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Q: 16/f okay so my bf smokes alot. just going to get that out there right now. weed and cigs. and at times it seems that he would rather do that then be with me. like sometimes he wont come to school because he would rather go do that. and me and him dont hang out alot outside of school so its like if he is dropping school he is dropping me.... anyways there is 2 things i can do. i can tell him we need a break and that i still like him but he needs to sort out his priorities or i can stay with him and believe he will straighten up like he says he will.he says he is going to start coming back to school and be a better bf which he has lately.... i just need to know what the right thing to do is. i mean when he is with me he makes me so happy and i cant stop smiling but he does hurt me too :( so somebody please help me. i want the most effective way and if he doesnt want to be helped and keeps it up i will break up with him and move on. but fully breaking up with him right now isnt an option, he means too much and i want him to knoe i am here for him. so please help me if you can and thanks in advance

This is harsh, but reality.

You need to move on. Your boyfriend will likely not ever stop smoking weed for you and not because of you, it's more important to have weed than you. It's not that you aren't good enough to turn him into a great boyfriend. So many girls are stuck with guys who are on drugs and they take forever to learn that they don't have a future. So, if you want to look for a guy with goals and a future, don't go for guys who smoke weed because you don't deserve fighting through out an entire relationship with someone.

You seem like you are a great girlfriend, but you can honestly be a great girlfriend to a great boyfriend. And while your boyfriend may be a really nice guy, he makes bad choices that effect you. Breaking up with him is 'fully' an option, you just don't want to use that option. Love won't fix everything. If relationships were only based on love, we'd all be happy in relationships right now without worrying about problems like cheating, or weed or abuse. I hope this helps you a little.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: A few of the teens at my church won't date anybody when they're in high school, b/c they think it's pointless... but some of them will date in high school; I've dated people before, but I'm starting to see the other people's pov (the one's that won't date anybody), but I really like someone, and I don't know if I should date while I'm in high school or wait like SOME of the people at my church.... any ideas?

I think that the whole, "Pointless highschool dating" is another way of trying to not get hurt. You can't avoid dating altogether because you might get burned.

I think that dating is very important. More than important. It lets you know what you like, and don't. It gives you experience for future dating. I think the only part you should truly avoid in highschool is sex. I'm not telling anyone what to do, but you'd be surprised by how much that can effect you. Dating is ok now and it's far from pointless. It's helpful and you should absolutely go for it when the opportunity presents itself. And if these teens look the other way from you for this, too bad, this is your decision and you make it:)

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i like this kid a lot and whenever we talk he always says something and it's exactly what i'm thinking. we have a lot of the same opinions on things. he's not really "my type" and my parents wouldn't like him but i don't care. ok here's the problem though. his ex-girlfriend cheated on him and now he wants to be single for a while. they went out for like 4 or 5 months and they broke up at the begining of the summer. i really like him and i want to show him that i'm worth trying a relationship for because all of my past relationships have lasted more than 6 months. how do i do this?

There's truly only 2 things you can actually do:

One being is waiting. If you continue to hang out with him and be his friend, then he might soon notice you as a girlfriend. Waiting really sucks, but I don't know if you'd be comfortable with two.

Two is telling him exactly what you stated. That he might have been burned in the past but you really like him and want a chance.

Or you could hint around. Slip in comments like, "I'm very faithful, cheaters are just scum" or something along those lines. But honestly, you can't make a guy want you, it just has to happen on it's own. You put yourself out there and hope they'll like you back and if he's wanting to be single, you should make it to where you are 100% as his friend and not spending 95% of the time his friend and the other 5 pushing him into a relationship.

If he knows you are 100% ok with being his friend and making him comfortable, he'll be more likely to notice you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I hope a lot of people read this, because I need a lot of advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months, and it's been the happiest four months I've had in a long time. Well, what happened, was before we started dating, him and his girlfriend at the time had just broken up. So, I'd log onto Myspace & she'd send me a bunch of crap saying how I was fat and ugly, and how I stole him from her. I ignored it. Honestly, I think she's insaneeee!

Anyways, I told Alex, my boyfriend when we first started dating, that I didn't mind if he talked to her, because I didn't want to seem possessive. But, like a week into them talking, he told me the stuff they were saying and I just told him he had to choose either her or me. I just didn't think it was fair, plus it made me really sad because she would constantly say how horrible of a person I am, to my boyfriend. So, he listened and stopped talking to her, then everything seemed okay, until..

randomly out of the blue like two weeks ago she sent him a message that says, "I miss you! I'm so sorry that I was mean to YOU! you have no idea how bad I feel. Please just talk to me." Alex said he wasn't going to respond to it, and that made me feel really good.

Yesterday, he had me log on to his e-mail account to send an e-mail to his teacher, I was bored so I clicked the "Sent" folder, and saw he had sent her an e-mail, and it said, "Hey. You've been trying to talk to me, so I'm assuming it's important. I can't talk to you on Myspace because Amy [ME] will see, so get on AIM sometime and we'll talk."

I told him I saw it, and he apologized like crazy, but I don't know, if I'm just getting mad for a stupid reason or what. I just really need to know, if I'm blowing this way out of proportion.

Even if you don't give me advice,
thanks for taking your time to read this.

I know you probably felt pretty awful reading that and he was definitely wrong. But, if he was apologetic that's a great sign of the fact that he cares about you and wants to keep you.

You should take some precautions like, letting him know that now it's harder to trust him because of this. Don't let him off the hook with, 'I'm so sorry' you should tell him how it makes you feel and let it out. He should listen and not even argue with what you say. Don't suffer in silence.

You should include about how you feel of this Ex girlfriend. Tell him that you really don't want to ban him from a girl, but you truly can't even stand to think that he'd sit and listen to her talk about you horribly. And then you should say that you need to hear him tell her that it's over between them and that he's into YOU not her anymore. I think hearing him tell her this would bring you so much comfort, not to mention this girl needs to hear it.

And you should also say that truly, if theres something that this girl needs to talk with him about then obviously she wants to say something to him that wouldn't be ok with you.
I really hope this guy will do the right thing and keep you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 13/f

I've been dating this guy for sometime now. It was an internet relationship, but i didnt care. He was sweet and made me feel so much better about myself in so many ways. We used to say to tell each other that we loved each other everytime we talked. But recently i he wasnt on for a while. I kept on loving him. There was a place to put if you had a special person, so I put his picture on there saying that i always will love him. When he got back on he said he didnt love me anymore. I was crushed and we've been talking about it. Now he is saying that he isnt the same type of guy and that i should judt forget about him, and he doesnt get why i still love him. the question is, why all of the sudden does he not love me? Is it because the natural male instince to run when a woman says she loves a guy?

I'm honestly tired of the answers that are against internet relationships.

I don't encourage them, but seriously, this is ridiculous. If you know the person by Phone, email, web-camera, and so on, theres really no reason you shouldn't talk to someone. The important thing is that when you decide you're in love over the net, you might be setting yourself up for major heart-break because you honestly don't know what the person is doing. So you pretty much have to be trusting or you will fall apart and ON TOP OF THAT- If you ever decide to meet someone, make an adult or someone else go with you.

Anyway, the point is that your age doesn't have much to do with this. Being thirteen doesn't mean you can't feel love. The truth is that it's not you. This guy is probably not feeling like any of this is real since it's online. But what you should do is accept that he's moving on and yes it will hurt you a lot to go on, but you have to. For someone better. I promise that this will all get better no matter how much it hurts:(

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My past boyfriend cheated and lied to me alot, the lying was on a daily basis. We broke up after 7 months of this. Its been three weeks since the break up, and he does everything in his power to flirt in front of me with all my friends. I try not to let it bother me, I really do; but it makes me so angry! I don't acknowledge it until I get home and I just get so frustrated and take it out on my family. I can't get my friends to realize that he's a liar and a cheater, he's just playing them! I'm not sure what to do, he's driving me insane!

Your anger is so normal to be feeling and the way you are handling it isn't wrong. Your friends are in the wrong for even thinking to talk to this guy in front of you. And for those friends are are doing that to you deserve to be lied to, honestly, these are very untrue friends.

Just remember that this guy only feeds on you watching him flirt and be upset. What you need to do is get away. If your in the same class, he is invisible, as hard as that is, you have to convince yourself that he is nothing. If your friend is off flirting with him and falling for his lies, let her fall for it. Just don't be there to watch it.

I would also consider thinking about your real friendships. If these friends mean something to you, you need to tell them that you are very hurt by this and that if it continues, you will keep your distance with them. If you want to get away from him, you need to get away from them, the ones who are involved with flirting with him.

As for coming home to your family, you should really think about the fact that home is where you want to be because it's not where this guy is. Maybe you should talk to someone or do something that relieves your anger without damaging people or effects the way you act. Maybe writing, poetry, punching a pillow, any of that could work. I hope this helps:)

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ME 19/F HIM24/M we have been togethe for 3 yearsand we live together at hismoms house and well we have been rough patches andall but we mde it throughhe justu tgot this new job making 4 grand every month but the bad thing is hes gone from like 6 in the morning to like 10 or 11 at night i nver get to see him rally anymore and hes so tiredwhen h ges home hedoesnt want t be held on or doesnt want to do anything physical well my job i only mad lik emaybe 6 or 650 in a month so h wanted me to quit so i could find abetter job and we could move out ad get a place together so i go to my job quit come hom gt job interviews lined up and all so we have a wonderful day that day cause he had it off and we were having a great day emotionally and physically lol well the next day i go out with my friends in hi car which he knew about a week in advance! WELL I GET HOME ROUND 1:30AM.WELLHES MAD AT ME SAYING I SHOULD HVE TOOK MY CAR BUT I COULNT CAUS IT DOESNT HAVE A TAG YET WELL HE SAID HE COULNT GO ANYWHERE IF HE WNATED AND WHATEVER WELL THE NEXT DAY I FIND OUT HE HAD WENT OUT TO THE BOWLING ALLEY WITH HIS FRIEND AND HIS FRIENDS GF THAT I DO NOT LIKE! SO I GET MAD AND AK HIM HYD H MAKE ME FEEL BAD THAT I WENT OUT WITH HIS CAR WHEN HE WAS OUT ALL NIGHT TOO AND SO THEN HE GETS MA SAYING I NEVER LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANTS AND STUFF WELL THEN HE ENDS UP GOING OUT AGAIN WITH THEM 2 ADN STAYING GONE ALL NGIHT COMESHOME THE NEXT DAY IN HE AFTERNOON AT 2 AND LEAVE AGAIN COMES HOM LIKE AT 12 MIDNIGT WELL HES TELLING ME HE DOESNT NAT TO BE WITH ME THATHE LOVES ME ANDALL BUT I BITCH AT HIM TOO MUCH ABOU EVERYTHINGANDHE DOESNT WAN TO COME HOME AND HAVE TO HEAR THAT AND THAT I CAN STILL STAY HERE HE CAN HELP ME AND CAN HELP HIM BUT NOT IN A RELATIONSHIOP AND THE REASON WHY HE HASNT ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM IS CAUSE I TRY T O WEAR THE PANTS IN THE RELATIONSHIP AS IT IS AND JUST THINK WHT ITD BE LIKE IF IWAS HIS WIFE AND ALL THIS THT HE DONT WNAT ME TO HATE HIM HE JUST CANT B IN A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW ITS TOO MUCH STRESS.THAT W TRIED AND WE FAILED HE WONT EVEN LET ME TOUCH HIM I HAD TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP WE SLEPT IN THE SAM EBED BUT I COULDNT TOUCH HIM AND THEN IN THE MIDDLE TH ENIGTH HE WS HOLDING ME S TGHT AND STUFF AND IT JUSTHURTS ME SO BAD HE IS MAKIGN IT SEEM LIEK I DO EVERYTHING WRONG IN THIS RELATIONSHIOP AND HES SOO PERFECT ALL IWANT ISSOME ATTENTION ONCE IN AWHILE I MEAN DAMN IS THAT TOOO HARD TO ASK FOR? I DOTN UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD I WANT TO STAY HERE AND US HELP EACHOTER BUT NO BE WITH HIM? ITS TUPID AS SIT I EMAN COME THE FUCK ON SHOULD I TRYAAND MAKE THIS WORK OR SHOULD I JUST GET OVR HI? SOMEONE OLEAE HELP I MKNOW THIS SI REALLLY LOG IM SORRY HES AT WORK AND IM SITTING HERE LISTENIGN TO COUTNRY CRYING S YEHA PLEASE HELP ME I NE DADVICE.THANX

You really do not type like a 19 year old. Seriously, if you want advice, consider spell check because as much as I want to help, I'm not reading through that big run on sentence. Sorry.

Q: My boyfriend's ex has been so mean to me lately sayng they're going out and this one person told me I shouldn't believe her because she lies soo much and she is just jealous. My boyfriends mom also told me that shes bad news and that she's been giving them a hard time lately.

Well.

Apparently, so many people have told me today they were making out. So apparently he is cheating on me. I really liked this guy but I guess it was fake. What should I say to him? I'm really devastated...

I really hope that your boyfriend didn't cheat on you, but if you know this girl lies, then you should really tell your boyfriend how you feel.

Tell him that you've been getting a lot of the same stories from different people and it's upsetting you to hear and have no idea what to believe.

An idea that might work is if your boyfriend denies making out with this girl, he should tell her this to her face in front of you so that you will be able to see her reaction to this.

And the next time she confronts you or tells you another story, you should just say, "I really don't care, so leave me alone" and then walk away. If you really feel like they did do something, then maybe you are better off ending it. Just be careful, because you really don't know whose lying, just go with your gut.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: The only way I know how to handle an argument with my husband is to ignor him and sleep in the other room, he does not care or listen to a word I say and our communication sucks. We do not want a divorce so about twice a month this we ignor and I sleep in another room until we both feel comfortable with each other again and then two weeks later we do the same thing again, he also holds me down with money, because I am a stay at home mom and I am not to worried with that because my name is on the account, although he does threaten to take all of the money out and leave with nothing, need I say this is ONLY a threat and he never follow thru, I know its a cyle we are going thru and I am fed up!!! By the way we have a 4 year old that we try real hard to not involve her but I know she is effect and it breaks my heart. My husband throws out all the time that he wants out of this marriage but he does nothing and then in a few days he acts like nothing is wrong, how can that be?? I am not going to say I am incoscent in all of this, but I am the only one who is seeking help! Female 38

Well, if you continue to handle arguments the way you both do, then you are on the edge of your marriage.

I really don't know about marriage since I'm not married, but I do know that ignoring and not communicating the problems will pile and pile until one of you finally scream divorce.

On a time when you both are available, and not fighting, you need to say, 'listen, we're married now, we can't ignore each other just because we don't agree. I love you and I'm more than willing to make you and I both happy and figuring out a way for us to settle this without getting a divorce and without effecting our child' or something along those lines.

I imagine the only way to really begin a good way to settle fights is counseling. It's not a bad thing, it's a way of trying to save your marriage and your child. It's not stupid, or admitting your helpless, but you both should consider a little more help if you can't manage.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Hi.. umm well basically i think im in love with my bestfriend. but hes a dick! ok this is wat happened. he have been best friends for like 1 year and a bit and he cronically flirted with me and even kissed me! and then he goes out with some other girl, then i decide to try get over him and be happy for him.. and then just as im liking this really nice guy, he tells me that he really likes me.. so im like ok ive liked you for ages! and so we kinda get going.. then he feels bad about his old gf so he tells me he cant get with me atm because its only lust not love. then after he completely breaks up with his ex.. i assumed he would u know.. get goin with me agen.. but no. he starts going out with another girl AFTER hooking into one of my friends at a party and AFTER flirting with me when we went out to a movie. i really dont know what to do. he doesnt get that he is the first thought when i wake up in the morning.. and the last at night. he knows how i feel.. i cant seem to like other guys because my feelings for him are really strong. what can i do to get over him without losing him as a best friend? please help (btw sory this was so long)

First off, I know how you feel to think about someone all the time, constantly and it hurts. But, from what you're telling me, he doesn't deserve to be on your mind like this for being a jerk and giving you mixed messages.

He knows how you feel and if he's not going to respond to that, then moving on is what you have to do. When he says that it's only lust and not love, don't take that lightly. That was probably a true statement and you shouldn't consider this guy again IF he tries again with you.

As for how to move on while staying friends is the impossible part. You can act happy for him, act happy around him, but sadly all you'll be doing for a while is acting with him. Because when the truth comes out, thats how friendships fall apart. I'm not saying you'll never get to be friends again, but for now keep your distance without completely shutting him out unless you want to act all the time.

I have some tips that I made by myself for getting over someone, but it's for more of a break-up so you don't have to do everything on it since this wasn't a break-up.

1- Distractions: When you find yourself really depressed and upset, turn on the TV or go for a walk. Go to the gym and workout or anything that takes your mind away.

2- Venting: There are times when you won't be able to take your mind away as easily. So you have to just deal with the feelings in your own way possible. Write in a journal, cry, call a friend, go walking, listening to a favorite song and sing until you can't anymore.

3- Limiting: It's ok to have days where you stay at home and be alone, but you have to limit those days. Staying at home in your bed may feel good every once in a while, but it won't if you do it repeatedly. Spend a lot of time out with friends or family members. Even if you feel horrible the entire time, it's worth it.

4- Dating again: You might be thinking that just because you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend anymore you have to start searching immediately for another. That isn't true. You have to start dating again when you feel ready. Which could be a very long time.

I really hoped this helped and if you want anymore advice or have anymore questions I'm here:)

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Hi TeenGirl,
thanks very much for your previous response...it seems to be running in line with most of what I've heart, therefore it must be good advice...what I would like some more help on is the issue of my grandmother...as I said, she is very ill and it is quite apparent that she does not have much longer...should I let him know this? I would not want to see the regret a person would have if they knew they broke up with someone and ignored them in the midst of the person's grandmother on the verge of passing away....thoughts?

I'm really sorry, but could you link me to your previous question? I'm pretty bad with remembering but just send me the link and I'll answer your question:)

Q: I had been a 4 year relationship.... he just said he "had enough" last week. It was constant fighting and those stupid little break ups every week...for some reason though, we always got back together and I really did love him a lot...he was definetely the bad boy type, and I was the "smart girly" type I guess you could say...he and I both had our shares of infidelity, though I made my mistakes early on, and he carried them out until January of this year...he's been physical at times and apparently I've been a bitch at times...my grandmother is very ill right now and he's basically abandoned me....why can't I get over him and have the urge to call so bad...how can I overcome this?

It's really hard to even start answering your question because I'm just in awe at how exact we both are. I was with someone for 4 years and he broke up with me only a few days before the 4 year anniversary. So I can relate so much to the feeling of the urges and abandonment you feel. Except he never ever, got physical with me.

Overcoming something like this is knowing and accepting the truth. If he seriously ended it, you have to come to terms with the fact that your life will go on with or without him. And if he continues later on going on without you, it only brings you the opportunity to catch up with friends, family, or just the other part of your life you missed out on. It also takes you to a new world of being single, not having to constantly worry about calling someone or staying out too late or just being with another guy.

You also have to realize that you can be the biggest bitch on earth to him and you can call him every name in the book, there will never be a name when it's ok for him to ever hit you or push you. So, it doesn't matter what you did, it's wrong.

It can't be him whose ending it. You should be the one who says, "I don't deserve this, I'm ending it."

I have some pretty well thought out tips on dealing with a break-up:

1- Distractions: When you find yourself really depressed and upset, turn on the TV or go for a walk. Go to the gym and workout or anything that takes your mind away.

2- Venting: There are times when you won't be able to take your mind away as easily. So you have to just deal with the feelings in your own way possible. Write in a journal, cry, call a friend, go walking, listening to a favorite song and sing until you can't anymore.

3- Limiting: It's ok to have days where you stay at home and be alone, but you have to limit those days. Staying at home in your bed may feel good every once in a while, but it won't if you do it repeatedly. Spend a lot of time out with friends or family members. Even if you feel horrible the entire time, it's worth it.

4- Dating again: You might be thinking that just because you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend anymore you have to start searching immediatly for another. That isn't true. You have to start dating again when you feel ready. Which could be a very long time.

I hope that everything I've said has helped in some way. But I will give you some sites too since that's what you really wanted.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 15/f. I'm not interested in dating right now, and I like someone way older. How do you make yourself get over it ?

The best way of getting over this older guy is telling yourself the reality of your situation. When you think about how much you want him, remind yourself that it will never happen because you both are in two different worlds.

Try finding a few new guys to crush on. You don't have to date them, but that way if you ever decide you want to date, you'll be crushing on someone whose available and it won't seem impossible.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I am a female. I was dating this guy for a couple of months. a couple of weeks ago he broke it off with me and said that he needed to concentrate on his relationship with God and find himself. I told him that I respected him taking time to go through this process and to have a good life. He commented that he wanted to be friends and I told him that I couldn't it would be weird. We are neighbors, so we run into each other all of the time. However, he calls me and comes to my door all of the time. To make it worse, we have mutual friends that invite us to dinner parties and we don't really want people to know what's going on, so we have to pretend that nothing has changed. Basically, I stayed away from him for two days and couldn't say no to his advances and now we continue the physical part of our relationship, but make it known that we are not a couple. This hurts me, but I am at the point where I am depressed and sad, but when I hear from him or see him I am okay. How do I get away from him?

Ohhh man, you are in a pretty big mess, it's definitely time to get out of it.

Now,let me just say that this whole excuse of,"Finding God and himself" is a bit lame. I believe in God and everything, but yet he's still being physical with you? It sounds like he's ready for the commitment part to be done and you shouldn't stick around for the game he's playing with you. By all means this could be one of the sweetest guys in the world, but what he's doing to you definitely isn't sweet.

You can still be broken up, and on break from each other while being neighbors. You need to say,"Look, I can't have you telling me you want to find yourself and God and then still stick around for the physical part, it's wrong.If you still want to be broken up, I want space. No more kissing, no more anything that couples do because you decided that we are no longer a couple."

And thats exactly what you need, is a break. When you run into him, wave, say hi,or smile, but thats it. If he tries to egg it on with small talk, try ending it as soon as possible and walk away.

Yes, you will be very sad, heartbroken, and you'll feel pretty down. But, do you believe in God? Because if you do, I think we both know that if this guy belongs with you, God will make sure that happens. Maybe not now, maybe later, years later. You might meet again. Or, he'll realize he made a pretty big mistake for losing someone as great as you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 17/f
There is this guy that i am involved with. We don't go out but were more then friends. I know he likes me and everything, but i'm not sure if he does want to go out and be in a relationship with me. I try to talk to him about it, but hes a typical guy and doesnt share his feelings. How can i get him to comfortably talk about his feelings to me? How do I bring it up to him and what kinds of questions should i ask. please help if you can. thankyou.

No guy really wants to come out and say,"I like you" just like any girls wouldn't just come out and say it.

The best solution honestly is to get a friend to ask him about it. You might think this is childish or weird, but it works better than sitting there waiting for something that probably won't happen very soon.

Just get with a friend, tell her what to ask him, what to say, and then just find out if he likes you or not.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: So, I've been dating this girl for about 15-ish months now. And we both thought it was pretty serious. We've both done our share of hurt to the other, unforgiveable hurt, but somehow, we've managed to get through it.I used to cheat on her (I would always tell her immediately, though), but I've been completely loyal for the past several months.The thing is, is that she cheated on me with this girl who I KNEW would be trouble. And my girl said that after that happened, she didn't want to talk to her anymore, the girl was completely out of our lives. Well, it turns out, she lied. It pisses me off, because well, obviously, she cheated on me with her, and I REALLY don't want them talking, cause I really don't like the girl, and it also pisses me off because she lied to me about it.
And this isn't the first time she lied. She dumped me for my ex's girlfriend, who stole my ex from me. And it was like, she's steealing another girl from me, and my girlfriend KNEW I felt this way, but she decided to go try to be with her anyway. And...
This is all starting to turn into gibberish right now. The point is, I used to be the one looking at other girls. And now she's the one looking at all these other girls, and I know that I hurt her by doing that, but she shouldn't be trying to get back at me like this. I can't do anything about the past now. I've been so loyal to her over these past months.
I also gave her a diamond ring a little while ago, and I just recently took it back. And she just didn't care. And I kind of lost the question that I was going to ask, so it's lamost like, What should I do? I love her, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. She'll end up killing me if she keeps hurting me like this.

I'm really sorry that you're going through all of this hurt and pain. But, I believe that the chances of you two working things out or staying together are very low. You both got into this relationship with each other on the wrong foot by cheating.

Cheating isn't just something forgotten over a period of time, it hurts for a very long time and the pain and jealousy will not be ignored. And I'm sure you know this from your girlfriend.

I think if you haven't already, need to just say,"Look, I really messed up in the past and I regret hurting you the way I did, but honestly I've been faithful to you for the past 7 months and I want you to be able to trust me. But now all I really feel like is that you just want to get back at me or hurt me because this hurts a lot. So please don't waste my time and tell me if I'm the only one you want"

Or something along those lines. With her not caring about you taking a ring back, thats not great either and I'm just so sorry you had to go through this and buy something very special for someone who doesn't deserve it. Just remember if you do end up ending it, things only work out for the best and I hope you'll be ok.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm a 19 year old female who is getting married soon and I am meeting my new soon to be inlaws now and things aren't going so great. My problem is that we were all outside smoking and I had my fiance's and mine cigarettes and he came over and told me to give him a cigarette. I told him that I would if he would ask me, so he said give me a fuckin cigareete. I kept saying that if he said please and asked me I would so he got mad and walked away. His aunt is over protected and he's a mommas boy. She got mad at me and I feel like I did something wrong when I think I didn't do anything. I don't know how to handle this cause I know he will not stand up to her. I want us to handle our disagreements in private. Don't know what to do please help me....!!!!

There definitely needs to be a serious talk with your soon to be husband. Just the fact that he's a 'momma's boy' and doesn't talk to you respectfully is a preview of what's to come in your marriage with him.

When you see your fiance, you need to stand up for yourself and state your feelings in the matter. Something along the lines of...

"We fought over something very stupid the other day, and all I asked was a little bit of respect and that could have been done with no fighting. But, when we do fight, I don't want your family intruding on our problems. We we will be married soon and we need to take care of our own problems like married people do."

And if he completely disagrees with that statement, I think you better deeply rethink marrying him. You're 19, honestly, whats the rush here? He's probably a 'momma's boy' because hes probably around your age and thats young to be walking down the aisle! You may do whatever you wish, but make sure that what you want to do is not going to hurt you later.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I will make this as short as possible, because I know I hate rading long winded questions...

I kissed this one guy at a party, I'll call him John, while I was still seeing my boyfriend(of 11 months) whom I'll call Dean.

John and I have tried to be friends before, but it just doesn't work out. We always end up bantering but that always ends in arguements, but he's really smart and sweet at times and he challeges me. The thing is he always hits on me, people say he likes me, I say I'm a conquest.

So anyway... John came to my neighborhood, where my boyfriend and I live to see me after the party where we kissed. He ran into my boyfriend and told him we kissed before I got a chance to and my boyfriend broke up with me. He said he would have been able to forgive me if it was anybody else, but he hates John.

My parents invited John and his family over the next day for dinner, which was a Saturday. I found out and I pretended to be sick to get out of dinner so maybe I wouldn't have to see John, but my mother sent him up to my room with medicine and water. He figured out I wasn't really sick and we got into this fight because he said I was avoiding him and I yelled at him for telling my boyfriend, ex now, about the kiss, even though I practically begged him not to.

Then somehow, don't ask me how, fighting turned into a make-out session and we almost had sex. We probably would have if my mother hadn't sent up my brother to check on us. My brother walked in on us and yelled at John, he went back downstairs and an hour later his family left.

My boyfriend called me that night, said he forgave me, and we got back together. Then the next day at school John said he wanted to talk to me, he told me he loved me and that I was never a conquest to him. He said he wanted to be my boyfriend and that he was sorry for everything he'd ever done to me and said. I told him I got back together with my boyfriend and that I loved Dean. That was a lie, I don't love him. He said some really hurtful things to me. Mostly about me being scared and running away from my feelings and only staying with Dean because he is "safe"...

I am so confused, I should be happy. I'm back together with my boyfriend, but things aren't the same. I can't keep my mind off John, or the things we've done. I haven't slept with my boyfriend yet...but I almost did with John and I'm alright with that. Now my boyfriend is pushing for sex...and I just can't. And even though I didn't sleep with John, what we did it was amazing, and I don't regret it. Even though I know I should. It seems the spark is just gone from our relationship now. (Mine and my boyfriends)

What should I do? Should I just put my feelings aside and try to work out my relationship with Dean, or am I just staying with him because he's "safe" and someone I can trust? Do you think I am honestly just staying with him because If I take a chance with John then there's a chance I'll get hurt?

Wow...that wasn't short at all. Kudos to whoever reads through it and trys to help.

Signed,
Some other devoted columnist on this site

Well, as confusing as your situation seems to you, it's an obvious solution. Dean really doesn't belong in the picture anymore. The spark is gone, you think about this other guy, and if you were truly in love with Dean you would have regretted kissing John and you admit that you really don't regret it.

So, I think you have to do the hard thing and break it to Dean that the chemistry isn't there anymore. He probably will be very depressed and angry, so if he gets angry and says mean things, just take it and leave him alone because thats what he will need.

And advice in the future, try not to mess things up with John because you're pretty lucky that Dean forgave you like that because you might cheat later on and that guy you cheated on might not forgive you. Not that I'm saying you cheat all the time or anything, but I just thought it could help to give you a heads up:)

And thank you for using grammer in your question, I appreciate it! Especially in long ones.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: theres this guy who i like and he's like my second guy best friend. he's been in a few complicated relationships before and i've always helped him, given him advice with his problems, etc. i never really looked at him than more than a friend because he always had a girlfriend. so a few months ago, (he was single) i realized i liked him. i opened my mouth to say "i think i like you" and before i said anything he says "so i heard anna likes me" and he has this curious smirk on his face and i said that i didn't know if she did and then i asked if he liked her and he said he wasn't sure. now, about a month later him and "anna" are sort of involved. they've kissed once but they fight all the time and just like always he comes back to me for advice. now normally i'd tell him to forget about her because she's causing him so much stress but the thing is, "anna" is one of my best friends and i wouldn't want to be responsible for breaking her heart. but i really really really reallllyyy like this guy. he's so perfect. he has the body, brains, and an amazing personality. my mom likes him too. lol. i really think we can work, considering i know his relationship details that "anna" does not. i know what girls do that he hates, i know what he loves when girls do. (non-sexual). i know his quirks and his flaws and he knows mine. i just want to be with him so bad and it sounds horrible but i want him to think about me more than "anna". he already calls me at midnight when he can't sleep, or when he's depressed. what am i supposed to do?!

You kind of have to think about exactly what you're getting yourself into. You like your best friend's boyfriend, and thats a pretty huge problem because if you do decide to tell him you like him, you're doing more than that.

You're risking your friendship with Anna. I mean, I understand that you pretty much liked him before Anna ever did, but Anna will not understand that. She will probably get pretty upset if she found out you liked him and everything. I'm sure you're aware of this of course. But I'm just wondering, do you care what Anna will think if you decide to confess your feelings?

About him coming to you for advice, that's just honestly not right, I mean I'm sure you love being there for him, but you're caught in the middle. And if you want him to stop asking you for advice about your best friend, you just have to say,"I think you should talk to Anna, because I want to be here for you, but I really don't think Anna would like us talking about her and your relationship drama"

I think it's great that your mom likes him, it truly s, but you have to make a decision. Whose more important? Anna or your best guy friend?

In my opinion, I think if you want any slightest chance with keeping both Anna and him in your life, you need to wait until they're over. But it's really up to you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: first thing. me and by boyfriend are 13. (in 5 days i will be 14)

ok, ive been going out with someone for 10 months. I really love him. (hes my first boyfriend, and he's had other girlfriends) He had some kind of cancer (ok, i know im not the best girlfriend b/c idk what it was.) and his parents are divorced. his mom is married again and has 3 kids... my boyfriend sometimes acts really immature because hes used to hanging around his brother and sisters (ages 4-7). but other times he acts really mature. when i want him to act mature hes not!
We barely ever kiss. and the only time we do, he just gives me a peck on the lips!!! I'm not sure what to do. I really want to kiss more and i want him to act more romantic (not like sex or anything.)and we never hold hands! evryone last year of school was saying "You 2 should hold hands". he asked me if i cared, and i said not really, then he said if you want to, we can. but i was to nervous to say YES (because he is my first boyfriend.)! HE ACTS LIKE A LITTLE KID HALF OF THE TIME!!! when we talk on the phone, we barely talk, hes just watching tv most of the time!!! or speaking random nonsense!!
Please, what should I do? and im sorry if this is a long explanation!

I know you want to cuddle and be very close to him and kiss him a lot, and he probably wants the same thing, he might be doing the exact same thing as you by just not saying anything about it and not making a move.

But, if you really want him to lighten up and act like your boyfriend, you have to make the first move. I mean yes, this is your first boyfriend and you feel scared and very new to this, but if you just reach out and hold his hand, he's not going to reject you if he really loves you. You just have to hold his hand or just say, "I love kissing you" and then kiss him to hint around that you want a little more from him.

About the immaturity thing, he's bound to be a little playful having younger siblings, and the fact that he's a boy. So make the best of it. He's playful, play fight with him, all the more excuse for you to get closer and have more fun with him, right?

About the birthday thing, just don't expect something huge. He will likely get you something for your birthday, but you just have to appreciate the fact that he's giving you something and that you have something great going with him. I mean he's your first boyfriend, what could be better at a time like this in your life?

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.