Gender:
FemaleLocation:
SingaporeMember Since:
January 15, 2007Answers:
228Last Update:
April 18, 2014Visitors:
17923Favorite Columnists
karenR
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Work/School Relationships
View All
about
Just a couple of things which everyone should know..1) A love relationship is a TWO way thing, you BOTH have to be on the SAME page.. Communication is vital. FACT.
2) You don't need negative people in your life to bring you down, you get enough of that as it is. You need positive people, to raise you higher.. FACT.
3) Believe in yourself, if you start to, everyone else will. So focus on the good things, because that is what you will naturally flaunt.. Which makes everyone focus on the good things! TRUTH.
4) You only live once, so don't screw it up! Make the most of this ONE life! FACT.
5) Life's all about making mistakes, forgiving, letting go, falling in love, making friends, and best of all, LAUGHING OUT LOUD!! ;) Laughter IS the best medicine.. Trust me! ;) FACT.
Got some love life issues? Need a quick self-esteem boost? Confused in a relationship? .... Just ask Venzuela!
advice
My boyfriend is trying to give hints that he wants to take the relationship further, he's asking me how far I would go and what I would do, asking me to send him dirty pictures and if I would have sex. I'm 14 years old! I'm not ready, I'm not comftable with my body and I'm not comftable thinking about it. I want to tell him somehow that I'm not ready to go that far yet but I'm not sure how to tell him, he said he would never force me which I hope he won't...
Anyone got any advice on how I can tell him without it breaking us apart?
Also he wants me to send him a picture of me, a dirty one... I really don't want to, how can I tell him I don't want to do this aswell?
Thankyou x
I would suggest you just tell him. Be straight forward and let him know that you aren't comfortable taking dirty pictures and you feel as though he wants to start having sex, which is something you are not ready for. Maybe type a text stating how you feel etc., and then... Just send it. What's the worst that can happen? Your relationship with him ends? If you're not ready, you're not ready. No one should force you.
Also, you have to be honest in a relationship and communicate. I cannot stress any more how important communication is for a relationship to last.
Lastly, if he does not show any understanding and threatens to breakup, let it happen. He just helped you filter out the many trashy men you'll encounter.
I commend your self-awareness. It is very brave to take note of how you feel towards sex and stick to it in this era. So good on you!
Venzuela
So, within the past couple of months, I joined a little musical band and I met two guys in the band. One of the guys I was friends with before joining, and the other I met whilst in the band. The guy I first met, I had the biggest crush on him ever. We finally started a little relationship with each other but things became complicated and rocky. The other guy, well he saw how down I was feeling about the first guy and reached out to me and really helped me out through my tough time. Eventually, we both really opened up to each other and I realized that he is such a nice guy and he fell for me even more. Granted, I was never attracted to him in the beginning, his personality became heart warming over time. The thing is, I never fully left the first guy. We were always in that "talking" stage but there were always associated problems. He made me feel like he gave up and wasn't trying. I would tell the other guy these things and he would always try to help me feel better about the situation. I noticed that we grew closer (the second guy) and I developed a little crush on him. I realized how sweet he was and how much he really cared for me. He's not a very social person like the first guy, so it meant a lot more to me that he chose to trust me. When I noticed my feelings growing for both guys, I realized I had to only be true to one guy. I told the second guy that I chose the first because I couldn't not know whether or not we were meant to be. He was hurt but he understood that I always had feelings for the first guy. The first guy, found out how close the second guy and I were and he was a bit upset to know that I didn't trust him enough to talk to him about our relationship problems. I was offended and hurt to know that he didn't trust me but I could also see where he was coming from. He showed me little signs of interest and we never really communicated effectively, yet I still wanted to be with him. I went through a lot with him and I couldn't bear to have my efforts go to waste but at the same time, here's this other really sweet guy who has all these feelings for me and can potentially be a great boyfriend. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision. The first guy, my parents love him a lot and his family. The second guy, my parents like him too but not as much as the first guy. Remember I said he's not very social, so he doesn't talk to him much or any one else much for that matter. The first guy always greets my parents whenever he sees them out of respect and his feelings for me. Did I really have feelings for the second guy or did I like the attention he gave me and am I feeling sorry just because of guilt?
There's this quote by Johnny Depp which I think would apply to you in this situation.
"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”
And I agree with it. With the second guy, it sounds like things were easy and comfortable (e.g., you could share all sorts). Don't hold onto something that could be, or something that was... If things have changed, accept it, and move on.. The first guy worked out etc. but is it still working? He has a good relationship with your family, is it worth sticking out a relationship with him when you're constantly thinking about 'what if' with the second guy?
Good luck!
Venzuela
I was having a purely sexual relationship with a young guy who had just come out of a five year relationship (he ended it). He slept over practically every night since the first time we hooked up for about a month. He cried in front of me, he held me all night, the only thing he refused to do is go out. We seemed happy in our time one on one though. This made me fall in love with him but he only wanted friends with benefits. So he stopped pursuing me the moment I said I love you and we had some drama but then we reunited on Monday night - went out and had a casual night by the lake. It also happens to be the same day he saw his ex for the first time since their phone breakup and he ended it in person and had the talk with her. When he walked me home that night I'd never felt so close to him. He also requested we take a picture together and I sent it to him on his phone. When he walked me home he said he didn't just want to walk me home he wanted to stay over and we had an incredible night. We had sex twice more in the morning on Tuesday before I left for work. I didn't get a text or a phone call until Friday! He texted "what's up?" at 1:30 in the morning. I didn't get it until Saturday morning because I was asleep. Told him I was going to yoga and to have a good day. Now it's Sunday (and a long weekend so we both have Monday off) and I haven't heard from him at all. I'm afraid we're in a no contact zone. What happened???
No one can be sure, but maybe you were the person that he could lean on when he desperately needed someone. Now that some time has passed, he probably has moved on, but felt guilty that one time and asked you to take a picture together.
Or, he could be prepping you as a future 'booty call'.
It is always difficult getting serious with someone who JUST gets out of a really long and serious relationship. His relationship with his ex was 5 years long! It is going to take him some time to heal - even though he initiated the break up. Give him some time, it'll do you some good too. You would like someone who has no strings attached, and is purely with you for you, and only you - as a person.
Ask Venzuela
17/f
i was born with a penis and ive never had a bf cause i dont want to be embarassed.
pleeeeeeeease help, i want to be a regular girl!?!
any advse will be very helpful!
thanks in advance!!
This might not exactly answer your question directly but I know for sure in the long run, it will benefit you and your future.
Unfortunately, our culture today is highly gendered; being a 3rd gender (intersexed) can sometimes cause harm/hurt/pain due to other people's ignorance. But, there are ways to deal with this, especially at your age. Have you seen a psychologist? I am a current psychology student specialising in gender, and there are so many situations where teenagers feel lost and confused, due to the potential embarrassment of exposing the truth and feeling comfortable with who they are.
I don't think anyone on here can give you a valid and helpful answer, unfortunately. I highly recommend you seeing a psychologist, just to talk about your anxieties and feelings. It really will do more good than doing nothing.
If you want to chat a little more, feel free to contact me.
Ask Venzuela
I have been sleeping with this guy for 5years now the ladt tim being 4 days ago.when we first started he was on the outs with his on again off again girlfriend of 10 years he has had 2 other serious relationships and I have had one and two kids but we always manage to hook up.hes dating and living with his girl and we have been having sex more now than ever im single and I think I love him although we have never said it to each other.he never calls unless hooking up no bday valentines or mothers day reconition how do I get over him how does he see me?
If he never calls you except for when he needs to have sex, that is a problem. Unfortunately, it seems as though even though you two have a relationship that goes way back, that is all it will ever be to him. I suggest you move on, find a stable man and relationship. I don't know how old your children are, but I think you owe them some stability. Find a man that treats you with respect and doesn't leave you feeling like nothing but a 'booty call'. You honestly do deserve better.
Ask Venzuela
I am a 21/f and "Joe" is a 24/m. We have been dating about 3 and a half years now. When we started dating, I was 2 months pregnant. He has turned out to be the most wonderful father and was by my side the whole time I was pregnant. We always got along and I kbiw he really loved me. I moved in with him a couple months after i had my daughter. My mother moved 600 miles away, but I was going to move in with him anyways. I know I love him.. in the beginning I was in love with him but I guess that fades away with most ppl over time. I have alot of self image issuesbecause of being cheated on in the past. But I am a thin person and I don't think I look that bad. Within the past year I have caught him lying about girls numbers etc. Thick has happened multiple times. I even found a half way naked pic of.his coworker on his computer. It makes me feel not good enough and makes me.depressed because I don't know what I can do to be better. Of course he says he nver cheated on me, and I have never caught him, but if you lie about little things, you lie about big things. We have been ok these past.couple weeks, but I can't get images words and all that in the past out of my head. I would love for him to continue being a wonderful father to my daughter. They are so close. But if we are not together I will move to my dads house in another state. Should.I try to.stick it out for my daughter and try harder to build a healthy relationship or move.. take the easy way out. Sorry so long
They say it's better to have 2 happy homes, than 1 unhappy home.
Don't stick with him if you're not feeling it. You owe it to your daughter to be happy, she's going to need a good role model.
Have you had a serious conversation with him? There is no harm in asking and talking about the things that bother you, if anything, it helps the situation; at times it may not look as though immediately, but it does over time.
It's normal to have self-image issues, everyone has their insecurities. But for your partner to fuel those insecurities is not okay. You have to talk to him and tell him how you feel, tell him you've found half-naked pictures of his coworker on his computer, and the fact that he has the need to lie about getting other girls' numbers bothers you. You can't make a decision until you've spoken to him about the things that bother you. If he truly loves you, and your daughter, he'll be understanding. He'll understand where he is going wrong and therefore, he'll be able to fix his ways for you.
If he doesn't treat you right, trust me, there are people out there who would. Everyone has a someone, right!? Good luck!
Ask Venzuela
I really want a boyfriend!! A lot of people I know have a boyfriend and I don't. I have heard someone say,"Just flirt." I don't want to though!! Please help me!
*h3rmioneg*
Just flirting with a bunch of guys gets you the wrong kind of guys, and that can lead to more hurt and pain than you could expect. Going into a relationship for all the wrong reasons (i.e. because all your friends have a boyfriend) doesn't usually end so well. Take your time, why do you have to conform to everyone else - what's the hurry?
Do things for yourself because you want to and you feel comfortable doing, don't do it to fit in, or for your friends. It's not worth it. Plus, in the end, it's your life!
Ask Venzuela
well im at school and my ex wont talk to me .. he keeps looking at me but i dont know if i should go talk to him first or wait till he talks to me. We were friends but he's acting weird. What should i do? How can i get the same friendship we had a week ago.. i dont want to push him farther than i have already..
Give him some time, he's probably still trying to get over you, and therefore needs more time to do so. If he stares at you, don't go talk to him. He can come talk to you when he wants to and is ready.
Don't force anything now, just give it some time and hopefully, you'll have a better relationship with him than you did. It all depends on the person and how things turn out in the end.
Ask Venzuela
I'm 16f and the guy I like is 14m freshman I'm a sophomore. I think he is so adorable! I met him last year at my variety softball game he thought I was "hot" he texted a girl on my team saying that! Which gave me confidence and I got over this one kid because of him. Now that he's in my school I can't get my mind off of him I visit his 2nd period sometimes and he says hi but I get to choked up to carry on the convo further! The problem is that I'm shy and his sister who's a junior is on my softball team and we are cool it's like alove hate relationship which is all messing around. But she can have a real attitude and she complains how her brother gets everything. I just don't know what to do I really like him! Help
I understand what you mean by feeling all choked up, but how about you get a mutual friend to introduce you two to each other (as if you've never met before) and have that mutual friend talk to him and you - a three-way conversation. That way, it eliminates the pressure on you, and instead it's shared between the 3 of you.
You got to ignore the sibling rivalry, all siblings have some sort of rivalry, don't let that affect your opinion on the guy!
Ask Venzuela
So I noticed this girl in my class that was pretty cute but I didn't talk to her at all for about 2 months. but as the semester went by I really didnt talk to to her until one day as I was heading to class she noticed me and asked me if I i was in her class and as we walked to class i made her laugh a couple of times than the next week i sat next to her and we talked more for the next couple of weeks I couldnt stop thinking about her and I couldnt wait to see her in class. I asked her if she wanted to exchange numbers and she gave it to me without hesitation but what was bizarre is that she only got my number i asked if she wanted mine but she said just text me and say its you. So I texted her and she texted right back and we talked but one day i asked her out to lunch she said that she couldn't because she had work so than a week later i asked her out to lunch and she said she couldn't because she had a final that day and would be out of town next week but she will let me know when shes back. So i text her again a week later asking her if she wanted to go out to lunch and go the movies after but she didnt text me back and its been more than a week so I dont know if i should wait for her to text me back or should I call or text her? Everytime i saw her in the campus she would smile and would be very happy to see me and one day i saw her going to her car and some dude was talking to her and when she saw me she completely ignored the guy talking to her and she smiled at me and said hey my friend who was with me that day whose good with relationships told me that he can tell that she likes me so i just wanted to add that and I want to text her but she said that she would let me know when shes back and she has the iphone 4 so when i texted her it was through imessage and said the text was delivered so she probably saw it. I texted her a couple of days ago and again she didnt text back the imessage was off though. but if anyone can help me that would be awesome!
Don't text her again. You do not want to come off as insecure, and like you have nothing else to do. You've texted her countless times, am I right?! Well, you've done your part. Now, you got to wait on her to reply. And you're right, maybe her phone is messed up or there are other reasons you have not received a reply from her yet.
So, take it easy. Waiting is pretty hard at times, but that's what you have to do now. Wait for her to reply. While waiting, move on with your life - friends, school etc. Don't stop everything for her.
Lastly, trust her. She said she'll text you when she gets back.
Ask Venzuela
I like him but does he like me? Im 14years old and so is he. ut he's about to be famous cause he can sing and dance. i really like him and he really used to like me but does he like me anymore?? How would I know wothout asking him? Is it dumb to date him since girls will be all over him at concerts and stuff?
No one knows better than the person himself. If you want to know for sure if he likes you etc. you got to ask him straight up. Watching the way he treats you does not tell you if he likes you, he could just be a good friend.
And, no. It's not dumb to date someone who is famous. Everyone needs a someone. Also, you shouldn't be worried about girls throwing themselves at him, if you trust him and know for sure that he would never hurt you in any way - you got nothing to worry about!
Ask Venzuela
Me and my partner have a very complicated relationship,we are constantly quarreling bc we don't agree in almost anything,but we work things out with sex,I know this is not healthy,though,but it has become our perfect remedy,we just forget about everything,don't talk at all and just have sex,but the next day things usually are the same,what could I do about this??thanks!!
How about you actually solve the issues you both have instead of having sex which is a temporary cure. Having sex doesn't solve the problem, as you know for yourself, the next day, the problem is still there. So, talk about the issues and together come to some solution. That way the issue you both had is solved, and after you have had sex, that issue won't be there. This is like a step towards the right direction, because after sometime, sex is all your relationship will be about. Humans can't live with sex only relationships, we need the companionship, the friendship and all that other stuff.
Venzuela
Hello, I'm 19. My names Megan.
I'm here to simply ask; just how important is sex? Me and my current boyfriend work nicely except the sex part. Our bodies make it difficult to have intercourse. I'm not saying we're fat. But he is heavier than me. And I've had heavier boyfriends. But, it's just so difficult to do it, that I'm not even sure it's worth trying to do.
I try talking to him about it, but what can he really do about it?
It bothers me, doesn't really effect him. I'm a lot more experienced than him.
I just. Need to know where to go from this?
I am going to have to disagree on one of the advisers that gave you some advice earlier on; do not tell him it is because of his weight you find it hard to sleep with him. Commenting on a person's weight, no matter the gender, is quite a sensitive issue. Why not offer to exercise together? Jogging? - It builds stamina too ;)
Basically, help him rather than just put it all on him. I'm sure he'd be more than willing to improve the sex life you both share. So talk to him about exercising, whatever works!
Ask Venzuela
hey i'm the 12 year old girl with the 16 year old bf. alot my friends have really older boy friends.and they've had sex before. i'm really not sure what i should do? my friends are always talking abuot how they had sex. sometimes they would ask me if i've had sex with my bf and they know i'll say no. should i have sex with my bf?
Love, the fact that you're posting this on a website for advice from millions of people around the world just shows that you aren't ready. The millions of helpful advisers on this site could not possibly know if you are ready, if you are emotionally ready, for sex or not.
Do you want to lose your virginity because everyone else was doing it, or because YOU, yourself wants to? Because you, yourself, feels safe, secure and loved.
Don't do it for others. Don't do it for your friends, or for your boyfriend. Do it for yourself. And from what I read, you clearly are not ready.
Legally you aren't supposed to, there MUST be a reason it is not allowed legally, right? Read up on the psychological effects of having sex at a young age. Besides the psychological effects, are you, yourself, able to provide for a baby, financially, emotionally etc.?
Just be sure that whatever you choose to do, it is because it is what you want, and it's something you will not regret.
Ask Venzuela
Okay, a while ago i was cutting myself over some anxiety problems. No, i wasn't like, trying to kill myself or going for my wrists, it was alot milder than that to try and relieve myself of some distress. I've stopped now because i think it's stupid. Me and my boyfriend got into a really deep conversation and i decided to confide in him and confess what i was doing (dick move i know, am i trying to scare him away?? *sigh*) Anyway, he didn't seem to make a big deal out of it, and when we got into a conversation about it again, he said that he wasn't really checking to see if i was still doing it, and that he wasn't overly freaked out by it and that 'It's just that you have a problem, it's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault'. He is such a wonderful human being and i know that he cares about me and loves me. But because i'm a phsyco bitch, it makes me feel like he didn't really care about it. If someone had told me about it i would at least have discreetly sneaked a peek at their arm to see if there were any new marks. I love him and i just want to be happy with him, but does this mean he isn't really bothered by it? :( I realise i sound slightly attention seeking, but that's not why i told him, i just wanted his support.
Cheers x
You boyfriend does care about you. The fact that he is not giving much attention to it is probably because he is trying to show you indirectly that it's a personal issue, it is for you to heal over by yourself, on your own. He doesn't want to make you feel odd or a victim, he's trying to be cool about it and be accepting. That is love.
Keep talking to him, he sounds like a good person to have.
I hope you have overcome the cutting emotionally. :)
Ask Venzuela
There is guy at work I seen looking at me a couple of times. Both times I was looking down doing something and when I looked up i saw him looking at me as he walked by. One of the times when passed by he looked back at me. Why is he looking at me? I like him should I go up and talk to him?
You clearly seem like the take charge person, which is good, especially at a time like this. He probably is a little shy, so if you are brave enough to walk over to him and just say hi, start a conversation on anything and everything, then go ahead! I'm sure he'll thank you later as you were the first to start things going!
Try it out, you'll never know until you at least try! ;)
Ask Venzuela
Well, I have been thinking about my ex [ A 1 ] still , but I've mannaged to stay away for a while I don't know if I should text him because if he and I were still together today would've been 2 Months , but we broke up so I guess not . Well I did start liking someone else, actually recently, but he was someone I use to like a while back the recent guy [ A 2 ] . I dont know if it's wrong for someone to move on so fast I haven't really talked to [ A 1 ] in about a month, it's as if we are complete strangers . I do get those days where I just wanna text him but I don't because I know how to stay on the Down Low and he is someone I won't forget just like nothing , yes I do miss [ A 1 ] but [ A 2 ] is like a new start but I do like him he told me he feels the same , but he is an 8th grader I do not care if he is younger it's just that that people will talk and we wont be able to see eachother and that's what I think is really holding me back , yes I do think he is cutee and everything but [ A 1 ] is still in the picture . I would go for it with [ A 2 ] but I gues I am scared to let go of [A 1.]. But good thing is that [ a 1 ] isnt going to the same High School as me and I can forget about him faster then I've ever forgotten about anyone because time is the best medicen yet . Well, well my question[s] are basicly ,
Is it wrong for someone to move on so fast . ?
Is it right to like some one else while still having so many feelings for someone else . ?
Should I just start getting closer with [A 2] even if he is an 8 th grader . ?
Firstly, no. It is not wrong for someone to move as fast as you are willing to. Let's face the facts, you are still young, your last relationship lasted for less than 2 months, therefore is not a big deal if you move on now. It is probably healthier for you too. You broke up with A1 for, it was obviously for an important reason, whatever it may be. So just move on, A2 likes you too. You could start getting closer to A2 as a friend, and then see how it goes. Don't jump into anything too fast though, starting off as friends is a good way to understand what you could be possibly getting into, relationship wise. Take it slow, and see how it feels. The issue with people judging, unfortunately, there will always people in the world judging you, me, everyone.
If it feels right, go for it!
Ask Venzuela!
I feel like all the nicknames for my boyfriend are too common and so I thought I wouldask you if anybody could help me with a list of cute names to call your boyfriend? No matter whether it's one name or 100 I thank you for helping me! Thank you
Sweetheart, no one knows your boyfriend as much or as well as YOU, or feels what YOU feel as much as YOU! In order to get a really good nickname for your boyfriend, it should just come about. Don't force it or rush it. Is there some way you identify him with? Be it a sport or anything? A memory that you both share dearly or even a stupid random word you both came up with one day when you were hanging out together. I believe names mean a whole lot more, especially nicknames because that is something only two people understand, at first, until friends start asking why he's called that or whatever..
SO I suggest you think about something that HE is special to you for or makes him special as a person, and it doesn't even have to make sense, that is the beauty of nicknames and having a sweet memory behind it. Names like 'baby, babe, honey etc.' are SO common.. Add some spice to the relationship, and he will remember you for long, for calling him that cute name that was linked to an awesome memory you both shared! ;)
Ask Venzuela
i've had a crush on this guy for a while. recently i've gotten more of the courage to start texting him first. we've known each other for about four years now. well we started talking and he broke his wrist playing hockey and told me he's getting surgery on friday. i was like you need to drink more milk! and he was like i drink alot. and then i was like well maybe you should be better at hockey and then you wont get hit (this was totally a joke, he's a great hockey player, d1 colleges want him to play for them) and he was like thanks.. and i was like you know i'm kidding. come on now you know i wouldnt be serious. i never am.. how long have you known me? you should know this. and he was like haha ok calm down. i think this kind of gave it away that i have a crush, do you think? urgh i seem so worried that he would be mad. i feel dumb. and then i was like you obviously don't know me! and he was like of course i do.
do you think i gave anything away? why do i always sound so dumb when i talk to him!!
You didn't give it away and I don't think you sound 'dumb' either.. It's playful flirting, it's harmless.. Usually. So I say continue flirting with the guy, as long as the both of you are having fun, it's all good.. :)
Ask Venzuela
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a month now and i feel like its the same old stuff. I go over his house, we make out, he might feel up my shirt or something.. and thats it. i'm not interested in any type of sex so i'm wondering how i can change things up. i really have no ideas. i mean we do just hang out sometimes and like make cupcakes like last week but its usually the same. Thanks!
Honestly, you guys seem quite shallow. If you want this relationship to be deeper, more meaningful for the both of you then I suggest you start doing a little more talking and less doing.. Since you both are comfortable with each other on a physical level, it is probably time to work on your emtional closeness. So maybe talking about things that you don't normally tell other people, things that reall get to you, just feel comfortable about talking about anything. And some things for you to do would probably be romantic things, if you're the romantic; maybe picnic at the park, lying on the grass under the moonlit sky or the sunlit sky, just being with each other and talking about whatever and just being close. I think that would definately give your relationship more essence than right now!
Touch each other on a deeper level, a non-physical level. ;)
Ask Venzuela