I love helping people out and I feel great giving advice to people out there I don't even know. It gives me great personal satisfaction knowing that the answers I give are pretty damn good. I have a cheery personality and I like art and music. I am not religious, but have a clear view of spirituality. I will never grow up completely, I clearly remember what it's like to be a teen, but now I have a much better perspective on how to get through it all because let me tell you, I have BEEN through it all. Glad to help any way I can...
Gender: Female
Location: New Hampshire
Occupation: homemaker:mommy
Age: 24
Member Since: October 18, 2004
Answers: 132
Last Update: January 9, 2005
Visitors: 9520
Main Categories:
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ok there is this guy i like named Chris, and i love him so much, and we have talked a lot and all. but i asked him out and he said "no". but i got so attached to him, that when he turned me down i started to take razors and cut my arm, and i still do. and i want to stop but it helps to controll pain. how do i stop?Note:i am 14/female. i rate 5 to anyone who answers! (link)
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You are just dealing with your emotions in the wrong way. Try doing something else instead. Do what you like to do. I know what cutting is like, I used to do it. It does relieve pain, but other things can too, and other things like drawing and painting, playing an insturment or a sport, or writing in a journal and listening to music. You have to set your mind to do the things that are much more rewarding in the long run.
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my boyfriend and i have benn going out for 11 months and he is always saying how much he loves me and stuff but then he hurts me so bad sometimes and he thinks he can like other ppl but im not allowed and i cry almost everytime we get into a fight and he thinks i dont care about him and the person i would think understand this bc shes been with him b4 said i need to move on but i guess thats really not what i wanna hear because i love him so much!!! but i dont think i can trust him cheating on my and playing with my mind but i love him so much!!
What should i do :/ (link)
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You can forgive him again and again and things will seem okay for a while over and over but that's all it's going to be is a never ending pattern. If you are prepared to be hurt over and over then stay with him, but if you want to be strong and respect yourself then leave him. It's a tough decision, I know how the love feels, you just want to keep him, I know. It all depends on how much you can take, and your heart will let you know when it can't take anymore. It's a hard lesson and it sucks, but you will be a stronger person in the end if you don't put up with it forever.
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ok so i met these 2 guys over the summer. lets just say their names are nick and bob. well i was at this camp and they were in my group and they were friends of my cousins and so they were like hey how are you yada yada. and when the camp was over we still stayed in touch by talking online.they live an hour away from me. but while we were at the camp i started to like nick alot. and bob started to like me and he still does but i dont like him that way.we have met up a couple of times( all three of us) and just hung out. i finally stopped liking nick but i am not sure i really got over him ( he liked me but he also liked this other girl and then he finally just started liking the other girl and not me)so i saw him this weekend along with bob and i danced with him a little and hung out with both of them and i still like nick alot and i can't seem to get over him. bob still likes me and i don't really like him back. how do i stop liking nick? and how do i be friends with bob without it feeling awkward? sorry if this didn't make any sense. (link)
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So do you just wish everyone could just be friends? because you want to stop liking Nick that way, and still wanna be friends with BOb, I hope I am understanding you correctly...well you can't just stop liking Nick, even if you want to, the feelings are gonna go at your heart's pace. Just don't tell him or do anything about it if you don't want to start awkwardness between you three. I had a similar problem before, and I know that it CAN get awkard if not cause a lot of problems. Someone could get singled out and hurt. Just don't give BOb any reason to think you like him back. And I know it's hard, but at the same time you gotta try not to hurt Bob by "going out" with Nick. Basically, for now just stay neutral and just be a friend to both guys, until you can figure out a comfortable point to do whatever it is you choose to do. That's all you CAN do for now. Hope everything works out :)
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Im a 15 yr old girl, and im in love with one of my best friends and i dont know what to do or how to go about talking to him about it. for a while he liked me back but we didnt know that we liked eachother. now he has a girlfriend. i heard that they're not the happiest couple but they've been together for almost 3 months. i just found out the other day that he had feeling for me but i think its a little too late to do anything about it because he may have completely moved on. Should i talk to him anyway and see how it goes or should i wait until hes single again and then make my move? (link)
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Well, yeah, if you heard that he had feelings for you, it wouldn't hurt to talk to him about it. He's your best friend, right? You guys should be able to talk even if it's not taken anywhere. At least you'll know what the true deal is right now, how he's feeling now and everything. You can even find out if he's happy by talking to him.
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ok there is this guy I really like and he really likes me we talk sometimes but only over the internet because I live in wisconsin and he lives in new jersey... I really like him and I asked him to come visit me for the summer.. he said he would love to and he will plan on it... I really like him but is this bad??
I am 14
He is 18 (link)
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Well, you're just at the legal line there. This should be up to your parents especially if online is where you "met" him. Do not do anything behind your parents backs because you could find yourself in a lot of trouble, not by them, but you shouldn't trust just some dude from the internet even if you've seen his picture. But if you're talking about someone you already know but online is your way of communication, then yeah, it's still up to your parents. Be careful, anyone can take on any kind of personality in internet world. Just be cool, use caution, and make sure you're not doing anything behind your parents backs.
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Ok there is this guy and he is 25 and i am 14 we were together for a while but then we had to break up because my mom called the police on him.. we still talk but last weekend I lied to him and he started yelling at me about how I can't stop lying to him... I have written him emails saying I am sorry.. But in an email he sent back to me he said he didnt want ne thing to do with me.. he wrote me back saying that maybe he would be with me.. but not for a while.. should I just give up on him or should I still be friends????
(link)
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I don't know, he sounds pretty immature for a 25 year old. At least if you were to date a 25 year old, be sure that it's the real deal. But usually those guys dating younger girls aren't anything to rant and rave about. They can turn out to be deceiving, abusive, lying, immature people. Just a head's up. If he started yelling at you, that's not a good sign. You can be friends with him if you want, but that could still be a danger zone. I would steer clear if I were you, but it's up to you. Real, good friends are the people your own age that you grow with, learn with, experience life with, and later there will be one that you fall in love with. My advice would be to forget that old scary guy and pay close attention to the people who are at your eye level that care about you. Your mom called the cops for a reason. Older guys dating really younger girls are just bad news. Give up before you develop any strong, attaching feelings for him, it could be a big mess. Hope you do the right thing, good luck!! :)
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Alright, this might take a minute, I have this really good friend Jake. He tells me he's "in love with me", and is planning on asking me out this friday. We have went out once before for a short time, and broke up because I had alot going on and didnt really want to deal with a boyfriend. He got really upset and hurt himself. He knows that I'm not so sure if i want to go out with him or not, but still, his hopes are high. I do like him sometimes, but it's weird and when i'm in certain moods i just dont like him like that at all.
Then, I really really like this other friend (Nick) of mine. He is alot older than me, and at our age difference right now nothing would happen. But I still do like him and he's one of my good friends. I have no idea if he likes me like that, but sometimes he does give me weird signals.
Anyway, I am not sure if I want to go out with Jake or not. I am in a few classes where there is Nick and Jake and (they are friends, but nobody knows I like Nick except my best friend.) I know that it would be weird, Nick wouldnt say anything but I know he would be kind of disappointed in me. Either way, if i say yes or no, i know that I am going to be unhappy with my answer. if i say yes i'll wish i said no and if i say no i'll wish i said yes. I don't really know what Im getting at, but this is my problem and i need to know soon.
Thanks for the help. (link)
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Well, since Jake's feelings are at stake, you need to be as selfless as possible in your decision making. Don't go out with him just to go out with him when you're feelings for him are not stable. Tell him you think he's a great person and enjoy being friends with him but want to save him the heartache because say that you just don't want to hurt him over your preoccupation with school and everything going on. You might feel bad about it but remember that he could be hurt worse if you said yes and then chose to dump him again. Tell him you don't want to take that chance in case things get real busy again in your life. As for Nick, don't put him in the position to do that to his friend. At least wait until Jake gets over you. Just try to enjoy being friends with him, go ahead and flirt or whatever, just be careful because Jake seems sensitive and you need to be considerate of him. Just my opinion, I'm afraid it's all up to you!! Good luck with your choices :)
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ok well see the thing is i dont have a boyfriend and all of my friends do and all of my guy friends have girlfriends so i feel so extremely left out its like this ok so they have their couples nights and everything so they go out to the movies or hang out at someones house and everything and they always neglect to invite me because yeah im the only person that is single. what should i do? (link)
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Well, if you have a single friend that is either male or female either will work as a "date" or just a "buddy" someone you can pair up with. If you know of someone but are not close to them yet, make some friends that are single. Start working your way into a friendship with someone you know is single. Sorry if that sounded repetitive, but that's what you should do. It's really all you can do. Also, your friends should not exclude you in things just because you don't have a date. Tell them you're living the single life and lovin' every minute of it and tell them they are all still your friends and you want to hang out. Say that you're on the prowl to meet someone when you guys go out. But if it is really bothering you that you don't have anyone at your side then do what I said before: Befriend someone single either male or female. Good Luck!!
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well me and my boyfriend have been together 9 months now and everything is great i guess we hang out alot and everything and the first 4 months of our relationship we just talked on the phone alot and hung out a little now we hang out more and were talking on the phoen the same but its kinda like everytime we get on the phone we sit and listen to eachother breath!!! he complains about it alot but i just cant think of anything to talk to him about! i mean i love him alot and i dont want things to end but is this soposto be telling me somthing? do you have anything to tell me? talk topics? anything? (link)
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No, it's not trying to tell you anything. I used to do the same thing with my boyfriend. We would "talk" on the phone for hours, but really we'd just sit there while one is watching t.v. and the other has a friend over or something. Sometimes it got really boring and annoying, but I think it was kinda like being in each other's presence when we couldn't be. But if your boyfriend is complaining so much about it then tell him either he needs to think of something to say or get off the phone with you, tell him because you don't want to be pissing him off, just say "sorry, but I like feeling like you're right there with me, it doesn't bother me that we don't say much. But if it bothers you, honey, then just only call me when you have something to say I guess." Something like that, but yeah, if it bothers him, then you need to hang up with him so he can still get those feelings of looking forward to talking to you on the phone, and not dreading it. Hope this was helpful for ya.
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my boyfriend of 7 months and i just broke up a couple of a days ago, and i broke up with him because he was rude, we fight all the time its just like were abusive to eachother, but i love him so much and we both want eachother back but we said we will take a break, but i am dieng without him you have no idea i miss him so much, i wanna kiss a diffrent guy (ive had him in mind for a while) but im so scared if my ex finds out and never wants to get back with me what should i do i love my ex but im lonely and want someone for now so i wanna kiss the diffrent guy should i? (link)
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Don't kiss the other guy until you've decided to move on. You are on a "break" from a stressful relationship, give that time to yourself to regroup and stuff. Also, you're confusing yourself, you are missing your ex so much but want to kiss someone else? Take some time to think about what you're doing first. If I could tell you what to do, I would tell you to keep working on getting over the ex, take some time out for yourself and concentrate on your life's priorities and/or on things you like to do. Then go ahead and kiss that other guy when you feel ready. You would feel new, refreshed, and like a girl with a healthy self-esteem.
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It's only been about a week but my boyfriend and I never talk. We only talk online and hes usually joking around about how he wants me to give him head. I wont, and hes ok with that but he still jokes. I know im young, but hes one of my first real boyfriends. With xmas coming up, i dont wanna break up and not be able to give him his gift. i dont no wat to do to get him to actually talk to me in school and stuff like that. what should i do? (link)
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That might be a problem until he starts taking you seriously. Did you try talking to him in school since he won't talk to you? Just be around for him, I guess and whatever he wants to do should be cool. Except head.
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i brokeup with my boyfriend but ONLY because he lived so far away and i never got to see him (everyone thought it was because of another guy but it wasn't) and ive been an emotional wreck ever since then, it was like 2 months ago and i still cry like at night and even somtimes if i start thinking about him during the day i go to the bathroom and cry during school... i'm just really confused. i mean, i don't know if i want to ask him for a second chance cuse i dont think i can stand never being able to see him all over agagin :-/ but i really want him back, and i still love him :( what should i do? (link)
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Well, not to recite the obvious, but you have your choice: You've already begun the getting over him part, you can continue to do that or you can try again. It depends if you're willing to be in touch with him without seeing him. It can be kind of fun, though. I did that in junior high, I had this boyfriend that I never saw because he lived far away, but it was really fun to get pictures of him and letters and stuff. Then I got bored of it. That may be the easiest way, to try again and let yourself get bored of the long distance relationship thing. But you can always stay friends anyways.Try not to be so sad. Just do what you feel most comfortable and happiest doing. Wishing you the best, sweetie :)
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I like this guy who is a musician...actually he's in three different bands. So, every weekend he has shows that he plays. Being supportive, I come to see him play, but since he's playing we hardly get to talk, and when we do he's worn out and tired. Our conversations are pretty much meaningless online , and I don't like to call guys- I wait for them to call me.
Lately he's seemed pretty distant. Is this a sign for me to back off, or is he waiting for me to make the first move? (link)
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He sounds pretty busy. My boyfriend is also a musician. He has been playing guitar for 15 years. He is not in a band, but jams with people once in a while. Anyways, we've been together for 6 years and in the past when we've fought, he accused me of taking away his dream of being a successful musician. That hurts. But he gave me an ultimatum years ago that said, "If you aren't going to be with me then I am running away to California to find some good band mates." Well I chose to be with him, but now sometimes I feel like that thing that is keeping him from flying. So just be there for this guy, even if he seems distant, don't take offense. Just always be there for him to come back to if you love him that much. Support whatever he decides. So don't back off completely or think to much about what is going on...he is simply busy doing what he loves to do, be the girl of his dreams by letting him do it. Going to watch him play is a good thing too. That probably means a lot to him. Hope I was helpful.
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I have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years and I live with him now. Well, he wants a kid really bad and I told him no because I'm almost 20 and we both work at MAC. And, MAC doesn't really pay us good. And obviously, you need money to have a kid. I'm on BC and have been for like 8 months and somehow I lost my pills. I'm organized, and I dont misplace things hardly ever and I think my boyfriend stole them. I'm getting more pills tomorrow but I just KNOW my boyfriend stole them! He hasint talked to me in two days because I accused him of stealing them. Why does he want a freaking kid so bad!? I dont want to break up with him, its been 3 years and I dont want to throw our relationship away. But what can I say to him to get his mind off kids!!! (link)
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Well, I'm sure you love this guy, but if you're not ready for kids, then he's going to have to get over it for now until later when you are BOTH ready. If he loves you he'll wait. You are still a bit young. I wanted a baby at 19/20 and I finally had one at 23. I'm glad it didn't happen earlier because I lived a lot of life between that time. Try to get your b'friend to enjoy his relationship with you first, before kids. Maybe he'll feel more like a man, if he has a kid? I don't know. But just try to have fun together first and begin to build your lives together. Hang out with friends, listen to music together. Do the things you both enjoy and try to convince him to chill out. If he can't accept, then the problem is his. Drop the pill stealing accusations. If he says he didn't then fine, but if he did and he's really that immature, then he's got some growing up to do. He needs to allow you to flower and become the person you want to be before you're ready to conceive. Like I said if he can't allow that then the problem is his own. Just be there for him, this is a thing he's going through. It will pass, good luck!! Also I want to add that tell him to show you he is ready by getting a man's job, marrying you, and being prepared with a stable parent-like foundation. Then maybe when all that is in place maybe you will be ready, because that stuff can take plenty of time!!
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well I am a 19 year old female who has been in a relationship with a guy for 4 years. I feel i am insecure about myself and constantly feel myself feeling and thinking that i am not as pretty as the girls that he sees. I have become controlling because i tell him he cant look at other girls and he can not have girl friends. I feel if he loves me like he says he does then why does he need to talk to other girls. I do not like him to work with pretty girls because i am afraid that he will flirt with them and not tell me. I get angry when he stares at other girls. We are constntly fighting. Is this all my fault. How can i stop being so scared that he is going to leave me for someone better. Even though everyday he says he wont i still get scared. And when i even see a pretty girl i say she is ugly so he wontlook . i know we care and love eachother so much . i do not want us to fight we are getting married soon please help my problem stop (link)
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Everyone has a spot of jealousy in them when it comes to the person you love. It's how big you let that spot get that affects how a relationship functions. I was also in a 4 year long relationship at 19...I am 24 and still with this guy. Now he has a very flirty personality, I have all the reason in the world to be jealous. He also works with really hot chics. I even saw a picture of him hugging one. But you know what? I allow myself to feel a little jealousy for my own enjoyment because that is a natural feeling that tells you your relationship is healthy and normal and that your feelings for him are still strong. BUT, possesiveness, control, and being mean about it is wrong. Yes, the fighting is because of you. Try to rememeber that I guy is a guy and they WILL look at other girls. They'd be gay if they didn't. You need to practice more on trust than jealousy. Your limits should be set at cheating, not just for looking or even flirting. Let him be himself, and if you allow that, he will love you even more for that, hence all the less reason to leave or cheat. I let my b'friend talk to me about a hot chic he saw at his work today, I say, "Really? Oh, cool!" You gotta be cool about it. Even if he says something like, "Yeah, and she had nice tits!" The jealousy will arise but be cool with that too. Now if he goes and says, "And I got to touch them!!" then the line has been crossed and you can get mean. But if you love him, give him the benefit of the doubt. He's just being a guy. Don't make him feel like he's in prison. Let him enjoy life. Let him enjoy YOU by not being overly jealous. As for your insecurity, try to pamper yourself, do things to make you feel good about yourself. Trust that if your boyfriend didn't like you for you he would break up with you...which might happen someday if you don't cool it with the possesive qualities you are enduring. Be the cool girlfriend that every guy would want and your personality will shine brighter than how you look weather homely or gorgeous. I hope I helped, I really do care, I want you to be nice, okay?? Good luck!! :)
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I'm a 24 yr old girl...and I met this great guy at a bar a few weeks ago and since then everytime I'm out, no matter where I am, he seems to be there. (Like it's meant to be?) Well, I went over to his house after leaving the bars twice. The first time we just hung out, we didn't even kiss... and then the second time we went a lot farther then that. I think he's wonderful and I want him to like me for me even though everytime I see him I'm pretty wasted.. I want to keep talking to him and I don't want to ruin things because I feel wierd and don't know how to act because I went too far with someone new.. but I really like him, I think he's so perfect... what should I do?? How should I act??? (link)
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I am a 24 year old chic too, and I know what you're saying. It's extremely hard when you have those drinks in you and you're in the moment. Drinking definately enhances emotions. This is what I did the last time I went out...well, I went with this person to a concert last month and I got totally wasted and we ended up kissing and making out (which I barely remember), but for the next time we went out, the following weekend I made myself have a drinking limit...and believe me, I am someone who cannot control my drinking so it really took a concrete mind-set to make myself not drink too much. I had 3 drinks, none of them with vodka (vodka makes me crazy), but instead with rums, kahlua, and even whisky's. Decide which drink makes you out of control and skip that one...just for the next few times you go out with him to allow yourself time to feel comfortable with how far you want yourself to go..just enough to have some control. Have your drinks be made weak. Try that. I guess that would be my advice, it worked for me, so I hope I was helpful enough for it to work for you!!
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im in love with this guy. weve been going out for almost 9 months. its real love, not just your average 14 year old junk. anyway.. i just totally dont feel like i deserve him. hes way too good for me. he loves me and he wants to be with me, but i just want the best for him. last night i broke up with him because i think he can do so much better. i want him to be with someone that does deserve him. i cant stop crying and i stole his cape (dont ask) and im attached to it. i miss him so much. but weve broken up and gotten back together so many times, it wouldnt be fair if i got back with him now. what should i do? please help me! (link)
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Wow, sweetie, you really need to put your chin up and smile and have some more confidence in yourself. You are putting yourself way down. No good. You need to realize that if this is such a good guy, then he just likes you for who you are, honey!! You don't want to just trash that. You don't want to be one of those women when you get older that takes abuse because you think you deserve it! Is that what kind of relationship you're looking for? No, you should go ahead and go back out with the kid and don't dump him again unless he gives you good reason to. I really hope you learn to like yourself better. Don't go through life thinking so badly about yourself. And yeah, go ahead and surprise him at his church. What a great place for wonderful beginnings and a chance to start over. The best of luck!!
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Me and my best friend liked the same guy, so I decided to back off of him so she could have him. He started liking her, then she told him she didn't want a boyfriend. Tonight at a b-ball game I hung out with him alot and he started liking me and then at halftime my friend came up to me and said "Damn, Andy looks hott tonight" and so I was like..crap. I don't want her to be mad at my, but I like this guy and he likes me, but I don't want it to like mess with our friendship. Its not like I'm going to go out with him right away, I want to get to know him and all....but what should I do? (link)
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Your friend can think he's hot, it's okay, maybe her decision that she doesn't want a b'friend still stands. She made that decision and it's good that you decided to take things slow with this guy. Best way to go. If she gets mad at you if you do end up going out with him, remind her that she decided not to be with him. Or try checking with her first before you two really become an item. But just because she said no, it shouldn't influence your chances. Unless maybe she said no to him so she wouldn't hurt YOUR feelings. Looks like you need to talk to your friend first and find her true feelings. If she is still interested in him, then that's when you'll need to consider your friendship with her before jeopardizing it.
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my bf is hidding behind being shy!
we have a son that was just born on halloween and he still hasnt got a job! i need help and he agreed to help, right now my parents are paying for everything and i dont know how to make him get a job, hes 18 years old...the only job hes ever has i got for him he didnt have to work for it so he doesnt know how to get one and ive tried to teach him but still doesnt go and get a job...i dont know what to do...how can i make him get a job but still be nice about it. (link)
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You must consider that your child now comes even before your relationship with the father. You kinda need to crack the whip and say, "Hey, I need your help here, you need to do your part, I am doing mine. It's not fair to me that you can just decide to sit on your ass. Time is up, the baby is here and you need to be a father to him by getting a job and supporting him financially. Time to be responsible by choice of your own, or the courts will take over in making you get a job when I have no choice left but to hit you up with child support. That's the last thing I want to do, so please help me out here. This responsibility should not have to fall on my parents. We made this child together, and we are going to take care of him together or pay the consequences." I really hope he gets smart about this for you. Having this baby should have changed him already, he should have gotten a job while you were still pregnant, so don't rule out legal matters; be prepared for them. It may be the only thing that can help what comes first in your life now...your child.
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but yea, me and this guy have been friends for a couple months...well, when we first met we were friends and were talking for like a week then we kinda lost touch for like 2 months...now i see him 1-2 times a week and sometimes more. and he hasnt plain out said he likes me..but he has tried to meet up with me (even suggested it) and he has told me he wants to kiss me sometime and that he wouldnt mind it if i kissed him. he has also directly told me that he "likes a girl that makes the first move" this sounds perfect doesnt it? well, prob is...hes got a gf. he gives me a hug almost everytime we see each other. i catch him looking at me and everything. we talk almost every night on the computer. we have already met up and kissed twice. he knows how i feel about him. and if anyone is interested i will tell ya about this one girl that has latley been flirting with him cuz she knows i like him, ill give ya the background story on her & why else i hate her. and whenever i go to kiss him i get really really nervous..i dont wanna be nervous. i wanna be able to just kiss him and not even think about it. and im constantly thinking about him. I can't help it. Ive liked him since we met. hes awsome...what can i do? how can i get him to like, tell me he likes me without plain out asking him? How can I be not nervous? and how can i get him away from everyone at the youth group so i can talk to him?? (and maybe more) (link)
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Honey, you guys obviously like each other, but you need to stop kissing him until he breaks up with this other girl. Tell him that you really like him and enjoy kissing him, but shouldn't if he's with this other girl. It seems like you should be comfortable enough to say this to him. That will make him think and consider doing what he truely feels...perhaps that would mean breaking up with that girl for you??? :) So keep on being his friend, hugs are okay, but make sure you say to him what I said and whatever is supposed to happen will happen.
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