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Rumours about ex girlfriend
So I dated this girl for half a year, and everyone was suprised bc I was the first girl she'd ever dated so everyone thought she was straight... over the summer she broke up with me for another guy, but when school started up we started going out again. Well, first off she started telling the guy from summer that she wanted to date him again once she broke up with me, then she cheated on me with someone else a few months later. Last month we met up and she gave me a ring and kept kissing and hugging me but then she started snapchatting this guy Will while I was with her, who a few months before she had made out with at a party, and now goes to the mall with her friends and makes out with him. All her friends give the guys theyre with blowjobs in the bathroom, but my ex always told me she wasnt sexually attracted to guys... Theres a rumor that she gave Will a blowjob and theyre trying to have sex now. Should I believe the rumors? Should I confront her??? People have made up things about her before that turned out to be false, so I just dont know what to do. PS. Maybe I should mention that shes really popular bc shes "sexy" and her and her friends do rebellious stuff like drinking and drugs and shoplifting, while im popular bc im nice to everyone so therefore they all like me. But she says mean stuff about my best friends bc she thinks theyre too "pure"..
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I am really confused hon. I am only going by your exact words and the use of words implies two different things. First sentence:So I dated this girl for half a year, and everyone was suprised bc I was the first girl she'd ever dated(this implies that the person dated was a girl and that you are a girl and thus it is either that you're both gay or bi-sexual.)
over the summer she broke up with me for another guy
(If you had left out the word 'another', it would make sense, she left you, a female for a guy. But to put in 'another guy' means in addition to the first guy which would be you. So I do not know if you are male or female.)So if I understand correctly, it isn't just the summer guy she left you for but as you stated "then she cheated on me with someone else a few months later. This would imply 2 different people she dumped you at different times for. So it's not that she may be torn between you and summer guy that keeps her breaking up and going back and forth. Short times of relationship and going for a new person makes me wonder if she is either confused about her sexuality and acting out this way in immaturity because of it, or she just plain old has a character flaw of being too loose with her morals. By what you state later, "her and her friends do rebellious stuff like drinking and drugs and shoplifting, I would heavily lean toward the fact that she has no morals at all if she can steal, doesn't care about what she's doing to her body, and won't commit to one but will have sex with whomever comes along, be it you, other guys, other girls, the guy named Will. I really wonder why if you are nothing like her, that you have even aligned yourself with her as a friend let alone anything more serious like a couple relationship. I feel like I must be missing some critical information here.
" Last month we met up and she gave me a ring and kept kissing and hugging me" I fail to see the reason of the importance of the ring in the story. You did not state why she gave it to you. What did she say when she gave it to you because that would give me more to understanding her. If you just accepted it without asking questions, then I would have to say that communication between you two could use some improving. If she said sorry, then the girt was to placate you and make you feel better about her or to make her feel better cus she had been feeling guilty. Or perhaps, she likes giving gifts and it has no other significance, or she apoligized and promised to be only true to you and never sleep around again and that this ring was a symbol of that, maybe she never apologized and just assumed you'd go along with her wishes to get back together if she gave you a ring, to show that you were her partner, or perhaps it was all a playacting to keep stringing you along and keep you interested in her, because she accompanied it with lots of kissing and hugging. There is nothing in your story to tell me if she is a kissy-huggy type of person who does this all the time. So I tend to beleive that it was more of a performance she put on for your benefit.
"my ex always told me she wasn't sexually attracted to guys" (You used the word EX so that means you are no longer together which means that it isn't any of your business whether rumors are true or not and you need to move on. Then her stating she's not attracted to guys could be a total lie, cus if she were gay, she would not be attracted to guys sexually, you can be attracted to having them as a friend. But she is doing more than friend-like things with Will or any other guy. She could be bi-sexual, liking both males and females for romance and sex. And though she likely knows it if she's bi, she may not be okay with it, denying her feelings for both. And that may account for why she keeps breaking up and switching from one sex to the other. She sticks with one as long as she can resist the lure of the opposite sex and then she does it again, attempting as a bi-sexual to do a string of back to back monogamous relationships. I have known a handful of bi-sexual women. A neighbor was and introduced me to some of her friends. I am not but I saw that not a single one did monogamous relationships with one sex then switching to the other. So my impression is that being bi-sexual, you can be relating to both sexes at the same time. All these women were in 30s or older and were married and their husbands were very understanding of the wives desire also for women. So though married, they were free to have female partners on the side and did so often. It is a much more complex relationship style and often too hard for the teen crowd or even 20 somethings to have the maturity and experience to handle well. More often than not, young people are still in the stages of discovering what they really like in a relationship & sexually and it can change a little as they grow older, as to whom you are attracted to as you grow more mature and often people can grow apart if way too different. And that seems to be the case here. Your description of yourself puts you in a whole different ballpark than her. You both are living your lives so vastly different that I can not imagine how the two of you ever hooked up. Since you state that she is sexy, well those opinions are in the eye of the beholder so whether she is seen that way by every living human is not likely, but you may have felt so special and privileged that whom you saw as a sexy person would want you. Beauty hon, goes much deeper than just skin and hair and bone structure. A persons character and personality can be beautiful and thats very important. I don't know your ages, but many younger people today are growing up not learning some basics to being a young adult that we learned in my generation. Things like how to cook, how to balance your bank account, how to keep to a budget, how to keep up ones home or room, not concept of what good manners are, how to even speak face to face with people since the onset of texting, and lacking common sense, lacking knowledge and/or experience on how to treat another human in a relationship with you, or how to treat others in general having no concept of the golden rule 'treating others the way you want to be treated.' I just have a hunch here that you and her do not fall into the 30 or over crowd so naiveness, immaturity either due to lack of basic adult social skills education or due to choosing willing to do the opposite and break laws, burn your bridges, and break up relationships are things that may be big issues for her or maybe you also until each person decides what it is you want out of life, what you will allow in your life or not, etc...
Just in case you think that your being nice is actually a good influence to her and that in time it will change her, you can't really know that. Unless you feel its your life role to be in a relationship with people who need to get off the wrong track in life. I was married at 20 to a man who turned out to be verbally abusive. So though I felt I was mature at 20, looking back I realize I really knew next to nothing of the ability to judge a persons character (for myself not tossing insults in their face) I wish I knew then what I know now. I wouldn't have married him. Your only issue may be not yet having figured out the best way to judge a person for their character. A psychiatrist my ex went to, told me that when a person has made bad choices and life and is not ready to change, there is nothing a counselor can do to help them improve their character. Most people hate change, even if its for the better. WHy? I don't know. Change is scary, like a new school, new job, etc. but it shouldn't be scary to become a better person, rather, an enjoying challenge, but not scary. So really, I don't see any reason for you to even be in a relationship with or hoping to get back with her. You haven't given a reason I can understand in your message. The very fact that she puts down the people you have for friends shows that she has no desire currently to be like them. Hopefully she will change 10 years from now. As the psychiatrist told me, some people never change in an entire lifetime and are the same as they were younger. If there are any improvements, they are usually very minor ones, only known to the individual but not to those who must interact with them. With that prognosis, I did not stay any longer because I realized that putting myself in harms way as far as a relationship in which I was mistreated, was a choice and a bad one as I was not choosing to love myself fully. Maybe 75% but not a 100% cus in this one area of relationships, I was choosing to stay with a man who mistreated me. Thats not only drama, but painful and hurtful, stress ful and depending on how long a person is subjected to relationship stress, the stress can have adverse effects on your mental health and physical health cus it needs to go somewhere. I got hit with every stress caused health concern there can be except for cancer or heart attack. So if you choose to want to go back to her and play revolving door relationship with her, that is up to you but I am hoping you are far past that and ready for a life without her or that kind of treatment from anybody else. So let it go, let it go....as the disney song states. Don't look back wondering what is true or what are rumors about her. Take away the runors and there is still an overwhelming amount of evidence that you know as the truth, to give you reason to stay away from her forever.
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Hi. First and foremost I just want to point out that doing drugs, drinking and all that stuff is not rebellious, it's just stupid. The fact that you are the opposite to her, at least from the way I read your post, is a really good thing - don't change that.
As for the situation, it's hard to determine what to believe in this situation but given her track record and what she has done (cheated on you before) but I am also a little confused because I thought that you both are actually together currently but then reading your post again it seems that is not actually the case? Can you clarify?
If you guys are not together then I suppose you could ask her about the rumours but she could just as easily say that it is none of your business or shouldn't matter because you both are not actually together. But if you guys are together currently then by all means ask her about the rumours and just explain that it's things people are saying that you overheard and just wanted to let her know and wanted to hear her side of it. From here really it will be up to you on whether you believe her as I would think you know her better than anyone on here and might be able to tell if she's lying or not.
The most important thing I think you should think about before doing anything is ask yourself, do you trust her? If you are having difficulty answering the question or the answer is no then I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to move on past her because if you are having difficulty with trusting her it will cause issues in your relationship. For example you'll wonder constantly who she's messaging, where she's going when not with you.
I'm sorry I can't really be of much specific help but I will say just go with your gut instinct and go with what feels right.
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