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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
There is a guy who accidentally texted me as a wrong number. I told him it was wrong, but he continued texting me on multiple occasions, knowing I was someone he didn't know. We had some nice conversations and flirted a bit. He lives about three hours away from me and is 16. He wants to come visit me, but he can't drive. I'm 17 and can drive, but not that far - my parents wouldn't let me. I wouldn't want to either because I don't really know him. One day he got very intense with the flirting and asked if he were to ask me out what I would say. I told him maybe, clearly stressing that we don't each other and would have to get to know each other in order for me to date him. He then asked that if we dated if we would make out a lot. This kind of creeped me out. He also asked if we were now dating, I told him no because we have never met. I haven't texted him since that time and have just ignored his texts, but I feel bad. I don't know what to do and my friends tell me just to continue ignoring him, but I don't want to hurt him. Help! He also asked for a picture, but i refused to send one saying my phone was broken. He wanted to friend me on Facebook but I never told him my last name and he never asked for it.
The Answer
Just keep on not responding.
There's a large part of me that said if this guy was serious about having a relationship - he would have tried to contact you via Facebook. He's probably just getting off on the flirty texting, and hoping it will lead to sexually charged conversations and photos.
Which makes him all sorts of bad news.
If you want to be polite, you can tell him you don't want to speak to him anymore, then block and ignore him.
You are well within your rights to block his number.
Don't stress out too much about it. He's a young guy who is doing something kinda dumb and rude - as young guys often do. But just because someone is probably just dumb, not evil, doesn't mean you need to put up with it. You aren't happy and you aren't comfortable - that means you are perfectly entitled to end all contact. Don't let your worry about hurting him, turn you into his victim. If you want to be kind, tell him why you are putting an end to it before you block him. If he is an otherwise decent guy, it might be a good lesson for him in how not to creep a person out and get your ass blocked and ignored. That's all he deserves from you - he's been rude and intrusive and isn't taking a hint.
Your right to be comfortable and respected is more important than him having his feelings hurt because his behaviour has made you uncomfortable. You don't have to be miserable and feel vulnerable just to save him from feeling rejected based on his own choices. That's not right or fair.
He behaved badly. You don’t have to suffer for it.
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The Question
I recently asked a question about booking a hotel room. Well I found a hotel that will allow me to check in at 18 and allows a cash deposit. Now the only problem is that the confirmation email i recieved said "Deposit of $130 USD is due August 1, 2011 or reservation will not be garunteed"
I booked the room for august 8th but I'm confused on why they are making me deposit the money on the 1st.. i thought I was supposed to do that when I check in.
The bigger problem is that I'm on vacation at the moment and won't be returning home until August 5th.. so there's no way I can pay the deposit by the 1st. The person i'm rooming with will be home, so is it possible if he made the deposit since we are sharing the room? Or does the person who booked the room have to make the deposit?
Thank you!
The Answer
Because it's cash, they want a deposit up front.
Otherwise, they could hold the room for you, and you never show up. They could have gotten money from someone else for that space.
That's life hun - businesses want credit cards because the credit card company is vouching for you. If you screw up and don't pay - even if that business can't get the money from you - they can usually get it from the credit card company, and then the credit card company has to come after you for it.
It's about safety and certainty that they will get their money. They can’t just hold rooms for people trusting they will show up with the money - many people wouldn’t.
With cash, there is less trust. So they want a cash deposit, or they won’t guarantee the room.
You’ll need to call the hotel and ask if they will accept the cash deposit from someone other than you - they might, but that’s up to them. They might also be willing to give you the 5th or 6th to make the deposit, if you explain the situation - they also might not. But those questions, only the hotel will be able to answer.
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The Question
Beyonce says she lost 25 pounds doing it. Has anyone else tried it?
The Answer
The Master Cleanse was invented in 1940 and has no long term health benefits, and some large risks. It doesn't remove any 'toxins' from the body, and although it might lead to TEMPORARY weight loss, it does not lead to a healthier body overall. The cleanse is simply starvation, not a diet. Although starving yourself for a few days is not dangerous if you are otherwise healthy, doing it for too long can deplete muscle tissue and damage your heart, kidney and liver.
Weight lost on the master cleanse will be gained back when you stop the cleanse. You are actually likely to gain MORE weight than you list. And if you never stop the cleanse, you'll starve yourself to death. Or your heart will stop or kidneys will fail. Take your pick really.
The master cleanse will leave you eating about 650 calories a day, that's less than half of what you need. There are children starving to death in South America who are eating more calories daily than that - and they are unlikely to survive to adulthood.
The only diet that can work over a long time is to eat a little bit less and to exercise a little bit more. It's not rocket science and it's not magic.
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The Question
Just as a survey, how would you guys rate/handle a situation with:
A girl and guy (18 years both almost 19)
Guy doesnt pay for girl, girl always drives guy around because the guy doesnt have a car. They both say they love each other, talk about marriage, and kids. Guy doesnt have a job yet but aspires to have one; girl is going away to college, guy is going to a community college and they both plan to stay together.
What if you were the boy or girl, would you guys say this is a good realtionship?
The Answer
I say you are the girl in this relationship and you are sensing trouble.
I think smart and capable young ladies should listen to their guts - not popular votes - when it comes to their own love life.
Is it a good relationship? Your explanation here doesn't really let us know anything but that you aren't as certain about this boy as you would like to be. He's a lot of talk and little action - but most people are like that at 18.
No one here can give you certain answers. You are both as huge turning points in your lives - the changes you are about to face might confirm that this IS a good relationship, or it might bring to light the true reasons it is not a good relationships - reasons that run far deeper than him not having a car or going to community college.
Trust your gut and take a look at the path you are on. You aren't a dummy. If your relationship is no longer a good one for you, let it end.
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The Question
Hello,
i am a 17 year old female. The problem i have is with my Vagina. I do not like the way it looks and i have not talked to people about it, which makes it harder to deal with. My labia is about an inch long and i have no idea why. It was like this long before i got intimate. I know my boyfriend doesnt "mind" it but i cant see how he secretly doesn't like it, if i were him i wouldnt like it. Im thinking about getting surgery becuase i dont want to be made fun of, im an attractive, TIGHT, girl... i dont feel like this is what i should look like :(
The Answer
Hun, if you 'feel' it's wrong, there isn't much I can tell you except that your feeling is inaccurate and silly.
It's normal. What you describe is perfectly within normal. If your boyfriend doesn't like it he's an ignorant, judgemental fool. But the truth Is that it's unlikely he's even noticed, let alone that he cares.
Now, you are a sexually active young woman, so you should have seen a doctor once or twice for a full gyno exam anyways -- if you won't take it from me, ask your doctor. This is exactly how you are SUPPOSED to look.
We all have moments when we think our bodies are wierd or not good enough, and most of the time we are obsessing over things that are perfectly normal and that no one else, not even out most intimate partners, will ever even think of.
If you want expensive surgery because it will make you 'feel' better, that's silly, but not necessarily wrong. It might make you feel better, but it won't make you any more normal -- you are already normal.
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The Question
In the last six years my mother remarried. He's from Sudan. In my opinion he's a crap husband; he's never there, he makes no effort to be a good husband or a step dad and I dont particularly like him. I think she married a dead beat. But thats okay. Its her choice, not mine.
They have two young children. It's the eldest I'm most concerned about. He lacks discipline. He messes around, takes tantrums and doest eat his meals. My step dad will often shout at him or smack him, and while i don't approve of such outdated parenting techniques, it's not against the law to smack your kid.
Today I visited for dinner and as usual he was messing around at the table. My brother spat out his food apparently and my step dad just snapped. He started shouting and slapped him in the face - though not a huge adult slap - and grabbed his cheek and started twisting it. All the while my brother is screaming and crying in both pain and fear. My mum came through from the kitchen and he grabbed my brother by the arm and took him to his room and shut him in. I shouted at my mother that i'd call social services and my sister shouted at him, saying he went too far.
For the next few hours my brother kept calling my step dad a 'bad guy'.I've seen my step dad before really nipping him for no reason, pushing him, smacking him too hard etc.
Before I left my step dad apologised to my brother, hugged him and told him he loved him. My brother is not introverted, he doesnt show any signs of fear from my step dad unless he's angry and is generally outgoing, if a little shy. He doesnt have the behaviour of an abused child and loves his dad it seems.
Im at a loss. I am heart broken and livid that my brother was so afraid of his father and I've seen my step dad act inappropriately towards my brother before, just not as bad as this.
My sister has since texted me telling me my mother told him that if he does it again he's out the door but im still concerned.
Does this constitute of physical child abuse? Should I go to social services because of it? I have no idea what to do. My father dismisses it as a cultural thing; he was regularly beaten with bamboo as a disciplinary action by his father (though his father was a drunk and they lived in poverty in hong kong). As does my step mother dismiss it. But they werent there and they didnt see the fear. Perhaps my step dad is parenting the only way he knows?
The Answer
Does it constitute child abuse?
Mostly likely.
Should you contact social services?
Probably, but that is a very personal choice and there is a lot to consider.
It's important to remember that Child Services don't WANT to take people's kids away. They don't get a kick out it or have quota to meet. The less kids they remove from family homes, the better they are doing their jobs. They WANT parents to change inappropriate behaviour. It's possible that having contact with Child Services will help your step father control his inappropriate outbursts, see them from the problem they are, and get some new parenting tools.
It's always incredible stressful to have social services visit your home. My mother fostered so we have them in on a regular basis, and it's ALWAYS stressful, even when everyone knows you are on their side. They are reaching into very private parts of a family's life - for good reason - but that is what happens. If you file a complaint, even anonymously, it will probably result in a home visit.
So what should you do? Perhaps rather than filing a complaint, you give the services in your area a call and say "Look, he's probably not breaking the law, but I think he's a good place right now for me to recommend a class or a resource to help him make better choices. Can you recommend anything to me that I can pass on to him and my mother that might help him be a more effective parent?"
With your mother’s frustration and your step father’s at least somewhat realization that this isn’t the best way to behave, you may decide it’s - rather than threatening them with a call to social services - to tell them something like “Look, I love my family but you have a problem you need to solve. I didn’t give any names or make a complaint, but I got this information for you on books and/or courses I really think you should look into. I don’t want to have to get social services involved, but I will if I think you’ve crossed the line. So please, I just want us all to be happier and healthier. Give it a try.”
It may be the only ways he knows - but that just means he has a responsibility to learn.
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The Question
What should I do if my rat keeps on sneezing
The Answer
Clean the cage more frequently, make sure they have appropriate bedding material, and make sure their teeth aren't getting too long.
Most rats you get from pet stores have a common type of chest cold. They just do. Not much can be done about it - it just rips through pet store populations and they have it for life. Also, double rex rats have whiskers that curl in towards thier nose and mouth - and they often sneeze a lot because of that. If this is a new addition to your home, you just need to be extra diligent about cleaning for the next little while and it should improve - although probably never go away entirely.
If you are using wood shavings as bedding - stop. Aspen is the only type of wood bedding rats aren’t allergic too and even many rats are sensitive to it. The fibre based stuff is more expensive, but many rats simply need it to be healthy.
If this is a new sneeze in an older rat - take it to the vet. If this rat’s teeth are getting long and you don’t know how to trim them properly - take it to a vet.
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The Question
So, I dyed the TIPS of my hair purple, and I used the bleach first, and when the bleach was done, it was an awful auburnish color,so then I put the purple in and it came out okay in the end, not exactly what i wanted. I only let it stay in for the minimum time period because I only want it for a few weeks of summer. My question is, will it wash out by itself and the bleach and purple both fade back to my natural hair color? or will it fade to the bleached color and will I have to dye my hair to my natural color again? I dont want to get a haircut because I'd be cutting a lot off. Please Help! :)
The Answer
It will fade to something like the bleached colour.
Of course, if you used permanent purple hair dye, it won’t matter that you only left it in the for the minimum amount of time - it's permanent. It will fade, but it will not fade completely.
If you want anything like your natural hair colour again, go to a salon and ask for professional help. If you buy a store bought hair dye, you are more likely to make an even bigger mess of your hair.
Anyone with half a brain about hair dye will recommend that you cut the ends off rather than try to dye them back to your natural colour. You’ll end spending a lot of money for something you are unlikely to be very happy with. Dying your hair 3 times within a few months (especially with bleach and purple in it) is unlikely to be something even a really skilled colourist can correct.
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The Question
Can the boy feel pre-cum n can it make u pregnant?
The Answer
A boy cannot always feel it and they can NEVER control it. It just happens.
Although it's unlikely to become pregnant from pre-cum, it is absolutely, 100% possible.
If you are ready to become sexually active, go talk to a doctor. Learn how to use condoms properly and use them every single time.
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The Question
There's a guy that is friends with the family that my mom went out with. He broke her heart so I'm looking for some sweet revenge ;) Is there anything I could put in his drink that would make his poop a lot or throw up? Any ideas are great. Thanks!
The Answer
No one here is going to give you this advice (they'll get banned if they do).
Although this seems like a harmless prank people pull in movies - it's actually assault, an actual crime to do this. Besides just being illegal anything you put in a person's body without their knowledge runs a risk of seriously harming him.
What if he chokes on his own vomit and suffocates? What if he loses control of his bowels in the middle of driving along a road in the middle of nowhere or gets into an accident, or passes out because of the dehydration? What if he as a medical issue you don't know about and what you give him causes a stroke, or heart failure, or a deadly allergic reaction?
It might seem unlikely, but it's likely enough that it's not okay to do anything like what you suggested here.
I'm sorry that your mother is hurting, but what you are considering is not ethical or legal behaviour.
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The Question
Hi guys! I'm having a little bit of trouble with my family right now, and I don't know what to do. This will be a bit long...sorry.
I'm 20 years old and in college, and my parents are control freaks over me. They already picked my MAJOR (I can't change it even though I hate it, or they won't pay for college) and every time I come home, I have a curfew of midnight. This is understandable since it's their house, but it's just annoying because I have an apartment an hour away where I have FREEDOM. But, they are used to their strict style of being raised and think that I've become a monster with too much freedom. This is how all my cousins are treated as well.
For the past couple of days, they have been giving me and my sister the silent treatment. I kind of have an idea why they're mad at my sister (that's another story) but I have NO clue why they would be mad at me, except for maybe the fact that I've been hanging out with friends too much? They were kind of talking to me on Friday (when I came home from my apartment), then asked me if I wanted to go to dinner, I was on the phone and said No, I wasn't hungry, and they came back totally different and ignoring us. This has gone on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (today). In that time, I realized my parents were pissed off (with no idea why) and the only places I've been were the gym (I go daily) and a grad party for 2 hours.
Today, I woke up late and missed church. I woke up when they were leaving, and I heard my mom say that she was going to have a talk with us. Later in the day, when my parents weren't home a neighbor stopped by who has been at my house all the time, whether my parents were there or not. He was at my house DAILY last summer and my parents like him a lot, so there should have been NO problem there. Except, when my dad walked in an hour later, he was SHAKING in anger, purple in the face...even my friend was shocked. My dad pointed at me, and then pointed at the door and I followed him. He couldn't even make full sentences. He was saying, "I can't believe you're entertaining guests" or something like that. I didn't even know what was going on. My mom came in from the garage (she had tears in her eyes like she had been crying) and she PUSHED him in the garage when she saw how angry he was. She literally had to PUSH him and hold him back and shut the door...from what? HITTING ME? She said, "you upset your dad" and I just responded "I don't know why you guys are so mad at me." and told my neighbor to come downstairs with me.
I've been hiding out here all night although I'm sure there in bed. I called my brother and he told me my mom said we're not going with them on vacation (to visit my brother).
I honestly have NO clue what could have gotten them this angry, but they are furious with me for what I think is no reason at all. I'm afraid to approach them even. My questions are:
- How should I handle this? Is there a way to handle it without them blowing up at me?
- Were my parents justified in their anger?
This is legitimately my account of what happened. I'm not hiding or changing anything at all.
The Answer
The first part of your question is easy. You CAN'T possibly know if your parents are justified in their anger, because they haven't spoken to you at all about why they are upset.
They are probably going to blow up. Take a deep breath and accept it. It's not your fault that they choose this path to a great big blow up when they refused to speak candidly to you for days about their anger. This is how they have decided to approach whatever the problem is as parents - it’s a lousy ass approach, but they are your parents and sometimes they just get to make choices that make your life harder. You might be to blame for others things - but you aren’t to blame for your parents bad choices in handling their own anger.
So, you can just wait for the inevitable to happen - and it will - or you can be proactive. It’s tempting to just wait them out - knowing that they are behaving poorly and not communicating well - it’s tempting to ‘get back at them’ by being just as uncommunicative and sullen. Frankly, I don’t blame you if you choose that path, HOWEVER, if you want to be proactive, corner your mother when you know you have twenty minutes alone and say “You and dad are obviously very upset, but you haven’t told me why. If I don’t know what is going on, I can’t do anything about it. I can’t possibly be considerate of your feelings, if you won’t tell me what they are. Please tell me what is upsetting you.”
And then listen. Just listen. Bite your tongue for a while and let her speak. If she demands a response, keep them flat and non-comments like “I can understand why that would really upset you.” Or “I can tell that this is a big problem for you.” “I know you are very angry, but I’m glad you are explaining this to me completely.” It’s tough when you have to play the adult in your relationship with your parents, but that’s what you need to do when your parents get the idea in their heads that the silent treatment is an appropriate parenting style with their young adult children. You want the best possible outcome for you: Out mature them.
If it goes okay with your mother, ask to have a time for you to sit down with her and your dad. (NOT your sister. You are a young adult, and I assume she is as well. Whatever their beef is with her, it’s with her. You don’t want in on that fight. Support if you’d like, but don’t get into a conversation with all four of you in the room, unless the conversation actually involves all four of you.) Same approach: Listen more than you talk. Correct factual errors gently. Thank them for telling you the truth. You might even ask to sleep on what they have said to you before formulating a response.
I can’t give you much advice on what that response might be -- they haven’t given you or me anything to work with. First you need to know what they issues are. They may be small and silly, but obviously your parent’s feelings about them are very intense. It might be easier for you to let the emotional blow up happen, and then take all take a deep breath, before trying to create any solutions.
Finally: You CAN pay for your own tuition and apartment. It’s called student debt, and you don’t need your parents help to get a loan. It sucks, but over 80% of your fellow students in North America are taking out debt to complete their studies and at 20 you are perfectly capable of taking that path. You need to seriously consider the pros and cons here if your relationship with your parents is deteriorating to this degree. Get a loan, get a roommate, get a scholarship or a bursary. There are other options. They are harder and scarier and riskier but they might be worth the trouble at this point.
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The Question
Yesterday I did not talk to my boyfriend at all. He stopped answering me and I was getting worried. Finally after so many hours of trying not to contact him too much, I asked his friend if he knew where he was and he said no but offered to call. So his friend called and my boyfriend answered right away, saying that he was out for drinks and he had his phone off for a long time. I was very upset. I was upset my boyfriend didn't tell me, even if his phone was low on battery and he had it off all day. It would've taken five seconds to tell me he was busy so I wouldn't worry all day. So I texted him and told him that he should've told me what was going on so I wouldn't have to worry because he knows I worry a lot. He said "sorry" and that was the end of it. I told him he didn't sound very sympathetic and a simple sorry wasn't gonna instantly fix it. We're always honest with each other, but he got pissed and said, "Fuck it, turning off my phone." I called him but he didn't answer and I texted him that I was only being honest and I hope he had a good time and we can work things out in the morning. As far as I know, we are still together. This is our first argument as a couple and we've been going out for almost two months. I only acted like that because I was upset. I know not every boyfriend can be perfect, and I can't expect so much out him at times, but this situation was crazy. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow, so this morning I texted him asking if we were still hanging out and turned off my phone. He doesn't wake up until like one anyway.
honestly I'm sure this is just a little bump and we will get over it and things will be just fine but I am a worrisome person. I really feel strongly for this guy and he makes me happy and we have a great relationship. Surely he won't end it over something this stupid?
The Answer
Honesty isn’t an reason to be distrustful and mean.
Worrying isn’t an reason to be demanding and judgemental.
Your boyfriend might be a total asshole, but you’ve also got some issues hun, and your owe your boyfriend an apology for
ONE. Overreacting. What he did was careless and wrong, but you also over-reacted and need to be able to cope without contact for a day. If he hasn’t made a habit of this kind of behaviour, then a simple apology from him really should have been sufficient in the moment. If there was more to discuss after the fact, it could have waited until you’d both slept on it.
TWO. Insulting him when he attempted to apologize. Honesty isn’t an excuse for disrespecting and insulting someone. It’s not a good thing if I honestly walk up to you and say “I think you a liar.” Refusing to accept an apology - not because it fixed everything, but as first step from him - was quite rude and judgemental of you.
You took something careless and rude that he had done, and through even more rudeness and disrespect into the mix.
You don’t owe him an apology because you were ‘more wrong’ then he was... It’s not about who is more or less wrong. Apologies are about acknowledging our own mistakes, regardless of how other people may have contributed to the situation.
Apologizing doesn’t mean he isn’t a jerk. Sounds like he might be. Sounds like he might be a really bad match for you. But you also over reacted and have some personal work to do if you want to maintain healthy relationships.
He might end it. If he does, it's probably for the best. If he doesn't, then have a talk about the things you can BOTH do to be more courtesy and respectful of one another. You’ve likely got as much work to do as he does.
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The Question
19/M
I was wondering if it would be okay for me to leave my toy in my back-door (if you know what I mean) for a while, and if it would have any negative side effects. It is maybe an inch around at the very thickest part. I just like having it in. So how long is it okay to leave it in for, or does it really matter? Thanks for the help!
The Answer
Not a great idea.
It's not healthy to obstruct your anus for more than minutes at a time. Honestly, you have a basic physical need to fart too many times a day, often even hourly, and you'll get uncomfortable and even damage your body if your body can't do that easily. There is also the simple cleanliness problem. The same way most doctors recommend a tampon stays in for only 4-6 hours (oops, you are a guy you might not have known that but...) any foreign object you insert into your body has a pretty short life span. I would geuss that insertion in the anus has an even shorter time period than the vagina. Finally, good luck finding a sex toy that is designed for that kind of constant use! A break, a tear, a crack in a sex toy left your anus over the long-term could be very dangerous for your health.
Some basic rules:
Don't wear this out of the house. It's neither sane nor safe. Besides, you don't want to have your mother trying to make up an excuse for it to the doctors they day you get hit by a car and are lying unconscious in the hospital.
Buy something MEANT for anal penetration - that means something with a nice board base so it won't 'slip in'. Again, you don't want to explain to the doctors in the ER that you lost a one-inch thick dildo inside yourself and one inch thick, that could totally get 'lost'.
Be alone. Again, it's both rude and unkind to expose people who are not your consenting sexual partners (ie, your family, friends, roommates, classmates, co-workers or strangers) to participate, EVEN in a small way they never know about, in your sexual activities. Do this only when you are certain of of privacy, or if you aren't alone, make sure they are consenting to being part of your sex life.
And be careful.
I'm not a doctor, or a sex specialist of any kind, and that is who you really should put this question too. You also need to make sure that you have purchased an appropriate toy and done your research on how to properly clean it. You'll get the best service by going to a non-seedy sex store and talking a sales rep. Google other communities and ask questions about your interest in this, but be sceptical and double and triple check any advice you'd get. Talk to a doctor - I suspect you won't do that - but you really should.
Generally speaking, I would GUESS that if you are doing this for less than half hour a day, you're probably fine - but I might be wrong! Perhaps more time is acceptable if you are prepared and sensible about it - Perhaps even that long is not a good idea. I don't really know. I'm sure SOMEONE out there does. It's sex, and it's the internet. You can find out. I do know that you ought to find out from some people with real education and expertise before you shove anything up your butt on a regular basis.
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The Question
I hate my best friend, i'm not going to go into detail, it just all sums up into her being a bitch. Anyway, this is what happens when i get mad at her:
I'm nice, explain how i feel about the situation, ask why this happened. she doesn't text back for a few days, then pretends like nothing happened, i, just wanting to move on, pretend to. things go back to normal, another week goes by, she does something wrong again, and the situation repeats.
Because of this, I have a lot of anger towards her. I'm mad at her again, and i know in a few days she will text me.
Should I A. just never respond or B. bitch her out?
I am not being friends with her anymore
The Answer
You should respond, simply and polietely and say
"I can't handle it when you ignore me and then txt me agian and pretend that nothing has happened.
I've decided I can't continue with this friendship any more. Please do not text me agian."
You are anrgy, and that's fine, but you don't have to be a bitch about it. You don't have to yell or scream. You don't have to try and get even with her or hurt her. You don't have to be rude to her and give her the silent treatment.
All of those approaches are mean, petty and immature.
Instead, tell her what you choice is and why it is.
"I'm choosing not to be your friend anymore because I don't like how you handle it when we disagree."
And repeat.
She'll try to argue with you. She'll try to drag you back in. She'll try to bait you. If you want to be a mature, respectful person, just repeat your choice.
"I'm choosing not to be your friend anymore. Please stop contacting me."
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The Question
My friend and I have a lot of history. Long story summarized...
I lied to her about a pregnancy from when i was 15 years old that I told her was aborted but really never became a viable pregnancy. The boy who impregnated me was my boyfriend of 2 years and we broke up when I was 15 around the time the pregnancy happened.
When I was 17 i met my friend, lets call her Sally. Sally and I were friends for 6 months before she started dating the boy who got me pregnant, he was a mutual friend of ours and rather than ask me for my blessing she just kind've told me it was happening. Realistically I would've liked to have just been asked and I would've said yes regardless, they've been dating for 2 years now.
I'm now in a new relationship with a guy that she thinks is horrible for me and recently him and my new guy got in a fight. I stood by her in that fight and he almost left me for it.
Now she's calling me a selfish bitch because I admitted to having lied and told her how I felt about her never having asked about my new boyfriend.
She says she cares and wants the best for me but she's also telling me that she doesn't want to be my friend because she doesn't want to be around my relationship with my boyfriend.
Now she's being rude to me and I don't want to show that it hurts because I feel like that will mean she's winning. I just don't understand how we went from being friends and thinking that we were standing by each other to being so hostile.
I am now 20 and she is 19.
The Answer
She doesn't want to be your friend. She doesn't want to be near your boyfriend.
She's been pretty honest about those things, and pretty clear about her position here.
It's wrong of her to call you names, and it's wrong of her to be rude.
But it was also very wrong, and quite petty, to drag up the whole "You didn't ask my permission to date my ex" after they have been together for two years. The whole 'friend's don't date friend's exes' is gradeschool bullshit. It stop applying when you grow up. In the adult world, it happens, and people cope and even choose to remain friends. A lie regarding a teenage pregnancy scare is - at least - a bit understandable, but you had long ago missed your chance to comment on her relationship. Dragging it up now, right after you got upset with her over something else was not the right move. It was not a respectful or an honest way to address your feelings - it was lashing out at her with a random thing from the past because you were pissed with her for a totally unrelated thing in the present.
If you want try and repair this, tell her so, and apologise for striking out at her. It sounds like she is very direct - which can be selfish and hurtful to others - whereas you suppress your feelings and opinions and let them fester - which ends up with you resenting others and lashing out in inappropriate ways. Neither approach is a great one. If your friendship is going to survive, you'll both need to apologize, and truly forgive, and recognize and respect the different ways you both deal with stress and confrontation.
However, you have to remember that just because you choose to keep your mouth shut for two years about her boyfriend, and just because you stood up for her, doesn’t mean she HAS to do the same. Friendship is about making choices and being honest. She is not required to engage in the friendship exactly the same way you choose too. She may, honestly and lovingly, choose a different path. If you two can’t agree on how to engage in your friendship, that just makes you incompatible as friends, not bad people.
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The Question
Some people have said that liquid leggings are trashy. I think they are cute. Is it ok for a 17 year old to wear them? Do you think they are trashy? How do you feel about liquid leggings?
Heres a pic of them: http://mediaext.drjays.com/media/304/350/files/3043506.jpg
The Answer
It's really just personal opinions, but I'm voting for trashy.
Liquid leggings always look cheap and weird. I haven't see a single person on the street wearing them who wouldn't have looked cuter, more put together and sometimes saner without 'em.
Sometimes the fashion world comes up with really stupid ideas. When I was seventeen, everyone I knew wore super-tight, flared legged, denim overalls. They looked really dumb. They didn’t look any less dumb just because a lot of people wore them for about a year in the nineties.
Wear what you like! You can get away with a lot at seventeen that you'll never be able to pull off agian, so go for it! But you asked for opinions, and my opinion is they look silly.
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The Question
My life long dream is to be a director.I'm only 13 though. I'm on youtube so if you want to look me up ask, BUT anyway I reserched that you have to go to film school. And all the websites for the schools say kinda that you have to be a guy.
So here are my questions
1) How long do you have to go to film school?
2) Do you have to be a male to be a director.
BTW: I'm a female!
The Answer
Film schools generally run between 2 and 4 years. Many people do go on and get Masters degree in Film Studies, which adds another 2 to 3 years to your education - but that certainly isn't mandatory.
It's true that there are more successful male film directors than female. It's a field where that kind of inherent sexism and barriers for females remain rather strong. However, that doesn't mean you ‘have to be a guy’. The film industry is getting better, and more women are getting the opportunities and recognition their talent warrants. So don't give up on it just because it's a 'man's world'. Certain fields will remain ‘man’s worlds’ until women cut their path. It may be more difficult, but it’s certainly not impossible.
I work in theatre, and about a decade ago it was unheard of to have a female director for the stage, and even a bit less likely to have a female playwright. Now, it's not quite 50/50 yet, but it's getting very close in many places, and as the older generation moves out of their leadership roles, more and more women step up into the top artistic stops. Film is undergoing the same process, and it’s a slow process, but it is happening, and it’s happening because young women weren’t deterred by being one of the few women in the field, but excelled at their craft anyways.
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The Question
im 15 almost 16 and i have never had my first kiss or had a boyfriend or had my hand held. i have had many guys like me but i wasnt able to date. in auagust i will be because i will be 16 haha.
but isnt that really bad and im going to be a junior and im not experienced, even a little? :( im not even sure how to kiss, what if we bump noses or something lol, or what about making out, and if i do get a boyfriend what if they ask how far ive gone, should i lie, because i dont want to make myself look like an idiot! :(
The Answer
No, don't lie.
All that lying will do is make you even more stressed and scarred, because on top of doing something for the first time, you'll be worrying about faking having done it before.
Lying doubles your troubles.
It's not bad. It just is. Let yourself be who you are. It's always the least stressful thing to do, and the most honest.
If if the guy thinks that it's a 'bad thing' you aren't more experienced, he isn't worth sharing the experience with anyways. I know it's hard to believe, but it's very true. People who get all worked up about 'experience' are often people who value those experiences above the people they share them with.
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The Question
Im really getting tired of girls acting like they know guys, "oh, he doesnt care because hes a man,and men care less about stupid little stuff, men move on faster" yada yada yada, they are human beings that have feelings, and just because they dont have the same exact body organ that we have doesnt mean anything,atleast thats what i think,lol.. anyways, me and my ex broke up like 1 month and a half ago, all his fault,all the way.. and hes kind of in that confused "phase" where he doesnt know what he wants , and i should give him some time,but i refused, we were together for a long time.. he bought a necklace, half for him and half for me, it says something very special between the both of us,and we both always used to wear it, we said it kept us Connected,i see him around, and he still wears it, all the time, and he doesnt even bother to tuck it in his shirt, he keeps it out all the time.. what do you think this means? if he didnt wanna be with me, why does he still wear it..
The Answer
Because guys are human beings, with feelings and all the complex thoughts of any other human being - we can't tell you what is going through his brain about the necklace.
You want to know what a human being is thinking, you have to ask them. You know he was/is confused, he might not be entirely sure of his reasons, but whatever they are, you'll need to ask if it's important to you to find out.
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The Question
I'm going to college this fall as a freshman and typically first years aren't supposed to bring their cars because all the parking spots are reserved for upperclassmen. so normally the younger class eithr bikes or walks to classes (and they stay in dorms.. while upperclassmen typically commute- aka drive from home or apartment).
so this fall my parent aren't letting me bring my car. I only live 25 minutes away from my college and I think its silly that i can't have a car my first year. My parents are moving and thinking about selling my car. I was thinking about buying a motorcycle? Nothing spendy like a harly-davidson.. haha. But i did find one that I really like. Honda motorcycle for only 3,999 dollars. Thats pretty cheap for a motorcycle. Here's the link
http://powersports.honda.com/2011/cbr250r.aspx
so do you think its a good idea? would i need a parking permit if i brought this to college? can't i just park it by the bike racks? what are you thoughts on this? thank you!
The Answer
The college is not going to let you park it at the bike racks! I don't even need to ask which college, that is never going to happen.
Honestly, and you are gonna hate me but, suck it up and live without a car for a year.
It's your first year of college and you'll be in a dorm. Not only do you not really need a car, a car will actually be a bit of hassle and a liability.
Embrace life on campus. Manage without a car. If you are still really itchy for one a few months in, then sit down with your parents and hash it out, knowing what the campus rules are and the possibilities and limits.
It is probably not the problem you think it is.
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