Hey :-) I'm Claire. This may be a new column, but I've been an advicenator for a while now (I got a new column for the new year) and am experienced at answering your questions! I love helping people and will try my very best to solve your problems. Feel free to ask me anything and make sure to let me know how everything turns out for you xxx :-P
Gender: Female
Location: Scotland
Occupation: Student/Odeon Team Member
Age: 16
Member Since: January 31, 2006
Answers: 52
Last Update: June 7, 2006
Visitors: 4147
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
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So..I still love this boy..w/ everything I have..but I feel like me and him are drifting..and just now, he just asked me if I was loosing feelings, because after the first break up .. I stopped getting all flirty towards him and stuff..like stopped sending cute texts..
But..I feel like .. I am loosing feelings..but I still love him.
but..I want away from him
but I love being w/ him..do you guys understand?
Because frankly.. I don't. =/
When I am around him or talking to him, I feel like I want to be w/ him forever
Then, when I get to thinking about it, I don't want to..its like this boy has be around his finger..but he isn't like that. He's nice, and sweet, and funny..and almost perfect. But lately, when we're on the phone, we have nothing to talk about .. except what went on at school that day or something.
UGH. HELP.
(link)
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The best thing you can do here is speak to him about it, try and explain to him how you are feeling and find out if he feels the same. Its not fair on him to keep dragging on if you heart isn't truly in it, as it doesn't sound as if you are in the relationship 100% at the moment. You shouldn't need to try to do something like flirt, you should want to do it. If you don't, then there is a problem there.
Only he can truly help you with this. Just be completely honest with him and work things through. It could just be that the excitement that you get when you first start going out is starting to wear off and now your going to have to decide if you still want to keep going.
Good luck, hope I helped
Sapphire Lily xxx
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Theres this girl i really like in my class when she found out i liked her she told her friends well im dating someone and she actually was and she told me this that she had a bf like 4 or 5 times and she wrote me a note saying i should repsect dat she already had a bf. Now could this mean she likes me but she has a bf at the moment and maybe i could be her bf in the future when she breaks up wid him and she is like kinda nervous and shy around me and quiet and i catch her looking at me my fair share of times help plzzz i really like this girl. (link)
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I would go against whats been said before and say I actually do think she likes you, her behaviour certainly does suggest it and this is especially so if she started doing it before she found out you liked her. The fact that she also said you have to respect she has a bf instead of simply saying she wasnt interested is also a thumbs up. However the fact she did say this is also for the moment a hint at you to back off. It does sound as if she still likes her bf, even if she may like you. So play it cool for the moment and just be friends with her, not too flirty or you may just end up irritating her and annoying her. Respect her wishes and once she is single again, be ready to make your move but only if she is ready. Remember, if it was a long relationship or she was the one that was dumped, she may need some time to get over it.
Good luck, hope you don't have to wait too long
Sapphire Lily xxx
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Okay so now that I have flirted with him I have been trying to find sighns of if he likes me or not so when I am with him and his best friend and me and my friend its just the four of us we are totally chatty and he compliments me and it all works out great and he smiles and looks me in the eye but when we went and hung out in a large group he was totally flirty with this other girl and it felt like he didn't really notice me but he did it was wierd so should i give up on him or what?? (link)
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I don't think you should give up on him after one incident. Yes he could be a player that likes to flirt with lots of girls, but theres also just as much a chance that he was doing it to show off to you or try to make you jealous (thus if you were, it would prove to him that you liked him and make him more willing to ask you out).
Since you are not going out, you shouldn't pull him up about it. He shouldn't be flirting with you like that only to be the same with another girl, but to angrily speak to him about it may put him off dating you. So what I think you should do is in a friendly manner, talk to him about it. Tell him you saw him and whoever she is were quite flirty the other night. Ask him, just like any curious friend, if there was/was going to be anything going on between them. This way you just appear like a girl curious for a little gossip or a friend wanting to help out. If he says yes there is, well you unfortunately have your answer and you should give up on him. However if he says no, big thumbs up for you! If he seems eager to change the subject or unwilling to talk about her, then there is still hope. Even if a guy does fancy another girl, with the girl he also likes (usually the one he likes more) he finds he just can't talk about it because he likes her too much (or so I have read).
By doing this, you'll be able to find out where you stand and know where to go from here. Good luck
Sapphire Lily xxx
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i am 15/f, and i have had a crush on a guy friend of mine for a few months now. We talk all the time, in our group we talk together the most and lately i feel like there is more. For instance, on the way back from school trips on the bus i have put my head on his shoulder and he seemed to like it, when i have put my head on his shoulder while watching a movie with some other friends they told me that they saw him leaning into it. A few other things like when we were getting ready for dinner he would help me out, and he sat next to me and stayed in a pretty cold hot tub with some other couples, which would be kinda awkward unless he liked me right? idk, at any rate he is kinda shy when it comes to romantic stuff and if you could tell me if he likes me, and if he does what should i do now to make him feel more comfortable to initiate things, like arm around the shoulder holding hands type stuff? by the way his birthday is coming up in a couple weeks, should i do something then?
thanks (link)
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Yeah I would say he likes you. He seems to be doing things just to spend time with you, such as helping you get ready for dinner and staying in the cold tub. Also, the whole head-on-shoulder thing, if he wasn't interested he would have either told you to stop or moved away, but he didn't he leaned into it. Ergo, I am sure he is interested in you.
His birthday is the perfect opportunity for you. It gives you an excuse to ask him to go out somewhere with you without the whole awkard "like on a date?" thing. Go out just the two of you, to somewhere where you have the chance to get closer to him, eg. the cliche:the cinema. Preferably a scary movie as this means in a moment of 'terror' you could take his hand or huddle closer into him. Plus the hormones released when we get scared are actually what attract us to the opposite sex. So GET SCARED! Fingers crossed you'll end up closer than you have ever been and as the movie ends, you could bring up the subject of being more gf/bf like. Then see where it goes from there.
Good luck hunni, go get him!!
Sapphire Lily xxx
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It was my birthday a couple of days ago. I was at work when I checked my voice mail messgages. I male friend of mine left a really sweet message. He was singing happy birthday in a really romantic voice. Then he said he would be sending me a small gift in the mail ( he lives out of town). None of my other male friends have done that for me? Do you think it sounds like he may like me as more than a friend? (link)
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Yes I think he does. In my experience, men are only willing to something like this which could lead to them being very embarrassed if they really like a girl. He's showing how far he is willing to go for you and how much he cares, which is emphasized by the gift in the mail. I think a thank you outing is in order :)
Have fun
Sapphire Lily xxx
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i like this guy....(duuhh) ok uhh and we were pretty good friends but we had this fight(he told me he loved me and i acted kinda weird /mean) and he never talked to me since than! then i called him and appologized but he only was like:uhu yeah blablabla ok and i do like him and everytime i see him he lookes at me today he even smiled once but i thought that was just because he was laughing at a joke...and at the bus today he looked at me in a sad kinda way....and i wanna be friends again but im just scared that when i talk to him again he'll be like all weird again
so what should i say? and how should i act when he's weird?? does he still like me cause he also never talkes to me??
please help
i'll rate!!! (link)
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Your reaction has hurt him and wounded his pride. Hence the sad looks and him not speaking to you. You must understand, he has the right to be angry and the right to remain silent. That is why if you wish to repair your broken friendship, it will have to be you to make the moves. Start conversations with him, invite him to nights out with friends, etc, etc.
However the best fix of all would be just to tell him how you feel. If you do like him, then swallow whatever nervousness you have and tell him because I am sure he still likes you! You could end up together, especially if you can screw enough courage to ask him yourself (this would prove how much you care).
Good luck hunni
Sapphire Lily xxx
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how do i get my crush to stop crossing my mind every other second, litterally. its distracting me from my social, and school life. i know things wouldnt work out and bla blah but i just need to know HOW TO GET HIM OFF MY MIND??! its taking over my life. thanks. (link)
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Crazy, isn't it? What's worse is seeing your best friend all over him and then daydreaming about him. Anyway :-), I would recommend you throw yourself into something else, something new and exciting that you havent done before like a martial art. It would be a symbol of moving on, just like dying your hair or getting a tattoo would have the same effect. Celebrate what is so wonderful about you and spend lots of time with your friends. Listen to some great music that you can dance to and that makes you happy your on your own eg. Kelly Clarkson - Since u been gone (cheesy i know but it really works!).
However the real solution would be to tell him. There may be some reason why you can't and thats okay but if you are just presuming it wouldn't work out, then that is just as crazy as this situation. Imagine how great it would be if you could be with him?!!! Don't die wondering what could have been, tell him how you feel!!! Ignore the above if there is a specific reason it wouldn't work though.
Good luck, get him out of your head and move on. It's difficult but you will just end up depressed and lonely otherwise and thats the worst thing in the world.
Sapphire Lily xxx
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well im going out with this guy.
and i have been wanting to DATE him for about 2 years now. and now that i have him ;; im kinda bored b.c when i was wanting him. i always had somthing to do. and now that i have him i feel like there nothing else to want so what can i do now.
the relationship is amazing its just.. you know werid b.c i got everything i wanted and i feel like theres. nothing else to want. and now i dont know what i should do? (link)
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I know exactly how you feel because this happened to me. When it was me I dumped him and now over a year on, I still wonder what could have been had I given him a proper chance, you know? I would seriously recommend you do not dump him because believe me you may regret it and end up wondering what may have happened just like me.
Write a list of all that attracted him to you in the first place in order to remind you just how great he is. Then try to go out with him as much as you can and do all the coupley things like holding hands, cuddling, etc. A tip though for not getting bored is not to try it all at once. My recent boyfriend and I took it step by step and everytime he did something new, even when it was just a kiss on the neck, it gave me such a rush I got shivers all over! lol! This could be the same for you.
However if after say a week or two, you still feel the same, end it. It is not fair to prolong the relationship on either of you if your heart isnt in it because in the end he may just end up even more hurt.
Very best of luck hunni, I hope everything works out well for you
Sapphire Lily xxx
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i like this boy in my gym class we USTE to be very good buds..We ALMOST dated before .. then he uste to be a real jerk.. so i quit talking to him for about month. i decided to start talking to him and i like him again.. Should I? (link)
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Its difficult to say really. In my opinion, any guy that treats you bad at any time is not worth your time ever again but there may be a reason behind why he was acting like a jerk. Was he having a hard time at home maybe or stressed out about exams? If it was because something like this, then he is redeemable. But don't leave it, speak to him about it and let him know that he was bang out of order and that it hurt that he treated you that way, even if he was under pressure elsewhere he shouldn't have taken it out on you. If he is decent enough and cares about you like a friend should, he will apologise. If he does, then sure like him as long as you stamp bad treatment out the second it starts if he ever does it again.
If he was simply being a jerk because he felt like it, then he is not worth it. You deserve someone who respects you and treats you the way you treat them all the time, not just when they want to. Ditch him and find someone that truly deserves to have you! Because in the end, he would just hurt you no matter how nice he is being at the moment.
Good luck, hope it turns out it was the first option
Sapphire Lily xxx
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i just am sick of not having any tru friends and best friends. im really sick of it. i try so hard to have best friends when all they do is turn their backs on me. i dont know what im doing wrong. i invite ppl all the time places and nobody even wants to hang with me im giving up i have like no true friends and i dont know what to do..in my opinion.. im prolly the sweetest person. i dont talk much about ppl. so i dont know what im doing wrong. how do i get a best friend. this is killing me. i need more friends tho. well wahtever advice anybody has for me please tell me and i hope i explained well.
=/ (link)
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Perhaps the problem is that you are so desparate for a best friend that you are trying too hard and scaring people off because of it. The worst thing in a relationship is to be too clingy with someone, no matter how much you need their attention or company inside. Why don't the next time, go out with just one person on their own. Have a good time, but don't spend too long with them. Make sure they have your phone number and then leave it up to them to text to go out again. If they don't text, they are not worth bothering about and you should move on. However, this makes them feel in control and gives them the impression your fun to be with, not clingy on them at all. This will encourage them to go out again with you.
It also helps to identify all your likes and dislikes and find someone who shares these. This will help build a friendship between you as you can spend a lot of time talking about that thing you both have in common eg. your love of the tv show lost. Try to do this, even if it means you need to expand your search for a friend. It will be worth it in the end.
Another thing you can try is copying their body language. Sitting the same way helps the other person feel more connected with you, even walking with the same foot works! Plus, letting them speak about themselves while you lean forward, nod and ask questions will make them happy as it appears you care about them.
Why don't you try these little bits of advice and then let me know how they work out for you. If they are not successful, tell me and I'll try to help you with other ways
Sapphire Lily xxx
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my boyfriend of 8 months has such a thick head! i mean he wont do anything inless i grip at him.... he even says so his self...like my dad is a stricked parent i mean im his only girl so i can see his point but my dad likes to know when my boyfriend comes down because my boyfriend lives a hour away...well anyways my dad likes to know at least a week in advance when my boyfriend comes down to see me ...well he wont do it inless i yell at him...what do i do about it? just yell at him everytime i want something done? (link)
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To be honest, and I know you've been going out a while, I dont think this guy is worth your time. If he truly loved you he wouldnt mind doing anything for you and he'd be desperate to see you, there would be no need whatsoever for you to beg him to do something. I was able to tell time was up in my relationship when my boyfriend started making excuses or couldnt be bothered. I think you need to have a heart to heart with him and make sure he still wants to be in this relationship. If he says yes, then tell him that he needs to show you tons more respect and care from now on or he is chucked!!!
If he says no or doesnt seem that bothered by this threat, get rid of him. No matter how much you love him, there are plenty of guys out there who would treat you so much better than this and be desperate to spend every waking moment with you, treating you like a princess. Don't put up with this any longer if he is not willing to put a lot more effort into making it work.
Good luck hunni, sorry this wasnt happy advice
Sapphire Lily xxx
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well, i have been having bad luck lately, and i dont know why, because last year i could basically go after anybody that i had wanted to go after, and had achieved what i had been wanting almost every time. this year is way different, because i have had only one, and that is crazy.
I dunno why, but i have had quite a few turn downs lately!
Heather (link)
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Okay, this could be for a number of reasons. The more guys you date, the higher your status amongst them. Therefore, perhaps the guys are now starting to feel intimidated by you and feel they couldnt match up to the standards of the other guys you've dated or what you expect from guys in general, determined by what you've been able to get before.
Also, you may have created a reputation for yourself of being a player or (im really sorry to say it) a slut if you have went out with lots of people as your question kind of implys. This would put off other guys from dating you.
What I'd suggest you do is play it down for a while. Don't be as flirty and dont try to go after anyone in particular. Concentrate on yourself and having a laugh with your friends. Then in time guys will see what a great person you are and you'll have the male attention again, just try not to let it get to your head and end up in the same situation as before.
Hope this helped, good luck
Sapphire Lily xxx
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okay this might be long but if it is sorry .. this one boy lets call him "guy a" has liked me on an off and at my party we did stuff and im not sure if he likes me any more hes always surronded by girls cus hes the hottest guy in school well another guy "guy b" likes me and he has a girlfriend well weve messed around alot and i really like guy a but i dont know how to talk to him and what should i do about guy b? (link)
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Do nothing with both of them. I sorry if this isnt something you want to hear, but guy a sounds like a player who is just going to end up hurting + using you and guy b has a girlfriend so unless you want to be labelled a slut + find yourself severely lacking in friends leave him be! Sorry but that is the way I see it.
You deserve a guy who will love, respect and treat you right. Please wait for him to come, because none of these guys fit the profile.
Sapphire Lily xxx
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I fell lost. Dont know how to start a new life alone. I do not have any skills not good at really anything. My heart is broken. What can I do too make it stop and find a direction? (link)
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A broken heart isn't something you can stop just like that, but it is something that goes away in time. In order to get over it, you need to face it and that is why I think you should think of all the GOOD times in your relationship, look at photos and write about it as a diary of sorts. Have a good cry about it if you haven't already. Then take a long bath, candles, mags, chocs n all! Try hard not to think of your relationship as you lie there.
Then as your drying your hair, think of the negative things about your relationship. Think about them in the way that this guy has been a total arsehole to you (even if its just the fact that he has dumped you!) and get angry. While getting yourself all dolled up, dance and sing to some really feel good songs. I recommend Kelly Clarkson, Since you've been gone (is working for me). Then go for a night out with your friends, go to clubs or a restaurant and flaunt to all those men out there why you are so great!
The day after, try to keep your good vibes. Think of all the things you enjoy and try to do as many of them as possible. Now would be the time to start something new, such as a martial art, which would not only give you something to concentrate on but would be a symbol of your new life. As for your skills, look to your friends to help you discover something that is for you. Friends are always more able to recognise our strong points than ourselves and can help you find a new path, if not that at least the support you need right now.
Its just an idea, but I hope I helped somewhat. I've just split with my boyfriend so I know to a small extent what your feeling. Good luck hunni
Sapphire Lily xxx
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hey i have a bit of a problem. When my mom met my boyfriend about two to three weeks ago, she told me after he left that she thinks he looks dirty( his clothes look dirty, his hair, ect). I looked at my boyfriend this morning and i see what she means. i love my boyfriend, dont get me wrong but he looks like he doesnt brush his teeth, his hair was a mess, he had stuff in his eyes and a stain on his shirt. (Just to let you know, we go to a private school which requires us to wear a uniform). At times, he smells too. I dont know how to tell him with out sounding mean or rude. Is there any way to say something about it?
another thing is, i notice how in class today, he sits right next to me in both the classes we have together, that about half of the time, he will talk to my friend that sits right next to him and he is always hugging other girls and calling them "sexy". this kinda gets me mad/jealous. I dont know how to tell him with out sounding like...annoying. Most of the times when we are hanging out in the morning, i will be talking to him and one of his friends will walk by and he will go and talk to them. What should i say to him about it? I hate getting ditched like that.
Thanks! (link)
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To be honest, hunni, I dont think this guy if worth it. Sure you can talk to him all you want about these problems, but at the end to the day if there are a number of things that are wrong he may not be worth the trouble even if you do love him. I mean, if he truly valued you, he would not ditch you at a moments notice or be outrageously flirty with other girls. Its just my opinion, but that is something that you should definetly not put up with. Chances are even if you did talk to him, he may just continue doing it or use it against you to bribe you into doing things that you may not want to do.
Im sorry to be the bringer of bad news but thats just how I feel about it. You deserve so much better! Good luck in whatever you decide to do
Sapphire Lily xxx
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I've been really depressed the last couple of days because a guy that was a really close friend of mine who moved a couple of months ago has never contacted me. I tried phoning him on his cell the other day and was told it was disconnected. He never sends me emails, and when I send him emails they get returned. So I think he's changed his address and never told me.
I don't understand why he would do this to me. Before he left we gave each other a big hug. I gave him a friendship candle and he said he would always think of me everytime he looked at it. He also gave me his computer before he left.
Other people I have talked to said he is either having financial problems or met a new girl. But why wouldnt he have told me this instead of having me worry? Does anyone have any ideas why he hasnt contacted me? (link)
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It could be those reasons, however it could be that he's just been rushed off his feet and hasn't had the time to contact you yet. Perhaps he is waiting until he has settled in so that he can give you a complete report of how the move went.
However, if he is having financial problems, maybe he hasn't contacted you because he doesn't want to admit that he is failing in his new place. Or perhaps he misses you so much that its hard to call you because that just re-emphasizes the distance between you.
This is all just speculation of course and to be honest I really don't think you should worry about this, it's probably just a simple reason and he will phone you as soon as he can. I know it is difficult to stop yourself, but there is no point in worrying yourself silly over why he hasn't contacted you when you have no idea what's going on. Trust me, if you two are as close as you say you are, then he will contact you and I'm sure he'll be able to give you a very good reason for why he hasn't did it before.
Be strong
Sapphire Lily xxx
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My mom is making me get braces soon and i think i have a choice of colors. What color would you pick and why?
Thanks (link)
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Well I have grey and they do actually look nice while not standing out and that way you know your braces will never clash with what your wearing(lol sounds so dum but they do!). However I got a dark blue a couple of months back and people kept telling me how funky they looked. So you know, if you dont want people to comment on them stick to grey but change is good sometimes and it feels good to stand out and be noticed with a brighter colour, like an extra accessory.
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hey, my boyfriend and i just started going out last sunday (of this week). he tells me he loves me and tells my friends that he does and that hes crazy about me.
im not crazy about him, lately ive been getting mixed feelings about him. i dont know what to do about it either.
i dont know why im not crazy about him. whats wrong with me? has this happened to you? what should i do? (link)
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Dont worry hunni, theres nothing wrong with you. Your just not as compatible as you thought you were. This happened to me. Before we went out I really fancied him, but as soon as we got together, it was like the thrill of the chase was gone and there was no excitement left. He really liked me but I found myself getting annoyed at his constant I love yous. I was like "Wait till you actually mean it". I ended up dumping him after only two weeks, a decision i regret now.
What I reccommend you do is give him a chance. Give him one more week, try to get closer to him and see if you can relight that spark that made you say yes when he asked you out. If you still feel as you do now by the end of the week, dump him. Its not fair on either of you to keep it going if your hearts not completely in it. It would be for the best, for both of you.
Good luck hunni, dont do something you'll regret
Sapphire Lily xxx
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I've been going out with my boyfriend for a little over two months and everything seemed great, but for the past week or so it just feels like I don't love him anymore. We mostly talk online and when we do I don't say much to him and I get aggervated a lot with him. When I do get to see him it's basically the same, I don't feel anything for him. I don't know how to tell him I wanna break up with him cause I think it would hurt him because he tells my best friend that he loves me so much and would hate it if we ever broke up.. so I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks. (link)
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Perhaps you should try talking things through with him first and see if you can solve your problems before you resort to dumping him. Try to work out the reasons behind why you are so aggrevated and try to work through them with him. Perhaps subconciously it is because you dont see each other as much that you are getting annoyed, perhaps you wish you could see him more. Whatever it is, do try to sort it out as if you dump him, afterwards you may end up regretting it.
Hope everything turns out okay
Sapphire Lily xxx
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John has known ive liked him since about october, durin football season i wore his jersey to the games, we havent really hungout and stuff but i dont know theres something about him. he is now in my gym class the last semester and lately he has been acting weird, flirting alot. and i used to just throw myself out to him but now i want to sort of play hard to get while flirtin at the same time.. what can i do? i see him in school sometimes, hes in my 1st period spanish class and we dont really talk(hes on the other side) and hes in my gym class
thanksss (link)
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Perhaps he's acting weird because hes starting to fancy you. If so playing hard to get may confuse him if you've been flirty up until this point. He may think you've found someone else you like better and he may decide not to take it any further with you.
Anyways, you can ignore the above if you want and play hard to get. You should try and get his number, send him some flirty text messages. Also if you catch him looking at you, glance over at him with hooded eyes. Apparently its much more attractive than the cliched hair flick. Also try (and I know this sounds weird) tilting your head to the side when you talk to him so that you expose your neck. Apparently its some sort of flirty body language that he'll pick up subconciously. Plus if your sitting with him, move your legs/feet in small circles. Yet again, its supposed to be irresistable to guys. (read a book on body language lol)
Hope I helped. Hope you get your guy
Sapphire Lily xxx
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