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How do I get over a 4 year relationship?
I had been a 4 year relationship.... he just said he "had enough" last week. It was constant fighting and those stupid little break ups every week...for some reason though, we always got back together and I really did love him a lot...he was definetely the bad boy type, and I was the "smart girly" type I guess you could say...he and I both had our shares of infidelity, though I made my mistakes early on, and he carried them out until January of this year...he's been physical at times and apparently I've been a bitch at times...my grandmother is very ill right now and he's basically abandoned me....why can't I get over him and have the urge to call so bad...how can I overcome this?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Get a hobby.
One of the biggest things you feel you've lost is time when you get out of a relationship like that. The person occupied solid, concrete parts of your daily, weekly, monthly schedule. That time is now time with nothing to do. You need to fill it.
Getting a hobby is a good idea because it gives you something to focus on, and to pour your energy into. At the same time, it helps you avoid jumping into a rebound relationship and hurting yourself further and someone else along the way.
Occupying the mind allows you to put some distance between your emotions and yourself and sort through things with a clearer head. Sometimes the best way to recover from something is to just buy yourself time to heal.
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It's really hard to even start answering your question because I'm just in awe at how exact we both are. I was with someone for 4 years and he broke up with me only a few days before the 4 year anniversary. So I can relate so much to the feeling of the urges and abandonment you feel. Except he never ever, got physical with me.
Overcoming something like this is knowing and accepting the truth. If he seriously ended it, you have to come to terms with the fact that your life will go on with or without him. And if he continues later on going on without you, it only brings you the opportunity to catch up with friends, family, or just the other part of your life you missed out on. It also takes you to a new world of being single, not having to constantly worry about calling someone or staying out too late or just being with another guy.
You also have to realize that you can be the biggest bitch on earth to him and you can call him every name in the book, there will never be a name when it's ok for him to ever hit you or push you. So, it doesn't matter what you did, it's wrong.
It can't be him whose ending it. You should be the one who says, "I don't deserve this, I'm ending it."
I have some pretty well thought out tips on dealing with a break-up:
1- Distractions: When you find yourself really depressed and upset, turn on the TV or go for a walk. Go to the gym and workout or anything that takes your mind away.
2- Venting: There are times when you won't be able to take your mind away as easily. So you have to just deal with the feelings in your own way possible. Write in a journal, cry, call a friend, go walking, listening to a favorite song and sing until you can't anymore.
3- Limiting: It's ok to have days where you stay at home and be alone, but you have to limit those days. Staying at home in your bed may feel good every once in a while, but it won't if you do it repeatedly. Spend a lot of time out with friends or family members. Even if you feel horrible the entire time, it's worth it.
4- Dating again: You might be thinking that just because you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend anymore you have to start searching immediatly for another. That isn't true. You have to start dating again when you feel ready. Which could be a very long time.
I hope that everything I've said has helped in some way. But I will give you some sites too since that's what you really wanted.
-TheTeenGirl
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This sounds so familiar to me, i've actually almost been in the same situation. I always had the urge to call him, but I knew that would show him i actually did care when I wanted him to not think that, and I didn't want to seem weak about it. I had my best friend, remind me everyday not to call him because then i'd just be stupid. Hearing it everyday made me think and sooner or later I over came it. Find someone else to talk to, just a friend and think of all the hurt hes caused and how you don't want to go back to that. He'll just do it over again, it always happens.
Hope I helped.
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