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First argument as a couple... sigh
Yesterday I did not talk to my boyfriend at all. He stopped answering me and I was getting worried. Finally after so many hours of trying not to contact him too much, I asked his friend if he knew where he was and he said no but offered to call. So his friend called and my boyfriend answered right away, saying that he was out for drinks and he had his phone off for a long time. I was very upset. I was upset my boyfriend didn't tell me, even if his phone was low on battery and he had it off all day. It would've taken five seconds to tell me he was busy so I wouldn't worry all day. So I texted him and told him that he should've told me what was going on so I wouldn't have to worry because he knows I worry a lot. He said "sorry" and that was the end of it. I told him he didn't sound very sympathetic and a simple sorry wasn't gonna instantly fix it. We're always honest with each other, but he got pissed and said, "Fuck it, turning off my phone." I called him but he didn't answer and I texted him that I was only being honest and I hope he had a good time and we can work things out in the morning. As far as I know, we are still together. This is our first argument as a couple and we've been going out for almost two months. I only acted like that because I was upset. I know not every boyfriend can be perfect, and I can't expect so much out him at times, but this situation was crazy. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow, so this morning I texted him asking if we were still hanging out and turned off my phone. He doesn't wake up until like one anyway.
honestly I'm sure this is just a little bump and we will get over it and things will be just fine but I am a worrisome person. I really feel strongly for this guy and he makes me happy and we have a great relationship. Surely he won't end it over something this stupid?
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So you're saying that he basically gave you the silent treatment?
I personally have a rule about this: a girl gives me the silent treatment for more than half a day I boot her ass out the door. I never, ever try to get her to talk to me. I just carry on with what I want to do and leave the ball in her court.
Now you don't say why he cutoff communication with you. As a guy myself, all I can guess is that he had enough of your act and just wanted some space.
If I were you I would just leave it up to him. If he doesn't call or come over in a given time frame then you declare yourself a free agent and go seek other companionship.
And here is a piece of advice for your next relationship: RELAX! Don't overthink everything to the point where you not just turn yourself into an emotional pretzel, but the guy feels cornered into a no win situation. Keep things simple and rational because guys are pretty simple in their relationship thinking. We don't like women who aren't, and pardon me for the way I'm about to state this, "user friendly." So slow your roll and relax or accept the consequences.
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Honesty isn’t an reason to be distrustful and mean.
Worrying isn’t an reason to be demanding and judgemental.
Your boyfriend might be a total asshole, but you’ve also got some issues hun, and your owe your boyfriend an apology for
ONE. Overreacting. What he did was careless and wrong, but you also over-reacted and need to be able to cope without contact for a day. If he hasn’t made a habit of this kind of behaviour, then a simple apology from him really should have been sufficient in the moment. If there was more to discuss after the fact, it could have waited until you’d both slept on it.
TWO. Insulting him when he attempted to apologize. Honesty isn’t an excuse for disrespecting and insulting someone. It’s not a good thing if I honestly walk up to you and say “I think you a liar.” Refusing to accept an apology - not because it fixed everything, but as first step from him - was quite rude and judgemental of you.
You took something careless and rude that he had done, and through even more rudeness and disrespect into the mix.
You don’t owe him an apology because you were ‘more wrong’ then he was... It’s not about who is more or less wrong. Apologies are about acknowledging our own mistakes, regardless of how other people may have contributed to the situation.
Apologizing doesn’t mean he isn’t a jerk. Sounds like he might be. Sounds like he might be a really bad match for you. But you also over reacted and have some personal work to do if you want to maintain healthy relationships.
He might end it. If he does, it's probably for the best. If he doesn't, then have a talk about the things you can BOTH do to be more courtesy and respectful of one another. You’ve likely got as much work to do as he does.
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Dear "First argument as a couple... sigh",
Wow. Two months and already a tiff. I get the distinct impression that he is feeling suffocated by your compulsion to worry.
You should never act like this with a man.
I am being brutally honest here, even if you rate me low, I have to say it.
You will not hold onto him for very long with the attitude and behavior you have described. You described a nagging wife who does not trust her husband, and then gets a friend involved in the mess. Most men do not like Drama Queens. So I understand why he hung up on you.
Your attitude will make or break your relationship with any man. If you are like this with your current boyfriend, you will be like this with every other boyfriend you get.
You need help. Follow this link, and then come back and read some of the advice I have given to others about attitude.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)...
This is a pdf download. Read it, apply the tools that you are taught and never, ever, ever, treat your man like a nagging wife again.
Good Luck!
Doktor Tammy
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