impression that he's into me.. don't get me wrong he seems like a great guy, we only just met up for the first time on Friday which was so out of the blue and it was a first for me because I never meet anyone from Tinder, it was a meet up.. but it felt like a date he paid for everything and we ended up kissing towards the end.
He's the type of guy who's not really 'soft' or romantic, so its so hard to know if he's into me or not, I don't wanna ask or say that I'm into him because I will feel that I'm coming off to desperate. He said that he's been soft with me, caught a soft spot, fair enough but its annoying when the guy you're into isn't the sweet type.. he was affectionate towards the end of the meet up which I loved we hugged etc... and there was a lot of eye connection which was very flirty..
my problem also is the fact that he is the type of guy that loves going out a lot, I don't mind but it kinda makes me uneasy.. because he's very attractive, he goes clubbing whenever its a friends birthday which has been often..
Sometimes the way we speak makes me feel like he wants me, then in the back of my head I feel like he's also speaking the same way with another girl..
I feel like we've had a great connection even before meeting up, but I also don't want to waste my time
I don't know how to feel or what to think , I've started to catch feelings for him...
I think first off, you have only really met this guy once so to really get to know him a few more dates will be in order to find out what he actually is after and if what he is after is the same as you. You guys have met using a dating app that is also notorious for being used as an app for people to use just to find a quick fling and the last thing you would want is for this to be the case here.
I think arranging another date or outing may be the best thing to do from here and then asking him what it is he is looking for because before telling him you are into him you will probably want to know if what he is after is the same thing you are after which I assume is a relationship. From there I would suggest just dating a few times, provided you both are wanting the same thing, and seeing how it goes from there. However, I will say that although caution is in order (you wouldn't want to just be another person he met on Tinder) you also don't want to sit around waiting and hoping he will say something to you because he may well think you are not into him and move on to someone else. He could just as easily meet someone else on Tinder if he hasn't already. So although there is a good thing in waiting there is also a bad side to waiting too long but I think all this really just comes down to common sense.
Your fear that he may be speaking to others in the same way as he is with you is justified. He is a guy who is single and clearly from what you said is a person who likes going out and socialising so it would seem almost naive to think he does not flirt with anyone else (as I pointed out above he is on a site for flirting and dating and he is likely talking to others on there too and maybe even dating others on there). It just seems very unlikely that he would put all his eggs into one basket, as the saying goes, in assuming that you are going to be the one who will be with him considering you guys have only just even met up and gone on a date.
I know my response may seem a little all over the place but this is mostly because of how many different directions this can go into as there are so many different variables to consider. I think that first and foremost make it known you do have some level of interest, this is something you can do simply by just asking him if he would like to go out again for dinner or something similar - a date but you don't have to actually say it's a date. That way you won't come off being desperate but at the same time you are showing some interest so he knows that you do like him but you're not just throwing yourself at him. Otherwise he may well think you are just not interested at all and move on. From there just see how it goes and go with your gut instincts.
Spend time together, this is really the whole point of dating - to get to know each other and see if you like each other to take it to the next step. Find out what it is he is after - is he looking for a relationship or is he just after casual dating and nothing more, once you know that then you can decide where you want to take it.
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Hey guys,
Just curious, ny crush is saying a lot that he likes my company and he says we have a good banter. Haven't got a guts to ask him out but I just want to make sure that he's likes me even though we've known for half a year. Thankyou
If you have known each other for quite a while and are friends then chances are he is just saying he enjoys hanging out with you which pretty much speaks for itself but from what he has said it doesn't really hint one way or the other so there's not really anything solid to go on to suggest he may have a crush on you or likes you. This might be something that you would be better able to judge as you know him better alternatively you may just need to be patient until you know for certain but have you remember that the longer you wait the more there is a chance he may think you are not interested and/or can end up meeting someone else.
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My last description was very confusing, and I apologize, so Im retelling it. I am a female (17) who dated another girl for half a year, and I was the first girl she was ever with. She had cheated on me with a guy around spring time last year, but denied it, until she finally broke up with me. We fought alot over summer, since I was friends with almost everyone in my grade and they were mad that she cheated, which made her think i said bad things about her. Well, school starts up again and she decides to ask me out and I say yes. Then my parents take me out of the school, but I still saw her on the weekends. Well, up comes December, which was our most eventful month (when we started getting close romantically, t il she asked me out on the 19th), and when I texted her on her birthday and on our anniversary she just left me on read, then stopped reading my messages altogether. Then I mailed her gifts, and she didnt mention anything about our anniversary to me or send me anything, but bragged to others about how I had sent her stuff. In January she begins hanging out with this very popular boy, who only uses girls for pleasure not love, but nonetheless is very attractive, anf his name is Will. I find out that she is flirting with him and two other boys, and that during December time she was cheating on me with someone who was completely aware of my relationship with her, and he had been my friend. In February she admits to "lightly pecking Will on the cheek", but I later find out she was making out with him. I get mad at her, and she breaks up with me but continues to tell myself and other people that shes in love with me. I see her at a mall in February, and Will is grabbing her butt with his tongue in her mouth and she is moaning, in front of everyone at the mall! I turn right around instead of talking to her, but I guess she saw me, because she gets furious that I didnt walk up to her ("I would have fallen to my knees and kissed your hands if you had come over. You know I love you.") So we meet up in very late February (still broken up, both of us single) and she gives me a ring her German grandfather made ( to signify loyalty, apparently) and she kisses me, which is fine until she tries making out in public, which I politely pull away from. Idk what the "loyalty" bullshit was because she sat there snapchatting Will the whole time, then later that night they were seen making out at a party, but he is not interested in a relationship with her, he just wants to hook up. Well now there are rumours circulating that she gave him a blowjob, but people have lied about her having sexual relations with people before, so I dont know whether to believe it or not. She still tells me shes in love with me... umm what do I do?
There is being in love with someone and then there's committing to a relationship and I think she may actually love you but that alone is not enough if you are after a relationship where as she is not, which is the impression I get from the way she is acting and the stuff she is doing.
I don't really have a problem with people being intimate in public nor do I let it bother me but some people can find it unnerving and awkward and I am assuming you are one of these people that don't like to show intimacy in public? If this is the case, for whatever reason this might be, then perhaps tell her so she knows the reason you pulled away was not because of her but because it was in public and you don't like that.
It seems to me that she does like you and maybe does love you but she is just not ready to commit to a relationship and settle down to one person and at her age (I assume she is the same age as you) this is not surprising in the least, she is young and wants to explore what is out there and her sexuality. If this is indeed the case which I suspect it may well be, then you need to decide what you want. Are you wanting to be with her and if so then perhaps you need to talk to her and ask her what it is that she is wanting? Because if you both are after different things then perhaps now just isn't the time to pursue her, she seems to just want to be free to explore but perhaps after that she will want more but this is not to say you should wait for this to happened because you don't want to put your own life on hold waiting for something that may never happened.
Rumours happened all the time and most of the time they may well be rubbish but in this case you also have to remember that you both are single, if she wants to do stuff with someone else then it is not like she is cheating so personally I don't think you should judge her on it. If this guy is as bad as you say then perhaps you may need to fill the role of being a caring friend to her instead of coming across as a jealous ex and tell her what he is about so she knows what she is getting herself into? It seems from how she has been with you and with him she may even have feelings for both you and him. She already knows you are there for her and are a sure thing to fall back on and so is trying her luck with this guy to try see if she can make him into more than what he is, it's only a guess at this point but the only way to really know what she is thinking will be for you to talk to her.
Sorry if this reply seems a little all over the place but given the circumstances you've described there are so many possibilities or things that can be going on it is hard to be able to pinpoint anything definitive and each possibility I think of just spawns out further possibilities. You need to ask yourself what you want (a relationship?) and then perhaps ask her what it is she is after at this moment in time because if she is not after the same thing then this problem will just keep happening and you would, for lack of a better way to put it, be wasting your time pursuing her and in the process getting hurt. You may realise that the best thing to do is just try be a friend to her until she realises what it is she wants because she may have no idea, and move on with things. You were her first female relationship so she could be conflicted about her sexuality, she is split between you (her first female girlfriend) and a guy she also likes... as you can see there are so many possibilities but the only way to be certain might be to talk to her about it all.
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So I dated this girl for half a year, and everyone was suprised bc I was the first girl she'd ever dated so everyone thought she was straight... over the summer she broke up with me for another guy, but when school started up we started going out again. Well, first off she started telling the guy from summer that she wanted to date him again once she broke up with me, then she cheated on me with someone else a few months later. Last month we met up and she gave me a ring and kept kissing and hugging me but then she started snapchatting this guy Will while I was with her, who a few months before she had made out with at a party, and now goes to the mall with her friends and makes out with him. All her friends give the guys theyre with blowjobs in the bathroom, but my ex always told me she wasnt sexually attracted to guys... Theres a rumor that she gave Will a blowjob and theyre trying to have sex now. Should I believe the rumors? Should I confront her??? People have made up things about her before that turned out to be false, so I just dont know what to do. PS. Maybe I should mention that shes really popular bc shes "sexy" and her and her friends do rebellious stuff like drinking and drugs and shoplifting, while im popular bc im nice to everyone so therefore they all like me. But she says mean stuff about my best friends bc she thinks theyre too "pure"..
Hi. First and foremost I just want to point out that doing drugs, drinking and all that stuff is not rebellious, it's just stupid. The fact that you are the opposite to her, at least from the way I read your post, is a really good thing - don't change that.
As for the situation, it's hard to determine what to believe in this situation but given her track record and what she has done (cheated on you before) but I am also a little confused because I thought that you both are actually together currently but then reading your post again it seems that is not actually the case? Can you clarify?
If you guys are not together then I suppose you could ask her about the rumours but she could just as easily say that it is none of your business or shouldn't matter because you both are not actually together. But if you guys are together currently then by all means ask her about the rumours and just explain that it's things people are saying that you overheard and just wanted to let her know and wanted to hear her side of it. From here really it will be up to you on whether you believe her as I would think you know her better than anyone on here and might be able to tell if she's lying or not.
The most important thing I think you should think about before doing anything is ask yourself, do you trust her? If you are having difficulty answering the question or the answer is no then I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to move on past her because if you are having difficulty with trusting her it will cause issues in your relationship. For example you'll wonder constantly who she's messaging, where she's going when not with you.
I'm sorry I can't really be of much specific help but I will say just go with your gut instinct and go with what feels right.
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I am a Senior in College. I had a huge crush on thia girl since i was a freshman ! After a long gap of 3 years, i confessed my love to her,since i did not want to regret it. I was a bit scared, so i first confessed everything anonymously to her. It was a platform for confessions where it remains private between 2 people. I revealed my identity after a couple of weeks. She was surprised ! I told her everything i felt about her,But it was over text. She seemed to take interest.I told her how crazy i was about her. But there was one thing. I used to get late replies. On her birthday, i played guitar for her and she loved it. I asked her that i would like to talk Somethings in private so i asked if she could meet me 20 minutes before lectures start.It was in college campus and i had no otherwise intentions. I wanted to propose. She said she would let me know after lunch. I waited till evening. Nothing ! The next day we met and were in a group of friends. She acted as if nothing ever happened.! Even i acted the same talking casually.She never even revert back for apologies that she didn't tell me when to meet.I never understood what happened ! If she wanted to reject why did she accept meeting me in the first place ?
Why did she listen to my feelings and royally dump me. She obviously could have rejected and i would have respected it. But this was insulting and weird. Help needed
Hi. From what I have read you asked her if she would meet you and she said that she'd let you know after lunch but never got back to you? From my perspective she didn't agree to meet you in the first place so she didn't really say she would be there and then not show up. Saying she dumped you as well is an exaggeration because she can't dump someone she is not involved with.
I understand you like her and you've not told her, the best thing you can do now is wait to see if she wants to pursue this with you although I would suspect that at this point and from how she has been acting this may not be the case and she is just trying to be nice by not saying this and hurting your feelings.
I don't think she can really be blamed for anything here other than perhaps just saying she's not interested if that is the case. Some may say that perhaps she is shy about talking about things and this could be true but it is equally possible that she may just not be interested in wanting what you want. She listened to your feelings because you had chosen to tell her but whenever anyone does this there is a chance those feelings will be returned and there's a chance you will be rejected - this is something everyone who wants to love needs to know and perhaps you are also learning. It happens unfortunately.
You can try and talk to her about things if you want to and it may even be easier by text just to ask her where you and her stand in terms of how you feel and if she feels the same or not but this may even come across as being pushy. However, at the same time it would give you a definitive answer and you will know for certain where you stand. What you choose to do is up to you but just be prepared that she may not feel the same way and this is not something you can blame on her. This is just the way things are and all you can really do is get over it and move on.
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