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I love a guy, should I pursue him?
So, there's this boy in my Spanish class at my new school. We have the same likes from what I heard him talk about. He looks cute, and acts cute, and he's just perfect! The problem is, I'm a shy, reclusive nerd that can barely hold a conversation. I'm sometimes so quiet the other person can barely hear me. Is there any way to start up a conversation normally without sounding too weird? Going up to him and just start talking is go I g to be a bit awkward since I barely talk to the guy. I do want to become friends with him first, to maybe make the situation a bit more comfortable. I should also point put that I have no idea if he's single or not. I would ask someone, but I have no o e I can trust. He I re facts with other females but he doesn't act like they are in any type of romantic relationship. I'm not the best looking person in the world, far from it actually, so flirting would be pretty bad for me. I'm 15 year old female if that helps. This is a lot of information and it's not organized very well, but advice would be very much appreciated, thanks in advance!
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Summer started off with be yourself and hold your inner feelings, both are great advice. I will go into more detail to help you understand. I used to be shy or in todays vernacular it is called "social anxiety" and I had it bad from as early as I have memories of myself, before school days even. I am no longer like that so it you wish to have an exercise that helps you overcome being so shy, then let me know writing back, and I will send you that lesson with all the simple steps. If it could help me and I was real bad, then it can help you.
Now about being yourself..it really is important that you only do what minor adjustments to who you are, are ones that will help you navigate the entire remainder of your life with as little difficulty as possible. I can't imagine having social anxiety for life and I don't beleive prescriptions are the cure here for this. NOt at all. People try to pretend to be someone they are not in order to catch the interest of someone they like. The problem with if you choose to "act" like you are more outgoing and have no problem talking to others including him, is that it is just an ACT like a role in a play, it isn't who you are underneath where you are still shaking, nervous, shy and scared. A person may fall for the fake role you show and when you show your true self later as you relax with a friend or BF, then they may not like what they see of the real you. But is shyness the real you? I hardly think so, but then I am older and have had more life experiences. Some people are naturally more quiet types, don't like large circles of friends, and are not people of many words, that is an actual personality type. but even though they prefer not to talk as much, they have no problem with talking in a clear loud enough voice when needed and without feeling nervous or awkward. so although there are set personality types, there is a little room for improvement. As to the advice of holding your inner feelings, I have found experts advise to simply become a friend first without stating you like them or love them. Once a person is friends with you, let some time go by as just hanging as friends because the next thing you say depends on having some history of friendship to look back at. "Since we get along so well as friends, it makes me wonder if we might do as well as more than friends. What do you think?" You aren't saying lets do it, just asking his opinion which is already a good thing. Guys like to be acknowledged for how they think and feel about things in their world . Not declaring current feelings helps to not scare a guy off by having to reject you for lack of same romantic feelings. It is a way of mentally outwitting a guy who may be as nervous or scared of girls in general as you of him.ready having romantic or love interest in him. You are simply wondering if both of you can work toward that by just trying dating. This is not as scary to a guy as rejecting a girl who already states she feels that way. No one like turning someone down but in life, that has to happen at times and when young we don't know how to do that or are scared to and just leaving a person hanging without giving any answer. This way of asking an already male friend, means he feels more open to telling you the truth if he has no romantic interest, only friendship interest, because in his mind, he's not letting you down, as he doesn't know your true feelings. However if he does have interest a guy will grab at the chance to explore and want to try.
Don't let how you look worry you. with every guy I ever dated and husband now, guys are not as picky as we are about ourselves. They don't see something as a negative, or ugly just because the female feels that way. I am older and my eyebrow hairs are actually falling out and not growing back. I let him know it bothered me and he said it didn't detract from him loving how I look. I still look terrific to him. Guys in your age range are only just starting to venture out into discovering their sexuality and finding they have interest or desire for someone of the opposite sex or same sex. But beyond that we don't tend to give it much thought. Guys are as afraid of making the first move as you are. Other guys, eventually the more mature, gentlemanly type will show a desire to be around you but leave it up to you without saying so, to make the first move for asking out, holding hands, kissing. Heck, I had to give my second husband the first kiss but once you do, this is a sign to them that you are interested in being a couple. So I am saying that even to start with gaining him as a friend first, you likely will still have to make the first move. For fun, if you don't beleive me, of those girls who have boyfriends, ask how many asked the guy first rather than him asking her. I am betting only a quarter of dating couples have a the guy ask first.
The number of people in the world born looking like models without having to dress special, do their hair a special way and make up, etc are very very few, from gatherings of 1000 church members I would say its 1 in a 1000. Very few. So the girls who look like models only look so because of the amount of effort they put into 'transforming themselves into this different look, stuffing bras or in later years, boob jobs, botox, every skin cream, perfume, hair cut, cut of clothes and expensive brand names, makeup and nails done and none of it is how they really look. I once saw the pastors wife without the glamour she put on for Sunday service as she ran out for a quick errand hoping not to run into anyone she knew. I saw her but she didn't see me as I saw somebody I didn't recognize at first, she was as average looking as me. I know how to doll myself up for dates out with my sweetie and guys love that too. But most want a female who isn't afraid to be herself in looks and personality, who is easy to talk with, has a sense of humor and can laugh at him as well as make him laugh, and is versatile in the different roles she takes, how she acts in class, how she acts when with her family. They feel more comfortable talking to girls who aren't obviously giggling around them, flirting and trying to catch the guys attention, they want to have a conversation with you as a female friend as if they were talking with a male friend only females can be more interesting if they have things in common as you stated you heard, and the girl is acting naturally as a friend rather than acting all weird on him. It puts the guy at ease. Many girls have written who are the only girl in a group of friends where all the friends are male and she is accepted and liked secretly by one or two as more than friends. But what I am saying is important, to act natural.
An important point is: Don't be afraid of messing up and confessing it. I found the best way to feel comfortable again is to not pretend I am fumbling or scared but to admit it. Whatever you say, you've got a start with what you've overheard. If I were you, I would start with something like asking how he likes the class, does he find it hard or easy, how'd he do on the last test. And then before he asks why you are asking him that question or if he has asked you rather than answering just tell the truth. Women make talking to men too complicated. Guys don't like complicated and their minds don't work like ours, they like straight forward answers.
So just admit:: You know, to be honest, I decided to come talk to you because I overheard you talking over time and it seems you and I might have some things in common we like. (Then mention some of the things you've heard, giving him a chance to make comments at what you say. And if you get tongue tied or start stuttering or feeling awkward, admit it again. Its not a show of weakness but braveness to tell someone something you wouldn't tell just anyone and makes them already feel special that you can share this with them of all people. How to admit you are messing up, "Sorry,( insert name, I'll use Trevor)Trevor, but I feel kind of awkward because I have never talked to guys before and I know it should be natural but there are some differences to guy and girls in how they think and communicate. I would love to have a male friend I have things in common with and would appreciate finding a guy who would help me learn how to talk to guys easily without finding it so awkward. (Give him a crazy smile with eyebrows lifted questioningly) So what do you think, would you be interested in helping me as a friend?" That's all you have to say. Asking for his help is the fastest way to get a males attention because they liketo be asked to help, most of them, not the few jerks who only love or care about themselves. 9 out of 1o males will want to help with whatever is asked of them by any female. In your early conversations at school, you may want to try to compliment him on things you are observing in him. Men like compliments too and will respond to a female who notices these things in him. To be sure ask if he chooses his own clothes. Then no matter if he or Mom does, you can say, well either way, you look good in that color (or style) be honest. If you don't like him in brown, don't say so. Be sincere so you don't have to remember any untruths you've spoken and keep them straight. If you like the kind of stuff he thinks about and shares, then compliment with, "I like the way your mind works" and guys will always try to get a girl to laugh. I have laughed at something a guy said, quite often actually, and no matter who it is, their eyes just light up and they smile or laugh too because it makes them feel good to have made a female laugh. So you could compliment with, "I like your sense of humor. You always can make me laugh or cheer me up." This agan makes them feel good. People tend to like to be around those who make them feel good about themselves. People like to be liked, really noticed and complimented. I can't guarantee in the end that you'll discover he likes you romantically. But if he is willing to start as a friend, he has a chance to get to know you better in a non pushy or assumptive position like bf where he'll feed the girl expects more from him than he may be ready to give. For a guy, its all about getting to know a girl very well before they decide if they also want her as more than a friend, but a girlfriend, romantic love. Yes, in HS you can fall in love but these don't last forever as both are learning and growing as a person even thru college years and two people, even if it were your BFF female friend, you can just become two totally different people than you were before starting as friends so you drift away and go separate ways. Its a no fault, nothing wrong with either, just too different to make a match. But I can say one thing, even I, happily married still wonder about certain guys, if I had been more self confident or made the first move, would we have dated at all, or even married? You don't want to wonder a big what if for the rest of your life, even if it might turn out you only dated in HS and moved apart after that.
If you feel that tips on how to start a conversation isn't enough and you need help with gaining self confidence quickly, I have a trick for that too I read in a womans magazine. I did an even better version of it and it worked so well I was astounded. It has more to do with the vibes people pick up from you rather than your looks that will boost your self confidence. Let me know if you want the instructions on that or on how to overcome shyness, or both if you need that.
Good luck hon.
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Hey there!
To help you with your dilemma, (I'm a bit new to this sorry) I want to say that just be yourself. It may be hard, but it is actually the best advice you could get. I also liked a guy in my class before, too. It was hard for me since I was a bit shy...but all I did was just walked and talked to him. Better not care about those stutters. It may be obvious, but it's worth a shot. Just let it go with the flow, you know? Oh, and don't try to flirt yet. Just give him some friendly gestures. That'll help. So in conclusion, be yourself and hold your inner feelings. When the two of you get comfortable, that's where you can try. Just be patient and go with the flow~ :D
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