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Controlling......unsure of self
well I am a 19 year old female who has been in a relationship with a guy for 4 years. I feel i am insecure about myself and constantly feel myself feeling and thinking that i am not as pretty as the girls that he sees. I have become controlling because i tell him he cant look at other girls and he can not have girl friends. I feel if he loves me like he says he does then why does he need to talk to other girls. I do not like him to work with pretty girls because i am afraid that he will flirt with them and not tell me. I get angry when he stares at other girls. We are constntly fighting. Is this all my fault. How can i stop being so scared that he is going to leave me for someone better. Even though everyday he says he wont i still get scared. And when i even see a pretty girl i say she is ugly so he wontlook . i know we care and love eachother so much . i do not want us to fight we are getting married soon please help my problem stop
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Hey Hun! i was in the exact situation except it was him that was controlling me.. and i have to tell you that you should really try to talk to him about how u feel and how worried you are to loose him. he should understand and see where things go from there. but look at it this way.. if he hasnt cheated on you.. and he loves you then you dont have ANYTHING to worry about!! i hope this helps you!!!
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Well i think that he should be able to have some girl friends cause just you think there pretty doesn't mean that their hot or cute to ur boyfrind.I think that you should maybe losin up a little bit and give him a little more freedom and if you start to see things goin on then step in and pull back on some things.
love always,
XxshortyxX
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well, what you really need to do is talk to your bf and solve this problem. And if you love him so much then you should know that he loves you back and you should trust him. Then if you start getting signs of him cheating dump him. I think the main reason you are thinking this is because you dont have enough self confidence in yourself
hope this helps!
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Oh gosh thats tough huh? really sit with him and talk that you get worried about him . But if you guys are really in love, then u will learn to trust him
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You need to get some self-esteem. I don't think you'll get it while your with your boyfriend though because I think you are hiding behind him. You need to get yourself together before you put him through your drama. I'm not trying to be mean and I'm sorry if it's harsh, but it is true. Your relationship will never work out if you control him and limit him like you are doing now. You need to trust him and trust that he isn't doing anything that he wouldn't tell you about. I think you should allow him to have girl friends, but let him know that if he screws up once then it is done. Trust him more and I think things will work out. If you can't trust him, then maybe you shouldn't marry him or atleast wait until you can trust him before you guys get married.
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well lets just say that all guys tend to look at other girls but that doesnt meant that he doesnt love you. And dont worry as much on how you look. If he said you pretty he probably means it. So just cool down a little and dont concentait on how u think you look as much.
H.I.H.
Niki
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Everyone has a spot of jealousy in them when it comes to the person you love. It's how big you let that spot get that affects how a relationship functions. I was also in a 4 year long relationship at 19...I am 24 and still with this guy. Now he has a very flirty personality, I have all the reason in the world to be jealous. He also works with really hot chics. I even saw a picture of him hugging one. But you know what? I allow myself to feel a little jealousy for my own enjoyment because that is a natural feeling that tells you your relationship is healthy and normal and that your feelings for him are still strong. BUT, possesiveness, control, and being mean about it is wrong. Yes, the fighting is because of you. Try to rememeber that I guy is a guy and they WILL look at other girls. They'd be gay if they didn't. You need to practice more on trust than jealousy. Your limits should be set at cheating, not just for looking or even flirting. Let him be himself, and if you allow that, he will love you even more for that, hence all the less reason to leave or cheat. I let my b'friend talk to me about a hot chic he saw at his work today, I say, "Really? Oh, cool!" You gotta be cool about it. Even if he says something like, "Yeah, and she had nice tits!" The jealousy will arise but be cool with that too. Now if he goes and says, "And I got to touch them!!" then the line has been crossed and you can get mean. But if you love him, give him the benefit of the doubt. He's just being a guy. Don't make him feel like he's in prison. Let him enjoy life. Let him enjoy YOU by not being overly jealous. As for your insecurity, try to pamper yourself, do things to make you feel good about yourself. Trust that if your boyfriend didn't like you for you he would break up with you...which might happen someday if you don't cool it with the possesive qualities you are enduring. Be the cool girlfriend that every guy would want and your personality will shine brighter than how you look weather homely or gorgeous. I hope I helped, I really do care, I want you to be nice, okay?? Good luck!! :)
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4 yrs is a LONG time! If he didn't think you were beuatiful then he wouldn't be marrying you! Love is stronger than anything else....even beauty! You are TOO protective, you have a man not a lil boy....of course he'll look when he sees a pretty female, you can't say you don't check out other guys?!? you have to be realistic....regardeless where he goes there are going to be females ALL around him! You have to trust your man and you relationship other wise...thats NOT love! Its not entirely your fault though, he should know his limits and regulations about looking at females but you really just need to trust him and untill you can I dont suggest marrige.
*good luck*
~*~KiSsEs~*~
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First of all, you have to realise that, out of all the girls in the whole wide world, he has chosen to be with you. He is only human though and of course he will stare at other girls, all guys do. Girls stare at guys and I'm sure you do, not because they are necessarily good looking but because its just natural to do so. If he was going to cheat on you or even think about it then you wouldn't be getting married. You really have to try and stop being like this because in the long-run you are pushing him away and he might just get fed up of being shouted at the whole time. Make an effort with your clothes and hair and makeup which will make you feel more confident.
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Sweetheart if the two of you are planning on getting married you both need serious couples counceling. Your insecurities will ruin not only this relationship but prevent you from building the sharing and trust you will require to make a marriage work. What can be accepted in a girlfriend cannot be tolerated in a wife. You will have too much control and too many resposibilities that rely on trusting your partner. Plus he needs to understand how to help you overcome your problems. No relationship is perfect and BOTH partners must constantly work to provide the support the other needs. This will not happen if both partners don't understand from the beginning what will be needed from them. Luck and Love, Sweetheeart!
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Okay, the way you're behaving will ruin the relationship. There should always be balance in a relationship, not one person who's overly controlling. Don't be afraid of other girls, he can have female friends. I mean, do you think of all of your guy friends as more than friends? Guys aren't always like that, and if you think your soon to be husband -is- like that, then you shouldn't be getting married. You're being unfair to him, and it might make him embarassed to be around you in public, which isn't good. Just get over it, even though it might be hard, trust him a little bit. I'll pray for you hun, good luck with the marriage.
-Farren
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uhmmm ok.. you're going to DRIVE HIM AWAY! Stop being so insecure w/ urself, it's sooo unattractive to guys. If you're confident in yourself, others will be confident in YOU. He's with you for a reason girl, stop being out of control- controlling. There is more to life than LOOKS. You seem to be very immature, and I dont think marriage is a good idea. If you dont even trust him enough to be AROUND other girls, you're never going to make it. Unless he's given you a reason to second guess his dedication- you need to quit it. Do something to make you feel better about yourself, work out, dance, anything that lets you gain some self confidence. It natural to worry sometimes or to be jealous.. but don't let it get the better of you. If he tells you he loves you every day, accept it for what it is and be happy. Dont put others down to make yourself comfortable, it's unhealthy and unkind.
Next time you're fighting over this issue, take full blame and DROP IT.
goodluck
-taylor-
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The most important thing in a relationship is trust and you do not trust this guy. This puts your relationship in bad situation - he wants your trust but your own insecurities are preventing you from trusting him.
Instead of thinking "if he loves me like he says he does then why does he need to talk to other girls." Why not think "if he loves me like he says he does - what do I have to worry about?" If you continue controlling him, which you are, the relationship is going to end up one sided. Every girl gets a bit jealous when the guy they care about looks at other girls, but you have to realize that that has no bearing on your relationship - he doesn't love them, he loves you. If he didn't love you he wouldn't be on the verge of marrying you and he wouldn't have stayed with you for 4 years.
You need to sit down and rethink why you are still together, because you've been together for four years, why is it he hasn't dumped you for someone else? That's because he loves you. Wake up and realize what you have isn't going to go away until you yourself push it away with your jealous and controlling attitude. Learn to trust him.
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